Stop over thinking the squat. Push your ass back, knees out, dip down, and stand back up. You can do it!
I know you’ll do great at the meet
Cyber snuggles for you both!
I am curious if everyone else has a little something off or wrong with one or more of their lifts? I see a lot of meet vids and everything looks so perfect all the time, AHEM, DAVE!!
Maybe my squat will just feel wrong forever and I should let it go and accept that my knees will cave?
Not to blow my own horn, but as far as most lifters go, I’m fairly technically sound. Not everyone is like that. Not even bloody close lol
And really… that’s just my squat lol. Everything else is fairly shit. You can do eeeet.
K don’t say anything till I’m done and I’ll tell you when I’m done.
I AM STILL DOING THE MEET SO SHUT UP…!
But I am being manic and furstrated and crazy, blah blah. I am also tired of feeling ashamed for being so mental all the time, and I WILl not apologize. Not even to myself. Nope nope.
I know I’m nuts and I do programs wrong and that is probaly why I’m weak, etc. But it is who I am, and when I have a bad workout day my anixety wont go away until I fix it and I fix it by changing everything around and it’s calming, though unproductive, stopping the panic attack is priority.
N E Way I am not gonna worry about losing a single fucking pound until the meet is done. All I eat is beef and eggs and I’ve barely lost any weight, but I have lost a lot of strength. I am also a grumpy shit head without carbs, so yuh. BUT WHEN THE MEET IS DONE
MARk
MY
WORDS
Weight will be lost so I can feel somewhat fuckable again <–Lame, I KNOW MKKKKAyyyyyyyy
Um so my current change of plans has led me to attempt smolov/smolov JR for BP again with lighter weights so I can force my knees out over and over again.
Which I thought would be easy, but it’s kinda not…
SO um today
WHICH I woke up at like 5am and turned on my laptop to plan out>!
Um
babbling
115 x 9
115 x 9
115 x 9
115 x 9
K every SINGLE REP KNEES OUT KneeeeeeeeeS OUT I refused to let them cave!
BP
95 x 6
95 x 6
95 x 6
95 x 6
95 x 6
95 x 6
first/last paused
leg spreader drop set x 5 sets
single legged leg ext. with my femur rotated slightly outwards like that random website told me to do 4 x 10/leg
ropey abs
4 x 25
facepulls 2 x 25
oh random mat ab shit
K ya. I wasn’t gonna tell anyone I changed things. I was gonna lie about my workouts and just make up that I did the stuff I was gonna do and then write down the real stuff elsewhere. Then I knew the dishonesty was gonna consume me so I planned to confess it all to thejonty to get it off my chest in about a weeks time, but that seems overly complicated now, HAHA. I don’t know what makes me more mental. The changing of things, or the planning to cover it up??? OH WELL.
K love you all
I should be on medication
HAHAH
hah
ha
heh…
[quote]Spock81 wrote:
I am curious if everyone else has a little something off or wrong with one or more of their lifts? I see a lot of meet vids and everything looks so perfect all the time, AHEM, DAVE!!
[/quote]
Everyone has a weak point on their lift. My chest falls forward when I squat heavy, my elbows flare too soon when I bench heavy, and my lower back rounds when I DL heavy. No one has perfect form on anything when the weight gets really heavy.
You’ll work on your knee caving until it’s no longer your weak point, then it will be your chest caving or butt winking or something. It’s all part of the game.
HA…that was a great, heartfelt post. Be true to yourself.
P.S. Jonty…scrabble? WTF man?
And don’t worry about the weight. One goal at a time.
Ahh, just noticed your new rog. IN. You have a meet coming up!? Awesome, and good luck, I am sure you will stomp heads!
Do what is you Spock. This whole lifting thing is supposed to be just what it is for you–whatever that is.
I know you stress out and get anxious over faults…but its because you like it so much it tortures 
You have the right idea. I think once this meet is under your belt–and you perform I guarantee no one will give you crap about any form issues just hit depth and follow commands. All us lifters are not normal to begin with especially those who compete.
And us ladies get extra attention and props just for showing up really. Even if we show up lumpy and large in a singlet —after a meet you might even feel a bit more fuckable just from the rush of excitement 
But you are right on When is the meet??
I can’t believe lifting stresses you out. Lifting is what I do to reduce my rage toward the world.
Lifting is my way to harness all the things that lifting seems to bring you.
I think you’re looking at it all wrong. You should feel better after you lift. Not worried. Do it for you.
That being said awesome high volume on squats and proud of you for not letting those knees cave. Told you you can do it.
PS thanks for the cyber snuggle. Means a lot in this cold cold world.
[quote]brute_fury wrote:
Do what is you Spock. This whole lifting thing is supposed to be just what it is for you–whatever that is.
I know you stress out and get anxious over faults…but its because you like it so much it tortures
You have the right idea. I think once this meet is under your belt–and you perform I guarantee no one will give you crap about any form issues just hit depth and follow commands. All us lifters are not normal to begin with especially those who compete.
And us ladies get extra attention and props just for showing up really. Even if we show up lumpy and large in a singlet —after a meet you might even feel a bit more fuckable just from the rush of excitement
But you are right on When is the meet?? [/quote]
THis was wonderfully reassuring, thank you.
It’s Dec. 1st.
[quote]Drake37 wrote:
I can’t believe lifting stresses you out. Lifting is what I do to reduce my rage toward the world.
Lifting is my way to harness all the things that lifting seems to bring you.
I think you’re looking at it all wrong. You should feel better after you lift. Not worried. Do it for you.
