I’m looking for advice/tips on how to approach the topic of being healthier with my husband.
He says he wants to lose weight, that he isn’t happy with the scale, but when I try to offer to help (let’s meal prep together, let’s go get our RMR and BF% taken, even just asking, what can I do to help you be successful etc), the conversation ends.
It’s getting frustrating for me to hear him say he’s unhappy about his weight, then watch him eat a bowl of cereal after dinner every night or make a pan of brownies for the week.
He’ll run, as that’s how he believes he kept weight off when he was younger. I tried bringing up strength training and the benefits of it regarding weight loss vs straight cardio, but maybe he just doesn’t want to hear it from me.
I know ultimately it’s up to each individual to choose how they want to live, and I love him regardless. But is there any other way I can approach this that would be more helpful/effective, since he keeps saying it’s something he’s unhappy with?
Your husband wants to lose fat. The problem is that he hasn’t put action behind his verbal desires. He is hoping to talk it to death.
Bottom line is just love him. Let him tell you his desires. Encourage him as best you can, but “when all is said and done, far more will be said than done.”
As long as his out of shape body is fine with you, all is well. If health is your greatest concern, look toward perfecting a life extension diet. When he wants to talk about losing fat, say to him, “Let’s go for a walk and continue this discussion.”
He doesn’t need advice, he needs motivation. Most men really aren’t very complicated. Let him know how much you would like it if he was in better shape and how you plan to reward him for his progress. I’ll let you fill in the details.
If I had a problem that was really bothering me, I’d want him to help me brainstorm solutions (which we’ve done together on several other topics). Unless it’s something I just want to vent about from an emotional standpoint (and I’m trying to get better about explicitly stating that when it’s the case).
We’ve both done that with each other on a host of other topics in our lives - but I guess maybe I’m under-estimating how fitness can come across differently and you may be right that it’s better not to respond at all when he brings up his weight.
He doesn’t need to lift or do anything to lose weight, except eat less.
Not a whole lot you can do to convince him to make changes he doesn’t want to make, other than encourage good decisions.
Most couples tend to lose weight together, but if that’s not happening here - hard to give advice. Dudes are stubborn and don’t like to do anything that isn’t their idea… any way you’re able to lead him to the conclusion of him eating healthier?
One thing I can start doing right away is making larger portions so we have more leftovers. He will often leave the last leftover for me because he knows I don’t like to eat out for lunch, but that means he won’t have a healthy lunch available either. So I can look to be better about that.
He’s very supportive of me in my goals and I know I’m lucky. I’ll take a look at what I can do on my end that’s less words and more actions.
Maybe. All I’m saying is I think you can come up with something he likes more than brownies and cereal.
Just make sure you aren’t taking something away if he doesn’t make good health choices. You are giving him an additional motivation to make good choices.
I am not suggesting that you are recommending reward for desired behavior be intimacy, but if the OP reads it that way, I strongly disagree with that type of reward. Intimacy should never be a reward in marriage. It is offered out of mutual love.
I tend to agree more with this line of thought - but, I do take the underlying message that it’s more of a motivation than an advice issue as likely to be accurate. How (and even whether) I can affect that motivation is a different matter, but one worth pondering for me.
I’m not suggesting anything in particular. It’s less about a ‘reward’ and more about letting him know that you like it when he makes good health choices. There are lots of healthy ways to communicate that.
People don’t eat a bowl of cereal after dinner because they are hungry. I can’t tell you why he does it, but if you can find out what is missing, you’ll probably know how to motivate him.
I can relate in a way - cereal is definitely a comfort food for me that hits more of an emotional than physical sweet spot - the only difference is that I eat it once in a blue moon vs every night.
There are many other factors outside the scope of this thread that seem to match with depression-type symptoms, but I think all I can do on that front is be there for him.
I’ll work on ways to reinforce healthy habits and make it easier for him to make those choices (heck that goes for me too) in a positive way.
I’m 35 and cereal is not safe in my house. I have to regulate by not buying it. It is definitely a food vice of mine. If we have it, I’ll eat it every night. But I feel like this is about more than cereal.
For what it’s worth, my wife began working out after our first child was born and after some time, I naturally got curious and started joining her. It might just take a little “lead by example.” Granted, this was 8 years ago and I went to the gym to do cardio only while she hit the weights haha.
Cereal was often one of the only options we had in the house while I was growing up. I’d eat a bowl for dinner and a bowl for dessert. Does that count?
Regarding cereal, if you can’t stop buying it, buy something low calorie. I add artificial sweetener if it’s not tasty.
I’m general, changing body composition is difficult for most people. He probably would like to be in better shape, most people do (even those is great shape). It seems many people trying just maintain where they are. The real fit people are usually obsessive, which I think is okay too. All I’m saying is that don’t assume he isn’t trying at all.
I try to do dates and such with my wife that are exercise based. That helps my spouse (and me). I also influence food choices. Have to take the middle ground sometimes. Pick the low hanging fruit first. Make diet and exercise changes fun. And slow. Don’t try to change everything at once.
If you cook and or get groceries, try making sneaky substitutions or simply not keeping items in the house.
He can still get unhealthy foods, but if he wants chips, he’ll have to drive to the store himself. If he wants to make brownies- oops, there’s no flour or sugar in the pantry.
I’m not a man, but I have a brother and dad. as the cook for the family, I know that if I don’t make it or buy it, they won’t have it to eat
As for activity, is there anything he likes or is willing to try?
Exercise in it of itself isn’t as important as nutrition, but the motivation to get better at exercise/sport is sometimes enough to spark nutrition change
