[quote]nomorewar wrote:
op… alot of members here truly care and wan’t to help you. Can you please let them know that your ok and answer some of their questions. Thank you.[/quote]
Agree with this. I keep checking this thread.
I hope the OP is okay.
Alright. I keep checking this. I have to lift and am busy for the next few days. I am not going to check again my checking doesn’t change what happens.
Hope the op is ok I beleive my advice will be helpful good luck to you. If not RIP and sorry to the family.
I’ve never went so far as to feel like dying for not accomplishing my goals, but I’ve felt disappointed at times. If you’re interested you can message me personally. PM for my email address.
Hey everyone, just thought I’d respond to all the people out there who’ve been reaching out to me, it really does mean alot. I was going through a bit of an emotional turmoil the day before and felt like I had to post something in order to lessen the burden on myself. After reading all the posts yesterday I feel alot more strengthened and clear-headed from all the negative shit thats been cramped up in my brain, so I just want to thank you all for helping me out there.
To the guys who tell me to “man up” I don’t hold anything against you for saying that, especially since my dads been saying that to me since the day I started feeling this way. It does help, making me forget about my problems, but I always end up falling back into the same line of negative thinking as much as I try not to. Reading some of the posts here has inspired me greatly, I’m going to succeed one way or the other I know it and won’t quit bodybuilding no matter what happens. Thanks again!
[quote]TheBodyGuard wrote:
[quote]thefederalist wrote:
where’s thebodyguard when you need him?[/quote]
Heeeeeeere I come to save the day!!! LOL
Seriously though, the subject is too touchy to joke. If he trolled, he trolled. We’ve been trolled, rick rolled and subject to all manner of verbal and ocular insult on these pages. Why risk it?
Hmmm, a few thoughts in no particular order. More than one person here has already stated it. If you’re feeling that down and the thought of suicide is actually floating in your head, seriously, go talk to someone. There is no shame in that. You sounds like your body chemistry might be off a bit (testosterone, etc.) so go get checked out. What you are feeling as result of this might not be reality as evidenced by everyone here telling you to “man up”. You just can’t see it.
First, let me say that you’re young, and you have a limited perspective. What troubles you at your age will not matter much when you get older. Kids are mean because even the popular ones are self-conscious. That comes with teenage territory. Bodybuilding is a trivial pursuit for most unless you’re good enough to be a pro and makes lots of money. But I challenge you to find one who you’d like to trade places with.
None of them are making “NBA or baseball money”
and most will live a short life. Do you want to trade places with them? Probably not. So, look at this “sport” as an outlet and HEALTHY lifestyle for you, instead of some quest for the Holy Grail.
You were a loser in high school and lacked success at anything? Let me tell you something, high school is no contest that I’m aware of and there was nothing to win. You’re there to get an education. Hopefully you did that. Concentrate on that while you’re young - no one can ever take that away from you and it will always have value, socially and professionally.
Most of the “grown ups” here could tell you dozens of stories about the unpopular, nerdy, loser, etc. kid in high school that went to a later reunion only to show up and be successful with a good looking wife on his arm. And they could tell you about all those high school “winners” - the football stars, the cool kids, etc. who end up dropping off the face of the earth or amounting to “nothing”.
It’s just a matter of perspective, and right now, because of your age, you have none. Things WILL change, if YOU change them. Pursue your education, which will continue to put you in contact with people - you’re not the only one that feels unpopular. Pursue your interests and join groups that share your interests. Real friendship isn’t formed in high school - friendships are formed out of common interests. I still have friends from high school, but it’s because we played basketball or shared some other interests or experiences - this is how true friendships are formed. So find a passion and pursue it - and you will find like minded people and make friends.
Know this - feeling this way because of bodybuilding is ridiculous. You could excise “bodybuilding” from your post and replace it with ANYTHING - money, status, I’m short, I’m fat, I’m red head, my girl left me, on and on and on and on. Not everyone is cut out for an athletic pursuit. So what? The world is full of them. And those that make it in the athletic world are a very tiny percentage of those that every put on any kind of uniform (or oil) anyway.
But someday, you’re going to have to go in this world and earn a living. And guess what? None of the people you will have to work for and report to are playing a sport either. Even if they were the high school football star, college even, it matters not. They are now in the workforce. Things change man.
