[quote]Spock81 wrote:
I am supposed to write a heartfelt letter every week, which I enjoy because being creative is very important for my mental well-being, but surely I will run out of people to write to soon.
[/quote]
Surely you’ve got enough T-friends to keep that up for a while, especially if you’re only writing one letter a week?
[quote]Spock81 wrote:
HIDY HO
Back shit
Chin ups
x 9.75
x 7
x 6
Hammer strength iso thing
25lbs per side x 20arm
45lbs per side x 12arm
50lbs per side x 10arm
55lbs per side x 8arm
60lbs per side x 6arm
65lbs per side x 6arm
NG pull ups
x 7
x 6
x 6
Seated row cable
90lbs
5 x 8
latpull down
75lbs
x 10
80 lbs
x 10
x 10
x 10
Kayak rows
5th pin
x 15arm
4th pin
x 15arm
3rd pin
x 15*arm
ropey bicep curls drop set
x 10/10/10/11/12 + 13 partials
Ez bar curl SS hammer curls
45lbs/12.5lbs
8/12
8/12
8/12
8
chinps
x 4
225 crunches
chin ups
x 5
K yA.
My best friend Ct. Rockula has instructed me that it’s time to move on (which I knew, but him saying it makes it more real, LOL), and I am now fully prepared to take the appropriate steps in order to put this all behind me.
My problem is that I get very emotionally attached to people and I find it very hard to let go because the feelings of hopefulness are like an addiction to me, and I feel very empty now that I know I have absolutely nothing to look forward too.
Last time I got heartbroken I made a promise to myself that I would lose weight, so then I was able to put all my mental energy and focus towards that.
Now I am sitting at a comfortable weight and really have no idea where to direct my focus.
I started reading a book about how to be positive and shit and there are certain things it tells me to do that can be like projects (yay), but one of them was compliment people so I just ended up telling bald guy I liked his ass and that didn’t really seem to heal me all that much.
I am supposed to write a heartfelt letter every week, which I enjoy because being creative is very important for my mental well-being, but surely I will run out of people to write to soon.
If I have no creative outlet then I just get super horny/ancy about life and I find it very uncomfortable.
I just want to play barbies again.
Honest to fuck my life has been a train wreck since I put them all in the crawl space, nothing and no one has ever been able to fill that void.
I need them…
Anyway, I dunno. I need to keep myself busy and my mind occupied, but it’s a little hard when I do nothing at work all day.
Yesterday I spent an hour and a half picking out superhero buttons online to surprise my staff with…
They should arrive in the mail shortly.
I really miss 5 months ago when I would have panic attacks over the red hot chili peppers for no reason. Like my love for them was so overwhelming I just couldn’t deal with it or something.
This too shall pass.
Today is day one of bald guy being deleted off my phone and I don’t have anything past the first three digits memorized.
11/09/2013
Status:
3% healed
BYE[/quote]
I think Ct.Rockula has it right.
Put some of that left over energy into another passion you might have
Spock.
Have you ever thought of putting your entries to music and adding them to YouTube Overly Attached Girlfriend - JB Fanvideo - Original(Bad ass girl :) ) - YouTube
She also has relationship advice Relationship Advice - YouTube
YO
Pec fly machine
60lbs
2 x 20
Incline DB press SS plate squeeze
22.5lbs/10lbs
15/20
25lbs/10lbs
12/20
12/20
15/20
seated BB shoulder press
60lbs
x 15
x 15
x 14 FU
50lbs
x 15
one arm lateral raise SS front raise SS rear delt fly
17.5lbs/17.5lbs/12.5lbs
8arm/10arm/20
15lbs/15lbs/12.5lbs
8arm/10arm/20
8arm/10arm/20
one more set of lateral
15lbs
x 8 *arm
skull crushers SS DB tricep overhead thing
45lbs/32.5lbs
8/10
8/10
8/10
8
triangle tricep ext cable thing drop set
x 10/10/11/11/12 + 22 partials some numbers fabricated, but never exaggerated
chest press machine
55lbs
x 20
x 20
45lbs
x 20 + 12 partials
Good day.
Oh ya, one more set of DB incline press for no reason
27.5lbs
x 8
K good day.
I wore Gabe’s spiderman t-shirt and I felt like a million bucks.
It’s the fucking most awesomest shirt I’ve ever seen. Peter parker is like stuck in a corner and his shadow forms the spidey symbol.
I go up to this dude I know like
Isn’t this the most fucking awesome shirt you’ve ever seen?!?!?
He admitted it was pretty cool…
So not only am I reading a book on how to be more positive, but also on how to build self-esteem and they said something about how you feel you must make yourself look perfect or no one will find you attractive! :O!
I totally feel that way, I didn’t even realize that was irrational, LOL.
