Tbh Iâd rather not have other people talking about whatâs going on in my house as personal entertainment.
Maybe youâre fine with it, but i like my privacy.
1 Like
I get that, but again, Iâm distinguishing between benign talk and malicious. I know my kids sit around laughing over me and my husband, I know my daughter and his daughter talk, and because theyâre both given to humor, theyâre laughing about us. Itâs okay, because I know itâs not unkind. They love us, they respect us, and they think weâre weirdos. If they havenât speculated as to how theyâre going to manage us when weâre old, Iâd be stunned. If they arenât laughing over it, Iâd be disappointed, because we certainly are. He and I both have a lot of energy, and itâs not always used wisely. Containing us will be a challenge.
I trust that their laughter is kind. Because they are.
2 Likes
Interesting topic.
I agree that I was a little uncomfortable with the idea of family gossip when I first learned of it.
Youâre saying you trust your kids to talk about your lives.
Iâm saying âgossipâ includes friends, relatives, acquaintances, virtual strangers.
You may be less receptive under these terms.
âNot our businessâ is a nice way to live.
I see your point - why do my coworkers need to discuss me? But I have four adult kids and my job makes me a weirdly public person on a very small scale, so Iâm used to people discussing me and the things I say or do or wear or whatever.
The topic is gossip within a marriage, so a level of intimacy is expected, but regardless of who is doing the gossiping, I guess my optimistic assumption is that if people are talking about me, theyâre doing so in a positive manner, as I donât think I do much that would earn me malice. If and when I do, I am comfortable with it being discussed. Have I played a part in ending your abusive marriage? Go ahead and call me a bitch for helping him or her find the courage to end it. Did I call you on your shitty patient care? Malice away! Have I made you feel silly after you tried to put me in my place? Well, it was probably on purpose, so go ahead and be mad.
By the same token, the people about whom I do gossip with malice have crossed a line with me. Dishonest service, that sort of thing. In this case I would say FAFO, or as Ben Franklin put it: âIf you do what you should not, you must bear what you would not.â I wouldnât actually call this gossip, more like a poor reference/review. Although going back to my marriage, my husband certainly knows when someone has upset me or hurt my feelings, whether itâs someone close to us or out in the greater world.
I guess in summary, I would say that people talk. This is simply a fact of life. I think the matter under discussion here (Chrisâ post) is something that could as easily be called âchit-chatâ in a marriage.
Do my neighbors talk about our new dog? Maybe. Do I care? No. That our music is too loud sometimes? Donât care because I think weâre reasonable with it. Are my former coworkers checking out my website and asking shared patients about me, and gossiping about it? Maybe. Donât care.
The only people with power over me are the people nearest to me, and I trust them. Not to never say bad things, but to be free of nastiness/malice. Malicious people donât matter to me. I donât need their good opinion, because the catch with them is that they donât want to HAVE a good opinion. They want drama or to feel big by making others feel small. People like this are irrelevant to me.
If Iâve done something bad (and given my work, Iâm sure Iâve fallen short) it probably deserves to be talked about; a negative review. Same with my kids. Obviously I didnât raise them without making mistakes. Itâs okay for them to say so to each other or their friends or what have you.
3 Likes
This is great.
Especially when combined with this:
.
1 Like
I mean, I donât love it when people shit talk me, of course. Iâve developed a much thicker skin through work, both because sometimes people donât like me during intakes and I have to accept that, and because I have people come in regularly who mostly donât like people or who donât trust anyone, and itâs a really troubled existence. Iâm also stunned by the power some of my clients give to people who are filled with nastiness. My person will be sitting here, overwhelmed with shame, and Iâm looking at them thinking, but youâre the nicest person ever! Donât let them tell you youâre shitbag - youâre 100% not!
1 Like
TL;DR: Longer than normal eyelashes are attractive. Ridiculously long (fake) eyelashes arenât as visually attractive, but men will assume youâre a ho and open to hoâing around with them anyway.
- Study focus: Examined how eyelash length affects perceptions of health, attractiveness, and sexual receptivity.
- Optimal length: Eyelashes about one-third of eye width were rated most attractive and healthiest.
- Too short/too long: Both shorter and longer eyelashes were viewed as less healthy and less attractive.
- Sexual receptivity signal: Longer-than-optimal eyelashes were interpreted as a sign of openness to casual relationships, despite lower attractiveness ratings.
2 Likes
Interesting topicâŠ.I was beginning to think I was the only person in the world who has been noticing these ridiculously long, absurd long lashes women seem to have started wearing more and more. To me, they just look comical as they immediately [to me anyway] shout âhey, take a look at these things! Notice me!â But 9 times out of 10 yes, they are attached to a chick who looks like sheâs auditioning to be on Love Island, etc. They donât look sexy, or hot, they just look dumb. Kinda like when someone goes overboard on their lips (that Lisa Rinner woman from the housewives showâŠ.I didnât know her name so I just googled housewife with ridiculous lips lol and there was her name), or their butt (lil Kim).
