Good Morning, Dr. Silberman. How's the Knee?

Training Training Logs
281

Wellllllllllllllll
He texted me this morning at 9 and said he fell asleep waiting for me so I guess that’s better then him feeling so much rage that he decided to ignore me forever, ha-ha.

THIS IS BAD GUYS, BAD!
I was starting to improve, really I was. I stopped taking my phone everywhere and checking it constantly thinking there’d be a text.
If I did get a text my heart didn’t beat rapidly thinking it was him because it never was him.
When he first texted me he was like “So what are you doing tonight? Being sexy as always”
I was like
“HEHEHE. Just watched the boondock saints”
He’s like
“Well that’s not that sexy, but I’m okay with it”
I said
“Well I watched it without pants on if that helps”
He said
“Oh ya, what’s that look like”
THEN MEEE STUPOOID SAID
“Well you’d know by now if you didn’t avoid hanging out with me forever”

I think that made him mad because why wouldn’t it?
He said he wasn’t avoiding anything he’s just a busy boy, and so what, no sexting until his schedule opens up?!
I said sexting would be lovely and he seemed less mad then…
But like…
He goes out with his bro’s all the time
and so busy he can’t text for weeks at a time?
Maybe my comment was bitchy, but it sure felt justified…
I’m scared because this will end with me being heart broken and him feeling fine.
I’m super insecure even when I try to be confident, and I don’t look perfect naked and I am very hard on myself about my body and I don’t want him to see it.
But if he was like the love of my life then maybe I wouldn’t feel this way?
Maybe it’s a hassle but I do need reassurance and the man of my dreams will just have to give it to me.
So whatever.

I worked out today and did a bunch of shit but it didn’t go very well because of my panic attacking so tomorrow will surely be better.
I was there for a fuck of a long time though so I musta done something.

BYE

282

He’s hiding something. Not being straight up with you. And he’s mindfucking. Forget him.

283

Jennifer what the eff girl you are so crazay.

284

[quote]Spock81 wrote:
Oh, yesterday I had an awesome back workout and did hill sprints…[/quote]
Try hill sprints running backwards some time. If you’re feeling spunky.

[quote]Spock81 wrote:
I
have
NOOOOOoooooooooooooo
sexual experience.
Zip. Zero. Ziltch.
I have no moves, I’ve done nothing fancy and I’ve not ever been on top.
SO THERE [/quote]
You need some practice. Preferably with someone who’s not a complete douche. Or just relax and tell whoever you’re boning that you’re not that experienced and a little shy. If he’s not a total douche, he will understand. Honesty goes a long ways sometimes.

[quote]Spock81 wrote:
I’m super insecure even when I try to be confident, and I don’t look perfect naked and I am very hard on myself about my body and I don’t want him to see it.[/quote]
Nobody looks perfect naked. Take a deep breath and relax. Besides, you don’t love a woman because she’s beautiful, she’s beautiful because you love her, and that sentiment extends to when she’s naked.

[quote]Spock81 wrote:
I worked out today and did a bunch of shit but it didn’t go very well because of my panic attacking so tomorrow will surely be better.
I was there for a fuck of a long time though so I musta done something. [/quote]
Gotta find a way to put everything else out of your mind when you’re in the gym. Put the blinders on, forget about the world, and just do your thing. Focus on your body, your movements, the reps, the weight, everything except the outside world. I’m sure there’s a better way to explain this but I haven’t got one at the moment.

285

[quote]Spock81 wrote:
Wellllllllllllllll
He texted me this morning at 9 and said he fell asleep waiting for me so I guess that’s better then him feeling so much rage that he decided to ignore me forever, ha-ha.

