To shake or not to shake

T-people, when meeting girls do you shake hands? Some of my friends used to advise against it, but I think you should shake hands in more situations that not. Opinions??

Depends… That or just start humpin her leg! sorry, bad joke. But I dont see it as anything but a show of respect. A lot of the girls I meet instantly extend hand for a good shake. And then a good romp in the sac… Ok, another bad one. But, I see no problem with shaking hands. But, what do I know?

If in a professional situation, then yes. Otherwise I think it would be weird. Meet my friend Bob, then you shake hands with them? That would be weird.

In many situations one person is (understand
this is technical terminology) the “social superior” of the other. That person decides
whether or not they want to shake hands, and indicates this by putting out their hand, or not.

For example, if you are a man, and the other person is a woman, she is your “social superior.” It doesn’t matter if you’re Mr Hotshot and she’s a street sweeper, that has
nothing to do with it. If she extends her hand, you shake her hand. If she does not, you do not. If you extend your hand first, you are
commiting a social gaffe.

If you and the other person are both men,
while there will be many situations where you are equals, there will be others where one person is the social superior. E.g., higher ranking in the place of work, a notable person due for example to high military rank, a community leader, or social celebrity, or the person is your professor at college, etc. The same rule applies, this person decides whether or not to shake hands.

Where people are social equals it’s rarely
incorrect to offer to shake hands. It is
always incorrect to refuse if the other
offers. (It is NOT incorrect for a woman
to refuse to shake a man’s hand should he
have been so boorish as to extend his hand first.)

I just thought I would share that with you.

just make sure it is a firm and strong hand that she is shaking, not a clammy wimpy limp wristed one. You can get a read on a person by shaking hands. Don’t crush her hand, mind you but let her know there is strength emanating from within.

I think when meeting someone for the first few times, then yes, shake hands. It’ll show confidence, and that you’re putting them on an equal footing. Women want that respect from men they first meet.

Later on comes the leather and the candle wax…errrr…

If you are unsure, wait and see what she does. If she begins to extend her hand just follow her lead. If not, just smile and say hello.

When i sold gym memberships we had a rule that we used. If the woman stuck her hand out then we shook. if not we didnt offer.

You should gently hold her hand in yours and kiss the back of it…

If it’s a business setting/meeting ALWAYS shake a woman’s hand. In a social setting I wait for the woman to make the first move and extend her hand.

Bill Roberts I guess i understand your post except the part that says the woman is the “social superior”. Why is this? I can understand when you used the illustration of higher ranking people within an organization, but I dont understand why it is so “boorish” of a man to extend his hand for handshake. Anyway here is my opinion on the subject.
When I first meet a girl I usually introduce myself and will sometimes shake hands. If I was meeting a couple of people and had just met a guy and shook his hand and then was introduced to this girl it would be kind of wierd not to have a handhske as well. Now once I already know someone it is different. I usually say whats up to all guy friends with a handshake, and just say hi to girls I know, unless I know them a little better than i greet girls with a hug.

Where can I purchase this rulebook your referencing??? :wink:


If a woman declines to shake an extended hand, then she is a rude cunt, in my opinion. There would be no need for this.

I used the term because it is the term
used in etiquette books.

And let me get this straight. If a woman
prefers not to shake a particular man’s
hand (for whatever reason) and indicates
this by not extending her hand, but the
man tries to impose a handshake on her anyway
by extending his, and she chooses not
to shake it, she is a “rude cunt?”

There’s someone rude here, for sure, and
someone who does not know his manners.

bill i think you are way off base. if a man extends his hand to a woman he is only being friendly. if the woman refuses to shake it then she is being rude. not everyone is familiar with this rediculous handshaking etiquet you are refering to. refusing to shake someones hand is just rude regardless of sex or social standing.

No, I didn’t mean the man would “impose” a handshake on a women. But if a man is introduced, extends his hand with a smile to a female (I’m assuming in some kind of social situation, not like you’re meeting a friend’s grandmother…then that would be a little “informal” extending hands to a grandmother say). If the female then just “snubs” him and looks at him like “you shake hands with moi? You must be joking! I am much to good to shake a lowly commoner’s hand”, then yes, I think she’s being a rude cunt. There’s no reason for that. It would make the other person (the man) feel stupid and like he was an oddball.

I think part of manners is making people feel welcomed and at east to the extent that you can. In this hypothetical case I think the woman would be falling short and needlessly embarassing someone.

Etiquette is like beauty - it’s highly
subjective in the eye of the beholder. And
also largely subject to one’s cultural
environment. Arguing over whose favorite
color is kind of silly. And that’s what this
discussion seems like to me. If Bill wants to
follow one set of “rules”, and shawn and bri
want to follow another set of “rules”, oh
well. shrug

The rule of thumb that I happen to use, which seems to work reasonably well in most western cultures is, if in a business setting, always offer to shake hands regardless of gender. If in a social setting then I don't offer to shake hands, regardless of gender, but I will shake hands if the other person offers. If you refuse a handshake, it does come across as being rude, regardless of gender - at least among people of my age. Etiquette in Bill's generation may be different. :-) Personally, I think this whole hand shaking ritual is rather weird, so I try to avoid it. I remember Andrew Dice Clay did a really funny take on the weirdness of the hand shake ritual that's worth listening to.

On the topic of social "superiors" and "inferiors"; well if you are in a business or military environment, then there is usually a clear heirarchy. But in normal day to day life (like at a gym, as in this guys case), then I think thinking in terms of "superiors" or "inferiors" is a rather inapropriate way of perceiving things. People are just people. I remember reading some psych and sociology books that indicated that men tend to naturally think of people relationships as being heirarchical (either this person is "above" me or "below" me). Women on the other hand, naturally see people relationships as peer or networked.

To quote Bill, "I just thought I would share that with you."

in business I would shake a womans hand, socialy I would take a womens hand into mine, my hand palm up, and NEVER grab her hand and try to prove I have a firm grip, some women don’t like this, some do, I would just rather be around those that do. peace

If you’ve just met you shake hands, if you’ve known each other for a while you take her hand and give her a kiss on each cheek.

Nah… Shaking hands is just plain friendly. Although is does catch some immature women off guard. You’ll notice in business or casual that some women extend their hand like a normal handshake and others extend their hand in a kind of pronated limp way, which means you shake her hand in a gentler supinated way. Many times professional, degreed women shake hands like men, because they feel it helps them be treated as peers by the men they work with, and not subordinate. My wife is a good example…