Blonde Jokes

A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, “Hey! Wanna hear a blonde joke?” The bar immediately becomes absolutely quiet. In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, “Before you tell that joke, you should know something. The BARTENDER is blond, the BOUNCER is blonde and I’m a 6’ tall, 200 lb., blond with a black belt in karate. The guy sitting next to me is 6’2,” weighs 225 and he’s a rugby player," he continues, “The fella to your right is 6’5” and pushing 300 and he’s a wrestler. Each one of us is blond. Think about it, Mister. You still wanna tell that joke?" The blind guy says, “Nah, not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times.”

Um, I don’t get it!

My man, Bodz! Good call, baby. Way to throw your fellow T-men a new bone. Keep up the great posts, big guy.

A blonde woman walks into a hair salon for service, wearing a walkman. After being called upon, the hair stylist asks her to remove the headphones from her ears so that she may cut her hair properly. The blonde woman refuses, telling the stylist to work her way around the headphones. After struggling for what seemed like hours, the hair stylist grabs the headphones off the blonde’s head in frustration and lays them on the counter. The blonde starts going into what seems like seizure attacks, eventually falling to the ground, purple and dead! As the police were taking reports, a detective says to the other, “Hey Mike, you’re not gonna fucking believe this!” Detective Mike takes the headphones from his partner and listens incredulously as he hears a tape play the words…‘Breath in, breath out. Breath in, breath out’ over and over again! :slight_smile:

Timbo, thanks. Maclar…good one. You guys will appreciate this one. It isn’t the joke so much as what “really” happened. I was training a bleached blonde client one day and was telling her a simple blonde joke. “How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?..You wave to her!” …Well, after I told this joke, a dishwater blonde working out next to us, said, “I don’t get it”. My client, myself and a guy who was working out nearby, just stopped what we were doing and looked her way, looked back at each other and smiled. I told the joke again and she said she still didn’t get it. I then proceeded to actually move my arm around as if I were in the tree. She looked at me with a blank look and after about 20-30 seconds, said, “Oh, I get it now”. No smile, no laugh…heck no brain waves in that one. All of us just looked at each other with that “scarey” look. I know she still didn’t get it, but she was too embarassed to say. Man, I had more fun telling that “real joke” for months.

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, “Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can’t figure out how to get it started.” Her boyfriend asks, “What is it supposed to be when it’s finished?” The blonde says, “According to the picture on the box, it’s a tiger.” Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, “first of all, no matter what we do, we’re not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger.” “Second, I’d advise you to relax. Let’s have a cup of coffee, then put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box.”