The Psychology Thread 🧠

[SkyzykS]

It could be. And there is definitely value in building a life. I built one to the point of being able to sustain real relationships. It started with the understanding that happiness or satisfaction for that matter, was an inside job.

Then I built a real relationship with my wife (destroyed a couple too along the way). And made a home with her for the son we then had.

Its less about the work and the objects or human ornaments, and more about the satisfaction and happiness derived from having those people and things as part of my life, versus the futility of a temporary emotional lift that one who is looking for those emotions from the next object they can afford or person they form a relationship with.

That aslo, not coincidentally, makes the work easier.

[Brant_Drake]

I think I meant that while the ability and the discipline to delay gratification is certainly important, denial of happiness can become a “virtue” that takes away from a good life if you get so focused on a future that you don’t have a present.

At the same time, simply existing for pleasure is going to have consequences but you should choose a job you like, since you’ll spend 33% of your life doing it. Enjoy life as a continuation from point to point - not seeking an endpoint.

[SkyzykS]

@Brant_Drake

Enjoy life as a continuation from point to point - not seeking an endpoint.

Yeah. There is no arrival. There is only the present. If you aren’t happy in the moment, you’ll never “arrive”.

One of the truly endearing qualities of @EmilyQ is her ability to express gratitude and appreciate the present. She’s really good at that.

[EmilyQ]

Aw, thanks. It’s my nature, but I’ve also reinforced it by pursuing a good bit of training in positive psychology, which is the focus of @Chris_Shugart’s article (which I skimmed because you people are NOT going to cause me to miss my workout this morning).

I had a startling conversation with my husband a week or so ago, really recently, in which he expressed that “too much” appreciation “waters down” the pleasure found in experiences, e.g. sunset. We have phenomenal sunsets at my house, in my opinion, in part because it occurs behind pretty stuff. Stone walls and fields. And he sort of offered “well, they can’t all be the best sunset,” and I was bewildered. Why do we have to wait for the best sunset to be like holy shit that’s a nice sunset, and aren’t we lucky to get to have it at our house? Dinner is the same way. Food has to be pretty bad for me not to be all “OMG this is so good” (talking with food in my mouth because my joy over yet another plateful of chicken, veggies, and rice cannot wait). I say it pretty much every night. Are there better and less better sunsets and chicken dinners? Yes, of course. But that doesn’t make this one not notably good.

Anyway, it stunned me and I’m still thinking about what to do about it. It’s clear he must be saved from himself, but I’ve been too busy wildly buying shit to even up presents, then buying more because it’s unbalanced (but do journals for 11-year-olds really count as gifts?) to figure out how to save him.

Also, what has he been thinking these 11 years now as I’ve gushed over the sunset, the chicken, how comfortable the bed is, the astonishing excellence of Buttons, etc, etc, on the daily? Like, is he thinking to himself, “eh, mediocre sunset at best.”

He was also confused by my announcement that all of my dreams have come true. Thirteen year old me would be very pleased with where we are and what we do and how we live. He came back with something along the lines of that he’s not done dreaming/doing, which nor am I, but this is still mostly perfect. Dog check, big family check, live in country check, be in shape check, be a therapist and wear smart girl glasses and tell people what to do and also make them laugh check, and so on.

Sunset:

[Njord]

@EmilyQ

He came back with something along the lines of that he’s not done dreaming/doing, which nor am I, but this is still mostly perfect. Dog check, big family check, live in country check, be in shape check, be a therapist and wear smart girl glasses and tell people what to do and also make them laugh check, and so on.

It’s a beautiful sunset.

I understand what you’re saying, but I understand your husband too. You can enjoy things for what they are in a moment but you can’t let them cost your edge. We live in an entropic world and you have to continually add logs to the fire, even to just maintain. If I had to guess, he’s avoiding complacency. Shouldn’t lose gratitude in the process, however.

[SkyzykS]

@EmilyQ

Sunset

That is really good. You guys have a really nice horizon. Like, oceans and fields- not great. Flat and featureless, really.

Mountains and ridges with some elevation and features is where its at. The one behind my house is good. Its uphill to a steep ridge with a nice tree line and kinda changes color with the seasons.

[DoesTheHeavyLifting]

The trick is to enjoy the present and build for the future too at the same time. It’s much tougher to do that than it looks.

I found the advantage of seeing negativity as “garbage” is you can picture those who embody it as “garbage trucks”, which is sort of fun to do. I visualize the trucks driving away frustrated after being refused permission to dump whatever load.

[Chris_Shugart]

Hmm…

A sexual frustration theory of aggression, violence, and crime

[Njord]

I 100% believe this and am surprised it required a study

[marine77]

I’m violent, angry, aggressive and OVER SEXED !

[Andrewgen_Receptors]

@EmilyQ

you people

God I wish I could have gotten the whole gif.

