Ok so I’ve been dating this girl for almost a year and she’s great. I really like her and everything is going smooth, except one thing. She’s been gaining weight quite rapidly and it’s beginning to concern me. I’m concerned first about her health and second my level of attraction for her.
I would like to tell her but i’m afraid her feelings would get hurt. I don’t think it’s fair because I take care of myself while she just doesn’t care anymore. I was thinking I ask her to be my gym partner and slowly but surely get her to fall in love with working out. Also would you recommend she do the compound lifts with me? i.e. deadlifts, squats, bench etc? I feel like if she did she’d snap her shixt from really bad form.
There is only one way to succeed with this. Be the example and let her come to you for advice. Answer only the questions you are asked ie. Don’t throw in additional stuff she needs to fix when she asks about a specific thing.
Whatever happens, you didn’t hear anything from me (Also, don’t give her a fucking powerlifting template if she asks about a program)
[quote]Justliftbrah wrote:
I don’t think it’s fair because I take care of myself while she just doesn’t care anymore. [/quote]
That’s not the way a relationship works, sorry (honestly). She does not owe you a bangin’ body, just like you don’t owe her finding her weight gain attractive. The only thing you can do (and there’s no guarantee at all for this to change things for the better) is to address the issue calmly. Avoid points like “I stay in shape so why can’t you”, “why don’t you see this yourself”, “I’m worried about the relationship” - all of these will backfire. Tell her you’ve noticed her weight gain, ask if there’s a reason for this - stress, hormonal issues, more movie nights with the girls, whatever - and if she is concerned herself.
Here’s the deal. To many people who gain weight uncontrollably, it’s like getting more hair growth on your back - it seems like there’s nothing you can do about it and it embarasses them. If you approach this with a lack of sensitivity, you will be the asshole for making her feel bad about herself and criticising something that’s none of your business, that can’t be helped due to her metabolism/thyroid/etc. (confirmation bias, there are plenty of people online saying that weight can’t be controlled and she may believe them) and that shouldn’t bother you since curves are beautiful.
Now, that’s the worst case scenario. She may open up and ask you for fitness advice. Chances are, however, that she’s unhappy with it herself and won’t thank you for rubbing it in.
First thing, do not bring up her weight to her. Let her bring it up.
Second, do not be her training partner, when she complains about how she feels about herself, offer to go to the gym with her and pay for a session or two with a personal trainer. Teaching loved ones rarely works and leads to frustration
Third, be grateful things are going well and accept her for who she is.
Do not under any circumstances tell your girlfriend she is getting fat. This is relationship 101 and you should really know this already.
Only thing you can do is encourage her to come to the gym with you, but if she asks why just tell her it’s because you think it’d be fun for you guys to do together. Don’t say it’s because she’s gaining weight. If she flat out asks you if you want her to go to the gym because she’s getting fat then deny it to the end. Stick to your guns, and never mention that she’s getting fat.
[quote]Yogi wrote:
Do not under any circumstances tell your girlfriend she is getting fat. This is relationship 101 and you should really know this already.
Only thing you can do is encourage her to come to the gym with you, but if she asks why just tell her it’s because you think it’d be fun for you guys to do together. Don’t say it’s because she’s gaining weight. If she flat out asks you if you want her to go to the gym because she’s getting fat then deny it to the end. Stick to your guns, and never mention that she’s getting fat.
Seriously, don’t do it.[/quote]
If it’s deniable, then ^this. I was assuming it had reached an obvious point.
Your workouts will suffer if you try partner up with her now. Do your own stuff, then do “extra” sessions with her. Just like beginner dudes want arms and pecs, beginner girls want to work their glutes, legs and abs. Get her hooked with lunges and step ups and stiff legged/Romanian deadlifts.
[quote]jeremielemauvais wrote:
Legitimate question that will get drowned out. A possible sign of PCOS.
Unless you simply meant she needed to take a pregnancy test lol.
[quote]pja wrote:
When is the last time she had her period…[/quote]
[/quote]
While he probably meant the latter, if it was PCOS (and she knew about it) you would hope she would have brought that up at some point. Not very nice to wait for things to get serious before dropping the bomb that you may have an incredibly hard time trying to have kids.
[quote]jeremielemauvais wrote:
Legitimate question that will get drowned out. A possible sign of PCOS.
Unless you simply meant she needed to take a pregnancy test lol.
[quote]pja wrote:
When is the last time she had her period…[/quote]
[/quote]
While he probably meant the latter, if it was PCOS (and she knew about it) you would hope she would have brought that up at some point. Not very nice to wait for things to get serious before dropping the bomb that you may have an incredibly hard time trying to have kids.[/quote]
I meant the latter. At this point in my life I typically assume that most people are idiots…
All right then should every young man get a complete semen quality test (count, morphology, motility) before going on a second/third date?
Just to be fair?
[quote]TheJonty wrote:
[quote]jeremielemauvais wrote:
Legitimate question that will get drowned out. A possible sign of PCOS.
Unless you simply meant she needed to take a pregnancy test lol.
[quote]pja wrote:
When is the last time she had her period…[/quote]
[/quote]
While he probably meant the latter, if it was PCOS (and she knew about it) you would hope she would have brought that up at some point. Not very nice to wait for things to get serious before dropping the bomb that you may have an incredibly hard time trying to have kids.[/quote]
[quote]jeremielemauvais wrote:
Legitimate question that will get drowned out. A possible sign of PCOS.
Unless you simply meant she needed to take a pregnancy test lol.
[quote]pja wrote:
When is the last time she had her period…[/quote]
[/quote]
While he probably meant the latter, if it was PCOS (and she knew about it) you would hope she would have brought that up at some point. Not very nice to wait for things to get serious before dropping the bomb that you may have an incredibly hard time trying to have kids.[/quote]
I meant the latter. At this point in my life I typically assume that most people are idiots…[/quote]
Damn, I was under the impression that you meant to pay attention to the time of month when introducing the topic, which may also be reasonable advice.
[quote]jeremielemauvais wrote:
All right then should every young man get a complete semen quality test (count, morphology, motility) before going on a second/third date?
Just to be fair?
[quote]TheJonty wrote:
[quote]jeremielemauvais wrote:
Legitimate question that will get drowned out. A possible sign of PCOS.
Unless you simply meant she needed to take a pregnancy test lol.
[quote]pja wrote:
When is the last time she had her period…[/quote]
[/quote]
While he probably meant the latter, if it was PCOS (and she knew about it) you would hope she would have brought that up at some point. Not very nice to wait for things to get serious before dropping the bomb that you may have an incredibly hard time trying to have kids.[/quote]
[/quote]
I was trying to make a comment about voluntarily withholding information from your partner (specifically information that could/would influence your future life together, i.e. infertility) but sure, if you’d like to go into left field, let’s make STI tests mandatory before sexual contact is allowed. How’s that sound?
If you know your body is fucked up in some way shape or form, and you’re at all serious about the person you’re with, why shouldn’t that be brought up at some point?