Friends? Again, find an interest, pursue it. The friends will come. Girls? LOL. Be careful what you ask for. I don’t say that lightly. I’ve never been in your shoes but know this, we always want most what we don’t have. Girls can be the source of lots of trouble and heartache. If I had less “girls” along my life, I’d have more money, less trouble and probably greater happiness. If you’re not happy with yourself, no girl, no friend, no money, no sport, nothing is going to fix that. Work on being happy.
Pursue your education. Pursue a passion. Stay physically fit and enjoy bodybuilding for what it can do for YOU and YOU alone. Play a sport you like recreationally. We’re not all stars. Work on filling your world with things that bring a smile to your face and make you happy and trust me, a girl will come along for you. But she’s not going to find you hiding in your bedroom sulking.
If anything, your post demonstrates that you have the ability to find a passion, that passion exists within you. So direct that passion toward the positive things that people suggested to you. Get passionate about building the kind of life you want. And get passionate about NOT QUITTING, no matter what. When you get a bit older, you’ll realize that all the talent in the world is meaningless if you do not apply perserverance.
The most successful people in this world are not necessarily the most talented - they rarely are, but usually they are the most consistent and hard working. They WORK HARD - repeated for emphasis.
You are the only person that can give you confidence. Confidence does not come from bodybuilding or any other pursuit. Confidence comes from within. Do you know how many average looking, short, slightly overweight “confident” alpha men I come into contact with daily? LOL - too many. Work on yourself, the confidence will come with mastery of your own world. There are thing within your control and things out of your control. You do not control your genetics. So concentrate on those things you do control.
I got more news for you. There are lots of tough guys in the world. I know a lot of them. Most of them are broke, in jail, or living marginally. Being tough is meaningless. We live in a civilized society and you can go your whole damn life without encountering violence if you are careful and avoid trouble. Again…perspective. I knew lots of tough kids in high school. Not many of them ever amounted to anything. I know lots of tough guys now - and I don’t think you would trade places with any of them long term.
Would you rather be a “winner” and tough guy in high school, and end up a “loser” later on? It’s meaningless - trust me. There is far greater value in becoming a man that is honest, caring and gentle. Any ape can get in a fight and win. Who cares? “Tough” is perserving when times get tough. Tough is not quitting. Tough is taking the high road when the low road is eaier. Tough is being true to your friends, family and that woman in your life when she arrives. Tough is going the right thing sometimes. Being capable of inflicting violence upon another human life is pretty meaningless.
I understand you don’t want to be bullied but really, that’s high school stuff. Adults don’t go around bullying people and it sounds like you’re on the brink of adulthood. Trust me, this will not be an issue for you. Just avoid trouble. Again, perspective.
Again, you admit you’re depressed. Your body chemistry is off. Get your chemistry checked out and see what is the cause. Once you get this corrected, you will feel different. You admit you’re depressed. No shame in that. It happens to the best of us. Go see a doctor to get that checked out too. You wouldn’t try to race a car without the right gas and a sputtering engine would you? Get yourself a tune up, fix your medical problems and I guarantee your outlook will change. You’ll look back on this and say to yourself “what the fuck was I thinking”. Trust those that have given you earnest advice. They are not wrong.
[/quote]
Really appreciate the insightful post you took the time to write out, and I agree with you that I am lacking alot of life experience (more then I think I should). It’s just that I have this vision in my head of the kind of person I see myself as being in the near future, which is basically the opposite of everything I was in high school and believe bodybuilding plays a big role in making that vision a reality.
Sometimes when people I’ve known all my life (cousins,family, and relatives) continue to treat me the same way I’ve been treated my entire life (as a guy who needs to be watched over and protected) it just feels like nothings really changed which is what starts to break me down. Regardless of that, I still appreciate the post and am going to print it out to read it over and over, hopefully it’ll sink into my psyche and I won’t feel depressed anymore.
[quote]dylan10507 wrote:
Forgot I one last tip.
Watch some comedy. Standup old simpsons etc.
Xepisodes.com has every south park episode which I find hilariouse check out the old ones they are great. Watch one or two a day laughing is great for you.
Also I think your main problem was just your mind set sucking. No worries just recognize it and change it. The problem was putting all self worth etc. into bodybuilding. And all or nothing thinking. Fixing the attitude will IMPROVE your bodybuilding.