THIS IS BAD GUYS, BAD!
I was starting to improve, really I was. I stopped taking my phone everywhere and checking it constantly thinking there’d be a text.
If I did get a text my heart didn’t beat rapidly thinking it was him because it never was him.
When he first texted me he was like “So what are you doing tonight? Being sexy as always”
I was like
“HEHEHE. Just watched the boondock saints”
He’s like
“Well that’s not that sexy, but I’m okay with it”
I said
“Well I watched it without pants on if that helps”
He said
“Oh ya, what’s that look like”
THEN MEEE STUPOOID SAID
“Well you’d know by now if you didn’t avoid hanging out with me forever”

I think that made him mad because why wouldn’t it?
He said he wasn’t avoiding anything he’s just a busy boy, and so what, no sexting until his schedule opens up?!
I said sexting would be lovely and he seemed less mad then…
But like…
He goes out with his bro’s all the time
and so busy he can’t text for weeks at a time?
Maybe my comment was bitchy, but it sure felt justified…
I’m scared because this will end with me being heart broken and him feeling fine.
I’m super insecure even when I try to be confident, and I don’t look perfect naked and I am very hard on myself about my body and I don’t want him to see it.
But if he was like the love of my life then maybe I wouldn’t feel this way?
Maybe it’s a hassle but I do need reassurance and the man of my dreams will just have to give it to me.
[/quote]

??? Mind Boggling this is.
not sure what others are reading when they are coddling you with encouragement? This has manic episode written all over it! One minute this Bald Guy has broken your heart through a relationship you built up in your head that put you in a tailspin of lows along with quiting a job impulsively. Then he drops you a drunken text weeks later and you easily bated directly into sexting. And this will somehow salvage your delusion of him being the love if your life???

Be Scared,really scared of ending up heart broken yet again. He is a Guy after all. And just trying to bang a girl who gave him her number at the gym. He’s amidst a divorce,correct! You are most likely going to be a rebound chick to make him feel good about himself again. Once the sexual tension is gone you won’t have a leg to stand on. You’ve taken it to a point of no return. Now that he’s seen your urge to seek sexual gratification in the form sexting. He’ll be trying to set up a possible hook up when he decides it is possibly worth it and convenient to him.

Wait and see, you’re being set up to be his potential booty call, ie; late evening on a semi drunken weekend. But I sense your battling your own conscience with being a good girl that wants love from this, but it’s just as apparent you should embrace your inner urges and slutty impulses and just get some sex while it is evident that this where this is headed. He most likely can sense your willingness and desperation after this recent development of dick pics and fantasies. Most everyone, female or male , falls victim to this scenario in their dating life at some point. You have yet to realize it unfortunately.

He is not busy, he just has you where he wants you → Waiting for his texts and now ready to have sex.
Again, this will never be a functional relationship no matter how hard you will it in your own head. He might be 1, Done, and on to the next one after getting what he wants.
Good luck with the path you are on because its a treacherous one. Your gut instinct knows what’s going to come of it!
theBeth, Chushin, coyotegal put forward valid points and advice and trying to get you to diminish the risk of this impending train wreck.

287

Spock,
Your personality and energy is uplifting and infectious. Because I like you so much I feel I must spank you on this. Be aware that you are pissing away your immense power on a man - not just that, but a man who is demonstrating that he doesn’t respect you enough to be clear, honest, and courteous. Letting this situation suck away your beautiful energy will distroy you - it’s already affected your job and family life, no?

I got to the point where my body started breaking down, I had to go to the hospital 3 times, and also see my doctor about depression- for the first time in my life I was on antidepressants. It nearly took away my will to live. Then I snapped, and saw things for what they were. Its an insidious cycle. Don’t let this happen to you!!!

My intuition tells me that he’s not being completely honest with you about his marriage - he’s holding back. Disingenuous people never have your best interests at heart.

Take a step back and make yourself whole and centered before you explore relationship possiblities. Otherwise, men like him will exploit wherever you are weak. I learned this the hard way, the way I’ve learned most everything. This sounds cliche but you MUST love yourself completely before anyone else can. That and you must be aware of your inner compass, your deepest values.

Oh and by the way - LISTEN TO YOUR GUT. When everything around you is smoke and mirrors, this inner guide will not fail you.

Fondly,
Beth

288

Call me. We’ll work the kink out of your sexting. Or in, depending on pleasures.

289

Allllllllrighty then my lovelies!

I woke up at 4am this morning and the first thing I did was delete BG from my phone (again). I DON’T HAVE IT MEMORIZED (still).
I decided if he ever texts me again (which I doubt cause he totally avoided me at the gym this AM) that I’ll just say “ya know, I really like you, and I am not sure if it’s reciprocated, but I don’t wanna get hurt so I am just going to back away now.”
Not that he NEEDS an explanation, but I’d always appreciate one, so I’ll give one. Whatever.

