The FA Network

Ok ladies and gents, I see a lot of you talking about eating (like a body builder) is expensive and time consuming (to cook) etc. so I will share one of my secrets with you.

Set up a FA Network at work. Yes you heard it correctly, a Food Alert Network. The below Network is the one I have set up at the company I work for.

Needed: An office job in a company. Phone/e-mail or IM of some sort. Cronies spread througout the company. Insiders ranging from administrators/secretaries, front desk lady and an IT insider.

First rule: You are the general so dont let anyone fuck with your network. I have found that being bigger than everyone else is a helpful tool in establishing your network.

Now start handing out capo assignments to your buddies on different floors and have them use their connections to recruit soldiers.

Whenever there is a meeting planned that has catered lunches/dinners etc for appreciation/retirements/client visits/work shops/ and lunch time meetings, your network ought to know about it. This is where your sources and insiders come into play.

When the meeting ends, an FA will be send out via your communication tool of choice and filtered down through your network. The FA should contain what kind of food there is and where it will be. Sometimes these sneaky bastards will try to move it to the cantine on the hush so you must be on your p’s and q’s at all times. Location, location, location!

Since you are at the top of the network, you are guaranteed free grub (send out the email after you get yours if you concerned about quantity of food available). Just get your ass in gear as soon as the FA hits so the other vulgars outside of the network dont get to your food first. You would not believe how much free food you will get on a regular basis.

You can purchase a compact fridge and microwave to keep in your cubicle for under a 100 bucks. Keep some tupperware at the gig and stock up during the good alerts and feast all day!!

Any comments or questions?

AA

[quote]Amsterdam Animal wrote:
Ok ladies and gents, I see a lot of you talking about eating (like a body builder) is expensive and time consuming (to cook) etc. so I will share one of my secrets with you.

Set up a FA Network at work. Yes you heard it correctly, a Food Alert Network. The below Network is the one I have set up at the company I work for.

Needed: An office job in a company. Phone/e-mail or IM of some sort. Cronies spread througout the company. Insiders ranging from administrators/secretaries, front desk lady and an IT insider.

First rule: You are the general so dont let anyone fuck with your network. I have found that being bigger than everyone else is a helpful tool in establishing your network.

Now start handing out capo assignments to your buddies on different floors and have them use their connections to recruit soldiers.

Whenever there is a meeting planned that has catered lunches/dinners etc for appreciation/retirements/client visits/work shops/ and lunch time meetings, your network ought to know about it. This is where your sources and insiders come into play.

When the meeting ends, an FA will be send out via your communication tool of choice and filtered down through your network. The FA should contain what kind of food there is and where it will be. Sometimes these sneaky bastards will try to move it to the cantine on the hush so you must be on your p’s and q’s at all times. Location, location, location!

Since you are at the top of the network, you are guaranteed free grub (send out the email after you get yours if you concerned about quantity of food available). Just get your ass in gear as soon as the FA hits so the other vulgars outside of the network dont get to your food first. You would not believe how much free food you will get on a regular basis.

You can purchase a compact fridge and microwave to keep in your cubicle for under a 100 bucks. Keep some tupperware at the gig and stock up during the good alerts and feast all day!!

Any comments or questions?

AA

[/quote]

LOL

Good shit.

Warning: The FA network does not work at academic institutions. The presence of graduate students and starving postdocs swarming like locusts over any and all free food renders all communications between faculty and staff obsolete. We just can’t get there in time.

[quote]Yo Momma wrote:
Warning: The FA network does not work at academic institutions. The presence of graduate students and starving postdocs swarming like locusts over any and all free food renders all communications between faculty and staff obsolete. We just can’t get there in time.[/quote]

This is why you just mug the ‘sodexho’ catering guy who has the food on his way to the food delivery spot. The old “does this rag smell like chlorophorm?” trick seems to work. Besides grad students and PG’s are all malnourished and easily fought off. It pays to be the biggest lion on the savannah.

It’s all about the depth of your FA. It can extend all the way to other institution free food. I know two idiots that know when and where there is going to be free food in every building downtown. They just dress like they are supposed to be there (eg. suit & tie) and mingle while stuffing themselves. these guys even went to two large funerals for the food. They get fed for free about 4 time a week avg. Networking i suppose.

-chris

I smell a sitcom!

If anyone would have something similar I would expect it to be you Dog, haha.

[quote]TDog305 wrote:
Amsterdam Animal wrote:

You can purchase a compact fridge and microwave to keep in your cubicle for under a 100 bucks. Keep some tupperware at the gig and stock up during the good alerts and feast all day!!

Any comments or questions?