Honestly I think that I know who you are by a post earlier on this site. If I am right as far as bodybuilding what you need to do is be more consistent more intense. And have a better diet with less carbs. I am not too insulin sensitive I have one gram per pound of weight a day made up of fruit for breakfast or post workout always seperate from fat… could work for you.
Maintaining moderate low carbs for ahwile will improve your body lots. After ahwile you’ll at least look pretty decnet at least like a abercrombie model with a little more muscle which is good for now then bulk up.
Also when your in a more happy confident mindset you’ll be doing way better with your bodybuilding so work on that mostly for now.
Also you may want to try this ibodybuilder style program I am doing
Sets of three ramped up to max force point on squats a push( bench, overhead) and a pull(chin,row) Then do some ab work
I like it it’s really short and pumps you up and makes you feel good. I am getting pretty good results, probably won’t make me a pro bodybuilder but I lift as a supplement to my main sport. It should be good for you while you work on everything else you’ll still make progress. It has given better results for all around strength then ANYTHING I have done before. Seeing your strength go up feels great and will up your confidence.[/quote]
Thanks for the tips, I’m going to try to apply them in my day-to-day life. I agree with laughing being good medicine for depression, everytime i’m around people who are funny I immediately forget my negative thoughts and feel better instantly. I’ve been watching more action flicks as of late just so I can boost my aggression level sub-consciously and be more “counter-aggressive”, i.e facing aggression with aggression.
I’m trying to do this so I can still have some sort of authority over my younger brothers who seem to think they can disrespect me and just get away with since I tend to be very calm when in a confrontation. As far as herbal supplements boosting my t levels goes, I think you may be right about the placebo effect guiding my confidence and actions the first week, because as soon as I read your original post I felt like a mental fog had been lifted and started feeling the same way I felt that particular week.
Glad to see you’re well and feeling better about things. You had a lot of us worried.
Being larger on the outside does nothing to improve your confidence if you are still weak and tiny within.
You can’t help having poor genetics. Maybe find a related hobby or goal where your personal gene pool would be more suited for? Try placing more priority on things, maybe even unrelated, that you can improve. Fine tune your nutrition and training while placing less priority on what you see in the mirror, and your body composition will improve, as well as your confidence.
From my experience, being good, and feeling a sense of accomplishment at anything improves confidence.
One last bit of advice. Stop trying to be aggressive. Be assertive. Aggression is often the lack of ability to reason. Assertion shows that you are confident and not one to be pushed around.
Having shit genetics blows. Get over it.
Do what you can with what you got.
Sometimes progression is your only friend.
[quote]SonnabenD wrote:
Being larger on the outside does nothing to improve your confidence if you are still weak and tiny within.
[/quote]
Choosing “Unknown0” as a screen name proves this point. If that’s what you really think of yourself, you need to accentuate the positive and embrace what’s good.
[quote]Unknown0 wrote:
I was going through a bit of an emotional turmoil the day before and felt like I had to post something in order to lessen the burden on myself.[/quote]
Hey man, I’m glad you are feeling better. But I want to ask you to still get help. You should be better able to do that while your head is clear. There are a couple of things that are clear from your post:
-
Professional (suicide prevention type) help has a good chance of helping you improve your life. That’s what they do. Give them the opportunity to do their job, and it will make you (and them) a lot happier. You know from your own personal history that the depression will come back. So take steps to prevent it NOW, while you aren’t in the middle of a serious bout of it.
-
You probably can succeed at bodybuilding… Maybe not at a professional level, but you could build something worth being proud of. But, if you suddenly had that tomorrow the great feeling wouldn’t last long. Your depression is NOT coming from your slow gains in bodybuilding, and success in bodybuilding isn’t going to be the cure. The actual cure… For that, let me refer you back to #1 above.
Best of luck to you.
Well of course couldn’t get my self to not check this thread again. Glad to hear your feeling better I thigured it wasn’t too seriouse just feeling upset. Just got worried by no replies.
Good to here you feel better keep working on your goals. And not just bodybuilding work your confidence/ social skills/ pussy getting ability lol as well.
