[quote]Edgy wrote:
[quote]Edgy wrote:
[quote]Derek542 wrote:
[quote]Edgy wrote:
[quote]Derek542 wrote:
You like whores dont you Ed[/quote]
are we really going to have that discussion, Derek?
here? really?[/quote]
Uh sure[/quote]
okie dokie
you jelly of Tony Banderas?[/quote]
i apologize to the mods, that last picture was a bit racy, this should be more acceptable~
[/quote]
What movie was it that she played a proctologist?
[quote]Edgy wrote:
[quote]JCMPG wrote:
[quote]Edgy wrote:
[quote]JCMPG wrote:
My persoanl opinion if you are seeking the answer to your marital problems in books you are looking in the wrong place. If you have a desire than your have a desire, dont use someone elses history to rationalize your feelings. You have to get to the root of what is causing those feelings and deal with it with your spouse. [/quote]
thanks JC - i appreciate the input, but what i am looking for is either a historical prospetive on our mores of today as opposed to all ages prior, or a chance to think out of the box on this issue - not pop psychology on my relationship~
thanks tho~[/quote]
Question - As it relates to history and marraige that you have stated in your previous posts.
How did those cultures view women?[/quote]
quite well, interestingly enough - not so much in the early Roman days, but definitly later in the empires history. the Moslems treated thier women during this time period very well also, the burka is a new requirement for them. to answer your question, they did treat the women better than you would think - but, keep in mind that slavery was rampant throught history, and the slaves, whether male or female did not fare as well, as you can imagine~
[/quote]
Treatment and how they were viewed are two different things right? I was of the understanding that women were viewed much more as a commidity and they did not have the same rights as a man. I could be wrong though.
[quote]JCMPG wrote:
Treatment and how they were viewed are two different things right? I was of the understanding that women were viewed much more as a commidity and they did not have the same rights as a man. I could be wrong though.[/quote]
i just know what i read, and you know that history is subjective -
i realize that i am not as smart as i think i am, thats why i lean on all yaâall for input!
[quote]Edgy wrote:
[quote]JCMPG wrote:
Treatment and how they were viewed are two different things right? I was of the understanding that women were viewed much more as a commidity and they did not have the same rights as a man. I could be wrong though.[/quote]
i just know what i read, and you know that history is subjective -
i realize that i am not as smart as i think i am, thats why i lean on all yaâall for input![/quote]
To answer your original question though âWhat is Cheating?â. Are you looking for a historical perspective or our opinions? But in the end all you are going to get is everyoneâs opinion anyways, so just pick the peoples opinions you value the most and go with those. What defines cheating to me is doing anything that I would be ashamed to tell my spouse I did. Then you get into a whole different conversation. Good luck with you search man.
[quote]JCMPG wrote:
To answer your original question though âWhat is Cheating?â. Are you looking for a historical perspective or our opinions? But in the end all you are going to get is everyoneâs opinion anyways, so just pick the peoples opinions you value the most and go with those. What defines cheating to me is doing anything that I would be ashamed to tell my spouse I did. Then you get into a whole different conversation. Good luck with you search man.[/quote]
thanks JC - i was looking for some opinions, and thought it was a good conversation point.
you know that i rarely involve myself in discussions, and usually like smartass one time comments, but this has me thinking.
i like your answer, any thing that i would be ashamed to tell my spouse should be avoided -
this is good advice~
[quote]Edgy wrote:
[quote]JCMPG wrote:
To answer your original question though âWhat is Cheating?â. Are you looking for a historical perspective or our opinions? But in the end all you are going to get is everyoneâs opinion anyways, so just pick the peoples opinions you value the most and go with those. What defines cheating to me is doing anything that I would be ashamed to tell my spouse I did. Then you get into a whole different conversation. Good luck with you search man.[/quote]
thanks JC - i was looking for some opinions, and thought it was a good conversation point.
you know that i rarely involve myself in discussions, and usually like smartass one time comments, but this has me thinking.
i like your answer, any thing that i would be ashamed to tell my spouse should be avoided -
this is good advice~[/quote]
I dont know.
Sometimes you get âif you are sleeping with another woman, I dont want to knowâ.
That is a carte blanche in a way.
[quote]on edge wrote:
Edgy, lets quit beating around the bush.[/quote]
âBeating around the bushâ is what this thread is all about. Yuk yuk.
