Blatantly Sexist Jokes

Off Topic
1

List your sexist jokes here, be they about men or women.

I’ll start you off with one I heard today.

The Husband Store …

A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City , where a
woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the
entrance is a description of how the store operates.

You may visit the store ONLY ONCE !
You may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the Building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband . .

On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men have jobs and love the Lord.

The second floor sign reads:

Floor 2 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.

The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are
extremely good looking.

“Wow,” she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:

Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop- dead
good looking and help with the housework.

“Oh, mercy me!” she exclaims, “I can hardly stand it!”
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads:

Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop- dead
gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign
reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor 4,363,012 to this floor. There are no men on
this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible
to please.

Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step as you
exit the building, and have a nice day!

2

What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?

Nuthin’, you already told the bitch twice!

(do I need to add that REAL violence against women makes me sick?)

3

Why is a wedding gown white?

So the “dishwasher” matches the stove!

4

What food makes a woman lose interest in sex?

Wedding cake!

5

[quote]derek wrote:
Why is a wedding gown white?

So the “dishwasher” matches the stove![/quote]

HA!

6

Why was Helen Keller such a bad driver?

7

[quote]lucasa wrote:
Why was Helen Keller such a bad driver?[/quote]

She was a woman.

8

I don’t want to laugh, but damn this shit is funny.

9

Why do women have smaller feet than men?

So they can stand closer to the stove.

10

10 Things Not To Tell Your Boyfriend

  1. Oh come on! Who’s gonna find out?

  2. Well, your brother likes it this way.

  3. Eeewww! Put that back in your shorts!

  4. Dare to compare?

  5. Can you go to the store and get me some tampons?

  6. Is it supposed to bend that way?

  7. Can I twist your wiener into a poodle?

  8. Just go away I can finish myself!

  9. I’m pregnant. . . . Ha just kidding!

  10. Is it in yet?

11

What do you call the skin around a vagina?

A Woman.

12

Why did they send women with PMS to the Gulf War?

Because they fought like animals and retained enough water to last three days.

13

[quote]jbodzin wrote:
What do you call the skin around a vagina?

A Woman.[/quote]

LMAO

14

Why does it take women longer to get off then men?

Who cares?

15

[quote]jbodzin wrote:
What do you call the skin around a vagina?

A Woman.[/quote]

I heard it as “What do you call the useless skin around a vagina.”

Here are a few others:

Q: Why don’t women blink during foreplay?
A: They don’t have time.

Q: What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A: A widow.

And one of my faves:

Man says to God: “God, why did you make woman so beautiful?” God says: “So you would love her.”

“But God,” the man says, “why did you make her so dumb?” God says: “So she would love you”

16

WOMAN ON FISHING BOAT

One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap.

Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads her book.

Along comes a game warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, “Good morning Ma’am. What are you doing?”

“Reading a book,” she replies, (thinking, “Isn’t that obvious?”)

“You’re in a restricted fishing area,” he informs her.

“I’m sorry officer, but I’m not fishing, I’m reading.”

“Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I’ll have to take you in and write you up.”

“If you do that, I’ll have to charge you with sexual assault,” says the woman.

“But I haven’t even touched you,” says the game warden.

“That’s true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment”

“Have a nice day ma’am”, and he left.

MORAL:

NEVER argue with a woman who reads.

It’s likely she can also THINK.

17

WHAT’S STRONG ENOUGH FOR A MAN …BUT MADE FOR A WOMAN???

!!!THE BACK OF MY HAND!!!

18

Why did the woman cross the road?

Better question is…Who gave the Bitch shoes and let her out of the house?

Why don’t you buy your wife a watch for a gift?

Because there is a fucking clock on the stove!!! Biatch!!!

19

Whats the difference between a 360 degree backflip with a twist and Pamela Anderson?

Well, ones a cunning stunt and the others a …

if you need help just ask, lol.

20

[quote]jbodzin wrote:
Whats the difference between a 360 degree backflip with a twist and Pamela Anderson?

Well, ones a cunning stunt and the others a …

if you need help just ask, lol.[/quote]

Pamela before or after the Hep C?

BTW, can’t. . .stop. . .staring. . .at. . .your
. . .avitar. . .funny.