I’m not sure. Nor have I ever heard someone express such a feeling about a spouse.
Though partnering for life cannot and shouldn’t be done (eg, abuse, abandonment) in all cases, the view on marriage without at least an attempt for permanence is very bad, and wrecked the institution (if we can even call marriage an institution these days, because it pretty much isn’t).
Thats part of the issue… your overly focus on marriage at this point.
You cant force it or quantify it… eventually it finds you and normally when you dont expect it.
That is a seriously underrated movie.
Not by me! Its a favorite.
It’s one of my favorites too! Great movie.
OP what is your relationship like with your mother, your grandmothers, your sisters, platonic female friends, etc? Reading through your responses, it’s no wonder you aren’t that keen on marriage as it seems you don’t really have that high of an opinion on women in general.
I’d rather have male friends than female friends. With (most) females you need to be emotional etc etc. I mean, I don’t care about shit like for example Valentine day. These stuff don’t interest me really. I think most men are like me, but they just do it and I just can’t, or maybe I’ll eventually.
You might say I’m a bit old fashioned.
Being a man who spends nearly all his waking hours around nearly all women and who has a close female friend and a wife, I can say this is false.
"A love affair has to do with immediate personal satisfaction. But marriage is an ordeal; it means yielding, time and again. That’s why it’s a sacrament: you give up your personal simplicity to participate in a relationship. And when you’re giving, you’re not giving to the other person: you’re giving to the relationship. And if you realize you are in the relationship just as the other person is, then it becomes life building, a life fostering and enriching experience, not an impoverishment because you’re giving to somebody else. . .
This is the challenge of a marriage. What a beautiful thing is a life together as growing personalities, each helping the other to flower, rather than just moving into the standard archetype. It’s a wonderful moment when people can make the decision to be something quite astonishing and unexpected, rather than cookie-mold products."
From An Open Life: Joseph Campbell in Conversation with Michael Toms p. 127
Well depends on the environment you’re in. You know what let’s not generalize.
VERY common more often than not to form your life with a person and for things to shift where happiness and balance in general is a struggle. I would put it out there that it’s a painful reality for the majority and what you’re describing, while super admirable, is the exception.
Thankfully, solipsism allows me to only describe the exception
Excellent word choice
Seeking out marriage has never been my priority, nor have relationships been for that matter. I would rather be single for life than try very hard to find a relationship, which is why I’m the only one among my friend group that has never been on a dating app. I got with my girlfriend very organically and after a long period of being close friends, which has led to the most serious relationship I’ve ever been in and marriage is on my mind. But I would never do that process backwards.
Had to look that one up. T-Nation again improves my vocabulary. Many thanks.
This is what I’d have guessed you’d have said, and what a significant number of people would think. We’ve grown up in a romanticised, Disneyfied culture. Love may include feelings, but is not in and of itself a feeling.
When my teenage daughter causes me some significant levels of stress by her actions and we get into a heated arguement, I do not like her in that moment, my feelings towards her are anger and some small degree of loathing, but, and this is critical, it doesn’t mean for a second that I love her any less in that moment.
If a nut job broke into the house at that precise moment looking to harm her, I would in an instant defend her with my very life.
Love is the exact opposite of:
It is inherently self-less. As a Christian I’d always default to the biblical definition:
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
I think a major reason for divorce these days is two fold, one everyone expecting that “feeling” of love (which generally is a mixture of lust and novelty) to last - it never does (but what develops is something significant, deep and much more valuable, true unguarded intimacy and genuine partnership) and two “you’re not making me happy” - again with the feelings, feelings change with the weather. It was never the other person’s job to make you happy, that’s not the point.
Anyway I’m kind of rambling now. I think from what I’ve observed of this thread, you, in your current mindset would benefit from remaining single and not having kids - there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that and I applaud you for having the wisdom to think these things through at your age.
The Cure or The Smiths ??
Friday I’m in love?
That’s The Cure… now choose one !