What a helpful, eye-opening statement that was to read.
I have also decided to create a “negative thought jar” so that if I say something bad about myself or insult myself in my head I have to put a quarter in the jar, and then when the jar is full I have to take the money and donate it to something. Which will totally be the SPCA cause animals are better than people…
Umm what else…
OH YA workout plans
Right now most of my reps are like 8-12 and I only do intervals once a week. My weight is staying at 131 and someday I would like to be 125.
So I think for the rest of sept. I will stay in this rep range and try to build AMMAP (as much muscle as possible)
then starting in oct. I will do higher reps like I was before with the 20-25’s and add another 1-2 days of intervals/cardio and cut back a bit on calories. Nothing major.
Maybe like 100 a week or something for 6 weeks.
Then maybe my weight can go down.
PLANINNG
PLANNING
PLANGINGIGNG
BYE
Cilantro? Well shit, that stuff’s just nasty. I was about to jump on the bandwagon of T-men who’ve said they would date you until you posted that. I’m sorry, dealbreaker right there.
On a serious note, I suspectyour problems with guys mostly stems from how you seem to get very emotionally invested very quickly. But I think you knew that. Most people are like that from time to time, so it’s not that rare, but it seems like you are like that to a fairly extreme extent.
For me, and most guys I know, we’ve always been able to pull women more easily (hell I’ve had women get to the point of damn near obsessiveness) when we’re in relationships. The only reason for this, I would surmise, is that it changes our attitudes, so we don’t give a shit about what other chicks have to offer. Which, perversely enough, makes them want more.
I think the same goes with guys. If you feel very emotionally invested, you’re going to act in ways that basically tell the other person, “I want you so bad, therefore you must be worth way more than me”. That’s what makes one of those creepy guys at the bar “creepy”.
Build confidence (and track your progress, even if you have to take many small steps to adjust your attitude), focus on being the best person you can be, and throw yourself out there and meet lots of people, whether you’re looking for friends, boyfriends or whatever. Expect that you will not always get the result you want and that you may not for a while. But it looks like you’re starting to move in the right direction.
[quote]Apoklyps wrote:
Cilantro? Well shit, that stuff’s just nasty. I was about to jump on the bandwagon of T-men who’ve said they would date you until you posted that. I’m sorry, dealbreaker right there.
On a serious note, I suspectyour problems with guys mostly stems from how you seem to get very emotionally invested very quickly. But I think you knew that. Most people are like that from time to time, so it’s not that rare, but it seems like you are like that to a fairly extreme extent.
For me, and most guys I know, we’ve always been able to pull women more easily (hell I’ve had women get to the point of damn near obsessiveness) when we’re in relationships. The only reason for this, I would surmise, is that it changes our attitudes, so we don’t give a shit about what other chicks have to offer. Which, perversely enough, makes them want more.
I think the same goes with guys. If you feel very emotionally invested, you’re going to act in ways that basically tell the other person, “I want you so bad, therefore you must be worth way more than me”. That’s what makes one of those creepy guys at the bar “creepy”.
Build confidence (and track your progress, even if you have to take many small steps to adjust your attitude), focus on being the best person you can be, and throw yourself out there and meet lots of people, whether you’re looking for friends, boyfriends or whatever. Expect that you will not always get the result you want and that you may not for a while. But it looks like you’re starting to move in the right direction.[/quote]
This is an awesome post…
The insight and wisdom of you people is fanfuckingtastic!
NAFLD (Not another fucking leg day)
Lying leg curl ramped
40 x 20
50 x 12
55 x 10
60 x 8
65 x 6
70 x 6
3 drop sets
some weight x 8
some weight x 9
some weight x 10
Leg ext.
70lbs
x 10 + 10 partials
x 10 + 10 partials
x 10 + 10 partials
x 10 + 10 partials
DB RDL SS Split SQ
40lbs/50lbs
15/15leg
15/15leg
15/15*leg
Hack squat machine ramped
35lbs per side x 12
40lbs per side x 10
45lbs per side x 8
50lbs per side x 8
55lbs per side x 6
seated leg press drop set
190lbs x 12
170lbs x 12
130lbs x 12
110lbs x 12
90lbs x 22
Stopped here to tell a girl how awesome her minecraft shirt was
leg spreader rest/pause
x16/10/9/8/17
leg squisher
130lbs x 15
100lbs x 15
85lbs x 15
70lbs x 30
plate side bends
45lbs
3 x 8 * side
hanging leg raises
3 x 10
V-ups
x 30
Great day today. !
I take great solace in the fact that tomorrow is not a leg day.
BYE
All is well Spockie?
We have a restaurant here in town named Cilantro.
