She's Letting Herself Go

Off Topic
21

…this is a tough situation… although it is important to accept people the way they are, how your spouse, etc. acts does affect you…Be completely honest with how you feel…but be careful and patient…

She needs to lose weight. Period. However, it not that easy, especially since she has a lot of work to do. She probably has a low self esteem and is afraid of being judged…

Your approach should be one of love and respect, for her, for your son, and for you. What she does affects you all. THis is the single most important aspect…

Practically, exercising and eating right is sadly not convenient in our society…and it is even harder if you have a lot of work and are not passionate about it…

Try small steps.

Cook her meals. Get her out of the house one day and while she is gone fix her meals for the next two days…make it easy for her. See how she responds. If she likes it and id helps, keep doing it…cooking clean might become a family affair…

Walking is easy, and most people underestimate its benefits. She prob does not feel comfortable in the gym…go on daily walks with your son and invite her…if she cannot walk comfortably, them find the easiest thing for her to do.

As far as attitude…have you took her lately how capable she is? Have you told her that she is a beautiful, wonderfully, and fearfully made creature? THat she deserves love nad respect? Tell her that…or write it…reading helps…I suggest something from Jim Rohn…it is simple, practical advice that can open people’s eyes. If she is Christian, then the Bible is essential.

…if after trying in love and patience, doing all that you can, tell her that her behavior is detrimental to herself and others and if she does make an effort, then you will need to leave…it may be a little harsh, but if it gets to that point, that maybe what she needs to hear.

22

I understand about the whole love her for who she is arguement, but that still doesn’t change the fact that I would be sentencing myself to sexual pergatory if I were to just let this ride… she was always thick, but I dig that. Now its not thick its fat. And I have offered to train with her, buy her a trainer, cook the food, buy useless home shopping network garbage, etc etc…

23

[quote]dianab wrote:

[quote]Nate112 wrote:

[quote]dianab wrote:
Do you love her enough to accept her as the fat and miserable person that she is, because you aren’t going to change anyone, period. Either accept her or move on.[/quote]

I’m sure you mean very well by this idea, but OP FUCK THAT NOISE.
Don’t give up on getting her in the gym man, it’s not fair that your working out and keeping in shape but she is letting her ass get even closer to not fitting through a door! You have physical desires as well and if you are fitting hers why shouldn’t she have to fit yours? It’s not only selfish but unhealthy for her too!

:D[/quote]

I get what you are saying, and it would be a great world if we could make the ones we care about change their behaviors you match out ideals. It may not be fair that he stays in shape and has physical desires that she doesn’t meet because of her weight, but as I’m sure you know life is rarely fair.
OP, if you love her and value the family that you have together, then accept her for what she is. Your acceptance may reduce her misery.
There is nothing wrong with being in love with an overweight person. If you forsee a future that will make YOU miserable however, you are not obligated to stay. PMPM is right about the resentment issues, pushing fitness on her will make her feel worse about herself. It’s a tough choice to make though, and I’m glad I’m not in your shoes. [/quote]

I’m a selfish bastard, therefore I do not make love to overweight women, and when I do not have some love I am miserable. overweight=no sex=miserable.

24

She was working out before the kid lol she looked good, but now she just kinda doesn’t give a shit. Almost like she gave up or something. We actually met at a gym rofl!!

25

[quote]GorillaBiscuits wrote:
I understand about the whole love her for who she is arguement, but that still doesn’t change the fact that I would be sentencing myself to sexual pergatory if I were to just let this ride… she was always thick, but I dig that. Now its not thick its fat. And I have offered to train with her, buy her a trainer, cook the food, buy useless home shopping network garbage, etc etc…

[/quote]

LOL!!!

What the fuck do you guys think “thick” girls look like after kids and about 3 years of a steady relationship where they have to care even less about how they look?

26

[quote]GorillaBiscuits wrote:
She was working out before the kid lol she looked good, but now she just kinda doesn’t give a shit. Almost like she gave up or something. We actually met at a gym rofl!! [/quote]

Bullshit. You may be trying to convince yourself that she was really into weight training, but the rest of us with any sense know that simply walking in the doors of a gym every now and then to jump on the bike isn’t exactly the definition of “serious”. Not only that, but if you couldn’t see any warning signs after all of the time you’ve been together, you don’t have the right to complain now.

I also doubt how horrible she feels about how she looks because she would be doing something about it if her basic personality involved once being really serious about lifting.

27

Today after I get off work today we are gonna have “the talk” so ima give it one last hoorah before more drastic measures will go into effect.