Everytime I hear this, I think of this scene:

RDJ (in blackface): what do you mean ‘you people’?
Actual black guy: what do YOU mean ‘you people’??

We need more movies like this.

[Andrewgen_Receptors]

@BrickHead and I have discussed this in numerous threads over the past year or two.

Most people bury their heads in the sand and act like it isn’t happening or isn’t a problem.

60% of men under 30 are sexless, a 250% increase in the past decade.
Nothin to see here, folks

[marine77]

Female delusion is at an all-time high… average men are so far beneath their psychotic standards

[Njord]

@Andrewgen_Receptors

Most people bury their heads in the sand and act like it isn’t happening or isn’t a problem.

60% of men under 30 are sexless, a 250% increase in the past decade.
Nothin to see here, folks

I can admit some of the conversations here have opened my scope of understanding of some of the younger crowd.

But I legit think that instead of crying, men should quit being pussies. Women respond to that. I’m not saying be a dickhead peacock but be assertive, for sex. They’re not going to let a bitch breed and breeding, or the desire to, is what sex boils down to.

I would guess 60% of men aren’t breedable. Women don’t want an “ally”. This used to be called the friend zone. Be a cock instead. Own it.

[zecarlo]

@Njord

I would guess 60% of men aren’t breedable. Women don’t want an “ally”. This used to be called the friend zone. Be a cock instead. Own it.

I sort of agree with you. Not with the be a cock thing because you attract what you project. But most young American men just don’t know how to talk to women. In truth, they don’t know how to talk to anyone unless it’s online. They lack social skills. They spend too much time playing video games or worrying about fantasy football or whatever. They don’t want to dress as an adult male. They’re boring. Many of them smoke too much weed. You would think 90% of them are on the spectrum.

The sad thing is, women are no better.

[Andrewgen_Receptors]

@Njord

I legit think that instead of crying, men should quit being pussies. Women respond to that. I’m not saying be a dickhead peacock but be assertive, for sex.

You and I have the same conclusion here.

This conclusion is usually considered to be “misogynistic” or “toxically masculine” (both of which I am okay with wearing as a brand, for the record).

But in a world where being mean to a woman is virtually a criminal activity - this is a huge deterrent for boys that would otherwise turn into the kinds of men this nation (and world) requires.

So the message that needs to be heard is lost behind a wall of undue risk, which prevents these otherwise productive men from becoming men.

I believe this is intentional manipulation by the government and MSM that own the feminist propaganda machine.
If you beat the young men down, they don’t get up to fight when you overstep.

@zecarlo

But most young American men just don’t know how to talk to women. In truth, they don’t know how to talk to anyone unless it’s online. They lack social skills.

I blame much of this on the complete lack of male spaces.

There’s nowhere left where boys can just be boys and men can just be men.

Men don’t tone police each other until a (attractive) woman is present. A pretty girl enters a room with 10 dudes, then guys start white knighting.

@Chris_Shugart if this is getting too off topic, feel free to say so.

[Brant_Drake]

@Andrewgen_Receptors

men from becoming men.

There’s a lot to unpack in these posts, but I don’t think it’s women or the government, or jizz from fish fucking water bottles, but a confusion of what masculinity is when you start out.

We’re all delicate, sensitive, radioactive psychopaths at the beginning, then life happens. You learn all sorts of destructive shit, with a dad or without, then have to figure it out out on your own.

I remember I was working in college at a summer camp, and there was this drama between two of the wranglers over a girl. One was a chubby “m’ lady” kind of looking guy, the other was ripped but 5 feet tall with long hair, like a compressed Jason Moma. The first guy was complaining that he was a gentleman but the other guy was just a tough guy, and one woman said “You can be both.”

I also remember a group conversation about the choice Achilles had to make about going to war - do you leave your family and gain immortality, or do you have a happy life but be forgotten? All the guys are debating as the women are rolling their eyes, and one of them chimes in “Sean would be Odysseus,” (which is one of the greatest compliments I have ever received.)

The point of these previous posts and my stories is that boys/men feel the need to chose a role and immediately become it, while excluding a fuller version of what a man is. We have so many archetypes for masculinity, but the most important thing is to avoid a role and focus on CONSTANT self improvment.

There are three basic things men need to do.

1. Hygene and bodily care.
2. Do shit in the background like fixing things and paying bills.
3. Have interesting hobbies or skills, and demonstrate them.

Do all those and you’re in the top 10%.

[SkyzykS]

@Brant_Drake

“Sean would be Odysseus,” (which is one of the greatest compliments I have ever received.)

Nice.

[SkyzykS]

@Andrewgen_Receptors

There’s nowhere left where boys can just be boys and men can just be men.

I know we’ve kicked this subject around a bit before, but my question remains the same. Is that really true though?

Like, nothing and no one has ever stopped me from being who I am where ever I’ve gone.

[Brant_Drake]

I think this shows the difference between people with the “freedom from” vs “freedom to” mindsets.