[quote]orion wrote:
[quote]Edgy wrote:
[quote]JCMPG wrote:
To answer your original question though âWhat is Cheating?â. Are you looking for a historical perspective or our opinions? But in the end all you are going to get is everyoneâs opinion anyways, so just pick the peoples opinions you value the most and go with those. What defines cheating to me is doing anything that I would be ashamed to tell my spouse I did. Then you get into a whole different conversation. Good luck with you search man.[/quote]
thanks JC - i was looking for some opinions, and thought it was a good conversation point.
you know that i rarely involve myself in discussions, and usually like smartass one time comments, but this has me thinking.
i like your answer, any thing that i would be ashamed to tell my spouse should be avoided -
this is good advice~[/quote]
I dont know.
Sometimes you get âif you are sleeping with another woman, I dont want to knowâ.
That is a carte blanche in a way. [/quote]
You dont know until you set the ground rules for the relationship. I personally find it better in a relationship to discuss things upfront then play by the âIts easier to ask for forgiveness than permissionâ adage.
so, the conversation goes like this?
âhey, Wife of 20 some odd years, this aint working for me anymore - Iâm gonna git me a gurlfreind~â
or - have all of the lifestyle stay the same, no drama, but get some sexytimebuddy and nobody gets hurt.
what would you do?
be serious now~
Far as I am concerned, I would much rather have been in a position, before others where involved, to make the choice to stay or go.
There would have been less hurt on every one involved. I would have respected my ex-mate much more for his honesty.
And He in the long run would not have the regrets he lives with everyday.
He was caught. By my mother!
The pain was tremendous!
The family was, and still, 8 years later, divided.
I am left with the pieces I have to pick up and mend while he disappears into his new life.
I am the mom, the dad, the provider, the protector, and the caregiver. I donât get to be her friend. I resent him for that.
A segue to the above mentioned hurt, I did forgive him. He even asked to remarrie me 2 years later, which I agreed, only to find out the spots on the tiger never change. Just a week before he poped the question, at x-mas, in front of the family.
He was getting a blow job form some chick named Karen!
Whats worse yet is my daughter found the texts of said blow job on the phone!
His wants were more important then thinking of his family!
He has apologized. He has had lengthy conversations with me over the years, on all the reasons why he should have just, TALKED to me. He knows that I was willing to go to counseling to save my marriage. I even went alone. I had tall kitchen garbage bags full of self help books. Saught out religion to see if that would work. I tried everything, talk about exhausting! Wow, when I look back at it, I wish I would have had the first sentence of this post.
He still loves me greatly and I to will always love him in return. However, he has Hurt Way to many, far to much.
I Lived this. I hope in your decision to carry though Eggie you take into consideration the end result of your hurt.
[quote]Edgy wrote:
so, the conversation goes like this?
âhey, Wife of 20 some odd years, this aint working for me anymore - Iâm gonna git me a gurlfreind~â
or - have all of the lifestyle stay the same, no drama, but get some sexytimebuddy and nobody gets hurt.
what would you do?
be serious now~
[/quote]
Polygamy or cars keys into the fruit bowl.
[quote]Edgy wrote:
so, the conversation goes like this?
âhey, Wife of 20 some odd years, this aint working for me anymore - Iâm gonna git me a gurlfreind~â
or - have all of the lifestyle stay the same, no drama, but get some sexytimebuddy and nobody gets hurt.
what would you do?
be serious now~
[/quote]
Moi?
I think marriage is for children to grow up in a stable environment and I would do nothing to endanger that.
Would fuck escorts, would never get caught.
[quote]TenashusReslushn wrote:
Far as I am concerned, I would much rather have been in a position, before others where involved, to make the choice to stay or go.
There would have been less hurt on every one involved. I would have respected my ex-mate much more for his honesty.
And He in the long run would not have the regrets he lives with everyday.
He was caught. By my mother!
The pain was tremendous!
The family was, and still, 8 years later, divided.
I am left with the pieces I have to pick up and mend while he disappears into his new life.
I am the mom, the dad, the provider, the protector, and the caregiver. I donât get to be her friend. I resent him for that.
A segue to the above mentioned hurt, I did forgive him. He even asked to remarrie me 2 years later, which I agreed, only to find out the spots on the tiger never change. Just a week before he poped the question, at x-mas, in front of the family.
He was getting a blow job form some chick named Karen!
Whats worse yet is my daughter found the texts of said blow job on the phone!
His wants were more important then thinking of his family!
He has apologized. He has had lengthy conversations with me over the years, on all the reasons why he should have just, TALKED to me. He knows that I was willing to go to counseling to save my marriage. I even went alone. I had tall kitchen garbage bags full of self help books. Saught out religion to see if that would work. I tried everything, talk about exhausting! Wow, when I look back at it, I wish I would have had the first sentence of this post.
He still loves me greatly and I to will always love him in return. However, he has Hurt Way to many, far to much.
I Lived this. I hope in your decision to carry though Eggie you take into consideration the end result of your hurt.
