I edited, but we’ve switched off as required accordingly.
2 Likes
Expectations are just resentments in the making. It really is better to have and keep a clean slate for each other.
5 Likes
I agree, but to play devils advocate:
I expect my wife to be faithful and care for our daughter while I’m at work.
I think resentment is warranted if she didn’t meet my expectations for either of these 
I will point out that a lot of married guys do this thing called a “Covert Contract” where they have expectations of their partner - but those expectations are never verbalized. This ABSOLUTELY breeds resentment.
4 Likes
Separate topic: What do you guys think about “friend-zone”?
What causes it? Do the reasons for “friend-zoning” differ between men and women?
That’s worthy of a thread in itself.
Its a dude who supplies comfort to a girl, but is not sexually attractive to the girl he is giving it to.
He is probably also not assertive enough, nor has he expressed his intentions with this girl. If he did, and she rejected him - he would be best served by exiting the friendship.
2 Likes
In hindsight I friend-zoned a bunch of people.
1 Like
I’ve talked to a lot of women who’ve friend-zoned men (all have at some point), and I’ve friend-zoned a few women. It’s the same simple answer every time if they’re being honest: no physical attraction. And if they’re really honest (and they are), they’ll just say it: the other person was fat. And I’ve heard women say this more than men.
2 Likes
this explains a lot
Thats a reasonable expectation, as long as it has been communicated and agreed upon.
That sounds like the formula to poison a relationship.
A personal anectdote- My dad was very much a traditionalist, but also had a lot of problems.
My mother was more of a modern woman. College educated (BS) in nursing.
Well, after 5 kids, a massive raft of problems and 6 very problematic years (domestic violence, drugs, etc) she left. Our dryer broke, and piece by piece she moved her entire wardrobe out with the help of a neighbor with a working dryer. Just one day, she never came home from work.
Shortly there after she completed her masters degree and continued her career in nursing. Mind you, this was 1978, and Very unusual.
Now, one might say- “How could she do that? Leaving her husband and 5 young kids!!?”.
But no one ever asks what drove her away. She was pregnant from 1965 to late 1969, then again in '71-'72 (me). And getting her ass beat the whole time. Like, badly. Most people call them Farrah Fawcet sunglasses, with the big round lenses. I call them Beaten Woman sunglesses. And by all accounts, never had any plans to be my dads baby maker/punching bag.
Eventually she took her own life (I witnessed one attempt at 5 years old) and people asked the same thing- “How could she do such a thing!!?”.
I still don’t know exactly. No one ever will, but there are clues. Suffice to say, the demons won.
But I’m more than just glancingly aware of those covert contracts!
The importance of clear communication in a relationship can not be overstated.
7 Likes
Maybe this is different from person to person, but Ive friend-zoned women because I just liked the friendship and felt that even though we were interested, it felt like it would end if we tried to make it romantic. And I just genuinely liked them as a friend, and appreciated their attractiveness.
Confession time - I’ve been hogging a few times. I regret nothing.
4 Likes
I’ve never heard that expression before and now I will never forget it. 
Hot take:
A Dead Bedroom is (usually) when a wife puts her husband in the friendzone (all comfort but no sex).
Even hotter take:
The wife doesn’t want to put the husband there, but cannot help herself but try putting him there sheerly to test his resolve (AKA Shit Testing, and the husband failing said shit tests repeatedly).
So it’s the husband’s fault.
1 Like
sounds reasonable…
Could also be the other way around, but presumably less likely
1 Like
That absolutely does happen, though it is far less likely to happen.
Men only need a woman to look good to be sexually aroused. Women need, well, more.
Also, husbands tend to get this thing called “wife goggles” where he imprints how his wife looked when she was at her prettiest, and he tends to see her like that for a looong time - even when she no longer looks like that. Brains are cool like that.
Anyways, this bit is totally unrelated, but I follow this guy on youtube and he does charts for intersexual (and intrasexual) dynamics. I cannot poke any holes in anything he’s put out there so far. This video explains a lot, if you want to watch.
Don’t feel obligated to watch, it’s only if something like this interests you.
2 Likes
343312 227 407,300 American’s died in both the fucking balloons!?#@$$&() The pizza man lost his pizza;(/box.
As a general rule, I don’t think men and women should be friends. What’s the point?
1 Like
idk… I’ve had more luck making and retaining male friends than female ones
They have been very helpful to me and I must be providing some value to them
Most of them have partners and know my position on bedroom activities, so it’s not attraction
1 Like
Women’s version of intrasexual competition (women against other women) is gossip, character defamation and manipulation. When y’all are “competing” with another, it’s subtle and sometimes one of the two is unaware they are even competing. Makes it hard to know who is a friend and who isn’t.
For men, intrasexual competition is historically more direct (fighting). When we’re in direct competition with each other, its usually right out in the open. Makes it fairly easy to know who is and is not there to be a friend.
Maybe I’m mis-remembering but I believe that you’ve said your ideal friendships are transactional/mutually beneficial, correct?
If this is the case, how many women really are there whom provide a mutual benefit in the Econ Grad student world? (feel free to take this as a compliment)
What about friends with benefits?
I don’t doubt there are real issues when it comes to boys and men and their social lives. This will piss some people off but I’m going to put it out there anyway. I believe a major reason why males are having problems or are confused when it comes to their masculinity and how they fit in society and what’s expected from them is the fault, whether deliberate or not, of women. If your son is not being raised by a mother who stays at home, he is still being raised by a woman in the form of a teacher. How teachers are taught to behave comes from a female perspective. So even a male teacher has to interact with students in a feminized manner. I believe you are familiar with the War Against Boys.
If a boy has a father in the home, he might get the benefit of a counter voice to the feminist bs he hears all day and grow up with a clear head and confidence. If he has no father or if his father is weak, then he might as well have been born a girl.
2 Likes