I like the place.
cilantro. whether people like it or not is based on genetics which allow them to taste (or not taste) a saponin in it. I like it. I make a killer thai salad with it.
Where are you??? you are missed!!
because you bastards got the song stuck in my head…
Good morning and thank you all for not forgetting that I exist.
Well, apparently it was time for my 19th nervous breakdown, and it came in like a hurricane. The weatherman living inside my brain predicted it, but there wasn’t really much I could do to protect myself, or my loved ones.
I guess it started last Thursday…
My boss gave me shit for making my own decisions about the schedule and my brain went absolutely berserk. I got so fucking pissed off about how much I hate my job, how little control I had over anything, and how unfulfilled I was folding t-shirts for 7 hours a day. I started analyzing how shitty my life was and I was getting more and more depressed by the minute.
Then on Friday I went to take my post gym shower and I started bawling my eyes out about bald guy. I was literally curled up in a ball in my bathtub with the shower running for an hour crying as hard as physically possible.
I thought that it was a good thing because then it would mean that I finally got it out of my system, but I was wrong.
Then I started crying about bald guy at really inconvenient times, like just driving in the car with my dad or chopping vegetables. Then I started feeling really overwhelmed by how sad I felt and I got anxious about having to exist.
Somewhere in this mess I quit my job, by the way.
Bitched at family
Bitched to friends
Swore at people
…
Now I just feel really fucking tired. What a whirlwind of fucking emotion, and stress. I can barely remember half the shit I did over this past week…
I can’t really say that I feel all better now, but it’s definitely no where near as bad as it was. I’ve been going to the gym at different times so I don’t have to see bald guy, and I think that helps a lot…
I also took first aid training so I can apply for jobs with the county that aren’t fucking retarded, t-shirt folding jobs.
My first aid teacher was such an amazing woman also, she actually took a sign language program for 4 years! And she is an avid scrabble player.
The boy beside me in class was OBSESSED with the Boondock saints and back to the future, so we took turns exchanging quotes and whatnot.
I also got 100% on my exam, which probably most monkeys could do, but oh well. It was a really positive experience to say the least!
SooOoOO today’s workout
FUCKING LEGS
FUCK
SHIT FUCK
Leg ext.
55lbs
4 x 25
lying leg curl
40 x 20
50 x 12
55 x 10
65 x 7 + one weird one
70 x 6
3 drop sets
some weight x 8
some weight x 8
some weight x 13 or something maybe
DB RDL SS Split SQ SS DB SQ
40lbs/50lbs/25lbs
15/20leg/30
40lbs/40lbs/25lbs
15/20leg/30
15/20*leg/30
Hack squat machine
35lbs per side
5 x 10
seated leg press drop set
190 x 10
170 x 10
130 x 10
110 x 10
90 x 22
Leg spreader rest pause
16/10/9/8/17
leg spreader
130lbs
x 8
135lbs
x 8
130lbs
x 8
Then I decided that because I typically feel really dizzy and almost lose my hearing after leg press for about 1min and I didn’t this time that it meant I didn’t work hard enough so I had to do it again
190lbs x 10
150lbs x 10
130lbs x 10
110lbs x 10
90lbs x 22
LEGS DEAD
Honestly, one of the mentally hardest workouts of my life. Just didn’t wanna be there and felt exhausted.
OH BUT:
I don’t know if you remember when I told you about this steroid posse from way back, and the big, strong woman started smiling at me and stuff???
Well we’ve been saying hellos for months now and she complimented me last week on how I look.
TODAY
The king of the steroid posse came up to me and was like
“You getting ready for next year?”
I was like
“Why, what’s happening next year?”
LOL
Assuming some type of body show off show.
He said that I’ve come really far, especially over this past summer and it was just incredible. He kept going on and on about my progress and it was really nice.
Especially right now cause I feel like I’ve gained some fat and it made me feel more motivated to continue making progress.
Anyway, this post is way too long so TTYL BEYBEYEE
[quote]Spock81 wrote:
Then I decided that because I typically feel really dizzy and almost lose my hearing after leg press for about 1min and I didn’t this time that it meant I didn’t work hard enough so I had to do it again [/quote]
Respect.
Well done for getting right back into stuff after what sounded like a shit few days 
It sounds like you’re taking control. I’m confident it’ll all work out for you.
Thank you for your continued support, friends…
I really can’t remember the last time I felt so heartbroken over someone. I don’t even understand how I can possibly care so much about a person I don’t even really know.
I think it’s because I decided that about 30 seconds into our first real conversation that this was the man I’ve been searching for my whole life and we were going to get married and be together forever. I held onto that notion for weeks after, too.
Even after things went south I was like “nope, this doesn’t matter because we belong together and we’re going to get married and I have absolutely no doubt about that. Whatever is happening right now isn’t permanent and I’ll just keep picturing us making speeches to one another on our wedding day”.