[/quote]
i appreciate the sentiment, miss shoes, but please dont call me Eggie~ (giggle)
my point, if this great guy was discreet, you would still mbe married, would still have a provider and father and husband, and be happy.
since this was not the case, you have been left with misery and despair, for all involved. this sucks.
i appreciate your hurt and pain, and, at the risk of sounding callous, have made my point.
if he said the following - i love you, i love my family, i want to stay in this relationship, but want to get some head on the side by this Karen chick, what would you have done?
[quote]Edgy wrote:
so, the conversation goes like this?
âhey, Wife of 20 some odd years, this aint working for me anymore - Iâm gonna git me a gurlfreind~â
or - have all of the lifestyle stay the same, no drama, but get some sexytimebuddy and nobody gets hurt.
what would you do?
be serious now~
[/quote]
Probably something more along the line of
âHey wife of 20 some odd years, I am not happy and am not satisfied in our current relationship how about you?â
[quote]JCMPG wrote:
[quote]Edgy wrote:
so, the conversation goes like this?
âhey, Wife of 20 some odd years, this aint working for me anymore - Iâm gonna git me a gurlfreind~â
or - have all of the lifestyle stay the same, no drama, but get some sexytimebuddy and nobody gets hurt.
what would you do?
be serious now~
[/quote]
Probably something more along the line of
âHey wife of 20 some odd years, I am not happy and am not satisfied in our current relationship how about you?â[/quote]
and what do you think her response would be?
[quote]Edgy wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
Edgy, Iâve been on both sides of the dilemma you face. Have been in a near-sexless marriage that I valued for many reasons, and I have been cheated upon. I have never cheated myself.
During my marriage I thought about going outside of it for a fling, because I didnât want to live the rest of my life without any sex and it had come to that point in the marriage. It was easy for me to justify it because the husband I would be cheating on had cheated on me, at least a couple of times (one distant past that I found out about when I told a friend that Iâd found viagra in his travel bag).
Several things stopped me. One was the fear of having everything I cared about come crashing down if I accidentally fell in love. The other was that, setting aside my own moral issues with it, I couldnât see wanting a man who would want me under those conditions.
I donât know what to tell you except, talk to her. Tell her where you are, what youâre thinking. Shit, maybe sheâd welcome you looking elsewhere, who knows. I think some women are relieved. I know my ex was happy not to have the pressure of my desire for intimacy, fidelity, and fiscal responsibility when we finally separated. Maybe he would have welcomed my taking a lover. (He actually wanted to bring another man in for a 3-way, but thatâs revolting to me.) (I wonder sometimes if heâs going to someday come out as gay.) (But whatever. Not my problem now.) (lol)
[/quote]
thanks EmmieDear, but you mentioned that even talking with your ex-SO resulted in divorce.
after 23 years of marriage, and being engrossed in both sides of the family, with kids and future retirement looming, is now the time to split the sheets? or is it time to revisit an historically acceptable practice?
srsly, which has the acceptable outcome in your opinion?
compromising familial realationships, in addition to abandonment both financially and emotionally for all involved, or outsourcing?
[/quote]
I didnât talk to him about it beyond asking that he get his T levels checked, because it seemed to me that I would be adding insult to injury, since it felt initially like it wasnât his fault that he had ED. I gave him a post about T levels from here to read, he went to the doctor and ascertained that it WAS low, and started testosterone, which he didnât refill when it ran out. He was depressed as well as self-pitying and impulsive, and the combination caused all kinds of problems, not a single one of which he was interested in addressing. I left because he was spending more than our combined incomes, he was continually yelling and swearing, we had no sex, no social life - it was not a marriage to stay in.
The only real discussions we had about sex were around my desire to problem-solve the lack of sex and his desire to somehow become happy by having me do other men. There was no need for me to ask for an open marriage because Iâve never been interested in casual sex.
However YOU should do so, because you have a better chance of gaining either the permission you seek or a sudden renewed interest on your wifeâs part as she realizes youâve shifted your attention away from her. If everything else is okay, try to fix this one thing. You owe it to both of you.
Hey EdgyâŠ
How do you think YOUR wife feels??
People are all different and approach morality from different perspectives. If you were able to somehow discuss this and erase it from her memory (MIB style) which option do you think she would have preferred?
[quote]pat wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
Edgy, Iâve been on both sides of the dilemma you face. Have been in a near-sexless marriage that I valued for many reasons, and I have been cheated upon. I have never cheated myself.
During my marriage I thought about going outside of it for a fling, because I didnât want to live the rest of my life without any sex and it had come to that point in the marriage. It was easy for me to justify it because the husband I would be cheating on had cheated on me, at least a couple of times (one distant past that I found out about when I told a friend that Iâd found viagra in his travel bag).
