What is 'Cheating'?

Off Topic
181

[quote]Edgy wrote:
you lie to that woman now, Biski~

when she asks if you would like to watch the game other than go to her mothers.

when she asks you if those jeans make her butt look big

when she asks you if you ever look at another woman, you lie

i am speaking of generalities, here, but you see my point?
[/quote]
Well that’s sort of like equating stepping on a spider to putting your neighbors cat in the wood chipper. One is way worse than the other.

Going balls deep in your secretary while your wife is at home with the kids is not a comparable lie to telling her you like the stupid shirt she picked out for you.

182

[quote]Edgy wrote:
but, i shall take up drinking in a bar, being abusive both physically and emotionally, and spend all of the family money on gambling.
…
tell me, is this a better scenario? lets move on from the outsourcing sex discussion to discuss what else can be considered cheating.[/quote]
As for the semantics of cheating, I really think it only specifically describes extra-marital (or any committed relationship) intimacy be it emotional or physical.

Spending all your time away from your family doing other disreputable things isn’t cheating, it’s abandonment. Abusive, irresponsible, but not “cheating”.

183

[quote]csulli wrote:

[quote]Edgy wrote:
you lie to that woman now, Biski~

when she asks if you would like to watch the game other than go to her mothers.

when she asks you if those jeans make her butt look big

when she asks you if you ever look at another woman, you lie

i am speaking of generalities, here, but you see my point?
[/quote]
Well that’s sort of like equating stepping on a spider to putting your neighbors cat in the wood chipper. One is way worse than the other.

Going balls deep in your secretary while your wife is at home with the kids is not a comparable lie to telling her you like the stupid shirt she picked out for you.[/quote]

yeah, i thought that scenario was kind of a stretch also - can you come up with another lie that would be as bad?

can lies have differing levels of wrong?

186

[quote]pushharder wrote:

You’ve been reading about my sense of excitement for years now, my friend.

My girl (Tenashus – “shoe lady” LOL) and I have talked quite a bit about this subject even before you started the thread and, of course, since then.[/quote]

never a truer word has been spoken Sensei - can you believe that i have been referring to your girl as tennis shoes resolution? what a dumbass -

enlighten me on this conversation that you and the nice woman have been discussing, it would be relevant to our issues here, i imagine~

187

okay -

here’s some personal shit that you all have been asking for…

My parents were barflys, when i was going through the teen years, and all i wanted was some oxy 10 to help clear up zits, the answer was that it was too expensive.

but, that didnt stop them from spending all of thier time and money at the bar, and Pop worked construction and got to where he would turn down jobs because it interfered with his time at the bar - yes, this is a tru story. to fund this lifestyle, we lived in the basement of my grandparents house - yes i had a bedroom that i shared with 2 brother that did not have a window –

not looking for any hoo-haa (is that the right use of this word?), but want to express a point, that in this case, and in my opinion - the family was cheated upon through lack of …whatever - i am at a loss for words to describe, but you know what i at trying to say.

also - i was married before, HS sweetheart, you know the drill. and did all the stuff i was supposed to do, worked, paid bills, bought cars, went on vaca - all that, and the wife at the time would rather go out with freinds, stay out all night and eventually she decided to get her some real dick. of course, this was not the only reason for the split, that woman had more shoes than Imelda Marcus and liked to spend money on all kinds of stupid ass shit, but we did split nonetheless.

this, of course has tainted my view of relationships -

i have more of a ‘hold on loosely’, ‘love the one you’re with’ kind of view - I believe that there are those that you surround yourself with that like to be around you, and if they outgrow that relationship, or are just fed up, then the depart.

no drama, you’re here if you wanna be, and if not - bail - no hard feelings.

we’re only on this rock for a short time, and we all try to make the best of it. the best way we know how.

I have not been perfect in this relationship, and can say that both sides have taken thier liberties - no harm, no foul - but in reaching the 50’s (yes i look awesome for someone that is almost 50), i can say that i am now a short timer, and that the wheelchair is probably in my short term future, and would like to explore some options.

Sensei Push has enlightened us through his lifestyle that there are options - some that need to be exploring.

is that so bad?

188

[quote]Edgy wrote:

[quote]csulli wrote:

[quote]Edgy wrote:
you lie to that woman now, Biski~

when she asks if you would like to watch the game other than go to her mothers.

when she asks you if those jeans make her butt look big

when she asks you if you ever look at another woman, you lie

i am speaking of generalities, here, but you see my point?
[/quote]
Well that’s sort of like equating stepping on a spider to putting your neighbors cat in the wood chipper. One is way worse than the other.

Going balls deep in your secretary while your wife is at home with the kids is not a comparable lie to telling her you like the stupid shirt she picked out for you.[/quote]

yeah, i thought that scenario was kind of a stretch also - can you come up with another lie that would be as bad?

can lies have differing levels of wrong?[/quote]

Who and how many get hurt by the lie I think would put it more in a quantitative sense.

Not telling your wife that you have a girlfriend and not telling your wife that you have a serious gambling problem and have run up a huge debt with the local loan shark. I think would closer to being on the same level of decitfulness. They both hit that trust, and you are a different person than I thought nerve.

189

[quote]JCMPG wrote:
and you are a different person than I thought nerve.[/quote]

better or worse than you had originally thought?