AA

LOL

Good shit.[/quote]

Haha, I see your dilemma. I am not sure there is a solution for this appearant vicious cycle. You need to intimidate to establish your dominant position in charge of the network. You need the food to grow and get bigger, tough position to be in my friend.

[quote]Yo Momma wrote:
Warning: The FA network does not work at academic institutions. The presence of graduate students and starving postdocs swarming like locusts over any and all free food renders all communications between faculty and staff obsolete. We just can’t get there in time.[/quote]

This is why I love the US man, the networking possibilities are endless.

I have on more than one ocassion been in attendance in the presence of food wihtout knowing anyone there or why they were there haha. The funeral thing is taking it too far IMO, there have to be some limits.

[quote]realpeanutbutter wrote:
It’s all about the depth of your FA. It can extend all the way to other institution free food. I know two idiots that know when and where there is going to be free food in every building downtown. They just dress like they are supposed to be there (eg. suit & tie) and mingle while stuffing themselves. these guys even went to two large funerals for the food. They get fed for free about 4 time a week avg. Networking i suppose.

-chris[/quote]

[quote]Amsterdam Animal wrote:
This is why I love the US man, the networking possibilities are endless.

I have on more than one ocassion been in attendance in the presence of food wihtout knowing anyone there or why they were there haha. The funeral thing is taking it too far IMO, there have to be some limits.

realpeanutbutter wrote:
It’s all about the depth of your FA. It can extend all the way to other institution free food. I know two idiots that know when and where there is going to be free food in every building downtown. They just dress like they are supposed to be there (eg. suit & tie) and mingle while stuffing themselves. these guys even went to two large funerals for the food. They get fed for free about 4 time a week avg. Networking i suppose.

-chris

[/quote]

These are the same guys that go to the food bank and get food hampers (meant for poor people). One of them used to live right behind a tim hortons (donut shop) and robins donuts.

they (him and his room mate) would wait till midnight when the food truck would come and drop off palets of donuts and then go and get 2 palets of donuts to eat.
every two days! diabetes T II for sure. and these are skinny dudes that don’t need the food. These guys world of warcraft characters get more physical activity in.

-chris

[quote]Amsterdam Animal wrote:
If anyone would have something similar I would expect it to be you Dog, haha.

TDog305 wrote:
Amsterdam Animal wrote:

You can purchase a compact fridge and microwave to keep in your cubicle for under a 100 bucks. Keep some tupperware at the gig and stock up during the good alerts and feast all day!!

Any comments or questions?

AA

LOL

Good shit.

[/quote]

AA, not only are you a beast but a wise one at that.

The office I work in when in town caters luncheons and other bullshit. the chick that takes care of all the food ordrring is sweet on me and she tells me after the big wigs finish stuffing thier faces where, what kind, and how much is available.

This really works to my advantage really well. The best part about it is the food is normally healthy because the CEO, and COO are health nuts, EX London Broil w/green beans, brocolli, and a salad, fresh fruit; Baked fish, pasta salads,

just basically healthy stuff in general.

It’s awesome.

Bullpup

What up bro, sweet deal you got there. Thansk for the shout out. I love eating period but when its free, its always better if you ask me.

Today’s FA: Maryland crabcakes, green beans and red potatoes.

Not bad…not bad at all. Guess whats for 11 am “snack” tomorrow morning, haha.

[quote]bullpup wrote:
Amsterdam Animal wrote:
If anyone would have something similar I would expect it to be you Dog, haha.

TDog305 wrote:
Amsterdam Animal wrote:

You can purchase a compact fridge and microwave to keep in your cubicle for under a 100 bucks. Keep some tupperware at the gig and stock up during the good alerts and feast all day!!

Any comments or questions?

AA

LOL

Good shit.

AA, not only are you a beast but a wise one at that.

The office I work in when in town caters luncheons and other bullshit. the chick that takes care of all the food ordrring is sweet on me and she tells me after the big wigs finish stuffing thier faces where, what kind, and how much is available.

This really works to my advantage really well. The best part about it is the food is normally healthy because the CEO, and COO are health nuts, EX London Broil w/green beans, brocolli, and a salad, fresh fruit; Baked fish, pasta salads,

just basically healthy stuff in general.

It’s awesome.

Bullpup

[/quote]

If only that would work at my place. When people bring food into the gym (anything other than protien shakes) they get shunned or picked on forever. Birthday lunch, forget it.

I just may have to switch to an office just to use this. My friend who works in the corporate office for ExxonMobil not just gets free food, but top quality chef prepared free food on a regular basis.

Thats some bullshit, I know what you are talking about, sucks man.

Wtf? That is some employee appreciation right there. Whats the deal with that? I may have to consider switching companies for that very reason, haha.

