That’s the age I was when I got married. Valkyrie was 20. Couldn’t drink our wedding toast, haha.
I turned 40 in October…
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Well I kind of figured. Around that age I wasn’t in a rush to get married either, but I was trying to get laid as much as possible. There was a girl who I wanted to marry, the one who got away. The one who is still silently in my thoughts when certain song plays or a familiar fragrance hits my nose.
I think your views will change with age. We’ve all heard “you’ll understand when you’re older.” Somehow they’re always right.
Don’t worry, you will.
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My 2¢ - quit trying to crowd source opinions on what to do with your life and just live for yourself. If you wanna just focus on yourself, go monk mode and avoid the opposite sex while you advance in your career or hobby - go for it. You wanna just date casually and be a bachelor forever? Have at it. Decide you want to be a husband and father? Go all in. But don’t let other people make those decisions for you.
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Of course, I just wanna hear about other people perspectives. What I take is completely my decision.
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We all have a different take on life.
I am not married and have no kid but the BF and I have been together for over 20 years. He is my best friend, partner. I don’t need him for any reason (care, money…).
I want him to be in my life.
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Do not get married if all you view it as is a perpetual cycle of asking yourself what all YOU can gain. Marriage is a created institution where its powerhouse is based off of mutual sacrifice, love, respect, and giving.
It doesnt matter what all you know how to do, but how you bring that into a relationship that helps the other person and vice versa. My husband and I have a biblical worldview of marriage, so we both came into our marriage fully understanding that the goal is to die to our own selfish desires, that we may live to serve and elevate one another, and bring glory to God. That viewpoint is not popular, and its few and far in between nowadays, but it gives much deeper meaning and something to strive for outside of ourselves.
The moment marriage becomes a “me, myself, and I” situation stuff unravels.
In your case, with your perspective, id say stay single. Because in the long term it is worth it. For you AND other people. But thats the kicker…others. And DO NOT bring children into ANY relationship if you and the person youre with cant at least approach the thought of having to sacrifice and put others before yourself.
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I met my future wife when I was 26. I was infatuated with her.
Marriage is not easy and kids make it harder.
We have had many highs and many lows.
It’s a high risk, but it’s important to learn early that risks and failures are okay. That goes for both professional and personal.
You only live once. I hope you meet a woman that you become infatuated with also.
It’s kind of fun to build something with someone else.
I know there’s always the chance of divorce down the road, but it’s a risk I’m willing to take.
Marriage isn’t about finding someone to not be alone. It’s about finding someone you want to be around. Someone similar to you. You grow your careers. Build a deep relationship. Prosper together.
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Well said.
At 21 I was banging everything that moved and having a blast in full on multiple drug addictions. Total fucking madness. And I wouldnt change a thing.
Theres a time and place for everything. Now married 18 years, sober 23, and have a 13 year old son- And wouldn’t change any of that either.
There’s a time and place for everything. Do what you do in the time and place to do what ever it is that you’re into.
Its your own path. Make your own decisions. Accept the fact that you’re going to make mistakes, and own them too.
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The primary purpose of marriage is to establish fatherhood. You don’t need marriage to “not be alone,” especially now.
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But the information you receive won’t have as much to do with marriage itself as it will about the person responding.
Self-centered people will find marriage extremely challenging, as they’ll have to listen to their partner’s complaints in addition to feeling unfairly burdened by the division of household labor.
Highly social people will probably give a better review, as having a full time companion will be more enjoyable for them.
Flexible, generous people who are good communicators will probably create a highly rewarding partnership.
People who externalize blame will create difficult conditions for a marriage to thrive. Accusations and grudges will accumulate.
Really depends on each of us to make it either good or bad. And that starts with making good choices of partner.
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Because you want to be. Nobody “needs” somebody else.
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I guess I’m more the type of person that wants to be a father but not be in a relationship. I want kids but the thing about committing to a person my whole life is something that I’m not really attracted to, especially as people change or the relationship can change.
Divorce is a hard thing legally. I constantly hear about men suffering from divorce because it hits them really hard financially.
