I have been training for quite some time now, and have maintained a very clean strict diet. I occasionaly have planned cheat meals, and I always make sure to involve family with them. Lately I have been feeling the loneliness one gets when they are eating for a purpose. And I am wondering how you people deal with this issue. I mean I love to train, and actually have to tell myself that enough is enough from time to time, but what I find it hard to deal with is how to get people to understand and respect this chosen lifestyle, this is the case especially with family. I feel that they see my eating habits as a fault instead of a improvement of health. I guess this may stem from some underlying envy, since every one in myfamily is very obese, and I stick out like a sore thumb when I am with them. Also another thing that I have been finiding it hard to do is go out and eat and enjoy the social ritual involved in it, this is the case because to be honest with you there is only a 1/2 handful of resteraunts which I feel cumfortable eating at, and most of the time people would rather eat a burrito, or some pizza. Any how I am coping with this just fine, but was wondering if there were ways you guys go about approaching situations like the ones I stated, especially in regards to family, as I feel that the bond with them is more important than having a great set of abs, but at the same time I do not want to sacrifice my goals because they want to choose to live an “unhealthy” lifestyle. Any comments are greatly appreciated, also if there is anyone else out there who also experiencing this, feel free to share your situation, I will be more than happy to reply and share tips on how I deal with it. I think that this is an important area to cover as many of bodybuilders are affected here.
I know what you mean. I used to be a vegetarian back in the early 80s. Not hardcore, I was an ovo-lacto vegetarian. Still my diet was radically different from my family’s. They seemed more concerned about me having enough to eat than the fact that I ate “weird”. However, I was patient to explain to them why I was a vegetarian, and they were respectful of my food choice. Now that I am eating more in the T man style, I find that I can still pick around the food pretty easily, and just eat smaller portions of the bad stuff. It doesn’t seem to affect my overall diet. I think going off the diet one or two meals a week is not going to do much in the way of damage. Particularly if you eat the bad stuff in moderation. Your instinct is right on that family and friends are extremely important, and are perhaps worthy of some compromise. If you are with them all the time, you will need to be more firm about your eating habits. Sensitive, but firm.
you shouldnt have to sacrifice your goals for thier pleasure. they should respect you for your dedication and desire. you shouldnt feel bad about wanting to better yourself. it is up to them to adapt to your habits and respect you for who you are. as you stated it is probably 95% envy. as far as the going out thing, thats the price you have to pay when your bodybuilding.
It’s reasonable to assume that everyone on the forum knows where you’re coming from, Janderstein. Challenges pop up whether you’re visiting family (i.e. home from univerity on break), or living with them. Family can chime in with that little voice that says “just one won’t hurt…”
“…in regards to family, as I feel that the bond with them is more important than having a great set of abs…” Eating junk won’t build a better bond with your family. Sharing time together builds that bond. If that time comes around the breakfast or dinner table for them, fine–eat “your” food, and enjoy the family time.
I know what you mean. I am the only person that I know that eats like I do(6 meals, good fats,etc.). As for my family, they just got used to it. When I would go over to my grandma’s house when cutting, she would get offended when I didn’t eat her cooking. After a while she just expected me to eat like that and it doesn’t seem to bother her anymore. My parents still try to tempt me but they know I will say no. The only time I eat bad for more that 1 or 2 days is on vacations. It is just too hard to eat clean while on a weeks vacation. I wouldn’t sweat it too much.
Hey, I am in a disagrement here w/ the rest of the gang here. Hey, if you want to splurg a little once in awhile whats the problem. I see that there is none as long as you get back on track. Hell, I’ve learn you only live once and you should enjoy the finer things in life once in a while.
janderstein - Hey bro, I feel the same way. It’s hard man. I am young, 24, and my family and especially my friends don’t understand the lifestyle that I have chosen or why. I certainly don’t recieve any constructive remarks or positive reinforcement. For example, My mother is always making bake goods and trying to shove them in my face, My dad wants to bond over beers and My friends are always wanting to go out and party. Don’t get me wrong I do still have a social life but I’m always the DD and it effects my sleeping patterns. Now my family isn’t obese or overweight they are active and value fitness, they just think that i take it to an extreme and am obsessive and inturn they think it can be destructive. This year I have become more knowledgable, dedicated, and I’ve made great gains but at the same time I feel that I’m being pulled down even harder. AS a result I have to keep my goals in mind and seem somewhat cold. I constantly replay lyrics from drowning pools song “I don’t care about anyone” in my head to keep me on track. Check it out man, it makes a great workout tune and gets you pumped and focused on you. The thing is, this all just doesn’t end when I reach my goals b/c i’ll just set new ones. This is a lifestyle and I’m in it for the long haul. My educational background and future profession is geared toward this lifestyle, which you would think would make them understand a little more but…it don’t. When it comes down to it your family and mine just don’t understand what it takes to reach our goals. Good Luck bro. Jacked
quantum - good points man. Your 100% right.