28

you may be stuck.
she’s small in comparison to family members and she probably thinks it’s baby weight that may not all go away even if she tries.

i’ve had friends get upset or not go near it at all when they were given fitness equipment as a christmas present. this is even after they were complaining about feeling big and/or not wanting to be seen half dressed in a gym locker room. it was a much longer road to any effort at all even after the gift/hint/push.

not to be negative but sometimes you can’t make a person do what they don’t want or feel it’s necessary for them to do. there are options besides working out with you; like dvds, fitness channel shows, wii fit, girlfriends that do that zumba stuff…

29

[quote]GorillaBiscuits wrote:
Today after I get off work today we are gonna have “the talk” so ima give it one last hoorah before more drastic measures will go into effect.[/quote]

…and that was the last we ever heard of GorillaBiscuits on T-Nation. Some say she used her thickness to overpower the man…and then chopped him into small pieces for use in her legendary meat pies. Others say she ran into the darkness of night, tears in her eyes from being called fat, and ashamed from breaking yet another toilet seat under the weight of her ever expanding cream filled buttocks.

The world may never know what happened to them…but Micky D’s never recovered from the loss.

The End

30

X,
I like that you know I train hard. And I like that you use LOL…I got away from it and started using HA instead, but it is time to get back to my roots…LOL!!! That felt good.

Guys, people DO change. Things five years ago could drastically be different from what they are today. In some instances, they might be the same, but in others, they are not. It’s life. But what Diana (God bless her for using her first name in her screen name…that is just hard) said was so defeatist, and it just struck a really bad chord with me. Eh, she admitted to being on Santa’s naughty list…goooood girl.

Now, Gorilla, so sexytime has never been an issue, but you are getting worried that you may become condemned to ‘sexual pergatory?’ Okay, here is a very important question: Are you two married? It does not sound like it, but we need to Dr. Laura that ass before we go any further.

And Tribunaldave thinks everyone is a troll. He is like the most paranoid guy on earth. Like. What am I a valley girl?

31

[quote]GorillaBiscuits wrote:
Today after I get off work today we are gonna have “the talk” so ima give it one last hoorah before more drastic measures will go into effect.[/quote]

Good Luck.
I went through something similar but we broke up before any babies.

People are different. Some people are rebels some listen. If you’ve already mentioned something then having “talks” might make the problem worse. When I did it the more i mentioned the bigger she seemed to get. She sounds like the type of person who’s more of a rebel and like DianaB said your not going to change her.

It’s a tough situation but you may want to leave it alone for a while, take time to yourself and think about what is making her depressed. Don’t lead on that your still thinking about it though… the more you dwell on it the more she will in a negative way. Once you can figure that out try to help make things look brighter for her. This may motivate her to want to fix “all” areas of her life, as well as health.

32

Good luck, but for f- sake, try to be diplomatic.

33

I’d go with taking control of the food situation in the house. I dont know your lifestyle and schedule, but maybe making a healthy breakfast and dinner would at least bring her in the right direction.

34

It sounds like something has to give here. I’m not sure how this would play out but she would probably prefer if you stopped training as much (or at all) and became less dedicated. I find these differences will reveal themselves to both parties if both continute to pursue their own agenda. I would be even more disciplined if I were you (not suggesting you are slacking) just to see what happens.

This might make her uncomfortable enough to either changer her habits, confront you about your “obsessive” discipline or leave you altogether.

I understand what some people are saying about accepting her the way she looks but long term health is a different matter. You should not get stuck with medical bills some day because of her lousy past choices.

35

although i would never screw a fat chick, i am glad my wife didn’t have the same attitude about me. i was obese for DECADES before I got my shit together…now at 54 years old, 6’1" 230 lbs & 7% BF. there was only one person on the planet who could get into my head to effectuate the change…ME.

if you love her, stick with her…if you don’t leave her…either way you win. and so does she.

36

I’ve seen a lot of women that use to be in great shape before they had kids and then just let themselves go. They didn’t like how they looked but it took them YEARS before they got back into shape…or started to try. Some ppl just can’t handle the hard work and it is definitely hard for women to lose weight after a baby. I don’t know if she put on the 100lbs during pregnancy or just put it on over time but her body is not the same as it was. Until she decides she wants to do something about it you have to deal or get out. Just try to be supportive and find out why she doesn’t want to go to the gym anymore.

She might be stressed from the baby so you could suggest her taking a friend to the gym so she can feel like she has some social time and she’ll hopefully trim her booty down in the process. Or if you wanna make sure she’s working out just get a sitter for the baby and take her with you with the promise for a nice dinner or some time with just the 2 of you. A guarantee of some lovey time makes me wanna look my best for my hubby and that might kick-start her into wanting to be sexy again.

37

Divorce her.

38

for some odd reason i want to drop a tear

:cry:

39

i guess being so concerned about a person you love who is slowly slipping away is all bad,
i’ve been through it

hopefully god will help her see the light, until then OP keep your head up, at least for your little boy

40

In anything in life, especially fitness, there is no way you can impart true motivation. Lazy people are cancerous to your own personal development, so set a time-table for her to change (rather, for her to find her intrinsic motivation), and if a year goes by and you’re still feeling the same… maybe you should part ways.

There is no amount of talking that will convince a person to better their behaviors, the only way is to lead by EXAMPLE.