Enter Planet Cybertron

Apologies for the late response, but no need for apologies (from your side). I’m doing much better though. I just appreciate you talking to me. Even if bad feelings are there (sometimes they are, sometimes they aren’t), rarely are they the only feelings present. For me, at least.

I think your 4 hour technique is a great self-help tactic.

One self-help practice that I’ve started to do is I like to visualize a stack of cards, that represent most if not all of the emotions/feelings that I’m able to pinpoint at any given time, both positive and negative. In my head, I take the stack, and deal out the cards. Seeing which ones are positive, and which are negative. And then I’ll put all the positive at the top, and then negative at the bottom. Which I represent as me focusing on the positive, but also not ignoring the very real negative feelings that I’m feeling. I call it prioritization, but that concept has many other names. That’s not to say the negative cards aren’t in the deck. They’ll most likely always be in the deck. Then I visualize myself shuffling the cards, which represents me acknowledging that I’m feeling what I’m feeling without acting upon those feelings right at that moment. This gives me time to rationalize for an appropriate amount of time, but not too much.

That probably sounds weird to you, but I find it helps quite a bit. Granted I’ve kinda always been optimistic about the future, but that’s not to say I don’t straight up freak out sometimes about it lol.

I didn’t particularly mind sleeping through most of those days, but it definitely wasn’t something I’d say would be “ideal” for me. At least concerning dealing with processing day to day emotional stuff and stress. I do like napping though, but that’s strictly a hobby lol :yum:

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That doesn’t sound strange at all! It sounds like a very practical way of “prioritizing” stuff that can have a lot of emotion wrapped around it. Its so cool individual everyone is! You thought in ways I’d never consider! Very cool!

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LOG # 486-487

Both workouts just didn’t feel good. Super tired, felt gassed out too soon. But I tried to finish as much as I could. Today’s Monday so I’ve got a good layout starting at the beginning of the week

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LOG # 488

This week was emotionally charged. I was completely upset and angry for the entirety of this week.

Earlier this week, I Ended up accidentally throwing away our anniversary tickets to Excision. (We have since repurchased then, but I felt really bad about it and eventually turned it into a means of beating myself up.)

I was a bit deficient in vitamin D some years ago, but since recovery, the relapse has really exacerbated the deficiency, and all this week my hair has been coming out in my hands in clumps. Its not extremely noticeable in the front or back but the sides near my ears are losing volume rather quickly.
My hair has always been one of my outlets in terms of expression, and I’m also very big on all things hair care, but it’s really upsetting me because I’ve dedicated years to growing my hair out. It’s nearly to my thighs in terms of length, and just this week alone I’ve had cut nearly half a foot to even out the hemline of my hair from all the excessive shedding.

And lastly, the change in weather has sparked my allergies something fierce, which in turn has triggered my asthma. It’s been two days and I’m still having difficulty getting my asthma under control, which also prompted me to get upset and frustrated not only with my family, but the doctor as well. The intense flare ups have since calmed down tremendously, however I now have to carry two inhalers with me for the majority of the day. Could be worse. So there’s that.

I feel bad for even getting this upset and staying this upset for probably the longest I’ve ever remembered, but I feel absolutely shitty concerning how I haven’t stepped foot in the gym, all but ONE DAY.

I really despise getting to this level of letting my anger get the better of me, along with me beating myself up when my body showcases something it’s trying to recover from, with or without symptoms.

*deep inhale

BUT. next week is spring break. I have no classes, nor work, so I’m determined to GET👏MY👏SHIT👏TOGETHER👏. If I must cry a bit, so be it. But I’m getting over this as best as I can.

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Hope next week is awesome for you!

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Crying is ok. Crying doesn’t hurt anyone.

Have an awesome week.

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Update: feeling a lot better today. Monday and Tuesday wasn’t the best, but I’m not gonna beat myself up about it. I’ve been having issues with my father, that just kind of blew up these last two days, on top of everything that I was dealing with last week.

I told my therapist that I was upset that I feel like I’m not implementing these coping strategies efficiently enough, because sometimes I just don’t think to do them, or I just straight up choose not to do them. But she told me something that really helped me get out of my own head.

She said: “Mearra (that’s my name), imagine your former self looking at yourself now. Your former self would’ve been reveling in the fact that these coping strategies weren’t working. The fact that you’re upset that you feel like you could be implementing these strategies better, speaks a lot more loudly of your progress than you give yourself credit for.”

And just like that, I realized I need to give myself a pat on the back for just moving forward. All other things aside, I cant deny myself a “job well done” because I felt like it could’ve been done better. I got through it. I got it done. Job well done, to myself. End of story.

So I had a really good therapy session. To say the least.

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It’s ok to not be perfect. Try for perfect and accept that sometimes you’ll miss.

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It looks like the artist we were going to see has rescheduled the Evolution tour. In the mean time they posted this on their twitter page, and I couldn’t help but laugh

Joke explanation:
The artist’s name is Excision (my absolute favorite EDM artist), before beginning the concert he will usually say, “Throw your X up!”, so everyone can get hyped up. So instead of shaking hands we have been advised to throw our X’s up instead lol.