[quote]TrainerinDC wrote:
If only that would work at my place. When people bring food into the gym (anything other than protien shakes) they get shunned or picked on forever. Birthday lunch, forget it.

I just may have to switch to an office just to use this. My friend who works in the corporate office for ExxonMobil not just gets free food, but top quality chef prepared free food on a regular basis. [/quote]

[quote]realpeanutbutter wrote:
One of them used to live right behind a tim hortons (donut shop) and robins donuts.

they (him and his room mate) would wait till midnight when the food truck would come and drop off palets of donuts and then go and get 2 palets of donuts to eat.
every two days! diabetes T II for sure. and these are skinny dudes that don’t need the food. These guys world of warcraft characters get more physical activity in.

-chris

[/quote]

Not sure how it is now but 6 years ago I lived within distance of a Manhatten Bagel and a Dunken Doghnuts. You’re right, they bake fresh every morning so they discard all their leftover stock at closing. Not as gross as you might think. Doghnuts go from the warmer to the trash bag to the dumpster to my friends kitchen table. I was only 14 at the time so we thought we struck gold. Some of the best times I’ve ever had. Church cookouts come in a close second for free food.

Btw, would this perhaps help explain as to why the gas prices are so high?

[quote]TrainerinDC wrote:
If only that would work at my place. When people bring food into the gym (anything other than protien shakes) they get shunned or picked on forever. Birthday lunch, forget it.

I just may have to switch to an office just to use this. My friend who works in the corporate office for ExxonMobil not just gets free food, but top quality chef prepared free food on a regular basis. [/quote]

Classic E-man.

Gotta agree with you on the church cook outs. Way too much food which always fills my fridge nicely afterwards.

[quote]E-man wrote:
realpeanutbutter wrote:
One of them used to live right behind a tim hortons (donut shop) and robins donuts.

they (him and his room mate) would wait till midnight when the food truck would come and drop off palets of donuts and then go and get 2 palets of donuts to eat.
every two days! diabetes T II for sure. and these are skinny dudes that don’t need the food. These guys world of warcraft characters get more physical activity in.

-chris

Not sure how it is now but 6 years ago I lived within distance of a Manhatten Bagel and a Dunken Doghnuts. You’re right, they bake fresh every morning so they discard all their leftover stock at closing. Not as gross as you might think. Doghnuts go from the warmer to the trash bag to the dumpster to my friends kitchen table. I was only 14 at the time so we thought we struck gold. Some of the best times I’ve ever had. Church cookouts come in a close second for free food.
[/quote]

[quote]Amsterdam Animal wrote:
Btw, would this perhaps help explain as to why the gas prices are so high?
[/quote]

Lol I think so. This guy is my training partner and a very good friend. Every time they hire a new employee, they are given a buddy so to speak. The buddy is supposed to take them to lunch the entire first week, even out to dinner on friday night on the company, and make them feel acquainted and at home with Exxon. Since my friend is a younger guy, but has been there so long, he is usually the one appointed as buddy.

When congress, or manufacturers or clients come, Exxon puts out a full catered spread every time. They have theatre night at Wolf Trap (dinner/drinks on the company), and one of the best corporate gyms in the country. Spoiled super wealthy bastards.

I am working for the wrong company. I have to set up an entire fucking network through intimidation and favors back and forth and your bud gets it handed to him. Sweet deal man. Next time there is a spread, lets go visit your bud, go for a work out at that gym and feast afterwards.

[quote]TrainerinDC wrote:
Amsterdam Animal wrote:
Btw, would this perhaps help explain as to why the gas prices are so high?

Lol I think so. This guy is my training partner and a very good friend. Every time they hire a new employee, they are given a buddy so to speak. The buddy is supposed to take them to lunch the entire first week, even out to dinner on friday night on the company, and make them feel acquainted and at home with Exxon. Since my friend is a younger guy, but has been there so long, he is usually the one appointed as buddy.

When congress, or manufacturers or clients come, Exxon puts out a full catered spread every time. They have theatre night at Wolf Trap (dinner/drinks on the company), and one of the best corporate gyms in the country. Spoiled super wealthy bastards.[/quote]

Fuck yeah, I thought I was the only one who would rock out with the leftover catering.

Times are good here in Calgary, with oil and gas prices so high. The company I’m at right now usually does the sandwhich thing, but I used to work for ExxonMobil, and they’d bust out all kinds of things like quesadillas and the such.

You can’t go wrong with free food.

I dunno AA. They would probably see us coming and not let us in. Between 3 or 4 of us we would eat the entire spread. Not to mention make too much noise in the gym.

Not that any of those traits are bad things.