I guess I’m “the other guy” - but yea, that’s the point. Obviously they have to want to at least TRY to change their habits and lifestyle, and we started training together not long after we started dating.
And unfortunately if she had refused, the relationship most likely would not have gone any further. That’s not entirely because I’m a shallow, narrcisitic asshole, but because if I’m going to build a whole life with someone, there’s no way it would work if we weren’t on the same page. We have a daughter, and we want to teach her healthy eating and exercise habits - that simply wouldn’t work if one parent was obese and non-physical…
I only read the first and last page of this post so I hope I’m not being redundant…
Anything that you do to ‘encourage’ or ‘motivate’ your wife will continue you make her feel like shit. When a woman gains weight she begins to feel like she is staring down a black hole and even if she loses 5 lbs. she still has 95 to go and feels discouraged before feeling motivated.
My suggestion is to make your wife feel good about herself. Give her compliments and think of a new exciting activity to do together. You need to help her build her self-esteem and then hopefully she will see that she is worth fighting the weight loss battle for. However, DO NOT mention, encourage, suggest, or try to motivate her to lose weight because then she will begin to feel that she disgusts you and it’s really a vicious cycle.
Since when is it not acceptable to constructively critize your girl because she is gaining weight. Everyone I know is like that, damn, that’s why I like T-Nation, tell you how it is! On a lighter note, ask your girl what she wants to accomplish with her health. She has to want to do it.
[quote]snf_05 wrote:
I only read the first and last page of this post so I hope I’m not being redundant…
Anything that you do to ‘encourage’ or ‘motivate’ your wife will continue you make her feel like shit. When a woman gains weight she begins to feel like she is staring down a black hole and even if she loses 5 lbs. she still has 95 to go and feels discouraged before feeling motivated.
My suggestion is to make your wife feel good about herself. Give her compliments and think of a new exciting activity to do together. You need to help her build her self-esteem and then hopefully she will see that she is worth fighting the weight loss battle for. However, DO NOT mention, encourage, suggest, or try to motivate her to lose weight because then she will begin to feel that she disgusts you and it’s really a vicious cycle.[/quote]
ANOTHER hot 08er!!!
damn this one was lurking in the corner.
schweet.
on topic, can you give some examples on how you would compliment a woman who has a ‘clear 100lbs’ to lose?
[quote]snf_05 wrote:
I only read the first and last page of this post so I hope I’m not being redundant…
Anything that you do to ‘encourage’ or ‘motivate’ your wife will continue you make her feel like shit. When a woman gains weight she begins to feel like she is staring down a black hole and even if she loses 5 lbs. she still has 95 to go and feels discouraged before feeling motivated.
My suggestion is to make your wife feel good about herself. Give her compliments and think of a new exciting activity to do together. You need to help her build her self-esteem and then hopefully she will see that she is worth fighting the weight loss battle for. However, DO NOT mention, encourage, suggest, or try to motivate her to lose weight because then she will begin to feel that she disgusts you and it’s really a vicious cycle.[/quote]
ANOTHER hot 08er!!!
damn this one was lurking in the corner.
schweet.
on topic, can you give some examples on how you would compliment a woman who has a ‘clear 100lbs’ to lose?
[/quote]
Maybe, “You don’t sweat much for a fat girl”. Or, “I like how you are all jiggle-y”.
[quote]snf_05 wrote:
I only read the first and last page of this post so I hope I’m not being redundant…
Anything that you do to ‘encourage’ or ‘motivate’ your wife will continue you make her feel like shit. When a woman gains weight she begins to feel like she is staring down a black hole and even if she loses 5 lbs. she still has 95 to go and feels discouraged before feeling motivated.
My suggestion is to make your wife feel good about herself. Give her compliments and think of a new exciting activity to do together. You need to help her build her self-esteem and then hopefully she will see that she is worth fighting the weight loss battle for. However, DO NOT mention, encourage, suggest, or try to motivate her to lose weight because then she will begin to feel that she disgusts you and it’s really a vicious cycle.[/quote]
ANOTHER hot 08er!!!
damn this one was lurking in the corner.
schweet.
on topic, can you give some examples on how you would compliment a woman who has a ‘clear 100lbs’ to lose?
[/quote]
On a hot sunny day, “I’m impressed by your dedication.” Her - “what?” you - “yea, providing a sunshade for a family of 5 on a hot sunny day like today” At that time it would be beneficial for you to go sit down in her shadow and start saying things like “oh yea, this is nice, stay right there hunny”
On a cold day, “I’m impressed by your dedication” Her - “What?” you - “yea, throwing on another 100 Lbs of blubber so you can keep your thermostat set at 55 Degrees is really helping the environment, you got any granola?”
For those people who know people who tell stories of people who changed after years in the relationship…have you ever seen “He’s just not that into you”?
I think you should consider what change you’d like to see. There was a time where maybe eating moderately and taking an interest in her own appearance would have sufficed for her to maintain a reasonable figure. But the situation changes if she needs to drop 100lbs! She doesnt have to be a “serious lifter” though so it’s not all doom and gloom.
You need to have some compassion for her and her situation get inside her head and feel how she feels. Obviously she would rather have a nice body so there must be something stopping her or getting her down. Then work on what is getting her down.
The worst thing you could realise after this is that she’s bored of you and your life together. In that case, and unlike many of the other people who suggested you move on, I say work at loving her more. Dont nag her about her weight for a while, just love her more and maybe that will lead to some change. Happy people dont put on 100lbs (…of fat).
You made a commitment after marrying her and having kids with her, so ignore those who tell you should move on right away… for now keep trying.