Now this is diffrent if your competing or an athlete. But if your not doing that go ahead and eat at your favorite resaurant. heck I try to eat in the NYC and find the best resturant in NYC once a month not every weekend just once a month.
Thank you guys for the reassurance, I currently live with my father, and have no problem turning down ice cream, and chicken alfredo on a nightly basis, he understande and is very respectful, my mother also understands and it is nice that we are able to go out to places and enjoy clean food, like yesterday we found a mexican resteraunt that served whole wheat tortillas, black beans, grilled veggies and boiled prawns in there burritos. This was a very enjoyable moment, as my mom and I were able to enjoy the dining experience together. AS far as my extended family goes, it may be jealousy, because I am succeedingin an area where they have all failed. I do deviate from my diet every now and then, but it is rare, as I love my food and the way it makes me feel and look. I base my “cheat” meals on special occasions with special people. This really helps to break up the monotiny that can come from eating the same thing, although I would like to add that there is not a meal I eat, which I do not love and find myslef completeley satisfied with. Oh yeah to the writer from cali, where are you from? I am from the good o’l town of Santa Rosa.
Someone (sorry, can’t remember who) has the tag: “Obsession - The word the weak use to describe the committed” I love that line and have used it often since reading it.
You are in a very large boat my friend and a crowded one at that. Luckily it’s full of your T-Brethren.
“There’s a difference between interest and commitment. When you’re interested in doing something, you do it only when circumstance permit. When you’re committed to something, you accept no excuses, only results”
~ Art Turock
I am glad you guys are giving such great feedback, and I cant say that I do not care what my family thinks, because I do, but I will just have to try harder to get them to understand. As far as splurging, for me the balance in my eating habits are like I mentioned before, as I see there is a time and place for that, and as long as I am in complete control of it, everything is okay. It is funny too, because I am going to go vacationing here in two days, and I will be visitin my brother, I havent planned to cheat, as I was going to save it for easter with the family, but who knows what will happen. It wont be hard not to cheat, cause my brother is just like myself, and eats all the same foods, except he likes brown rice, I like yams, and he opts for all natural PB, while I go for the cashew butter, but we are close:) Another thing that helps me in this lifelong quest is the fact that I have been on the other end of the spectrum, where I did not like my appearance, and now that I basically am in love with my body, and have worked so hard to get to where I am at, I will be damned if I go and lose it too please others.
Make your restaurant meals be your cheat meal or your carb refeeds.
Order appetizers, salads, small portions. I like salads because I don’t make a lot of salads at home. When I go to restaurants, I like to eat things I can’t cook at home.
Breakfast-any time-places are good, for omelettes, etc.
You have to be able to socialize with your friends sometimes. You have to have a little balance, unless you are actually a competetive bodybuilder training for a contest on a specific date.
Janderstein
I just read your original post again and you seem to have your head on straight. Your photos are impressive, by the way. It looks like you have a good handle on your diet.
Even though this diet thing is sort of new to me, things are definitly changing. I or my mom always cook/s differnt foods at different time for me. When i go out with my friends it’s like they are always eating and going “how can you eat that shit.” My dad is always like that chicken looks like shoe leather. I find myself tempted to bing all the time, but i don’t heh. I save my cheat meal for a friday night with the boys or sunday dinner with the fam. It’s okay dude keep up the good work and keep the bond with the fam, that’s defintly important. As for friends im sure they don’t mind and are probally jelous (i have seen those guns and abs). Just relax and take it easy.
I know exactly how you feel, sometimes it really bothers me how can they it all that crap they eat, and strange thing is, that I used to eat it too. Imagine my position, a 17 year old, cooking all my meals and rejecting it all outside my plan/menu, explaining my family members (90% are overweight) why I eat this and why I don’t eat that. They usually have a barbecue or a pasta-party once or twice a month, and the funny part is that when I plan a refeed or a cheat meal with them they start telling me “Oh weren’t you on a diet”? “Why are you eating this? You told me a few days ago that is bad”? The cheating part is easy for them to understand, but when it comes to refeeds…:(.
One last thing that happened to me a couple of days ago, while I was measuring my portions and weights, my mom asked me how long was I going to diet? how much more do you need to lose? I had to told her that I have been eating twice as much since 2 weeks ago. I can’t get them to realize that dieting applies for both losing fat and gaining muscle, can’t you just eat less when you want to lose weight and “eat more” when you want to gain some. Long boring story no? My bad.
If it were that simple…
My goal right now is to pack on some serious mass for 4-6 weeks (right now 178 and 9%) and then cut for a few weeks, before I move to Miami next June.