Don’t know where your confidence/social confidence is at thats why I started with greeting people if it’s no problem start with something later. And for girl problems honestly go out ALONE and go for them you’ll eventually get very very good with girls where you will be consistently getting dates/ numbers/sex with VERY hot girls I.e. go to a beach with hundreds of girls and get like two or more out of the ten hottest ones there EACH DAY.
It’s no biggie going out alone people used to be like what you go out alone? your weird Then a year and a half later there like omfg how did you get that girl/ how do you go out alone and get such hot girls?/ How did you get so confident can you teach me how?
you are healed
Glad you’re ok, OP. I agree with what some of the others have said: talk to some kind of counsellor/psychiatrist, whatever. I had problems with confidence, stress etc a year or so back, and talking to a counsellor really helped me get a handle on things. At first, you feel pathetic for needing to get help, but talking to someone outside your normal life, who wants to help you, who isn’t judging you; this can really help you feel better about yourself, and help you get a better perspective on your circumstances.
Sometimes we are too hard on ourselves. Just try and remember that you probably don’t suck as much as you think you do.
[quote]TheBodyGuard wrote:
[quote]thefederalist wrote:
where’s thebodyguard when you need him?[/quote]
Heeeeeeere I come to save the day!!! LOL
Seriously though, the subject is too touchy to joke. If he trolled, he trolled. We’ve been trolled, rick rolled and subject to all manner of verbal and ocular insult on these pages. Why risk it?
Hmmm, a few thoughts in no particular order. More than one person here has already stated it. If you’re feeling that down and the thought of suicide is actually floating in your head, seriously, go talk to someone. There is no shame in that. You sounds like your body chemistry might be off a bit (testosterone, etc.) so go get checked out. What you are feeling as result of this might not be reality as evidenced by everyone here telling you to “man up”. You just can’t see it.
First, let me say that you’re young, and you have a limited perspective. What troubles you at your age will not matter much when you get older. Kids are mean because even the popular ones are self-conscious. That comes with teenage territory. Bodybuilding is a trivial pursuit for most unless you’re good enough to be a pro and makes lots of money. But I challenge you to find one who you’d like to trade places with.
None of them are making “NBA or baseball money”
and most will live a short life. Do you want to trade places with them? Probably not. So, look at this “sport” as an outlet and HEALTHY lifestyle for you, instead of some quest for the Holy Grail.
You were a loser in high school and lacked success at anything? Let me tell you something, high school is no contest that I’m aware of and there was nothing to win. You’re there to get an education. Hopefully you did that. Concentrate on that while you’re young - no one can ever take that away from you and it will always have value, socially and professionally.
Most of the “grown ups” here could tell you dozens of stories about the unpopular, nerdy, loser, etc. kid in high school that went to a later reunion only to show up and be successful with a good looking wife on his arm. And they could tell you about all those high school “winners” - the football stars, the cool kids, etc. who end up dropping off the face of the earth or amounting to “nothing”.
It’s just a matter of perspective, and right now, because of your age, you have none. Things WILL change, if YOU change them. Pursue your education, which will continue to put you in contact with people - you’re not the only one that feels unpopular. Pursue your interests and join groups that share your interests. Real friendship isn’t formed in high school - friendships are formed out of common interests. I still have friends from high school, but it’s because we played basketball or shared some other interests or experiences - this is how true friendships are formed. So find a passion and pursue it - and you will find like minded people and make friends.
Know this - feeling this way because of bodybuilding is ridiculous. You could excise “bodybuilding” from your post and replace it with ANYTHING - money, status, I’m short, I’m fat, I’m red head, my girl left me, on and on and on and on. Not everyone is cut out for an athletic pursuit. So what? The world is full of them. And those that make it in the athletic world are a very tiny percentage of those that every put on any kind of uniform (or oil) anyway.
But someday, you’re going to have to go in this world and earn a living. And guess what? None of the people you will have to work for and report to are playing a sport either. Even if they were the high school football star, college even, it matters not. They are now in the workforce. Things change man.
Friends? Again, find an interest, pursue it. The friends will come. Girls? LOL. Be careful what you ask for. I don’t say that lightly. I’ve never been in your shoes but know this, we always want most what we don’t have. Girls can be the source of lots of trouble and heartache. If I had less “girls” along my life, I’d have more money, less trouble and probably greater happiness. If you’re not happy with yourself, no girl, no friend, no money, no sport, nothing is going to fix that. Work on being happy.
