Since i have fired back up trying to get into what i consider decent training shape.
My partner has jumped on the band wagon and she has decided to loose some weight and get healthier.
Unfortunately shes developing a complex of basing her results on mine. Since the excess blubber i required during my layoff is coming off fairly fast. Unfortunately me telling her she cant compare her to myself .
Considering our basic gender differences along with me being very aggressive and OCD plus it not my first Rodeo regarding to leaning out.
Anyone else been in this situation? Any advice on how i should approach this so that shes not a self conscious mess and giving up on herself.
Yeah im being very supportive… matter of fact ive been on her starting out to ease into things and not to go overboard at this point. Im guessing between my oldest son and myself she feels akward about herself.
Best you can do is reassure her that you find her attractive through the process. IMO don’t make it a comparative thing. You’re trying to ease her feelings but she probably hears “you look good….for you”.
Just buy her flowers and call her pretty.
And keep it up. It’s normal to lead women this way.
Idk if she is training with you or not, but if she is lifting, this is applicable.
My wife works out with me. Has worked out before, but is new to lifting. And I NEVER comment on her diet, nor her physique. (Besides the occasional booty comment…) it’s all about hyping up her performance. Talking about her strength increases, new PRs, better form, etc. when we go into the gym, she’s excited because she wants to set a new number in her logbook, she’s not thinking about what the scale or mirror says. Now, the scale and mirror are both saying good things, but that’s the side effect of her work, not the purpose of it, if that makes any sense.
Worked for us anyway, and now she’s my favorite gym partner lol
I’ve been in the same boat with the Mrs. a few times, and even moreso now that I’m preparing for a competition.
No advice here except guiding and encouraging her along the way. Take caution to note whether she’s looking for advice or for you to listen… being a coach and a romantic partner is not a great position to be in.
“I think you look great, but if you want to join in with me along my journey, I’m happy to help”
You will have the opportunity to see what you are made of. As you begin the dive lower than 10% body fat, most people find that their irritability fuse is much shorter than they ever knew. And at the time of an incident, you will feel justified at snapping back.
Cluster a marriage, a bodybuilding contest, and a type A personality and a separation or divorce would not be a surprise.
Dealing with this right now too. Girlfriend thinks a relationship is for getting “fat and happy” together and doesn’t understand why I train so much and watch what I eat. Not sure it’s meant to last, honestly…
You know how it goes. Been together about a year and now dessert’s back on the menu at restaurants. Go over to her place and there’s a new ice cream in the freezer each week, or box of cookies, etc. Wouldn’t be a big deal as an isolated incident, but as a pattern it’s a big fat red flag, pun intended.
Good point… i question if she feels im just kissing on her ass. IF she does it could stem from her being in a bad marriage where her husband had a habit of stepping out.
Shes not ( but i prefer to lift alone)… but ill take a walk with her when she ask.
Thats not a lie … i find it to be a bad position to be in. I know i can be too blunt in most cases. With her im the complete oposite. So it goes against my nature.
She jokingly blames me for the weight she has put on since we met. She calls it love weight.
Don’t wait for her to ask - just tell her. If you’re looking at her ass and thinking “nice,” SAY IT. If you love it when she pulls her shirt over her head, SAY SO. Men forget to use their capacity for speech, I find, or feel that it’s over the top. Women love to feel valued and admired by their intimate partner. While I don’t necessarily want to have sex every time I notice one, I like the validation boners give me (husband’s boners, haha, not just any boner). They tell me he finds me sexy. I love that.
I gained 10 lbs when my husband and I started dating, and he lost 10. I introduced him to steamed rice and he introduced me to frequent consumption of dessert. I think some of that is normal. But to feel that the effort to catch someone has paid off and is now over and you can relax into a tub of ice cream and ratty sweats? No.
I like the balance we’ve achieved at my house. Long hike together, then maybe ratty sweats and ice cream. Or he has ice cream and I have yogurt, depending.
Anyway, the point is - tell her she’s attractive to you in specific ways, as long as you’re being truthful.
Could be and that’s a can of worms. I would just double down on the here and now reassurance while continuing to lead by example. She’s clearly following. Just make it emotionally easy for her. They all have their own quirks and triggers so it’s hard to be super specific but imo this is the gist.
Does she have a tendency to compare herself to others in situations outside of fitness (e.g., feeling bad that she isn’t performing at work as well as a coworker)
If so, there’s probably a deeper issue. There’s a good chance that even if she is well aware of the science or if you explain it to her, she will still get an emotional reaction to seeing your progress and her perceived lack of progress in comparison.
This is just a heads up in case you try to explain to her and she doesn’t seem to listen
