She's Letting Herself Go

Off Topic
41

[quote]Michael C wrote:
But what Diana (God bless her for using her first name in her screen name…that is just hard) said was so defeatist, and it just struck a really bad chord with me. [/quote]

Since I can’t sleep I’ll just tell you that I’m not defeatist at all, the truth is tough sometimes though. Even when you coat shit in sugar, it’ still shit.
There is nothing wrong with staying beside the person you love if you can accept them for who they are. If you can’t, you owe it to them to get out before the real hate and resentment sets in.

42

[quote]Professor X wrote:

[quote]Michael C wrote:

[quote]dianab wrote:
Do you love her enough to accept her as the fat and miserable person that she is, because you aren’t going to change anyone, period. Either accept her or move on.[/quote]
Maybe the worst post I have ever seen on T-Nation. What a sour outlook on life, love, devotion…oh goodness, this post simply advertises so much that is wrong with America. I am disgusted over this post and poster.

OP, it does sound like depression. I am not a doctor, but man, the signs are there. And well, dude, this sounds a little weird, but are you guys still having sexytime? [/quote]

The worst post you’ve seen? Would you accept someone trying to get you to stop training so hard? If not, then why is it acceptable for us to change someone else?

This is WHY you don’t get with someone for a long term relationship while ignoring who thjey are to begin with. It doesn’t matter if she was 100lbs smaller when they met if she had a lifestyle that would have led to her looking like her mother. This is why if you want a woman who takes care of herself, you look for those traits FROM THE FUCKING BEGINNING.

What seems to be the problem more than not is that most people with this problem weren’t that serious about lifting from the start. Now that they get a tad more serious, they want their significant other to do the same whether they were that type of person to start with or not.

If SHE doesn’t want to change FOR HERSELF, what the fuck do guys like you think you will accomplish?

This should have been an issue BEFORE THE BABY CAME.[/quote]

No disrespect to you but what you say is BS. You cannot rationalize love. You cannot have a list and cross off every trait that you look for. Love is love, there is no explanation. It’s not a business decision.

She has a problem and yes OP can probably do little about it until she decides she needs to change herself because she wants it but you can’t say he’s wrong for being with her from the start.

43

sew her mouth shut dog

44

Damn sucks for you lol
Just don’t let her negative laziness mess up your son.
Focus on him. Make him some badass athlete or something.

45

cook her meals for her? jesus christ

46

[quote]Professor X wrote:

[quote]Michael C wrote:

[quote]dianab wrote:
Do you love her enough to accept her as the fat and miserable person that she is, because you aren’t going to change anyone, period. Either accept her or move on.[/quote]
Maybe the worst post I have ever seen on T-Nation. What a sour outlook on life, love, devotion…oh goodness, this post simply advertises so much that is wrong with America. I am disgusted over this post and poster.

OP, it does sound like depression. I am not a doctor, but man, the signs are there. And well, dude, this sounds a little weird, but are you guys still having sexytime? [/quote]

The worst post you’ve seen? Would you accept someone trying to get you to stop training so hard? If not, then why is it acceptable for us to change someone else?

This is WHY you don’t get with someone for a long term relationship while ignoring who thjey are to begin with. It doesn’t matter if she was 100lbs smaller when they met if she had a lifestyle that would have led to her looking like her mother. This is why if you want a woman who takes care of herself, you look for those traits FROM THE FUCKING BEGINNING.

What seems to be the problem more than not is that most people with this problem weren’t that serious about lifting from the start. Now that they get a tad more serious, they want their significant other to do the same whether they were that type of person to start with or not.

If SHE doesn’t want to change FOR HERSELF, what the fuck do guys like you think you will accomplish?

This should have been an issue BEFORE THE BABY CAME.[/quote]

Actually, when I met my wife she was overweight and never lifted weights in her life. I introduced her to the lifestyle and she took to it like gangbusters - lost 60 pounds and got pretty bricked. She loves BB and it has become a big part of her life.

So, obviously people can change, it doesn’t have to be ingrained from the beginning - my wife is living proof.

So, I’d disagree with just about all of this, and I say that not only can you help someone change, it can become a huge bonding experience (as it did for us)…

47

Taco Bell Diet.

48

[quote]SkyNett wrote:

[quote]Professor X wrote:

[quote]Michael C wrote:

[quote]dianab wrote:
Do you love her enough to accept her as the fat and miserable person that she is, because you aren’t going to change anyone, period. Either accept her or move on.[/quote]
Maybe the worst post I have ever seen on T-Nation. What a sour outlook on life, love, devotion…oh goodness, this post simply advertises so much that is wrong with America. I am disgusted over this post and poster.

