I’m 17 and I’m trying to become an alpha male. Not just with women or nothing (I believe in monogamous relationships and will always stand by that) but like, in general. The thing is that, I’m realizing that I’m not really as mentally strong as I once thought I was. I’m disciplined, but I still have a lot of weak traits, like a big ego, and often times, lack of emotional control, and problems listening to people. To be honest, I’m habitual, and fear of failure plagues my soul. I accept all blame and responsibility for my actions and that , and don’t make excuses, but I also bitch about shit in my head , and out loud.
To me, I’m 50% alpha and 50% weak. I’m trying to be all the way alpha. Weak people never get what they want, or what they could have, because they let everything else control them rather then growing some balls. I don’t want to be like that.
You are a bag of meat that will expire in about 75 years, standing on a spinning rock hurtling around a ball of gas that’s just one of trillions of balls of burning gas in the known universe (there may be more). You aren’t special, significant or alpha. Once you realize this, self improvement will become easier.
Don’t think about your character faults and features as “alpha” and “weak”. There are some things you like about yourself, others you don’t. Make it a goal you work toward every day to get better.
I see you saying that you aren’t assertive or conscientious enough. Maybe Google “how to be assertive” and read a few books on it. Or “how to accept feedback”.
Everyone does. Life is not without pain for anyone. The delineation between people is that most people whine about their problems and then try to drown them (drugs, booze, diversions), some people actually try to take steps and solve problems.
I’d recommend starting off reading about stoicism. Read epictetus and Marcus aurelius for starters.
You are fairly self aware for 17yo and that’s good. I’d caution you against navel gazing and toward taking action to actually fix shit… from my own experience.
Ego is part of who you are, and most of alpha males have big ego. Having a strong ego means that you won’t seek approval of others for your actions.
Fear is healthy thing to have. So you won’t take a loan in a bank to go gambling for example. And you won’t get drunk and try to fight biggest guy in the room.
We are all bitching sometimes, and there’s nothing wrong to went.
That’s where you are wrong. It’s all about determination and what are you willing to do to accomplish your goals.
When you hit 20 you’ll have much bigger worries and you won’t be bothering yourself with “Am I alpha” shit.
Exactly, life is about growth. I’ve said this on here many many times, self assessment is one of the most difficult things a person can do because of our ego’s, but it is absolutely vital for growth.
As far I’m concerned, being an “alpha” male, or female for that matter, is being able to identify areas you could improve in, making a plan to improve them, and then executing that plan, but also recognizing that growth is a life long pursuit not something you work hard at, achieve, and then move on.
People with big egos are often also highly avoidant (as much as they don’t tend to see themselve’s that way), therefore, my advice is to figure out what it is you are avoiding, hit it head on & let the humbling commence. Only when you truly allow yourself to be vulnerable & eat humble pie will you see the light.
Plus, I would also recommend spending time around people who are relatively ego-less, sometimes even the smallest & most ego-less of things these folks do can be really edifying to behold.
I would also recommend reading ‘Re-thinking narcissism’ by Craig Malikin.
That whole “Alpha this, and Alpha that”, is just straight up bullshit. What is it supposed to be measuring anyways? How well and/or better you appear to be than anyone else?
I’ll be the optimistic one here because there’s going to be a healthy, weighted dosage of the opposite perspective soon enough to come in his thread. Not that I have an issue with it, as the flip side of a coin is what makes it a whole.
Basement Gains is correct, if you’re inclined to looking at the world from a very large perspective. In doing so it’s also very easy to simultaneously view this particular floating rock as uniquely speacial since we have yet to find another one EXACTLY like it, and to view yourself as another uniquely special being on said floating rock.
I’m spiritual enough as it is, so take from this what you see fit, or leave it.
Of all the philosophical theories and truths that have their tangent places concerning this subject, mental fortitude is as subjective as the people who think about it. It’s up to you personally how to decide to create your ebb and flow and apply it to yourself.
