Just a reminder for myself. For when I’m feeling down.
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Update:
My husband had been oddly silent for a couple of weeks. I kept asking if he was okay, and he kept saying he was. Day before yesterday I came home from work and found him bawling in the bathroom.
Long story short, he’s very overwhelmed. Not only from what I’ve been going through, but from past stuff he’s gone through as well. Both before he met me, and when we were together.
He’s feeling much better now, but he’s finally come to terms with the fact that he needs to speak to someone. So next week we will make the first steps towards him doing that. He’s upset because he feels like he should be “over it” already, but he never even allowed himself to deal with the trauma he went through, and he doesn’t allow himself to feel how he feels concerning what I’m going through. I’m always open to whatever he wants to come to me about. He just chooses not to say anything.
I can’t force him to, but he knows I’m always here for whatever he needs, or whatever he wishes to talk about.
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Gym stuff:
Same old, same old. Progressing well.
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LOG # 477-480
Hubby is doing much better. Managed to get a bunch of laughs out of him this morning.
Feeling hella strong, and mostly okay concerning eating. I’m not really grasping the therapy techniques that were given to me. I know I have to just work on them daily, but I can’t really focus. Most my attention has been completely on my husband. But I’m okay with that.
I’m up to 177lbs. Got there a bit quicker than I thought, but I’ve been leaving it all at the gym for a good two months now, so I’m proud of my progress.
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Is focussing on other things something that usually helps or hinders you?
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Depends on what is going on, and under what circumstance. If it’s someone I care about, And they’re going through something it helps. The end goal is me wanting to see them happy, or at least feeling better than they did before.
If it’s under one of those “misery loves company” circumstances, it usually doesn’t help me. Or if it’s someone just wanting negative attention, it doesn’t help either. But the difference lies in if they’re optimistic enough to know they’ll get better, and there’s better days ahead, and they’re pushing towards those better days. I don’t mind shifting all of my attention towards my husband, because he’s just as optimistic as I am. In turn it helps me continue to push forward, by seeing him to the same.
It does take away from me being able to focus on other stuff though. But to me it’s worth it, because he’s worth it. It wouldn’t be a good thing if in turn it was just causing me to further regress.
There’s that level of co-dependence that can be harmful in a relationship, but again, I think it’s more of an issue when either individual is just playing off of the other’s weakness to feed their own inner issues. We both go out of our way to build eachother up as best we can.
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Song of the week. Sound design is CRRIIIIISP.
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Close second song of the week. Workout fuel starts at 2:34.
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LOG # 481
I only managed two sessions this week, since both of them had me sleeping like nobody’s business concerning recovery. Had two of my classes cancelled so I only had one class earlier this week. So I plenty of time to sleep away the soreness. Which is still here. Getting stronger, so it was time to add some weight on the bar too.
I’ll log them, so you guys can see what I actually do written down.
PPL Session 1:
(Legs) Squat:
225x10
225x10
185x10
225x10
225x10
185x10
225x10
225x10
185x10
185x10
Finisher: 135x30
(Pull) Deads: (squat stance, mid-wide)
185x10
185x10
185x10
185x10
185x10
185x10
185x10
185x10
Only got 8 sets since my back was getting rather agitated.
(Push) OHP and push ups:
OHP
100x10
100x10
100x10
85x10
85x10
Push ups: (regular, no girly style)
X10
X10
X10
X10
X10
Abs: hanging leg raises
10x10
Followed by Decompression poses, and a scalding hot bath.
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LOG # 482
PPL Session 2
Push: Incline bench
120x10
120x10
120x10
120x10
120x10
120x10
120x10
120x10
120x10
120x10
Pull: Compound rows
135x10
135x10
135x10
135x10
135x10
135x10
135x10
135x10
135x10
135x10
Legs: Leg press
315x20
315x20
315x20
315x20
315x20
Abs: hanging leg raises
10x10
Decompression poses, followed by freezing cold ice bath.
Still keeping around 400reps total per session. And slowly adding on weight.