I never want my kids to grow without a father/mother, they will just grow up wrong.
What made up source told you this? Marriage is documented across classes as far back as written history goes.
History made it up. People were all about survival. Not talking about high class people.
My last comment in this thread because making marriage scientific and centrally planned is stupid but:
I am a guy who could’ve remained single and had partners, both casual and in temporary relationships over time, and certainly would’ve enjoyed aspects of that lifestyle.
In my case I met a woman who I simply wanted to be be around beyond top level benefit and convenience. So I started investing time, which was reciprocated. It wasn’t something you could plan, the chemistry was just sort of there. If I’m being practical, we got to a point where being without her would’ve been worse than being with her. Plus the whole love thing. So I proposed.
You can’t plan for this. Not really. It’s a combination of meeting people and following developments you don’t see at the onset.
We have changed over the years. I would’ve changed by myself over the years too. But, because we coupled, we have changed together. And that’s how it goes.
Don’t marry just to check a box. I feel like a lot of people do, especially women nearing a biological clock timeline, and double especially in today’s transactional app dating world.
But if you meet a woman who you want to spend more time with, do it. This may lead to one of those changes you’re discussing. The first of many. And once the change has happened, it’s your new norm. Just like all the changes you’ve been through.
Or resist it and stay on the fence forever. But it sounds to me like the bachelor life isn’t a choice you’re making, you’re just being scared.
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Well, from the perspective of taking care of oneself and cooking food, then you don’t need a relationship considering that’s not what a relationship is about. After all, unmarried men have always existed and they managed to eat, work, pick out their own clothing, clean their own dwellings, and so on.
Two-parent homes are the ideal for raising healthy, well-adjusted, successful children. The ordeal doesn’t have to be for all of one’s life considering children become adults, but it is a long haul.
Judgmental of who?
Right. One can have a functional marriage without marrying one’s “best friend,” although people can become each other’s best friend. That is, non-romantic love often comes a decade after being with each other.
It’s actually not in the case of people who are sexually attracted to one another and have the same aims and goals. Romantic love is a gamble. Though risk is inherent to marriage generally.
Because being alone is a miserable state for most men.
It is.
If one does not want the primary and secondary benefits of marriage–fatherhood, wealth and resource accrual, bonds between people besides one’s spouse–then he obviously shouldn’t marry. And he definitely shouldn’t marry if he doesn’t want to give up his freedom.
Also, being alone is a miserable state for most men. Men who do not desire companionship and the touch of, affection from, and yes, validation of a woman are fine with being alone. Hats off to them.
Here is where I agree with you. “Relationships”, “dating,” and “boyfriend and girlfriend” are very recent (maybe about 100 years old) goofy constructs. Hence in most, thought not all, cases, I refer to them as clown marriages.
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Even if you forgo marriage, you’ll have to deal with the other parent forever.
You’re aware that kids are a giant hassle and time-suck also? I mean, personally, I like them. But there’s no denying that they’re expensive and time-consuming. Here, too, it’s a matter of the personality of the person reporting. I find kids endlessly entertaining. I like questions and forgive easily when people cut their curtains and bedding with scissors or pee in non-toilet places for no reason whatsoever. I’m nurturing and like to make things cozy and happy.
Other people give every impression that they are burdened by it. Same with post-divorce well-being. Both partners experience a drop in household income, with women statistically experiencing the greatest drop. Some people take it in stride, others will scream into the void for the rest of their lives that they’ve been fucked by [the ex, the system, whatever] and describe the person they joyously made vows with a few short years earlier as psychos.
If you’re inclined to blame and feelings that things aren’t fair, you should maybe pass on the whole thing. If you’re someone who enjoys caring for others, you should find someone you can like and respect and then let the cards fall as they will.
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Of women, thinking that she isn’t worth it.
I think it’s a miserable state when they should be with someone, when they want someone.
About validation I don’t really care but the other things you said I do. It’s just whether it’s worth it. I always have this affection of touching someone (might be called romance) and so on, but it’s from the heart and not from the mind.