No stress smoking. Only stress exercise =D
Really, you don’t want to put your body through that. You work so hard to take care of your body on the outside, screwing it up from the inside out isn’t going to make you feel any better.
I heard snus was good for helping when quitting smoking.
Yay new Gym.
Boo stress.
Glad you are getting the thyroid checked out. More cardio for the WIN. Stress brings out the urge to smoke or punch walls. Punching walls is healthier. NO SMOKING.
Warning: I’m about to lay some wisdom on you. Sorry it’s so long.
Just to let you know that EVERY mom gets overwhelmed. I frequently hide from my kids. And they sometimes make me LOOSE it. I mean act like a raving lunatic. Give yourself a break. They are pretty resilient and you’ve been through so much.
Having to cope with Julia’s medical stuff on your own was SOO hard. When my daughter got sick, I couldn’t sleep. Couldn’t think about anything else. Last thing on my mind every night, first thing I was thinking about every morning. I developed a anxiety disorder. No joke. It was like I was one of Pavlov’s dogs. I learned to fear her Dr. visits because I got some really bad news there, on the regular. I had to pull over in the car a couple of times, or actually couldn’t get there because I was too busy breathing into a paper bag. I’d get so nervous before taking her to the Dr. that I’d sometimes throw up. We went through a time of trying to figure out what was going on with her and “ruling out” a list of things that were fatal. It was very hard to have to wait for lab test to know if she had something that was going to take her life. That kind of stress is hard for people to understand, if they haven’t experienced it. Having a sick child is so hard. The year of her diagnosis is like a blur now. Hands down the hardest year of my life.
And you had your husband in a war zone and you had to deal with being a single mom on top of that. You COULDN’T cope with it when she was going through that because you HAD to hold it together. And you did it! And stopped smoking and stuck with your diet and training, too. That is just amazing. Some of what you are going through now is just your normal responses…on a delay. OK, I’ll stop with that now. Hang in and don’t be hard on yourself. You’ll all come through stronger and better for it. This stuff defines us. It gives us strength of character and empathy. It makes us grow. Growth always sucks, but it makes us more beautiful in the end. Have faith. That’s where this is headed.
Hang in there.
You are stronger/tougher then you think.
The good side of being stressed to the edge is learning that you can handle a lot more then you thought.
Puff sums it up well.
Once again, thank you all…
and I gotta hand it to ya pPuff lady…that was very well put. And I thank you for sharing your story.
Your little girl is very lucky to have you as her Mommy…although I’m sure you didn’t feel like that at the time??
I wasn’t prepared for this.
Ct- well maybe we’re all born with some crazah in us. Maybe it just takes a lot of stress to crack. And now I’m cracking. Sorry if I ever made fun of you…it was all in good nature.
2busy- ain’t that the truth?! Thanks. Though I didn’t feel very strong…I didn’t really feel anything. I felt like hiding under a rock, thats about it! 
HaNG
And no, I haven’t smoked. But something to take this edge off would be great. Which is why I was leaning towards the patches, just for now. Even though it’s probably just as dumb.
But I don’t even have an appt yet with a counselor. And who even knows if I need meds? Maybe just someone to talk to.
And my lab results for my thyroid won’t come back for another week.
So I’m kinda in limbo…
I made a clean break from the gym. No more training. What a relief!!
It makes sense now, looking back why I dreaded so much leaving my house to go there. I’ve been dealing with this issue I didn’t really know I had almost ever since the hubby left last June. Its all coming out now.
The truth is, is that I’m a loner.
It’s how I grew up and how my Mom raised me. I was always held at a distance. I watched tv in my room. I was served breakfast, lunch and dinner in my room. We never did family stuff. She always took off on the weekends to do errands or small overnight trips and would just leave me money to fend for myself. The only time I got attention was when I was in trouble. And I was always in trouble 
Oh and have I mentioned she was married/divorced 4 times by the time I was 14? With various boyfriends in between. We were never in a house or an apartment longer than 2 years. One year I switched schools 3 different times.
My Mom finally had enough and one morning when I was 16, I woke to find a note with a one way plane ticket to my Dad’s house. wtf
I hardly know the guy and was sent to go live with him. Which is how I ended up graduating early and running off to the military and haven’t looked back.
OMG, I sound like a crazy person!!
;0
And now the cliff notes of my life story. your turn! haha
Want a hug?
