The Psychology Thread 🧠

[Andrewgen_Receptors]

@SkyzykS

@Andrewgen_Receptors

There’s nowhere left where boys can just be boys and men can just be men.

I know we’ve kicked this subject around a bit before, but my question remains the same. Is that really true though?

Can you name a single male-only space?

I understand your point. I am the same version of me regardless of who I’m in front of - but this is playing with fire as I openly admit things that would get me cancelled (if I was actually popular) or fired (if my employer somehow got wind of what I was saying).

I think what @Brant_Drake was talking about here actually ties in well, albeit possibly for different reasons.

@Brant_Drake

a confusion of what masculinity is when you start out.

We’re all delicate, sensitive, radioactive psychopaths at the beginning, then life happens. You learn all sorts of destructive shit, with a dad or without, then have to figure it out out on your own.

Teaching boys to become men often requires men to teach boys. This used to be in places like the YMCA (young men’s christian association), boy scouts (obvious), and even in the military.

I think the turnover rate of Boys > Men in generations past was much higher than it is now.

I also think that there are less men raising boys, and that men are poo-poohed across basically every form of media such that male role models are a rarity.
Leaving a wide open doorway for people like Andrew Tate (whose discourse was never really complained about by men, only women… I’m sensing a recurring theme here).

---

You and I had very different paths to manhood.
You are a reformed ‘bad boy’.
I am a reformed ‘nice guy’.

You didn’t need an all-male space to become your authentic self.
I did.

[SkyzykS]

@Andrewgen_Receptors

Can you name a single male-only space?

Yeah. The fly fishing club I used to belong to. It was a work thing when I was doing that, but yeah. Private, invitation only, and held at a camp in maryland that was strictly men only, with the exception of kitchen help and coffee service.

It just wasn’t my thing though. . I just don’t feel the need. The women in my life seem to like being women, and like men that are men.

@Andrewgen_Receptors

Teaching boys to become men often requires men to teach boys.

Solidly agree.

I also see a tremendous lack of that in many ways.

@Andrewgen_Receptors

I also think that there are less men raising boys,

Very much so.

@Andrewgen_Receptors

and that men are poo-poohed across basically every form of media such that male role models are a rarity.

… Here’s where we depart. I consider myself a pretty manly man. Decent provider, protector, etc. I’ve never seen a single thing pertaining to the subject of manhood on any media that changed anything in my life in any way whatsoever. If somebody is that able to be coerced or manipulated then I feel bad for them. They’re going to have a hard time.

@Andrewgen_Receptors

Leaving a wide open doorway for people like Andrew Tate

He falls squarely under the media stuff.

@Andrewgen_Receptors

You didn’t need an all-male space to become your authentic self.

. My mom left when I was 6. I was raised in a psychopathically violent fight club. Like a legitimate absolute free for all.

I needed (need) women to become my authentic self. To learn or gain some understanding of empathy, compassion, care, like, the softer side of life.

Even now, in my current state (which ain’t bad), I’m in therapy learning how to become a better self, husband and father- from a woman. Turns out that theres more to life than tapping ass and cracking skulls, like forming real intimate relationships and understandings, which had eluded me growing up.

Sometimes I’m truly amazed at the understanding and depth of knowledge my son has of emotion. I attribute the majority of this to his mother, cuz honestly, I don’t see myself as strong in this subject.

Suffice to say, I see women as having a lot to offer.

[Andrewgen_Receptors]

@SkyzykS

I see women as having a lot to offer

I agree, we just differ on what it is they offer, I think - and that’s okay

@SkyzykS

I’ve never seen a single thing pertaining to the subject of manhood on any media that changed anything in my life in any way whatsoever.

I would no different.
There is a harsh generational difference between you and I, and the zoomers and alphas (our kids).

In short: the ‘Man vs Bear in the woods’ thing that went around on the internet some 6ish months ago - never would have been a thing in your day (I assume). Men were generally seen as good or neutral (at least by women, in general).