Several things stopped me. One was the fear of having everything I cared about come crashing down if I accidentally fell in love. The other was that, setting aside my own moral issues with it, I couldnât see wanting a man who would want me under those conditions.
I donât know what to tell you except, talk to her. Tell her where you are, what youâre thinking. Shit, maybe sheâd welcome you looking elsewhere, who knows. I think some women are relieved. I know my ex was happy not to have the pressure of my desire for intimacy, fidelity, and fiscal responsibility when we finally separated. Maybe he would have welcomed my taking a lover. (He actually wanted to bring another man in for a 3-way, but thatâs revolting to me.) (I wonder sometimes if heâs going to someday come out as gay.) (But whatever. Not my problem now.) (lol)
[/quote]
Damn, youâre damaged goods⊠JK!
I am sorry this happened to you. I know that people sometimes think people bring it on themselves, but thatâs really not the case. These are things that happen to you, they donât define you and donât let them.[/quote]
Aw, thanks, but I donât feel to blame in any way. I knew during the marriage that he was unhappy because of stuff in him, not me. I also know that he found me attractive and that he liked as well as loved me, even back then. Heâs said as much since the divorce, both to me and others. There was good stuff in the marriage along with the bad. It just wasnât sustainable. I didnât come out of it feeling unlovable or unattractive, which is where damage come from.
[quote]Edgy wrote:
[quote]TenashusReslushn wrote:
Far as I am concerned, I would much rather have been in a position, before others where involved, to make the choice to stay or go.
There would have been less hurt on every one involved. I would have respected my ex-mate much more for his honesty.
And He in the long run would not have the regrets he lives with everyday.
He was caught. By my mother!
The pain was tremendous!
The family was, and still, 8 years later, divided.
I am left with the pieces I have to pick up and mend while he disappears into his new life.
I am the mom, the dad, the provider, the protector, and the caregiver. I donât get to be her friend. I resent him for that.
A segue to the above mentioned hurt, I did forgive him. He even asked to remarrie me 2 years later, which I agreed, only to find out the spots on the tiger never change. Just a week before he poped the question, at x-mas, in front of the family.
He was getting a blow job form some chick named Karen!
Whats worse yet is my daughter found the texts of said blow job on the phone!
His wants were more important then thinking of his family!
He has apologized. He has had lengthy conversations with me over the years, on all the reasons why he should have just, TALKED to me. He knows that I was willing to go to counseling to save my marriage. I even went alone. I had tall kitchen garbage bags full of self help books. Saught out religion to see if that would work. I tried everything, talk about exhausting! Wow, when I look back at it, I wish I would have had the first sentence of this post.
He still loves me greatly and I to will always love him in return. However, he has Hurt Way to many, far to much.
I Lived this. I hope in your decision to carry though Eggie you take into consideration the end result of your hurt.
[/quote]
i appreciate the sentiment, miss shoes, but please dont call me Eggie~ (giggle)
my point, if this great guy was discreet, you would still mbe married, would still have a provider and father and husband, and be happy.
since this was not the case, you have been left with misery and despair, for all involved. this sucks.
i appreciate your hurt and pain, and, at the risk of sounding callous, have made my point.
if he said the following - i love you, i love my family, i want to stay in this relationship, but want to get some head on the side by this Karen chick, what would you have done?[/quote]
Ok I wonât call you Eggie if you call me by my name
teĂ?Ă·naĂ?Ă·cious
tĂ??Ă??nĂ??SHĂ??s/
adjective
adjective: tenacious
1.
tending to keep a firm hold of something; clinging or adhering closely.
resĂ?Ă·oĂ?Ă·luĂ?Ă·tion (rz-lshn)
n.
As for your Question: Had he TALKED to me he would have found out a lot more about me and may have not had the need to seek out someone else.
In our lengthily conversations after the fact⊠This is exactly what he found out. And why he carries his regret now.
Trust me I have opened up my mind to many things that are outside my comfort zone. My studly champion pushes the envelope on this at will!
And guess what It has made me a better person in a relationship.
[quote]TenashusReslushn wrote:
Ok I wonât call you Eggie if you call me by my name
teĂ??Ă?Ă·naĂ??Ă?Ă·cious
tĂ???Ă???nĂ???SHĂ???s/
adjective
adjective: tenacious
1.
tending to keep a firm hold of something; clinging or adhering closely.
resĂ??Ă?Ă·oĂ??Ă?Ă·luĂ??Ă?Ă·tion (rz-lshn)
n.
oh, my bad, i always read it as âTennis shoes resolutionâ.
forgive?