This got an actual laugh out of me. I was worried it was too horrible to even post, but…you’re welcome!
Having been that woman with a husband who was not able to maintain his own stability, I have strong feelings about the need for safety, which to me means the ability to care for oneself and one’s children in all ways, including financially. I see a lot of other women in that position as well. Married and stuck with substance abusers or guys who make other terrible choices. My ex was a very good earner, but he had spending problems along with his infidelity and other self-control issues. I am astonished in retrospect, watching each of us as we’ve moved on, at the degree to which I stabilized us. Or else there’s something going on with him that is worsening over time. (“Watch your thoughts, they become your words; watch your words, they become your actions; watch your actions, they become your habits; watch your habits, they become your character; watch your character, it becomes your destiny.”― Lao Tzu)
Because I had a working mother who eventually left, I believed in a life like the one you advocate. My conservative father was all for this (my mom died when I was 21, so never weighed in). At 23 I chose a man for the qualities I thought most valuable: he had a degree in English literature, was well employed, went to college on an athletic scholarship (tennis), and had a dozen or so kickboxing trophies. I met him at the gym I worked in.
I didn’t notice, because I was young, that things he said often didn’t match. Like, one day saying people who spent all day watching football were idiots and another day professing to love it. Little things, but a lot of them, which represented integrity shortfalls. He was insecure, but I didn’t recognize that, either. A bully. A braggart. He was 8 years older than me and as the kids came and I got a little older, I began to outgrow him, by which I don’t mean “got bored” (I had 4 kids less than 5 years apart) but rather mature enough to see him clearly as reactive and dishonest.
Anyway, so I did exactly what you’ve done. I researched. I tried very hard to get us organized into a happy couple so we could be intimate (in all ways) and he wouldn’t call me names in front of our friends when I won at party games. In addition to all of the standard pop-psych books about relationships I read Laura Schlessinger’s Care and Keeping of Husbands, The Surrendered Wife, etc. Anti-feminist stuff. It didn’t work because topping from the bottom isn’t workable. I can’t actually make him stronger or me less strong.
So anyway! This is the basis of my take on things. Women Going Their Own Way makes more sense to me in light of women’s restricted history than MGTOW does in light of feminism.
I don’t fear women having less children because I know that if children are needed, there will be policy changes that encourage it, and attitudes will follow. Human beings are resourceful.
I wasn’t implying it. I stated it. And I question your “objective facts.”
And yet here we are debating whose fault it is that words you don’t like are being used so widely. Personally, IDGAF what people call their intimate companions or legal spouses. I can roll with DV or IPV, feeling that the violence itself is our greater shared problem.
Thank you, but I’m fine and more importantly, my kids are fine. Their father struggles, which impacts them, but they’re healthy, self-supporting, lovable good eggs. There were good things about my marriage, too, of course. He was a good father for the most part, and a hard worker at home and at his job. My kids have his work ethic and I’m glad. We were very active as a family, and I appreciate that. I’m just very glad that I didn’t have to grow old with him, and God forbid have to count on him if ever I’m very sick.