Nowadays, men are generally seen as bad or inconvenient at best. We see terms like “toxic masculinity” as if it actually meant something.
If this weren’t the case, why would so many young women choose the bear instead of the man?

*I rarely take women at their word, but it was a surprisingly large number of women saying they’d feel safer with the bear… I’m okay with letting them have the bear.

[SkyzykS]

@Andrewgen_Receptors

In short: the ‘Man vs Bear in the woods’ thing that went around on the internet some 6ish months ago - never would have been a thing in your day (I assume). Men were generally seen as good or neutral (at least by women, in general

Maybe. There were a number of pretty bad ones around. They did a lot of damage and left a lot of lasting impressions.
Maybe they’re why its around now?

@Andrewgen_Receptors

If this weren’t the case, why would so many young women choose the bear instead of the man?

Here’s the thing. Nobody texts their buddy or talks over beers about how they smack their woman around, or any sexual assaults they may have comitted. They know it would diminish their standing.

Maybe its part of my “appeal” for lack of a better term, but a lot of women see me as protective and safe. Its one of those traits that just comes through. Some of them are women who have been hurt by men. They’ve told me as much.

Then there are guys who see me as threatening and dangerous. And they probably should. I’m ok with that.

So while the bear thing for me was just another meme, I definitely wasn’t surprised by it.

[EmilyQ]

I’m not sure where to drop this - maybe I’ll put it in Single Moms as well. This popped up in my feed last night and sort of blew my hair back because he perfectly states the problem in 1:09 minutes. Things are different at the bottom of the socioeconomic scale (just finished JD Vance’s Hillbilly Elegy, which lays things out very nicely there without knowing what the solution would be), but for the women who are not living in poverty, here is your explanation, and why the burden is on men. More women leave than men. Why? Many reasons. But the issue is that men have stopped trying to be better than nothing. Women are very self-sufficient. We can earn, cook, clean, travel, raise kids, walk the dog - the question is why any of us would prefer not to have a partner in all this.

Men would not remain in jobs if they behaved there the way many of them behave at home.

Teach Me To Be The Man You Want

@Chris_Shugart if you want to pull this post, I totally understand.

[Njord]

I have to agree with the sentiment around not worrying about women, or men or how it all fits as a puzzle to build. I think nature takes care of that.

If I look at my life and interests through an intentional definition lense, I have a pretty masculine life.

I am interested in leaving a legacy even if just for my own family, my hobbies are weight training, riding motorcycles and specifically Harley Davidsons, hunting, shooting aside from hunting (I really like long range stuff, the various shotgun games and have done some 3 gun), fishing, barbecuing (and if you do it right it is a hobby, I’m not grilling hotdogs), boating et cetera. I still get excited when I buy a new pocket knife.

I’ve never really thought to myself “I should be a man and make sure I’m fitting definitions today, I think I’ll go for a ride.” More like man it’s a nice day, a ride sounds fun. I wonder what my buddies are doing, and off we go to a rally point. And it’s always a group of men. Same for golf, fishing or whatever else.

And in the nature vs nurture landscape as it ties to psychology, I think both exist but I think nature is pretty strong in the gender realm. Existing is different than learning cultural manners. Plus we’ve seen the attempt to nurture people across genders and it’s backfiring. Lots of regret boomeranging around.

I also haven’t had a problem being a man. I’m not everybody’s cup of tea but none of us are. If a woman is in to the effeminate, musician type for example I’m not going to fit the bill . This doesn’t mean there’s a systemic issue with misaligned ideology.

One time I was out on the Harley solo and stopped at a place near Austin for lunch. I switched the helmet for a Harley hat and was minding my own business at my table when a fat lesbian walked by and made the sideways comment “there you go. Grow a beard and wear a Harley hat, that will make you a man” and it was funny watching her literally waddle away. But I think she’s mad at everything. Probably hard to be happy when you’re born ugly, with weird proportions and lesbian. For the record the beard is closely trimmed, and professional. A one guard. It’s not a woolybully thing so I’m not sure what set her off. Maybe because she can’t grow one.