Again, subjectivity is pretty awesome in its own essence. On one side there’s viewing these human traits such as you are now, on the other side a lot of people including myself, view these as principles that keep us humble. We all have the capability to exercise these traits. Sometimes voluntarily, sometimes involuntarily. I personally, don’t view these traits as things that need to be suppressed or eliminated, but as things that are reminders that I’m very normal in the sea of humanity. Not to think to highly or too lowly of myself. These things you’ve pointed out have their place. Sometimes more sometimes less, sometimes stirred into interpersonal relationships in society, sometimes meant to be kept in intrapersonal practices. How well you can divvy these things up, is up to you and there’s plenty of time to find your way. Sometimes you don’t ever really find a perfect fit or sweet spot, but always continuing to improve, or switch things up accordingly until you die. And there’s nothing wrong with that.
Reference above ^^
The most irritating thing I’ve been learning about perspective is, again, it’s extremely subjective. Those same folks with traits you “dont want to be like”, could easily look at you and in turn say, “I don’t want to be like that”. And it’s justified because you are your own person.
I used to try and use numbers and percentages to measure my own being. I wouldn’t do that. Numbers, and measurements have their place for concrete subjects. But to try and use them to measure very fluid things such as human emotions, ambitions, failures, dreams, or mental capabilities…well…there’s enough irony in that to confuse even the most intellectual of us.
Again, weakness is extremely subjective. What some people mistake for weakness can be respectable humility, or self control, or courteousness, or unyielding kindness, or content. Even the lack of evidence that suggests progression, doesn’t equal weakness. On that same note, strength doesn’t always equate to certain feelings or even physical examples of what we’ve attached strength to exhibit.
As far as what it means to be controlled by something, aren’t we all controlled by something?
I’ll use the word driven in place of controlled. Some folks are driven by self preservation, some by seeing peace, some strength, some are driven by pleasing others, some are driven by the need to feel accepted or appreciated. Some people are driven by the truth that at the end of everything death, will still come to greet you in form or fashion, and today and tomorrow are the little snippets of our lives that require us to be in the here and now. Some people are driven by fear, some are driven by a complete lack of it. Some people are driven by the need to teach others, some are driven ably the need to learn as much as they can. Some people are driven by their need to watch the world burn, some are driven by their faith that’s tied to what they believe in their hearts.
Maybe I’m looked at as having the wrong views, but the words driven and controlled aren’t completely exclusive of one other. It depends on the person and how they’re defining it.
I’m surprised I haven’t driven myself mad with pondering these things, and I now understand bits and pieces of what men and woman, thousands of years ago were also pondering when it comes down to humanity, in all that we are. Trying to control your emotions is equally as important as letting them reign free, and respecting them for what they are. Emotions.
How “well” you do that, is uniquely up to you.
Apologies for the large dose of altruism, but the older I get the more I can’t help but give a shit about everyone else. I’m in your age range, and I understand these feelings and questions about life. Sometimes I wish I had a family that viewed life like this, but I’ve been gifted a husband that does, and the brain and heart to try and understand things like that, and a goal of mine is to simply just pass it on.
Hope you continue to flourish as much as you possibly can.
But I got my lazy self together and made it short.
“Alpha” is in my opinion overrated. I just don’t give a damn about etiher, people who are or aren’t alpha, if they mess with my plans they all get treated same way, unless they have solid reason for doing so, or are doing it for my own good. I am reasonable guy after all.
I don’t want to force my will onto others or make others to do things my way. I don’t care what other people do, or how they do that, as long as it has nothing with me. And I’m not really prone to judging people either.
But I don’t tolerate people trying to boss me around for no reason or trying to bully me or “put me to my place”. I get nasty on people who do that.
So I see myself as independent or solitary. And I honestly think that more people should be like that.
You’re a young man @ 17 years old. Kids need big egos so that they can leave the nest and go out into the world, slay some dragons, establish themselves as an autonomous being and move forward in life.
Im weird in actual face to face settings. Well, as weird as people perceive to me to be.
Even folks who’ve adopted that need to teach, or put people in their places as they see fit, while they irritate me to some degree, I also get reasonably fascinated by people who are like that, because I wanna know what’s the trigger for them being like that. Not that I have the intention to change that, or bring it up in their faces as a means to get them to leave me alone, although I very well use that tactic more then I’d like to admit.
Sometimes I catch myself not caring about a slew of things and people, but the way my mind has constructed itself, is to be intimate. Not in the sexual aspect of it, but to know about people and things and how it do what it do lol.
And that all sounds good typed out right here, but The physical application of me doing that, I come as off as creepily polite, and that annoying type of nice lol.