It’s odd though, sometimes I worry that going through life without any real human contact from the opposite sex could like eff up my head or something.
Like 18 months - 2 years without a hug, it seems unnatural. I feel like awkward if someone even touches my arm… BUT sleeping with people just for the sake of having human contact probably does more harm than good, so that’s that.
<>

HOWEVER, I do feel that quitting my job was one of the better decisions I’ve made thus far. Now I got my first aid and I am going to go back to school in Jan. to take a 1 year special needs educational assistant program at the university. I think it will go well with my Deaf studies certificate and maybe I could even end up getting at job at gabe’s school.
I also think I would be good at it and I would feel really good about the difference (though small) that I am making on the world.

I might look for a part time job, but only if I can get something decent. NO MORE FUCKING RETAIL, GAH!!!

K good workout today:

pec fly machine
60lbs
2 x 20

Hammer strength chest press
35lbs per side x 8
40lbs per side x 8
40 lbs per side x 8
30lbs per side x 8 + 12 partials

incline bench
80lbs x 10
80lbs x 9 + one not totally full range of motion rep, LOL
75lbs x 12

seated BB press
40lbs
3 x 25

one arm lat raise SS upright row
12.5lbs/40lbs
15arm/20
15arm/20
10lbs/40lbs
15arm/20
15arm

rear delt fly SS DB tri ext. SS skull crushers
15lbs/15lbs/35lbs
12/20/15
12/20/15
12/20/15

facepulls
x 30

rope tri ext. drop set
x 10/10/11/12/13 + 13 partials

umm then some OCD stuff
2 drop sets of incline bench again
85lbs x 8
65lbs x 10

db tri ext. again
12.5lbs x 25 or 30 can’t remember
skull crushers again
35lbs
x 20

K DONE and happy with everything!!

T-minus 5 days until Doc brown day!!!

290

Did you see the movie Wreck it Ralph? It came on last night, was pretty entertaining and it had your dragon, turtle guy in it for some bad guy support group.

Also is this Meadows training? you seem to be creeping up to Ct. Rockula levels of volume.

291

I know you are distraught…and not to take anything away form that but I think you are becoming more empowered.

You quit a job that had no real future for you, you changed your body a LOT all on your own, you distanced yourself from someone who’s not healthy for you–Lamer Bald Guy --he IS LAME to you–, you started a new focus on your education. All disruptions yeah but all GOOD changes.
And you did it all without really even realizing that you were doing good things for you! It all hurt but you did it…and you did it…

Hang in there Spock you are going places :wink:

292

Aww thanks brute :)! You sure are good at putting a positive spin on things!

K awesome effffffffing workout today!

Seated leg curl
75lbs
3 x 8 super slow reps
55lbs
x 8 + 12 partials

leg ext.
70lbs
4 x 10 + 10 partials

DB SQ SS DB Split SQ
30lbs/17.5lbs
25/15leg
30lbs/20lbs
25/15leg
25/15*leg

Trap bar deadlift
115lbs
x 12
x 12
125 lbs
x 12
x 12
x 12
*last two sets were actually times 15 but I counted it like 12, 12, 12 so my head still ended on the number 12…

seated leg press
110lbs
2 x 50

DEATH

leg spreader rest pause set
x 16/11/9/8/7/17

leg squisher
100lbs
x 40

225 crunches

Gooooooooood.

THE TIMES THEY ARE A CHANGIN’, MY FRIENDS.
Today it was HE who was trying to get mY attention and ME who was acting very I-don’t-give-a-fuckish.
He kept trying to make eye contact and talk to me etc, BUT I Was busy counting split squats or whatever so I could not glance.

NOPE
COULD
NOT
GLANCE

I did tell his friends about my awesome darkwing duck dream though
…

I was darkwing duck’s personal assistant and I was with him in the dressing room while he was getting make up put on to FILM THE DARKWING DUCK CARTOON
Let’s get dangerous !
darkwing duck

BHYE
BYE

293

Happy back day everyone!