It did not affect my life.

I understand sentiment around the institutional stuff, however. I agree it’s weird girls are in the Boy Scouts but also believe men can be men and be examples of men just by being men, while angry lesbians force participation in one off institutions.

So go be a man, or just be you and you have a dick that’s being a man, and get in where you fit in. The rest doesn’t matter.

[Chris_Shugart]

@Andrewgen_Receptors

@Chris_Shugart if this is getting too off topic, feel free to say so.

Nah, go for it. We’re in Off Topic!

[marine77]

I’ve attracted far more women being indifferent towards them than being “nice”… every. fucking. time

[Njord]

100%. They want to be wanted.

[marine77]

I had to accept that reality… nice = turns them off. I’m not fighting back against Mother Nature.

[Njord]

In my experience you don’t have to be a dick, but if you roll out the red carpet and make them feel like they’re on a pedestal they’ll act like they are.

And you’ll get farther being a dick, but don’t have to be. They’re just women.

[zecarlo]

@Andrewgen_Receptors

I blame much of this on the complete lack of male spaces.

They manage to find these spaces online. They also have the freedom to associate with whomever they want. They can’t call up their friends and go do something together? But this would require having friends and the willingness to actually do something.

When I was a kid we went fishing, rode our bikes, played sports, got into trouble, etc.

[marine77]

Caught crawdads, set fire to bugs with magnifying glasses, built ramps, dumped motor oil in the street and di burn outs with our go cart, spray painted pentagrams, carried switchblade combs and Chinese stars

[twojarslave]

Works bombs. Playing with knives, axes and machetes. Guns sometimes, too. Pumpkin heists. TP’ing many houses on the road. Shooting Japanese beetles with bb guns. Shooting each other with bb guns. Lots of trespassing. Kicking garbage cans with the pegs of our bikes far from home with no helmet. Chucking bowling-ball sized rocks at mailboxes while doing 110 mph on flatland backroads.

My older brother and I also broke a water main at Chain 'O Lakes State Park in Indiana in the mid 1980’s. Left unsupervised, we were exploring the area and opening things up when we found ourselves confronted with a spider several feet below us on what turned out to be the water main.

I’m not really sure if the big rock we dropped on it killed the spider, but it went on a wild ride if it survived.

I think that brings us up to the statute of limitations with some of my activities earlier on in life.

[marine77]

I got a machette and a pair of Chucks at Grandpa Pigeon’s for like $8

[SkyzykS]

I still have not hitting myself in the head anymore level nunchuck skills.

[twojarslave]

My dad bought me my machete in San Juan when I was 13.

[jshaving]

@SkyzykS

Is that really true though?

It’s not.

[DoesTheHeavyLifting]

To get this thread back on the rails, it is time to get back to the Psychological Studies Of Primary Importance.

For example:

Do dogs resemble their owners?

I recently covered a study finding that couples come to resemble each other facially over time. So what about dogs and their owners? There are a few studies on this – well actually there’s three academic articles and just one study.

a. Roy and Christenfeld (2004) find that, yes, dogs do resemble their owners, but only if they’re purebreds – that’s the dogs now, not the owners. So, the old chestnut is true. Hooray!

b. Levine (2005), reanalysing the data collected in the first study, say no – there’s problems with Roy and Christenfeld’s (2004) study. This means we can’t yet be sure purebred dogs resemble their owners. A new study is required. Booo.

c. The authors of the original study say yes their original study was correct (Roy & Christenfeld, 2005). Hooray! (I think?)

5 Intriguing Studies of Human-Dog Psychology - PsyBlog

[DoesTheHeavyLifting]

If you understand how the human mind works better than I do, maybe you can explain some of these odd items available on AliExpress…

(Shown: Minions swimwear, wolf undies, lightsaber umbrella, 8.5’ teddy bear skin. Please erase links if violate any rules.)

Weirdest Things You Can Buy On AliExpress