OP, it does sound like depression. I am not a doctor, but man, the signs are there. And well, dude, this sounds a little weird, but are you guys still having sexytime? [/quote]

The worst post you’ve seen? Would you accept someone trying to get you to stop training so hard? If not, then why is it acceptable for us to change someone else?

This is WHY you don’t get with someone for a long term relationship while ignoring who thjey are to begin with. It doesn’t matter if she was 100lbs smaller when they met if she had a lifestyle that would have led to her looking like her mother. This is why if you want a woman who takes care of herself, you look for those traits FROM THE FUCKING BEGINNING.

What seems to be the problem more than not is that most people with this problem weren’t that serious about lifting from the start. Now that they get a tad more serious, they want their significant other to do the same whether they were that type of person to start with or not.

If SHE doesn’t want to change FOR HERSELF, what the fuck do guys like you think you will accomplish?

This should have been an issue BEFORE THE BABY CAME.[/quote]

Actually, when I met my wife she was overweight and never lifted weights in her life. I introduced her to the lifestyle and she took to it like gangbusters - lost 60 pounds and got pretty bricked. She loves BB and it has become a big part of her life.

So, obviously people can change, it doesn’t have to be ingrained from the beginning - my wife is living proof.

So, I’d disagree with just about all of this, and I say that not only can you help someone change, it can become a huge bonding experience (as it did for us)… [/quote]

I think you misunderstood what I wrote. Some of these people seem to be jumping into relationships without working out details that later become HUGE problems in the relationship. Her being overweight was OBVIOUSLY not a deal breaker for you because you met her while she was that way. That is NOTHING like the guy who marries a “THICK” girl and gets pissed years later when she gets fatter after a kid and her own contentment.

If her weight was going to be a problem in that way, finding out if she would have the work ethic to train regularly and the desire should have been some sort of priority before they had a kid.

49

Folks, what do we learn from this? Marry petite women, there’s only so much fat you can stack on a 5`1" frame…

50

[quote]Michael C wrote:

[quote]dianab wrote:
Do you love her enough to accept her as the fat and miserable person that she is, because you aren’t going to change anyone, period. Either accept her or move on.[/quote]
Maybe the worst post I have ever seen on T-Nation. What a sour outlook on life, love, devotion…oh goodness, this post simply advertises so much that is wrong with America. I am disgusted over this post and poster.

OP, it does sound like depression. I am not a doctor, but man, the signs are there. And well, dude, this sounds a little weird, but are you guys still having sexytime? [/quote]

If you go back and read what the OP wrote, Diana’s outlook isn’t really all the sour. Gorilla did say that he’s tried everything. And it sounds like the woman is simply making excuses and rationalizing why she is in her present state rather than trying to do something about it. If she is unmotivated to change, it’s unlikely that Gorilla is going to be able to give her the motivation. Don’t mean to lapse into pop psychology, but she HAS TO WANT TO CHANGE before anything can happen.

51

[quote]Professor X wrote:

[quote]GorillaBiscuits wrote:
I understand about the whole love her for who she is arguement, but that still doesn’t change the fact that I would be sentencing myself to sexual pergatory if I were to just let this ride… she was always thick, but I dig that. Now its not thick its fat. And I have offered to train with her, buy her a trainer, cook the food, buy useless home shopping network garbage, etc etc…

[/quote]

LOL!!!

What the fuck do you guys think “thick” girls look like after kids and about 3 years of a steady relationship where they have to care even less about how they look?[/quote]

So true…

52

[quote]mom-in-MD wrote:

[quote]Professor X wrote:

[quote]GorillaBiscuits wrote:
I understand about the whole love her for who she is arguement, but that still doesn’t change the fact that I would be sentencing myself to sexual pergatory if I were to just let this ride… she was always thick, but I dig that. Now its not thick its fat. And I have offered to train with her, buy her a trainer, cook the food, buy useless home shopping network garbage, etc etc…

[/quote]

LOL!!!

What the fuck do you guys think “thick” girls look like after kids and about 3 years of a steady relationship where they have to care even less about how they look?[/quote]

So true…

[/quote]

“Look” being the key word here. If her primary motivation was how she feels (mentally as well as physically) and how her long-term health will impact her life, staying motivated might have been a lot easier for her.

I think all too often both men and women train and eat right just to look good nekkid. The problem with that is, once they are comfortably settled into a relationship and - even worse - once the years start to take a toll on how they look in the mirror despite their efforts, they cease to give a shit. Past your mid-20s or so, training to look good is not sufficient reason to keep training, IMO.

53

[quote]Dre the Hatchet wrote:
Folks, what do we learn from this? Marry petite women, there’s only so much fat you can stack on a 5`1" frame…[/quote]

You’ve never met my mother-in-law. She’s about 240 on 5’3 or 5’4. I think she’s been up to 250 before. She was “petite” a long time ago in her 20s.

Fortunately, my wife has the figure of the women on her fathers side.

