So what if i’m a stick? I weighed incorrectly apparently and i’m actually 120 lbs. I have weighed as much as 150, but weigh isn’t what’s going to make me confident
Who was the old-timey boxer who rubbed pine tar into his face to toughen his skin?
And chewed on blocks of wood to build and strengthen his jaw?
Jack Dempsey, maybe?
Pine-tar on the face may be extreme, but what about a thick neck? Anyone use the head-strap? Or bridge on their head, wrestler style? Big traps and thick necks look tough.
[quote]tsantos wrote:
[quote]Yogi wrote:
learn to play guitar. That shit’s gotten me laid way more than having an awesome physique[/quote]
Two notes from a song a girl loves and it’s like the underwear takes itself off.
Let’s be honest here, physique is for other guys - aslong as you’re not a stick/male hambeast/deformed[/quote]
absolutely, my advice to anyone who’s struggling to get laid is to learn to play Iris by The Goo Goo Dolls on the guitar. I hate that tune but god damn it’s gotten me a lot of action
[quote]dave670 wrote:
So what if i’m a stick? I weighed incorrectly apparently and i’m actually 120 lbs. I have weighed as much as 150, but weigh isn’t what’s going to make me confident [/quote]
Look dude, you just need to check off a few basic physical criteria so you’re not out of the game before you begin (you don’t smell, you have teeth, you look like you can look after yourself). You don’t need to be Arnie.
You need to work out what interests you and work on becoming awesome at that. Your passion will make you confident, optimistic and happy. Couple it with an interest in others and that will attract people.
Trying to work out what other people want and then changing yourself to be that way will eat away at your being. Women will smell it on you and be on the defensive.
That a side, being strong and in good health has only positive aspects (assuming you don’t become obsessive). I highly recommend it beyond trying to get your dick wet.
I like how this went from a thread about building muscle to relationship/confidence advice. Good advice given so far though.
[quote]Benanything wrote:
I like how this went from a thread about building muscle to relationship/confidence advice. Good advice given so far though.[/quote]
I feel there are very few on this site, and in most gyms, for whom the confidence is not a motivation to lift, at least initially.
Thanks guys, yeah I hope you don’t mind the philosophical tone this has taken haha. But it really did occur to me I basically just over-think things a lot. Trying to shit-change “just cause” or try to be a man too hard gives the wrong message and women will sense that from a mile away as well.
Some of the guys I know who I look up to as role models don’t work out, they’ve built muscle doing physical work all their lives. So, they might have a little more of a keg than a six pack. They don’t think about body fat levels when they’re sharing a burger and fries with their wife and kids. But they are more “alpha” and men than a lot of dudes or more than I may ever be.
I’m even leary of internet sources of advice on masculinity such as Art of Manliness…there are shreds of truth on there, but to me it speaks of an insecurity in masculinity such to the point that articles even have to be written about it, and much of it is outdated since we do not live in caveman times, and primitive men are not attractive to many women.
The best advice recently was probably given to me by my dad. He said to stop trying to be the man, and just be the man and then, voila, I will not have to try.
Also, Theodore Roosevelt was a thin, sickly child. His father said to him “You have the mind, but not the body”. So he swore to himself to make himself. Nothing is wrong with my body, really, but the same principles apply since I was always that smaller, weaker kid in school with his head in the books or in music, basically little professor syndrome or somewhere on the autistic spectrum.
[quote]Yogi wrote:
learn to play guitar. That shit’s gotten me laid way more than having an awesome physique[/quote]
piano will do it too. just as good. I lived with musicians for awhile, and the piano player and guitarist I lived with got laid all the time.
I’ve always relied on being funny. That’s kind of my go-to thing. And being smart. Playing the smart card is something of a fine line to walk though. You don’t want to come off as a know-it-all, or boring, but you want to create an awareness of your intelligence. Having something of a wide knowledge base is good, because you can engage in conversation easily.
I think there are plenty of smart dudes out there who totally turn girls off because they sound like dicks who just care about being the smartest guy in the room. And then they complain about girls going for the idiots or the bad guys or whatever. Girls just want to have a fucking good time, just like us. They don’t want to be lectured.