Chin ups
x 10
x 8
x 7 or maybe 6, can’t remember

iso row hammer strength thing
45lbs plates per side
4 x 10*arm

NG pull ups
x 8 or 7, FUCK, I dunno
x 5
x 5

lat pull down
55lbs
x 25
60lbs
x 25
65lbs
x 25

seated row cable
55lbs
4 x 20

kayak rows
3 x 15 *arm for some weight I can’t remember

Hammer curls SS EZ bar curls
15lbs/35lbs
10/12
10/12
10/12
10/12

ropey bi drop set
x 10,8,8,10,12,13 + 13 partials/13+13 partials
I got distracted so this exercise gave me OCD

NG pull ups
x 5 or something

15 min. sprint intervals

NG pull ups
x 7, 4, 3

ropey bi drop set again
x 10/10/10

NG pull ups
x um 5

Yes I was going mental…
Yes I was late leaving

BUT I had a good workout, SANITY included, so k! I am pretty sure there were like 3 more NG pull up sets mixed in there someone, but the crazy chemicals flooding through my brain started erasing shit. :smiley:

I am going to start making it like 50 pull ups/chin ups PER back workout and just however many sets it takes to get there is what I do cause sometimes going mental is exhausting…
Adding up all of today’s using the lowest number when I can’t remember, plus not counting sets that actually happened, I still got like 66 or something so if I randomly take away 12 from that for no reason I still got over 50 so I reach my goal of 50, clearly…

HAHA WHAT THE FUCK

For a really long time I made the decision that Alanis Morissette was the only woman I’d ever sleep with, but I’ve decided I would like to add Detective Olivia Benson to that list. Not the actress who plays her, maristkga hargiratyay or however you spell her name, but Olivia herself.

I guess I should update the people I’d do list

Anthony Kiedis
Oh, actually I want to start putting this in order because ORDER PLEASES ME.
Bald guy
HAHAH

  1. In a deeply committed relationship with me bald guy version
  2. Anthony Kiedis
  3. Tony Stark
  4. Louis CK
  5. Alanis Morissette
  6. Olivia Benson
  7. OH!! Willem Dafoe

K good.

BYE

294

Awesome-sausage workout today!

Pec fly machine
70lbs
2 x 15

Incline DB press SS plate squeeze
17.5lbs/10lbs
25/20
25/20
25/20
///20

seated DB press
27.5lbs
5 x 10

one arm lat raise SS front raise
15lbs
10arm/12arm
10arm/12arm
10arm/12arm
10arm/12arm
Hmm, maybe I only did three sets…
But I doubt it cause I planned to do 3 and then decided to do 4.
But maybe it was 3…

It was good whatever it was.

SKull crushers SS DB tricep overhead thing
45lbs/32.5lbs
8/10
8/10
8/10
8
8

triangle handle tricep ext. drop set thing
12/12/12/something/something/16 + 17 partials

pull cable cross over rear delt thing
x 30

chest press
55lbs
x 20
x 20
45lbs
x 20 + 12 partials

rear delt fly SS plate side bends
12.5lbs/45lbs
20/8side
20/8side
20/8*side

hanging leg raises
2 x 10
V-ups
x 30
then I did one more set of side bends
x 8 * side

I could live at the gym SRSLY.
2 hours just flies by…

Um so talking about Louis CK.
I bought the first season of his show on DVD yesterday and I like him even more now.
I wish there was a contest where you could win a date with him. I think a date with him would be the FUNNEST DATE EVER.
We could be awkward and grumpy together…
Maybe I’ll tweet that to him.
@LOUIECK can you please create a contest were females could enter a chance to win a date with you.
He might reply.
But he probably wouldn’t because he didn’t answer my other tweets. I don’t even remember my password for twitter anymore. Something with kiedis in it…

BYE

295

Sup foo’s?!

Ass day

Ass machine ramped
x 20**
x 12**
x 8**
x 6**
x 20**

**per ass

Hill sprint intervals
x 20 minutes

I sprinted to the Jurassic Park theme song, it was awesome.