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Update:
So this week was a bit of a let down, and a bit of an emotional rollercoaster. Last week I was having awful gastrointestinal issues. I mainly was experiencing my mouth watering profusely (like to the point of drooling), and awful stomach cramps, and digestion issues. All of these symptoms were happening back to back and lasting for hours. So I eventually panicked and went to the doctor’s. Turns out I had an ulcer that had been around for almost 2ish months, but my body decided to not make a big fuss out of it until now.
I kind of felt weird dispelling the whole situation going on in my personal life, but I had to be upfront and honest, and at least the doctor seemed to understand, and didn’t turn into an asshat about it.
So far it’s been a week of taking these antibiotics and they make me unbelievably sleepy and painfully hungry. So aside from school, I have been LITERALLY eating and sleeping (showering and bathroom time too obviously lol), but that’s it. I used my sick time for work as well because I just wanna heal up from this. No training, or therapy this week either, which has kind of bummed me out. But I suppose it’s all for the better.
I was kind of in panic mode from how much these meds increase my hunger levels, but with me immediately going to sleep after eating I kind of like having no time to be able to get inside of my head for any extended period time. The few times I’ve started entertaining anything negative, I’m passed out in my bed or on the couch before I know it. So there’s that.
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Feeling a lot better since my last post. Refocusing back on training, as well as therapy. A week’s rest probably did good stuff for me anyways.
As a side note: I was feeling kind of bummed this afternoon so hubby let me play in his hair, since I’m obsessed with hair care stuff and what not.
I washed his hair, let it air dry, brushed it, and applied a bunch of leave-ins. Here are the results:
Long hair gains? Yes. Very much yes. Lol
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WOW!!! Why did I think he had dreds?
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Lol. He’s been contemplating them for a while though. I keep trying to remind him that they’re permanent. If he changes his mind he’s gonna have to cut all of it off.
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I’m sorry to hear that 
Keep that head up of yours! You are wise to be straight up with the doctor–they have all see worse and just want to care for you with all the facts they can get to help make a good treatment plan.
I’ve had moments in my life where I have only been able to tell myself to only focus on 4 hours at a time. Thinking about the next day, the evening, or whatever, making me too anxious and shutting me down a bit from being depressed, or whatever misc situation. If I could make it through those 4 hours, then I’ll work on the next 4 when they come. I too have done the sleep then eat situation–and it sucks but some times its better then other things I’d be doing if I was not sleeping!
I don’t want to drag you back to the bad feelings of next week! I hope the heal up time continues! You are a very strong and your ability to work on yourself with yourself so honestly it is not something a lot of people can do. Keep it up! Hopefully you will read your log in the future and it will be a note from a nightmare and NOT current events.
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LOG #483-485
All lifts have gone up in weight. OHP is up from 90-100 to 115lbs. I can’t keep that weight for a full 100 reps, but the first 4x10 is good, and then I back down to 100lbs. Deads have gone up from 185 to 205 for a full 100reps. Squat has gone up from 200-225 to 235. Again, I can’t keep 235 for a full 100, but the first 50 reps are solid, and then back down to 200-225lbs. I’ve been mostly focusing on OHP, because bench has been irritating a certain spot in my shoulders. I haven’t totally thrown it out of training, but I’ll rotate it back in every other week, 2x a week, while also not focusing on progression just completion of reps under less and less time, and keeping form as moderate as possible.
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How you doing now cyber?
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Much MUCH much better. Thanks for asking 
Ran the course with the antibiotics, due for a check up next month. Gastrointestinal issues have calmed down tremendously.
As far as therapy is concerned, the last few sessions were really good.
But the time off has allowed me to realize that I’m still relying very heavily on “safe foods”. So this week I’ve been going back and forth with my therapist and dietician on teaching myself that, In reality there are no “safe foods”. There’s just food. I mentioned somewhere earlier in my log about practicing being not so emotionally attached when I eat, and this is something that definitely fits into that approach.
Which has been…difficult, but doable.
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