I am a married woman. When I introduce my mate to anyone I refer to him by name or I call him “my husband”. I never would even think of calling him “THE husband”. Recently I have noticed lots of guys refering to “the wife”. One of my biggest pet peeves is hearing this horrid terminology! Am I the only one who thinks it sounds demeaning and as if the person is refering to an animal or an inanimate object?!
Yes you are the only one.
Personally, I don’t care one way or the other; I do not find it demeaning to be referred to as “the _____”. I understand a lot of women feel as you do, but to me it petty semantics (just one more thing for women to get their little feelings hurt over). If you find it offensive, then that needs to be made known to your spouse and hopefully, he’ll oblige you. As far as other men doing it, that’s up to their respective mates to set them straight on whether to do it or not. But keep in mind, these men may simply do this to up the machismo scale of the conversation and it has no bearing on how they interact with their women.
Yes, you are the only one who thinks this sounds demeaning.
Well, there’s always the possibility that the person is making reference to “the wife” as opposed to “the girlfriend.” It’s one of those small things that tells a lot about a person.
Just think of all the ladies out there that are just living with their man. I bet they would be very happy to be married and hear the words this is “the wife.”
The wife, Yuk, I use “this is my wife Carol”, using my wife indicates our relationship and using her name that she is not a possesion. It is the same with children, you don’t say “this is the son”. As an aside, when we got married my wife kept her maiden name (I don’t care, I married her not her name) and people don’t know what to say when I say that it was me who chose to keep mine.
It is better than "The ball and chain, The Bitch, The source of all agony, The check writer, The shoe shopper, The clepto, The c#$%, The rag, The hypersensative wife. See so it could be worse. haa haaah
Knuck, every once in a while you post something that just kills me. “The source of all agony” . . . That’s some funny shit, man.
Hmmm, all the time I say to my cockatoo, “How’s the b-i-r-d?” in a sweet tone of voice, or say I’m petting “the cat,” etc. If anything it’s a term of endearment in these instances: I have only one bird and one cat and so it’s special that they are “the bird” or “the cat.” The same could be true of “the wife.”
I think it is just you.
No one else on the planet feels the same way you do. Therefore, you are the only person who is irritated by the. Therefore, you have the problem.
It could be worse, your husband could not introduce you at all. That is far more demeaning. By the way, I like being called “The Man,” or “The Stallion”, or “The Largest”, or “The Smartest.” Give me a “the” and I’ll parlay that into votes in my next election. Someday, I will be “The Senator.”
You sound like one of those feminazzis or politicall correctness zealots. Relax, nobody is trying to demean anybody.
Usually the people who get offended by something like this are always looking for the something to be offended over. They are looking for the argument. You are the quintessential ballbuster. The end.
Well, apparently it wasn’t obvious from my previous post, but I also find that particular usage of the word “the” to be rather offensive. My wife would never use it with me, and I would never use it with her.
If you are being “appropriate” in a formal setting, such as, a military ball, you would say, “this is Carol, my wife.” Because, she is Carol first and your wife second. Otherwise, who really cares.
Yup your the only one…My wife call me “the paycheck”
I’ve never been to a military ball, but I can certainly see someone saying, in the Admiral’s presence, prior to actually making the introduction, “Let me introduce you to the Admiral.” Or in other contexts, certainly I have often heard, “the Captain,” “the Lieutenant,” etc.
I agree with DC: there are people who look for opportunities to be offended.
Which raises a point: how do you feel about the possibility that your husband may entirely it in a way that is entirely good?
Does it make you angry to hear that that may be possible, or are you happy to find out that it may be possible?
One of my rules is, people who are mad to find
out that there is a good explanation for something rather than the bad explanation they had been thinking, are people to stay away from and are NOT your friends. I hope it’s not that way.
Are you from the north Stella? I’m not being a smart-ass. I live in the south but I’m from the north and I notice more people down here saying “the wife.” Point is, it’s probably just cultural and regional dialect; nothing you can do anything about other than posting your rants here.
So I have some support here, but as I see, not too much. First off, no I am not the type who goes “looking for issues”. Second, seeing as how generalizations are quite often used on this board, I will say that this phrase tends to be not so much a north or south thing, but a phrase used by less educated or blue-collar people (not wanting to offend here, but that seems to be the impression). Third, “the Admiral” is not the same as “the wife”. Admiral is capitalized and therefore a title in itself. Wife is not. To me, “the wife” does not indicate any respect or endearment–it is not cute. I am very happy that my husband does not use it and I appreciate that a few people here agree that it just isn 't a nice way to introduce someone deserving of respect.
I think it’s derived from “the boss”. Same meaning, really. Seriously, though, it can be used in an endearing way (the wife/love of my life) or a contemptuous way (the ball and chain). It’s a phrase that can be used to express one’s feelings about their spouse - so if they feel like demeaning you then that’s how it should be taken, but if they do love you and persist in using it, and it still bothers you, let them know.