All of these things, if done correctly, are supposed to be a SLIGHT enhancement, not be glaringly obvious, and if they are, well, you went too far. As my wife says, itâs kind of like makeupâŠ.you should wear enough to be noticeable that you put some on, but when you wear too much, put it on too thick, then it quickly goes from a beauty enhancer to a person wearing a clown face. Hey ladies, do what you like, but I know myself and my guy friends (who have noticed it/spoken to me about these things) all think moderation is the key.
Although I have to say Chris, I think the article is trying to say, in a nice way, that women who wear those insanely long eyelashes look kinda slutty, haha. Maybe like a slutty clown, for who can take them serious when speaking to them face to face? There is this one woman I work with who wears those stupid things and when Iâm speaking to her, all I can focus on is those long, goofy looking things that keep blinking in my face, itâs very distracting and sometimes I have to stop myself from just laughing out loud.
1 Like
The fake eyelashes always make me think of Sesame Streetâs Snuffleupagus.
3 Likes
Ha! Thatâs exactly what they look like, but with lower-cut shirts and higher-pushed boobs.
I live in an outdoorsy-vibe place, so I only see fake eyelashes when I go into cities. I attended a dance recital a couple of months ago in suburban MA, and one of the dancers, a teenager, was wearing them. At the end they did a Dirty Dancing finale thing where they came into the auditorium and danced in the aisles. At the end, the lash kidâs parents were right there behind me, and the kid was dancing beside me. The kid: âOh! I didnât even see you there!â 
Even living in Dallas-Ft Worth, I felt that Iâd be wearing too much makeup if anyone could ever be surprised by the way I look without it. I wear it - but Iâd like to think I look pretty much the same camping as I do at work or going out, and I want to be able to run into the grocery store after hiking bare-faced without feeling self-conscious.
Thereâs a difference with it on for me - more polished - but Iâve had friends who are profoundly different without it and who canât feel okay if theyâre caught without makeup. Itâs a kind of enslavement.
1 Like
Yeah, I see it as insecurity. My one old girlfriend would always wear too much. And it took too long, and all kinds of other stuff. Then the fake boobs, unnecessary botox and more recently the blown up lips.
And the simple fact was that she was actually very pretty, and looked very good with little or none. 
.
1 Like
Yeah, the original study really had to be careful with the language to keep it sciency, but that was the gist.
Pretty fascinating: Too-long eyelashes = not attractive, yet also âsignalsâ that theyâre DTF (which Iâm sure means down to frolic). So, I guess they are attractive⊠if youâre trying to attract a guy who thinks youâre easy and quickly disposable.
Or maybe this is one of those things where a trend catches on and some women always want to be on trend⊠even if that trend doesnât make them look better. Iâve never understood that. For men, it was saggy-butt jeans and joggers. âHey, Iâm trendy and stylish even though I look like Iâm wearing a thrice-used diaper!â Nope nope nope.
3 Likes
Best explanation Iâve got is that women want what other women want.
I blame social media.
Yeah, but who wants to have difficult, costly, and - to many people non-enhancing - facial features? Like, these donât win that magical âtop 10%â of men, I wouldnât think.
Women stuck in the algorithm.
Just like with their gucci or labubu (or whatever) bags - men dont give a fuck about it. But its meant to flex on other women.
Intrasexual competition being chosen over intersexual competition always amuses me.
Lol, best description of that dumb (and still sadly ongoing âtrendâ) was from my dad, who upon seeing that for the first time said âthey think that looks cool?? They look like they just took a dump in their pants and its causing them to sag downâ. I laughed pretty hard at that.
But yeah, Iâm pretty sure that the trend originated in prison, where âguysâ who would wear their pants like that were signaling to other inmates that they were âDTFââŠso again, why would doing that on the outside be cool? I also love watching cops, when they try to run from the police and their pants fall down and trip them up, itâs hilarious. But hey, they sure look cool doing so. Even funnier when theyâre in cuffs and their pants fall around their ankles and they say âsay dawg, let me pull up my pants officerâ and the cops smirk and say ânow why didnât you just wear a belt like a normal human being?â and they make them shuffle to the back of the patrol car with their pants around their ankles like a child. Man, thatâs such a cool fashion statement /s
2 Likes
Itâs a really bad choice of attire for doing crimes. 
1 Like
I agree, itâs pretty weird. I think I want the same reaction from both sexes - that they find me appealing, whatever that means at any given age. Iâve wanted that men find me interesting without women being repelled.
I suppose Iâm looking for the same in men.