54
55

Well I’m going to come at this from another angle. First of you can force someone to change, it’s really not very hard either. You just have to be willing to keep constant pressure, it’s going to be as tough for you as it is for her, I’m guessing actually you will let her slack before she flips out and runs away. But I digress. You first have to catch her feeling bad about herself.

You then have to build that feeling up a little, don’t be mean to her, just reinforce that you also feel bad about this and you wish there was something you could do to help. She will say, Oh, I wish you could to I’m a lost cause bla bla bla. And then you say… Wait did you just say you wish there was a way I could help. And then let her come to the realization, that you can help, but she has to let you help her. So you say, Well I can help, it’s really not that hard, but I don’t want to force you into anything.

Then she will say, oh it’s not hard?, ok so you will help me then? And you come back with, well to be honest, I think it’s going to put a strain on our relationship, so there is one condition to me helping you do this. She will ask you what the one condition is and you say, You eat what I tell you to eat and when, and more importantly, you don’t eat outsdie of a certain set of circumstances we will build together. THEN you do workouts when I tell you to, at the intensity I tell you to, for the duration I tell you to. Be sure to tell her you only want her to be happy, let her know that her looks are important to you, but that what is really important is that you want her to remain the person you fell in love with, the sexy, confident positive person, not a balooning, self loathing mess.

OP, from what I gather, you did not start out dating her in her current condition, or mental state. Nobody stays the same forever, but it’s hardly selfish of you to actually want to spend the rest of your life with someone who you are attracted to and who is not a negative self loathing person.

V

56

You obviously do not motivate her…that means she doesn’t really love you. Probably because you are a poor leader (this is your fault by the way). So since she does not love you – get rid of her. Since you obviously had a child with her and are not married, you show yourself to be a white trash punk loser anyway so it should not be hard to move on for either of you.

57

[quote]Dre the Hatchet wrote:
Folks, what do we learn from this? Marry petite women, there’s only so much fat you can stack on a 5`1" frame…[/quote]

You haven’t been around many Mexican women have you?

58

[quote]mmllcc wrote:
You obviously do not motivate her…that means she doesn’t really love you. Probably because you are a poor leader (this is your fault by the way). So since she does not love you – get rid of her. Since you obviously had a child with her and are not married, you show yourself to be a white trash punk loser anyway so it should not be hard to move on for either of you.[/quote]

Yea because anyone who doesn’t marry baby’s momma is a white trash punk loser. Following old traditions regardless of the validity of them in a specific situation is oh so smart.

V

59

[quote]GorillaBiscuits wrote:
My sons mother, whom I have been with for about 5 yrs now is really letting herself go… her mother and sister for a better word are very fat, unhappy, unmotivated, and for the most part miserable human beings. Now don’t get me wrong, I love this woman, but she is traveling down a road to the same place as her family…She has let herself go, and now she is really on a oneway train with little hope for redirection.

I have exhausted all options to try to motivate her, and am always greeting with a fresh excuse of why she can’t work out, eat right, etc… I can’t. Even bring it up in a conversation without her getting all butt hurt. She is miserable over the way she looks, and is always in a shit mood as well. How should I approach it? I’m out of ideas…now don’t get me wrong people, I’m not talking about a couple of vanity pounds, I’m talking about a solid 100lbs.[/quote]

It’s entirely your fault.

Not for her getting fat, but for choosing to live with her.

I predict you will not have the balls to leave. In other words, you are going to spend the next 20-30 years of life living with a fat, old woman.

Have fun.

60

[quote]BobParr wrote:

[quote]mom-in-MD wrote:

[quote]Professor X wrote:

[quote]GorillaBiscuits wrote:
I understand about the whole love her for who she is arguement, but that still doesn’t change the fact that I would be sentencing myself to sexual pergatory if I were to just let this ride… she was always thick, but I dig that. Now its not thick its fat. And I have offered to train with her, buy her a trainer, cook the food, buy useless home shopping network garbage, etc etc…

[/quote]

LOL!!!

What the fuck do you guys think “thick” girls look like after kids and about 3 years of a steady relationship where they have to care even less about how they look?[/quote]

So true…

[/quote]

“Look” being the key word here. If her primary motivation was how she feels (mentally as well as physically) and how her long-term health will impact her life, staying motivated might have been a lot easier for her.

I think all too often both men and women train and eat right just to look good nekkid. The problem with that is, once they are comfortably settled into a relationship and - even worse - once the years start to take a toll on how they look in the mirror despite their efforts, they cease to give a shit. Past your mid-20s or so, training to look good is not sufficient reason to keep training, IMO.[/quote]

It’s not sufficient? really?

It’s keeping my bbs off the floor! Thats sufficient enough for me! ;p
I think the trick is to ‘always give a shit,’ relationship or not.