SO FOOLISH.
I don’t typically do that though, aside from Anthony Kiedis I’ve never felt like anyone was “the one” or any shit like that. I’m not like some crazy, marriage-happy womanoid. I just honestly thought we were going to get married, LOL.
I woke up at 4:30 this morning so I went to the gym at my regular time and he worked out beside me for lie 30 minutes, UHG.
MY HEART WAS SO CONTENT
AND SHATTERED
AT THE SAME TIME!!
I need a wall-nut for my heart…
In plants VS zombies you can protect your plants with a wall-nut or a tall-nut (the upgraded version of the wall-nut).
If you don’t have enough sun to protect all your plants then you need to pick and chose the most important ones to stick wall-nuts in front of.
Gatling pea.
.
I would put 5 tall-nuts in front of my heart right about now.
Bald guy would never reach it then!!!
K today really good workout!
pec fly machine
70lbs
2 x 15
DB incline press SS plate squeeze
17.5lbs/10lbs
25/20
25/20
25/20
Seated DB press
27.5lbs
4 x 10
I wanna say I only got 9 for the last one, but I honestly didn’t, I dunno. 0.000001% chance I got 9 instead of 10.
one arm lat raise SS front raise
15lbs
10arm/12arm
10arm/12arm
10arm/12arm
10arm/12arm
rear delt fly SS skull crushers SS DB tricep overhead DB thing
12.5lbs/45lbs/32.5lbs
20/8/10
20/8/10
20/8/10
20/8
triangle tricep cable pulldown ext. thing drop set
10/10/11/12/16 +17 partials
chest press
55lbs
2 x 20
45lbs
x 20 + 12 partials or maybe 10 I dunno
OH TRIED A NEW EXERCISE
IT was like this cable station cross over rear delt thingie
1st pin
x 30
second pin
x 10
x 8
first pin
x 15
Never felt so awesomely burny on my rear delts! Gonna make this a permanent fixture on shoulder day, fa sho!
K BEY
BYE
Jen have you ever thought of counselling? This is not meant in a negative way one little bit. You have alot going on and it might help you find peace and calm.
I have went for counselling in the past when I was having troubles and I would do it again in a heart beat. It really helps to get it all out there to someone that gets it and can give you tools to cope with stuff.
Take care of yourself.
EVERYONE I AM FREAKING OUT!!!
Oh, yesterday I had an awesome back workout and did hill sprints…
OKAY EVERYONE I AM FREAKING OUT!!!
Last night at 10pm bald guy texted me and I woke up from my notification noise (navi) (legend of Zelda) and I thought it was like 3am and I was so confused HAHAH
Anyway OMG!! He started dirty texting me almost right away and I am pretty sure everything I said was super dumb!
I was totally caught off guard and I had no idea what the hell I was talking about.
So I said one good thing then he said one good thing then I said one lame thing and he’s like “that’s all you got?”
FAIL!!!
So then he sent a pic and I sent a pic and then 8 minutes later I asked if he was still awake if I sent another and he NEVER ANSWERED BACK
BEcause maybe my sexting was lame and so was my pic so his anger caused him to cut me off for ever???
There are zero other possible explainations for this!
Now it’s going to be super awkward when I see him at the gym because I’m 12 and now I’ve seen his penis.
AHAH
HA
heh.
ALSO
apparently, according to his masturbation scenario’s I am on top and I don’t really know how to do that.
If we ever boinked he’d be horribly disappointed
YES I AM BEING NEGATIVE SUCK IT I GOT NO SLEEP.
I
have
NOOOOOoooooooooooooo
sexual experience.
Zip. Zero. Ziltch.
I have no moves, I’ve done nothing fancy and I’ve not ever been on top.
SO THERE
We can never sleep together ever because I am too scared and he hates my sexting and I should just go after 20 year old scrawny virgins so I don’t have to feel shitty about anything aside from the fact that I am sleeping with a 20 year old virgin.
okay I am going to the gym
BYE
First, again - I just really and truly adore the ball of energy that is you !!
Honestly, this is like a pick me up re-reading your posts.
Secondly, I would honestly think he was drunk hence the texts; then passed out from said drink. Drink gives everyone courage temporarily ! I would still go with Ct. Rockula person and send a thanks but ya know I’ve waited around a bit; lets go with it or GTFO !
Thirdly, it’s very easy to learn moves 
Fourthly, not sure… er you are simply fantastic; well done on First Aid training - what’s the plan for future job roles for yourself ?
Jen, just chill.
It will work out.
Trust me, from a guy’s point of view, you will be awesome.
I concur on the drunk texting and passing out scenario from Vol.