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Wrong. It’s the sociopathic drummers that get laid most. John Bonham… Keith Moon… Lars…
Ok no I’m joking.
[quote]flipcollar wrote:
I think there are plenty of smart dudes out there who totally turn girls off because they sound like dicks who just care about being the smartest guy in the room. And then they complain about girls going for the idiots or the bad guys or whatever. Girls just want to have a fucking good time, just like us. They don’t want to be lectured.[/quote]
Spot on.
I’m friends with one of those piano savants. Fucker SIGHT READS pieces like Chopin’s Polonaise in A flat major. But he behaves like this. My wife has given up trying to introduce girls to him.
I think any attempt to come up with a universal statement like “girls like …” is doomed to failure, and slightly insulting to 50% of the adult population.
Having said that, I haven’t been single for any length of time in 10 years so what do I know?
Yeah have a friend who is a pig with the ladies but always make sure to have a piano visible in his aprtmnents even though he cant play -just says make him look less trashy and helps builds comfort
Yeah, see, I can actually play the piano well, and I’m not even a pig with women or girls…I just don’t know if I’m what they are looking for.
To the point of this site though, I’m not sure my body is the problem, as long as I’m, y’know, in shape. If they are the type of women who need a guy like Arnold then they probably are not the type of women I am interested in anyway.
Confidence is being a 120 lb stick boy doing construction and contracting when many of the guys you are working with weigh almost twice what you do. But I don’t give a shit.
so what training have you done in the past week?
[quote]dave670 wrote:
Yeah, see, I can actually play the piano well, and I’m not even a pig with women or girls…I just don’t know if I’m what they are looking for.
To the point of this site though, I’m not sure my body is the problem, as long as I’m, y’know, in shape. If they are the type of women who need a guy like Arnold then they probably are not the type of women I am interested in anyway.
Confidence is being a 120 lb stick boy doing construction and contracting when many of the guys you are working with weigh almost twice what you do. But I don’t give a shit. [/quote]
Actually, you clearly do give a shit, as you’ve mentioned it multiple times. What you should do is ACTUALLY stop giving a shit. My piano and guitar playing friends both had terrible, shitty bodies. IT DOESN’T MATTER. You don’t even have to look remotely in shape or athletic to attract girls.
Look man, everybody reading this thread is probably seeing the same thing in you that I am. Instead of cultivating a winning personality, you’re worried about your body. This will never end up in your favor. You have to be an interesting person, period. Otherwise, women will not like you. The fact that the phrase ‘I’m not even a pig’ was something you felt was worth saying, says a lot about you. You have to be so much better than ‘not even a pig.’
Another thing that stood out to me in what you said is ‘I don’t know what women are looking for.’ Stop trying to figure that out. They’re all different. Present yourself honestly, have something interesting to say, and LISTEN WHEN THEY SPEAK. They’ll tell you what they’re looking for if you know how to listen.
I’ll just settle for skinny as fuck so I don’t have to worry about my body, when you get low enough (for my height, 110 and lower), your body weight is low enough that body fat percentage becomes a non-issue. I haven’t “worked out” in the past week, then again I do physical labor for 8 hours a day, so…
If being skinny means I have a shitty, terrible, non-athletic body, so be it.
Have a bowl of oats with milk and coconut cream and fruit for breakfast
Take a whole roast chicken to work with you with a salad with oil basee dressing for lunch.
Have a protein shake and nuts in your breaks
Steak and eggs with potato/rice/pasta for dinner
Greek yogurt with chia seeds before bed
Veggies where you can fit them in.
You’ll be as big as your work mates by the end of next year.
[quote]dave670 wrote:
I’ll just settle for [some stuff I didn’t really read] [/quote]
There’s your problem right there.
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with wanting what you want. But actually own up to it.
If you want training advice, these are the guys to ask. You haven’t been too insistent on that point, so nobody’s really helped you out there.
But they’re right, “fixing your body” is not going to fix your problems, any more than learning to play the guitar is. They’re both rewarding and they both have some nice side effects, but they’re not going to fix your problems.
Here’s my controversial advice. I’m not sure you’re quite ready to do this, but I think it’s a useful exercise.