KB swings SS Stability ball bridge thrust thing SS Plie Squats
20/25/30
20/25/30
20/25/30

Back ext.
3 x 20

Cable ropey abs SS side bends
some weight/25lbs
25 + 25 partials /25side
25 + 25 partials/25side
25 + 25 partials

hanging leg raises x 12

ass machine again
x 20*cheek

K really good workout toady.

Holy shit yesterday was fucking amazing (COMIC EXPO).

There were times when I was just totally in this happy trans of what the fuck is happening, have I died and gone to heaven?!
I kept losing the person I was with and it didn’t matter. I was just like drawn to all this sailor moon stuff and busy talking to myself. You couldn’t swing a dick without hitting someone who loved all the same shit that you loved.
Everyone had this amazing mutual respect for one another and it’s like we were one big happy family.
You turn around and someone is dressed like Link and someone behind them is dressed like ironman, and then around the corner someone’s dressed like Marty McFly.

Jeebus.
So. Content.

I didn’t realize it, but the voice of the guy who played Bob in reboot was there!! My friend’s sister got his autograph, but I was already in line for my Doc pic so I couldn’t leave to get one myself.
So cool though.
A fucking demona magnet ?!Sailor moon necklace!
Conversing with doc brown ?!?!
Life=complete.

BYE

296

G’day!!

Pec fly machine
60lbs
2 x 20

Hammer strength chest press
35lbs per side x 8
35lbs per side x 8
40lbs per side x 8
30lbs per side x 8 + I think I got 14 partials this time… More than normal

incline bench
80lbs
x 10
x 8
x 10
x 12

seated BB shoulder press
40lbs
3 x 25

one arm lat raise SS upright row
12.5lbs/40lbs
15arm/20
15arm/20
10lbs/40lbs
15arm/20
15arm

DB tricep ext. SS skull crushers
12.5lbs/35lbs
20/15
20/15
20/15

rear delt fly
15lbs
4 x 12

ropey tricep ext. drop set
x 8/8/10/12/16+22 partials

facepulls
x 30

drop sets of incline bench
85lbs
x 8
75lbs
x 9
65lbs
x 12
55lbs
x 15

cable rear delt fly thingie that I love
2nd pin
3 x 8

GoooooooOOOOOOOOOdness me!! Good workout.

I can say to a level of certainty that I’ll probably be the only girl who ever wears a Jurassic park t-shirt to that gym, LOL.

It gives me strength…
Fills me with happiness…
MAKES ME WHOLE.

K weird thing happened yesterday, and yes this is about orgasms…
Yesterday I had one that was like THE ONE. The one that I’ve been waiting for my entire life.
It’s like it was inside me all this time, waiting to come out, and that’s why I’ve had anxiety disorder for so many years. Because THAT needed to happen, and it wasn’t.
Now it has, and I feel like a different person, hahaha.
Afterwards I was like OH ! THAT WAS IT!
Like a tumour had been removed.
Or some other really relieving thing that could be used as a comparison…
Um…
Like if you get shot, and the bullet gets removed, and it feel so much better than when the bullet is inside you.
Unless the bullet is clotting the blood and ya.

Ummmmmmmmmmmm
It’s like if you have a dislocated shoulder, and the doc pops it back into place. Like night and day how you feel inside.
You know what it was like? Like having this EVIL orgasm living inside you that is trying like FUCK to bust out, but doesn’t know how, so it sits there rotting your insides with misery and panic attacks. You can’t keep a cheetah locked in a cage all it’s life. IT"S GONAN WANNA BUST FREEeeeeeee.

What am I talking about?
Oh ya, I cannot fucking believe I met Christopher llyod. My 12 year old self loves me right now.
Had a dream that bald guy bought a superman hoodie.
He texted me on Saturday night again. Really do not think he was drunk this time.
Oh well.
BYE

297

A life changing orgasm. Congrats!!!

299

[quote]Chushin wrote:
So, all is good now? :-)[/quote]

Whose life isn’t after one of those :stuck_out_tongue:

300

[quote]Voluminous wrote:

[quote]Chushin wrote:
So, all is good now? :-)[/quote]

Whose life isn’t after one of those :P[/quote]

hahaha, very true!

Let’s hope this lasts for the rest of my life. Maybe I’ll never be anxious and/or aroused ever again…