Heal up dude! Like a Phoenix
Ironic - a friend sent me a video on the Phoenix.
Itās a tired trope, but very apropos. Thanks.
I got kicked out of rehab on July 18th. I have now been kicked out of elementary school, high school, and rehab. Trifecta.
Itās not as dramatic as it sounds.
Moving into a sober house tomorrow.
Let it burn baby.
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Doesnāt mean I am a bad person.
No, wasnt implying that at all. I meant nice rehabs.
I hope youāre doing good man.
I was kidding - itās one of my stock lines.
Iām well, thanks. Thirty five days today. Starting over, but itās a start. Got my financial shit sorted and moved. Hitting meetings and the gym.
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Awesome. My regular routine has gotten screwed up in the last couple of years, but that repertoire served me pretty well for quite a while.
Been gymming pretty regular, doing a push, pull, legs split six days a week with twenty minutes or so of cardio thrown in each day. Iām just doing machines, no free weights with the exception of hammer curls for gurls. Iām mainly trying to keep myself busy.
Iāve decided I will no longer refer to my housing as Sober Living or a Sober House - from henceforth it will be referred to as an ashram. It makes me feel better about the situation and casts it in a different light.
Itās actually turned out to be pretty cool - sixteen of us stuffed into a large house with shared goals.
The ashram is close to my parents, who are aging rapidly, so I get to see them often and provide support.
I got a job offer last week, overnight stocking at a grocery store, just waiting for the background check to blow me up. Itās not the highest and best use of my education, but it will (hopefully) be a good opportunity to make a few bucks, keep me busy, and fit.
All I got bros, peace out.
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Still hitting the gym, am seeing physical changes that are motivating.
Background check did not blow me up (shockingly), so I went to orientation today and work my first shift on Sunday. Trying to shift my sleep patterns now. Itās almost 11PM and I just got back from the gym. Iām concerned the graveyard shift and the physicality are going to be a challenge for me.
Take home pay will be about $500 per month less than unemployment, lol.
Late.
Replying to @cdep89 from another thread - did not want to blow up @mnben87 s log.
cdep89 wrote, "Itās a funny one. It seems that thereās a cult with no matter what path you choose. I guess itās the same with weight training āmy way is the bestā. End of the day it doesnāt matter as long as it gets you to where you want to be.
On the Pleasure Drive Principal, even though I donāt think it was a phrase used in The Naked Mind, it was definitely what I got from it. This transfers into a lot of areas of my life though. I have some severe digestive issues and yes, I could eat that thing my body doesnāt like but how long am I gonna feel bad for after? When someone asks me to go for a few beers now my brain goes straight to tomorrow which makes it so much easier to say no to. If iām in a situation where itās around though, I still struggle. Itās always been a battle to just have one."
I am also reading The Freedom Model by Mark Scheeren, Michelle Dunbar, and Steven Slate. They talk extensively about the Pleasure Drive Principle (PDP). I donāt remember seeing it in The Naked Mind but I was likely drunk when I read that.
TFM (The Freedom Model) spends a lot of time bashing AA and the recovery industry. Much of that I find unnecessary. But it does make some good points that you referenced - ideas that Cognitive Behavioral Therapy tries to address. I found CBT ineffective but in hindsight, I realize I had a distorted view of it.
TFM has three main points as I see it (but I am only halfway through it). We have a choice, we are autonomous, and we make choices based on our perception of what is going to give us the most pleasure.
Originally, I was pissed off - I wanted to have a disease and not be responsible for my choices. But I see a great deal of validity in their arguments.
I also macrodosed mushrooms a few months ago and that shit changed my world view - I met god.
The bottom line is whatever works. Find yourself, love yourself, love others. As Ram Dass said, we are all just walking each other home.
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Quit my job schlepping groceries, am close to getting hired as an alcohol and drug counselor, lol.
What a fucking great world we live in.
Got rested up enough to hit the gym today. Just did some wimpy push routine. Will do pull tomorrow, then legs, add weight, rinse repeat.
Hit 100 days sober yesterday - not as awesome as @SkyzykS run, but a good start. I am not a fan of counting days, but 100 is a cool number.
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I never liked the idea that āIt isnāt your faultā, it gave me an excuse not to change. I never considered myself an alcoholic as such (but then lots of heavy drinkers donāt), but I was drinking 35-40 pints a week so whatever definition people have, it was not doing me any good!
I ignorantly attacked AA to a friend of mine once saying āMost people fail, blah blah blahā. The spiritual/religious nature never appealed to me. But guess what, she used to sneak bottles of wine to work which sheād finish by mid-morning, now sheās been sober for 8 years. Any path to dealing with it is a good path. A book spoke to me. If it didnāt and I got deeper into the hole, maybe AA would have been my savior. Itās impossible to know.
Actually, I type this implying it was just a book. But the gym probably had an equal effect. It all coming to my life at the same time was my ticket to freedom I guess.
Congrats on 100 days. Long may it continue.
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Hell yeah, its a cool number. Iām glad for you man.
Yeah, I am not a day counter. I am not an alcoholic, not an addict. I chose to drink. Childhood trauma and shit made the choice easier.
But I own that shit and I am making different choices.
Being comfortable being uncomfortable - under a bar or being sober. All good for me. Love all of you.
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Start, Stop, start.
Hit the gym this am for the first time in a while. Did an upper body routine with light weights, 3x10, had the shakes when I got home.
Things are good otherwise. Spent nine days in NY, hung out with my son - went to see The Office: A Musical Parody Off Broadway. Had lunch at Shake Shack - The Boy is a burger fan. Also went to Black Adam - lunch at Five Guys. Play and movie were meh, burgers were good, company was great.
The boy is funny AF. Main reason for the trip was to see him get inducted into The National Honor Society,
Still sober.
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@TrainForPain - I have come off TRT several times for different reasons. It is not ideal, but my T levels come back to where they were before I started TRT - somewhere around 300.
Many guys do not come back after being on TRT for any length of time, which is why you donāt hear about guys coming off.
I came off of everything recently I wanted to be completely clear while I work on recovery from addiction. I am also hoping that improved lifestyle will result in improved T levels. If not, once I become more settled in recovery I will likely go back on TRT.
Cheers
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That makes complete sense. I appreciate you sharing that. Good luck on that journey; I believe you will get through it
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Went to yoga yesterday for the first time in a few years - just about killed me, so Iām going back again today
Hit the gym for ālegsā this morning - leg press, extensions, curls. About twenty minutes total, lol.
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Took a break to spend a few days out of town, back at it today for upper body. Might hit a yoga class this afternoon. If not, definitely tomorrow.
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Got back from NY a few days ago, good to see my kids!
Back in the gym the last few days. Iām doing some modified 531 crap that I am making up as I go. Basically a bench day, an OHP day, and a legs day. I weighed in at 204 and 20% body fat so I have my work cut out for me. Hope to get to 185 @ 15% by June, plenty of time.
Late
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