You don’t sound crazy (at all) but you do sound overwhelmed. Too many stresses, too many changes, too much uncertainty, too much history. Don’t feel weak. It is to be expected.
My wife really struggled when we had our kids. They were quite close in age (15 months) and the first few years were hard on her. She went back to work after each and that made it worse. Of course, her stress and depression added to my stress which made for some trying times.
I get the sense that having an impartial third party (a counsellor) to talk to would be a big help. I would encourage that approach first. It can be liberating to have someone just listen without getting all wound up and trying “fix” the situation (like husbands want to).
Medication for depression and/or anxiety to break the cycle may be part of the solution but I wouldn’t start there or use it as the only response. My wife went that route and it is now a permanent part of her life. It can be a hard habit to break.
yes, I lub hugs!
Git- thank you. I think just having someone to talk to would be great. I may potentially have other unresolved issues stemming from growing up and all that junk.
I really don’t want to go the medicine route because of some of what you described. I also have an all or nothing type personality. 99% of me is sure I would get hooked on feeling that ‘high’ every day and needing pills just to get through or else…I know that feeling too well.
I didn’t make it to the gym but I went out for a jog/walk…
I walked a lap, jogged a lap. I jogged for 5 min, 3x!!
I spose next time, I’ll just extend the 5 minutes…I think 4 times around this block is a mile.
I have plenty of issues to discuss from childhood on.
Let alone the issues of my divorce.
Vent away lady, you have friends who will listen and support you.
Hugs are good, btw
[quote]mom-in-MD wrote:
And no, I haven’t smoked. But something to take this edge off would be great…
[/quote]
Maybe you need lots of teh secks lol… No but seriously that’s good at relaxing
[quote]
OMG, I sound like a crazy person!!
;0
And now the cliff notes of my life story. your turn! haha[/quote]
you don’t sound like a crazy person at all. Not everyone has the story book style life growing up but that doesnt mean you’ll turn out bad. I had a pretty similar upbringing to you and just cause things were messed up when your a kid, that doesn’t make you who you are today MiM
Hang in there
Good Grief. I can picture that quiet little girl being left home alone. And look how you turned out. Longterm marriage. Two beautiful kids. Navigating these long military deployments on your own. Taking charge of your health and training hard. Encouraging the rest of us to do the same. Gorgeous inside and out. That’s a great story, Mims. You should be so proud. Wish I could come be Aunt Puff and take your kids for a couple of days. Big hugs.
[quote]Powerpuff wrote:
Good Grief. I can picture that quiet little girl being left home alone. And look how you turned out. Longterm marriage. Two beautiful kids. Navigating these long military deployments on your own. Taking charge of your health and training hard. Encouraging the rest of us to do the same. Gorgeous inside and out. That’s a great story, Mims. You should be so proud…
[/quote]
You should wrote a book MiM!!! That would be a great inspirational story
I’m a loner too, though that’s pretty much because I was an only child and had to entertain myself for much of the time. I’m perfectly happy in my own company and I find having people around constantly to be draining. I need my space.
However, I did not have to deal with the crap you did growing up. My upbringing was pretty damned good. My hat’s off to you for dealing with everything as well as you have. You’re a bloody tough woman, mentally as well as physically.
I would definitley recommend you stay away from meds if you can avoid them. They don’t always work as intended and are murder to come off. Counselling may help but to me it just sounds as though you need some means to off-load the kids for a few hours each week so you can take care of your own needs. If you can find a way to do that, I don’t doubt it’d help.
Dude no worries I was teasing.its all love
I don’t think you need any meds at all. You just need to vent. That is completely understanable considering all you’ve been through.
As far as what to do…id suggest looking into NAMI for some support. I always found it helpful to be able to go to a support group every now and then…you can let loose in a meeting with real people who are struggling with similar issues…relate to them and not a doctor who will just run you in circles.
Not saying a therapist isn’t a good option but I use my doc as a supplement to the NAMI stuff
And not the other way around.
As someone who has been put on every med and combo of meds I can say that your situation will only be harmed by chemical therapy.
Big hug.
I love your run/walk! Joining with veggie, I vote for more cardio and keep the eats the same.
Stay true to what keeps you sane. It is those things that will get you through all the other “noise” in your life.
You’ve been through a CRAP TON so it’s OK to have those moments, days, etc. Just keep plugging forward.
Can I get a hug…and have you ever heard of snus?