190

[quote]Edgy wrote:
okay -

here’s some personal shit that you all have been asking for…

My parents were barflys, when i was going through the teen years, and all i wanted was some oxy 10 to help clear up zits, the answer was that it was too expensive.

but, that didnt stop them from spending all of thier time and money at the bar, and Pop worked construction and got to where he would turn down jobs because it interfered with his time at the bar - yes, this is a tru story. to fund this lifestyle, we lived in the basement of my grandparents house - yes i had a bedroom that i shared with 2 brother that did not have a window –

not looking for any hoo-haa (is that the right use of this word?), but want to express a point, that in this case, and in my opinion - the family was cheated upon through lack of …whatever - i am at a loss for words to describe, but you know what i at trying to say.

also - i was married before, HS sweetheart, you know the drill. and did all the stuff i was supposed to do, worked, paid bills, bought cars, went on vaca - all that, and the wife at the time would rather go out with freinds, stay out all night and eventually she decided to get her some real dick. of course, this was not the only reason for the split, that woman had more shoes than Imelda Marcus and liked to spend money on all kinds of stupid ass shit, but we did split nonetheless.

this, of course has tainted my view of relationships -

i have more of a ‘hold on loosely’, ‘love the one you’re with’ kind of view - I believe that there are those that you surround yourself with that like to be around you, and if they outgrow that relationship, or are just fed up, then the depart.

no drama, you’re here if you wanna be, and if not - bail - no hard feelings.

we’re only on this rock for a short time, and we all try to make the best of it. the best way we know how.

I have not been perfect in this relationship, and can say that both sides have taken thier liberties - no harm, no foul - but in reaching the 50’s (yes i look awesome for someone that is almost 50), i can say that i am now a short timer, and that the wheelchair is probably in my short term future, and would like to explore some options.

Sensei Push has enlightened us through his lifestyle that there are options - some that need to be exploring.

is that so bad?[/quote]

We all have history’s some more colorful than others but we all have a choice on how we let it shape us. 1. treat everyone how you were treated or 2. figure what about how you were treated that you didnt like and do the exact opposite. Personally I have found the second choice to be a lot more fulfilling for me.

191

[quote]Edgy wrote:

[quote]JCMPG wrote:
and you are a different person than I thought nerve.[/quote]

better or worse than you had originally thought?[/quote]

Clarify please. Are you asking me to make a judgement on which one I find to be more eregious?

192

[quote]JCMPG wrote:

[quote]Edgy wrote:

[quote]JCMPG wrote:
and you are a different person than I thought nerve.[/quote]

better or worse than you had originally thought?[/quote]

Clarify please. Are you asking me to make a judgement on which one I find to be more eregious?[/quote]

even google couldn’t figure out what eregious means - is this some other language, did you mean egregious?

and, no - maybe i dont want you to answer my question - we can leave it for now.

193

[quote]Edgy wrote:

[quote]JCMPG wrote:

[quote]Edgy wrote:

[quote]JCMPG wrote:
and you are a different person than I thought nerve.[/quote]

better or worse than you had originally thought?[/quote]

Clarify please. Are you asking me to make a judgement on which one I find to be more eregious?[/quote]

even google couldn’t figure out what eregious means - is this some other language, did you mean egregious?

and, no - maybe i dont want you to answer my question - we can leave it for now.[/quote]

Yep I suck at typing, but I was close. But then close only counts in Horse Shoes and Hand Grenandes!

194

Sometimes cheating is obvious, sometimes its a grey area, and sometimes it just depends on the rules everybody tacitly or implicitly agrees to play by.

195

[quote]Edgy wrote:

[quote]usmccds423 wrote:

[quote]Edgy wrote:
in a relationship, if a man brings home his full paycheck, is involved in the family emotionally, takes care of all things expected, yet has a relationship on the side, is that to be considered cheating?

[/quote]

Yes, a man takes a vow to be faithful.

[/quote]

are you married? I dont remember taking a vow to be sexually faithful, do you remember taking that vow?
[/quote]

You seem to be looking for an opportunity to get some sex on the side without your wife knowing and attempting to have it justified here. Good luck with that! If you’re not in an open marriage anything you do sexually without your partner knowing is cheating.

196

[quote]csulli wrote:
So what’s really the deal here? Are you plowing fair maidens on the side and want to find a loophole in your marriage contract for this or are you into sharing your hot viking wife or what?[/quote]

I reckon this.

197

[quote]Edgy wrote:

[quote]csulli wrote:
So what’s really the deal here? Are you plowing fair maidens on the side and want to find a loophole in your marriage contract for this or are you into sharing your hot viking wife or what?[/quote]

see? this is a fair question - as fair maidens succumb to age and taking things for granted, their drive is such that it is a fair question as to farm out those most trivial of relationship actions. this is favorable to divorce for security reasons.[/quote]

So she’s not uip for it anymore, huh? And you’re afraid she’ll divorce you and get half of the material parts of a l;ife you’re currently sharing or supposed to be sharing?

What may seem trivial to you may not be for her. You may have to discuss this with her. If it’s really that trivial she probably won’t mind if you get gratified eleswhere. If, as you seem to supsect, it is NOT that trivial, she might say no and start divorce proceedings, which you do seem to fear.

She might, on the other hand, be up for renegotiating the terms of the marriage contract, some of which you seem to feel was not specific enough! She might have her eye on a sexy outing herself! How would you feel about that?

198

[quote]Edgy wrote:

[quote]theBeth wrote:
My question is, why agree to something you know you won’t stick to? [/quote]

agreement made while in your 20’s may change after 20 some odd years of marriage, do you agree?[/quote]

Yes that’s why you need to renegotiate. And it could be difficult. , I heard of a man whose wife needed more sex than he did after twenty years or so. SAo she has it seems, four young Indian guys “on the go” as he described it.
He seemed bemused by it but accepting.

Perhaps your wife won’t mind, who knows?

BUt I suspect your hesitation shows she will mind, create a scene if she finds out and divorce you. BUt she might object more to the cheating rather than the out of bounds sex…

199

thanks Nuffie,

but again, this is not about my relationship in particular, it is an exercise to review our current mores, and look historically as to how this has been handled…

(sigh)

I think i am almost done with this, i am starting to get the same answers over and over.