That being said awesome high volume on squats and proud of you for not letting those knees cave. Told you you can do it.
PS thanks for the cyber snuggle. Means a lot in this cold cold world. [/quote]
Everything I care about the most stresses me out! I told my mom if I ever stop being this obsessive and this mental that it will be time for me to quit powerlifting.
I feel like I spin my wheels a lot, but I think I need to re think what it means to be a beginner.
You’re not a N00B for 6 months and then upgrade to intermediate just like that. NO. All these things take lot of time, and a lot of heart, and if you plan on stickin’ with it for like 20 years, then you gotta suck it up and realize it ain’t gonna be easy.
I need to learn to de-babitize myself. 
K REALLY GOOD DAY TODAY
It’s amazing what carbs did to my squat!
SQuat
125 x 7
125 x 7
125 x 7
125 x 7
125 x 7
One of these was imperfect so I re did it so it was actually 6 sets of 7, but one didn’t count!! I don’t even remember why. I think one rep I slighly came up on my toes or something, Lol.
EASY. PEASY. BITCHES.
bench
100 x 5
100 x 5
100 x 5
100 x 5
100 x 5
100 x 5
100 x 5 First/last paused
Plate side bends 35lbs x 3 x 12/side
leg spreader 3 x 10
single leg ext. 2 x 12/leg
DB row 25lbs x 2 x 20/arm
hanging knee raises 2 x 10 I was gonna do more but my grip was going to shit
UMMM back ext 1 x 25 glute squeezage every rep
patrick bateman abs x 31
Think that was all… OH no, I still had 3 minutes until my dad was set to arrive so I did 2 x 15 DB bicep curls
GOOD.
Lots O’s stuff done and FIN. in SUB 1HR 30 MIN. Including stretching/warm ups
Ya.
UMmmmmmMMmMMm
Life news…
I had a dream that a lion was chasing me through the woods. I had some sort of tranquilizer gun thingie and I kept shooting at it.
I wonder what the lion symbolizes? Maybe my own wrath? Interesting.
OH google said this
“Psychologists tend to think that chase dreams occur when we are unable to cope with our fears and have trouble facing reality”
K BYE
I love that you do “Patrick Bateman abs”
You should read Dave Tate’s article today, talks a lot about the “dead zone” of lifting when you get past newbie gains and struggle with the next step. I think it applies to you.
[quote]giterdone wrote:
P.S. Jonty…scrabble? WTF man?[/quote]
Don’t hate.
Ha, I like how I went from a 1 to a 0 on jonty’s binary scale of fuckability after a 5 minute meeting.
I FEEL SO GOOD ABOUT MYSELF.
SO.
FUCKING.
GREEAAAAAT.
S’okay, I wouldn’t do me either. Well, that’s not totally true. If I knew about how I let guys do whatever they want to me in bed and my desire to suck cock for a copious amount of time I MIGHT consider it.
Only if there was no obligation to stay the night and being drunk was not discouraged, of course.
No, K srsly.
Cue the alanis morissette, I need to talk about my feelings…
I used to work with this girl who was just the most fucked up, pathetic display of a human being I had ever met. She was like 200lbs and could not for the life of her get her shit together. She hired a trainer who bascially just turned into her shrink and I am not certain if she ever really worked out.
You see, every time I saw her at the gym she was just sitting on a bench with her trainer crying. Crying about being fat, cying about being fucked up.
I don’t know if it was her way of getting attention, or just her way of getting out of actually doing physical work.
She disgusted me. Every shift she would cry about being fat and say she would work out with me, then she’d eat shitty food in front of me and never show up to train when she said she would. It drove me nuts.
She would withdraw from school and then re register, then withdrawl and register in a different course.
Everday I wanted to give her some tough lovin’ and tell her to stop shoving SHIT IN her fat FACE and get her FUCKING ass TO THE gym to workout OR TO STOPPPP BITCHING ABOUT IT !
I never said those things though, despite how badly I wanted to…
She also fucked a lot. SHe would fuck anyone. She fucked her banker, a married man, some grocery store clerk.
She got her vag pierced and decided she was queen of the cock.
She had ZERO respect for herself, none. She was incapable of loving herself enough to better herself, to transform herself into a person she could tolerate, let alone love.
I’m just like her now. I can’t stand myself and I’m too weak and full of excuses to better myself. I haven’t been able to make a decision since my fucking stupid school told me I wasn’t good enough for them. Why plan ANYTHING when plans never go according to plan? I was supposed to be an interpreter in 2 years. I was such a good little student. I did everything that was asked of me and got A after A and they told me I wasn’t good enough. SO fuck whatever. I resent the entire Deaf community because of all that bullshit. I AM TO BLAME.
It’s MY fault I got fat.
It’s MY fault I have no job and moved at home with my parents.
IT’S MY fault I couldn’t get any stronger.
It’s mY Fault I don’t like myself! ME MEME. Not stupid boys, not kids picking on me, not people rejecting me, not my parents. NO BODY BUT ME. SO
I am not officially PLANNING anything, but I have 25 lbs to lose and I AM GOING TO FUCKING LOSE IT. I did it before, and I can do it again, and I will NOT be like that stupid co worker who is still 200lbs and crying to anyone who will listen.
WHEWF. That felt good.
Don’t know if anyone bothered to read that whole damn thing, but I sure feel better.
kBYE
I read it. You are not like her. You have self-awareness and that is what it takes to make change.
25lbs…easy peasy
“If you’re going through hell, keep going.”
Winston Churchill