Pursue your education. Pursue a passion. Stay physically fit and enjoy bodybuilding for what it can do for YOU and YOU alone. Play a sport you like recreationally. We’re not all stars. Work on filling your world with things that bring a smile to your face and make you happy and trust me, a girl will come along for you. But she’s not going to find you hiding in your bedroom sulking.
If anything, your post demonstrates that you have the ability to find a passion, that passion exists within you. So direct that passion toward the positive things that people suggested to you. Get passionate about building the kind of life you want. And get passionate about NOT QUITTING, no matter what. When you get a bit older, you’ll realize that all the talent in the world is meaningless if you do not apply perserverance.
The most successful people in this world are not necessarily the most talented - they rarely are, but usually they are the most consistent and hard working. They WORK HARD - repeated for emphasis.
You are the only person that can give you confidence. Confidence does not come from bodybuilding or any other pursuit. Confidence comes from within. Do you know how many average looking, short, slightly overweight “confident” alpha men I come into contact with daily? LOL - too many. Work on yourself, the confidence will come with mastery of your own world. There are thing within your control and things out of your control. You do not control your genetics. So concentrate on those things you do control.
I got more news for you. There are lots of tough guys in the world. I know a lot of them. Most of them are broke, in jail, or living marginally. Being tough is meaningless. We live in a civilized society and you can go your whole damn life without encountering violence if you are careful and avoid trouble. Again…perspective. I knew lots of tough kids in high school. Not many of them ever amounted to anything. I know lots of tough guys now - and I don’t think you would trade places with any of them long term.
Would you rather be a “winner” and tough guy in high school, and end up a “loser” later on? It’s meaningless - trust me. There is far greater value in becoming a man that is honest, caring and gentle. Any ape can get in a fight and win. Who cares? “Tough” is perserving when times get tough. Tough is not quitting. Tough is taking the high road when the low road is eaier. Tough is being true to your friends, family and that woman in your life when she arrives. Tough is going the right thing sometimes. Being capable of inflicting violence upon another human life is pretty meaningless.
I understand you don’t want to be bullied but really, that’s high school stuff. Adults don’t go around bullying people and it sounds like you’re on the brink of adulthood. Trust me, this will not be an issue for you. Just avoid trouble. Again, perspective.
Again, you admit you’re depressed. Your body chemistry is off. Get your chemistry checked out and see what is the cause. Once you get this corrected, you will feel different. You admit you’re depressed. No shame in that. It happens to the best of us. Go see a doctor to get that checked out too. You wouldn’t try to race a car without the right gas and a sputtering engine would you? Get yourself a tune up, fix your medical problems and I guarantee your outlook will change. You’ll look back on this and say to yourself “what the fuck was I thinking”. Trust those that have given you earnest advice. They are not wrong.
[/quote]
That was a brilliant post. Easily the best in this thread. I agree that it’s easy to lose perspective when you’re young - because I AM young, and I do it all the time.
Wow nice post by BG
I’m guessing you’re like 20 at most (the OP). Perhaps you should make a thread about what exactly it is you’ve been doing so people can try to weed out potential defects in your training. Chances are that some years from now, you could be amazed at how little you knew about training and yourself.
I’m 25 and I know people older than me (some of them likely more intelligent in a sense) who just can’t be bothered to understand how to train (and I think you already have it better than many of those people). I’m not saying that you don’t know how to do it, just that the chances are you’ll get a lot better as time passes. Same thing applies to many other things in life.
Just to clarify, I wasn’t trying to put you down OP - what I wrote is what I would say to a friend of mine if he told me what you wrote, or what my friends would tell me if I was in your situation and was asking them for advice. I was just trying to put things into perspective. I wish you the best of luck and I hope things will work out for you.
Good post BG.
You will fall into depression again. You will fee the way you did in the first post. This type of shit is not solved so easily. It’s deep. Find a therapist you like and stick with it. This pattern is going to repeat itself over and over and over and over again. Listen to me, I’ve been there. As somebody mentioned earlier, you’re head is clear now, so make the RIGHT CHOICE and get working on this. This is a long term issue with no short term solutions. There’s still ALOT of work to be done. Trust me.