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Haven’t updated In a while. But since my therapist has put herself on lockdown, we’ve had to talk via webcam, which is really not my preferred method, but I’ve been doing the best with what is available. At least we’re both okay.

The whole self-isolation aspect of this thing never really bothered me to begin with, since I was “self-isolating” years before this virus broke out, and I much prefer to be at home anyways.

But concerning self-help tactics, half of what proved beneficial to me involves me being outside to some degree. In my area of town we’re still allowed out during the day, but our curfews are slowly creeping up more and more. At first we all had to be in by midnight, then 11pm, and now 10pm. Aside from people whose jobs are a requirement, we’re not really supposed to be outside after the sun goes down. Which doesn’t bother me, but I’m more than certain the curfews will eventually eat into the day time. Might be a while before it happens, but it eventually might.

I’ve taken a leave of absence from my job because I just can’t deal with the panic any longer. From the customers and from my coworkers. It’s not that I begin to panic from being around others panicking, but that it slowly irritates me, because there are worst things that could be happening. I’m just thankful to be able to clock in and receive a pay check, whilst there’s other people across the country who have lost their jobs.

So when I see my coworkers freaking out, or when a couple of them freak out because I hug one of my very close friends when I get to work everyday, It just irritates me, and makes me want to tell them to either shut up or go home, because no ones forcing them to be there.

Training wise I’ve just been making due with my dumbbells and a kettlebell. Plenty of things I can do in a variety of ways. But other than that I just wanna be at home with my husband. This virus is bringing out the worst in people I used to think were pretty level headed.

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How you coping with the isolation cyber?

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To be honest, nothing much has changed. My husband and I are pretty much hermits/anti-social folks when we’re together. Even before this whole thing blew up, we spent/spend most of our time together locked away In our studio apartment. Aside from two very good friends of ours that occasionally come to visit, and family visits, we keep to ourselves.

I do like doing things by myself for mental health reasons, and I have found it to be a bit of an inconvenience, but it’s not awful by any means.

My husband will do whatever so long as I’m right there with him, so we can essentially read books, play video games, go on walks, or even just sleep in all day. So long as we do it together.

Overall I quite like the “just us two” time. But I think I’ve always leaned towards that behavior. Plus everyone at my job is slowly panicking more and more each day, and I just don’t like being around that type of energy. But as of late I’ve enjoyed staying home a heck of a lot more. Seeing all the fear and panic in everyone’s eyes just really gets to me. I’d much rather see the happiness in my husband’s eyes when I come home, and be greeted with a big hug.

But aside from that I’m doing okay. How about yourself?

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Update:

At least concerning training and weight. I’ve ran a lot of rep and set schemes, and have exhausted quite a few programs. Definitely not all of them, but enough to where I’m seeking something different.

Hubby and I chipped in and bought some mountain bikes, and we’ve been hitting up various trails across Houston and northern counties. Really can’t figure out what took us so long to start doing this. It’s freaking amazing though. Since I’m currently on leave from my job, I’ve really enjoyed going out and just biking, since I don’t really enjoy many other forms of cardio/conditioning aside from swimming (and all pools are currently closed).

Weight has stabilized around 180 and hasn’t budged in months. But I’ve noticed some fat loss here and there, so I’m not complaining. I’m starting to suspect if I wish to see some surprising changes for this Challenge I’m going to have to be a lot more serious about conditioning. As much as I think I don’t need it, I’m more than likely one of those individuals who responds well to it. Just have to be consistent as all.

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Bazinga. You solved your own conundrum :slight_smile:

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Cardio/condioning gets a bad wrap–its not necessarily thrilling for the first 15 minutes, but MAN do you feel good after!! Endorphin release form cardio is wonderful!

I think since you seem to like volume in your lifting, you will dig the conditioning you get into once you find the source that fits your taste.

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“Runners High” I think you get it to a lesser extent from lifting which is why I am in such a better mood afterwards.

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Good news guys!

I submitted a paper to my University concerning mental health research/therapy practices. I highlighted what I thought was a very key aspect concerning the specific field of study I’m in, and I asked my professor to kind of oversee my work and contribute in any way she felt would be beneficial.

She does have her PhD in a different field, but she handed off my paper to a committee at my university and I’m hoping a final draft could be submitted into a larger body of work and published!!!

EXTREMELY EXCITED!!!

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Cute new guy!

He currently lives with me and hubby. About 10 weeks old. Very curious and playful, and surprisingly cuddly.

His name is Neptune. We will be getting him another friend shortly.


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So it’s been quite rough as of late. I don’t wish to dispel any details, but I pulled through and finished the challenge. Not much has changed I’m terms of my training, I have incorporated some conditioning work in the form of jump rope. Once in the morning and once at night for 15 mins.

I’m currently just pushing forward. Most of my focus is just on training, and continuing to look after my mental health. I’ve been living with my mom for a bit. She’s been wonderful for support.

Excited for next years challenge. I wasn’t as nervous to post a picture as I previously have been. I think I look pretty decent for now. I’m quite solid, concerning physique, but there’s always room for improvement.

Glad to be back :blush:

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