Go find a slow night at some strip club with girls that actually do something for you. Find a spot at the bar, or near the bar, away from the stage(s). Buy yourself an overpriced drink, so you’re at least sitting there doing something. The girls will make their rounds, trying to solicit money from you, in one way shape or form.
Use this time to do two things. 1) learn to keep yourself under control, to keep yourself thinking straight when you’re otherwise distracted, and 2) learn to talk to a girl in a way that keeps her entertained enough that she’s willing to spend time with you, because she actually likes spending time with you.
Firstly, if you can learn to keep your cool in that situation, it will go a long ways towards interacting confidently with girls in any other situation. Half the problem is just understanding yourself and learning to manage and control yourself. Put yourself in difficult situations, observe how you react, and learn to control those reactions.
Secondly, this gives you a chance to learn to talk to a girl, albeit in a somewhat unrealistic scenario. Learn to guide a conversation. Learn how to direct her mood to keep her smiling and happy and having a good time. Learn how to keep her talking about herself. Learn how to restrain yourself in sharing too much about yourself. Learn how to keep her emotionally interested in you. Not that there’s anything wrong with spending a bit of cash on a girl you like, but the goal is to keep the interest on you, not your wallet.
Remember though, this is a business. Every moment she spends with you is a moment she could be trying to make money off some other guy. Obviously she has some discretion in how she spends her time, so if you can somehow convince her that hanging out with you (for free) is worth her time, you’re doing something right.
However, never, ever, under any circumstances, date a stripper. You don’t need that in your life. You may reach a point where you think you do, but you don’t.
Also, once you figure this stuff out, stay out of strip clubs.
Heavy thread, hope you’re finding it useful OP.
If you are bothered - then eat and train. You’ve said you’re stubborn - use this. Get to a gym and start on a solid program like Starting Strength. Keep eating.
If you are not bothered, then don’t worry.
[quote]LoRez wrote:
[quote]dave670 wrote:
I’ll just settle for [some stuff I didn’t really read] [/quote]
There’s your problem right there.
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with wanting what you want. But actually own up to it.
If you want training advice, these are the guys to ask. You haven’t been too insistent on that point, so nobody’s really helped you out there.
But they’re right, “fixing your body” is not going to fix your problems, any more than learning to play the guitar is. They’re both rewarding and they both have some nice side effects, but they’re not going to fix your problems.
Here’s my controversial advice. I’m not sure you’re quite ready to do this, but I think it’s a useful exercise.
Go find a slow night at some strip club with girls that actually do something for you. Find a spot at the bar, or near the bar, away from the stage(s). Buy yourself an overpriced drink, so you’re at least sitting there doing something. The girls will make their rounds, trying to solicit money from you, in one way shape or form.
Use this time to do two things. 1) learn to keep yourself under control, to keep yourself thinking straight when you’re otherwise distracted, and 2) learn to talk to a girl in a way that keeps her entertained enough that she’s willing to spend time with you, because she actually likes spending time with you.
Firstly, if you can learn to keep your cool in that situation, it will go a long ways towards interacting confidently with girls in any other situation. Half the problem is just understanding yourself and learning to manage and control yourself. Put yourself in difficult situations, observe how you react, and learn to control those reactions.
Secondly, this gives you a chance to learn to talk to a girl, albeit in a somewhat unrealistic scenario. Learn to guide a conversation. Learn how to direct her mood to keep her smiling and happy and having a good time. Learn how to keep her talking about herself. Learn how to restrain yourself in sharing too much about yourself. Learn how to keep her emotionally interested in you. Not that there’s anything wrong with spending a bit of cash on a girl you like, but the goal is to keep the interest on you, not your wallet.
Remember though, this is a business. Every moment she spends with you is a moment she could be trying to make money off some other guy. Obviously she has some discretion in how she spends her time, so if you can somehow convince her that hanging out with you (for free) is worth her time, you’re doing something right.
However, never, ever, under any circumstances, date a stripper. You don’t need that in your life. You may reach a point where you think you do, but you don’t.
Also, once you figure this stuff out, stay out of strip clubs.[/quote]
Lol I wanted to suggest something like this but wasn’t sure what the scene is like in the West.
http://www.singledudetravel.com/2011/04/karaoke-chinese-style-aka-ktv/
If you have places like this in your part of the world, go for it.