P.S. “Obsessed is the word that you people use to describe the dedicated”
This is my edited version that I tell to lazy people. It really hits them inside.
Why don’t you take one cheat meal/day and eat things w/ your family if it’s that important to you? I believe that the SOCIAL aspect of eating should not be completely ignored. Although T-men/vixens consider food to be fuel, most people consider it to be a source of comfort, social interactions, etc.
I eat out at least once a week with my coworkers and managers. There’s no way I’m going to turn it down since networking is VERY important at work. However, I’m not going to binge either. So I order a nice salad (no dressing, no cheese, no croutons, no bacon) and 8oz filet mignon and eat the steak not the mashed potatoes, etc. And I skip the dessert (except when I’m REALLY REALLY CRAVING vanilla ice cream, in which case I just order a big cobb salad and a cup of broth-based soup to compensate). My coworkers think that I’m a very picky eater and make fun of me being “high maintenance”. And we just joke about it cuz I don’t make it a big deal about my diet. I just tell them I’m a picky eater.
So relax, enjoy, and don’t take it too seriously (or at least, dont’ let people who wont’ understand your motivation and dedication know that you’re very serious about the diet), and enjoy.
Let me give you a little diffrent prespective. I’m married, with two kids. My wife workouts as hard, or harder than me. She is supportive of my habits because she has the same habits. Find a great woman who works out, live with her, and you won’t give a crap how your family eats, unless they want your advise. It seems like a big deal now, it won’t be later in life as long as you choose the right mate; if not your screwed!
In Sport and Exercise Psychology circles, burnout can be defined as an exhaustive psychophysiological response exhibited as a result of frequent, sometimes extreme, and generally ineffective efforts to meet excessive training and competitive demands. Burnout involves a psychological, emotional, and sometimes physical withdrawl from a formerly enjoyable activity in response to excessive stress or dissatisfaction over time.
J-Dog, you and I are tight, my man, and I really hope that your use of the word burnout was in no way related to the above definition and characteristics. Should it be true, we need to address it immediately, as this is a state that is usually irreversible and results in complete withdrawl from the activity and lifestyle.
That said, to the best of my knowledge, J-Dog, you’ve got a solid focus, you’re positive-minded and goal-oriented, and you exhibit unstoppable confidence.
As far as the family situation goes, the acceptance factor is not something that happens overnight. However, when you are able to put into words and support why you do exactly what you do, then you will quickly turn heads. Soon thereafter, you will be approached by these same family members and friends, who will be requesting your advice for the same purpose.
However, if you are unable to talk things over and are not patient enough to withstand the criticism and questioning, then you will not appear confident in your methods. This will ultimately show a weak link in your armor and will likely result in future unacceptance. I personally make it a point to influence the lives of those around me by sharing nutritional advice and guidance. Sure, it gets frustrating when this goes to the wayside, but I know that in my persistence the message will get through to some. And, if I can influence the lives of just a few that will be very rewarding.
Now, I also see another issue developing that I feel necessary to hit on quickly. J-Dog, you mentioned feelings of lonliness. Well, this lifestyle pretty much revolves around one person at all times: YOU. This is quite unfortunate because I really don’t see how one can be successful and happy in life–well, one can surely be successful–without establishing a social network and going out with friends.
I offer this advice from personal experience. Isolation will definitely not provide the happiness and experiences that a life filled with friends and family will. However, not just any friends will offer the social development and happiness that you need. You really need to select friends that will assist you in your quest to be the best. Friends that are caring and genuine, just like you, J-Dog.
I’m not saying that you need to give up all the principles and the lifestyle that you have adhered to with great commitment and discipline. No, not at all. Rather, I’m saying that you need to experience life and realize it for what it is. You need to surround yourself with similar goal-oriented and positive-minded individuals in an effort to expand your horizons and live life to the fullest.
You only live once, and I don’t think you should life your life alone. J-Dog, this is by no means directed solely at you. I see these symptoms laced throughout this and many other posts.
By the way, Quantum Butterfly is woman, and a very fine one indeed.
kali 1, you hit it man and that is for sure, I will need a good women who shares the same interests as I do, or else this would never work, I dated some chicks who always wanted to eat ice cream, and junk, and would always want to get me to stray from my plan, needless to say these girls did not last long. It is funny how much food has to do with things, it seems to be what is on everyones mind. Well I do enjoy my cheats, and dont know if putting one into my routine more frequently is the answer, I do just fine mentally, and actually throw them in there for the most part to benefit myself physically that and enjoy it with family. But I feel all of you guys who are experiencing similar challenges in life, I think it is really nice to have people around you who accept what you do, and commend you for it. I am a child care worker at a group home, and the kids love it when I cook my yams, and eat salads that are bigger than them, this is cool to see, and it makes me feel good that at least someone other than myself recognizes what I am doing as a positive thing. Good luck gents