I was out getting my wife cookies and chips (don’t ask) and was returning a call from a female client (of over two years) about her training schedule. When she answered, she was hysterical. The police had just left her house because she was the victim of a home invasion. She had come home to a broken back door and a pryed-open window.
Since I was literally one minute from her house, I decided to stop by and see if she was ok. She lives alone with her 5 y/o daughter.
I called my wife to tell her what I wanted to do before I turned the corner to her house.
I went there, affirmed what the police told her, that it was probably just some kid and he got scared off by the house alarm and nothing was stolen. I left and went to get my wife her “snacks” Now, we aren’t speaking and she thinks I don’t care about how she feels.
My thoughts are that if SHE lived alone, I would want someone she trusted to stop by and see if she was alright.
My wife explained that I wasn’t this woman’s boyfriend, I wasn’t her husband, I’m just her trainer and I shouldn’t have tried to help.
I feel like it was one human being helping another human being. She didn’t ask me to come over but she was clearly grateful that I did.
Just to clear my head a bit, can I get some feedback on whether I am a good guy or an insensitive jerk? “WWTD” What Would T-man Do?
Congrats. Your wife loves you, and wants to keep you. She shouldn’t have exploded on you, and it was good of you to call your wife and explain. No advice, but just a congratulations that you have a loving woman.
No, you’re not an A-Hole. That seems like being concerned about another person like you said, something which seems to be missing quite a bit now a days in our society.
I can see where your wife may have been coming from though. The whole professional to personal boundry that accompies any job like a personal trainer or teacher.
But, I’d definitely say that this is one of those examples where the rules can be bent. So again, no, I’d say you’re not an A-Hole.
WWTD?
First I do not have a wife so take my advice how you will. I think you did perfectly fine and most likely what I or anyone who cares about other people would have.
No you aren’t that woman’s boyfriend, but you do have a relationship, be it business and or friendship and . Guys who are older and married can help you more but you are definetly not crazy.
Tough call. It’s a damned if you do damned if you don’t situation. Seems like your wife is very insecure. You left out a very important part- what did your wife say when you called her to let her know what you were doing? DId she say it was ok, then get mad later, or did she object then and you chose not to listen to her?
And why do we not get to ask about the snacks? And why the hell can’t your wife go get her own snacks? Are her legs broke? (sorry if they really are, or if she’s pregnant or something)
Probably… you were a bit too nice for your own good.
Some women wouldn’t have a problem with it, but yours did. She’s overreacting, but she has basis in her argument. You dont need to see single women outside of “work”.
This also indicates there may be a bit more to your relationship with your wife that could cause a bit of mistrust on her part. Or it could be that since it IS a longtime female client, she’s a bit worried about your spending even more time with her. Spending time in a client/trainer relationship AT work is ok, but women get jealous pretty fast when you interact with other women outside of work. Even moreso if this woman looks good.
Okay, I think you need to clear up why you are out getting comfort food in the first place, it may help us understand the wife’s mindset.
Anyway, when she gets beyond the emotional aspect and possible fear that she can’t compete with this other woman, maybe she’ll realize that what you did was a good deed that should make her proud of you.
It’s also important to know if the other woman actually has a significant other available to comfort her.
Without answering the question, it is clear that there are insecurity or jealousy issues brewing up.
[quote]eengrms76 wrote:
Tough call. It’s a damned if you do damned if you don’t situation. Seems like your wife is very insecure. You left out a very important part- what did your wife say when you called her to let her know what you were doing? DId she say it was ok, then get mad later, or did she object then and you chose not to listen to her?
And why do we not get to ask about the snacks? And why the hell can’t your wife go get her own snacks? Are her legs broke? (sorry if they really are, or if she’s pregnant or something)[/quote]
Good questions! She told me to do what I have to do and I sensed that she wasn’t all that pleased with me. However, my inner drive made me go there. The same drive that makes me turn around when I see someone with a flat tire that looks helpless.
Oh, and the snacks? Since you asked! She jusy got home from surgery. It was fairly minor but VERY painful. She had gone 30 hours without sleep, the surgery, then recover pain (2 very large kidney stones). The snacks were soothing I suppose.
This also indicates there may be a bit more to your relationship with your wife that could cause a bit of mistrust on her part. [/quote]
I cannot think of anything. I rarely am anywhere but at work or with my family. Once every 3 weeks or so I go out to eat with my life-long friend. Otherwise she knows where I am 24-7. If sh’e looking for me I’m underneath one of my trucks or under the hood tweaking something.
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She jusy got home from surgery. It was fairly minor but VERY painful. She had gone 30 hours without sleep, the surgery, then recover pain (2 very large kidney stones). The snacks were soothing I suppose.
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This is probably 99% of the reason for the blowup. She most likely was stupidly tired and sore and simply wanted you home to look after her.
Don’t sweat it, you did a good thing.
On the other hand:
Maybe she does have some additional insecurities. Talk it through when she is recovered.
[quote]deanosumo wrote:
Your wife is being a stupid jealous bitch. You need to call her on it. A dose of reality therapy, get the shit cleared, and then you can move on.[/quote]
As long as you didn’t bend your client over the coach after you made sure she was ok then I think you’re fine. Your wife should be proud that she has a husband that cares about others like that. Is she typically insecure about things like this or was this a surprise reaction to you?
You did good though by calling her while you were on your way over there. You were probably the only male that this woman felt like she knew well enough to call in a situation like this.
Im sure there are other issues with her that you don’t realize . Im going through marriage concelling right now its kinda opened my mind to how my wife feels/reacts.
Other than that Im sure you helping that woman is one of the reasons shes chosen to spend her life with you. Good job in my eyes , you have great charecter.
This also indicates there may be a bit more to your relationship with your wife that could cause a bit of mistrust on her part.
I cannot think of anything. I rarely am anywhere but at work or with my family. Once every 3 weeks or so I go out to eat with my life-long friend. Otherwise she knows where I am 24-7. If sh’e looking for me I’m underneath one of my trucks or under the hood tweaking something.
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Is this life-long friend a female?
Do you think your wife would’ve cared if your client was a guy?
Do you want to bang your client?
I think it was probably coming from her fluctuating emotional level which is normal for women, and add to that a painful surgery and stress. Women tend to do this to men they think it helps but it actually drives men away.
You are not a jerk in any way. You are a caring human being who cares for another human being. You did the right thing by checking on her and her daughter. As long as nothing else happened between the two of you, then it’s ok. If you didn’t stop by, then that would have been mean.
Your wife will get over it eventually, she can’t be mad at you forever. I wouldn’t sweat it.
I think you shouldn’t have called your wife in advance. To call ahead basically said that you needed her permission. Which you really didn’t, because what you did for this woman was the normal and right thing to do.
But to call ahead might have invited suspicion in your wife, when she questions, “Why did he feel he had to warn me?”
You could have instead told her when you got home, that you’d stopped off to comfort a hysterical woman (a long-time acquaintance) who really just needed a familiar person at that point.
You were the best candidate to help her due to physical proximity and the fact that you’d returned her call at that crucial time. It’s really no big deal, and anyone should understand.