Well, continuing on with this mornings’ psychosis, instead of hiding in my closet I went to my basement and hid in the corner for a while, then I came upstairs to lie on the floor, but the carpet was hurting my face so I decided to try go back to the gym…
Hamstring workout- Take 2
Squats
95lbs x 20
115lbs x 20
135lbs x 20
3 second paused squats
145lbs x 5
155lbs x 4
165lbs x 2 sets of 3
175lbs x 2
180lbs x 1
barbell hip thrusts
135lbs x 15
145lbs x 15
155lbs x 15 + 5 (extended set)
lying leg curl
65lbs x 3 sets of 8
drop sets
50lbs x 8
40lbs x 8
30lbs x 8 + 12 partials
seated leg curl SS DB RDL
55lbs/32.lbs
x 20/12
x 20/12
x 20 + 10 @ 45lbs w/holds at the bottom portion/15
ass machine
100lbs
x 12, 11, 10, 9, 8 + 8 partials **ass
No rest between sets
leg spreader
70lbs x 15
85lbs x 12
100lbs x 10
115lbs x 8
55lbs x 50
K, much better…
Honestly, yeah, I am going to talk to someone, like a shrink at the university you can see pretty quickly, or call a line through the place I work at that can help cause I’ve completely lost it.
Like completely
I’ve 95% lost it a million times before, but this is full on, wigged out, please sedate me, I can’t stop crying, kinda lost it.
Terrible.
Feels terrible.
And I keep having these horrible extremely vivid dreams like the other night my friends daughter fell out of a window and then some guy was raping me.
And the night before that it was that I was actually Sarah Conner and the terminator was after me.
Both felt way too real
Woke up feeling so exhausted and worn out
I don’t know if it’s just extreme broken-heartedness, or my hormones have gone totally out of whack or something, but this shit feels crazy.
Ain’t nothin’ feelin’ right at all…
I know it’s temporary, I wont feel like this forever, but how to cope with feeling this way at this exact moment is eluding me.
BYE