[quote]Raging_Teddy wrote:
*re-post from ‘Intercourse Horror Stories’ in an old forum which shall remain nameless…
Back in high school, me and a girl I had been dating for around four months were in her basement. Her and her family are hardcore no-sex-of-any-kind-before-marriage christian, and I’m not. So, I’m in her basement getting a blowjob while her family is upstairs. Mid suck, she stops and just stares at something. I turn around to see her mother just standing there eyes fixed on my equipment in her daughter’s mouth with an expression which, to me, said, “Oh my lord, my child is going to hell.” The woman is a fucking ninja. I didn’t hear shit and those steps are damn creaky.
Girl starts crying, mom starts crying, I still have my dick out, so I belatedly pull my pants up. The first thought in my head was, “Wow, I didn’t know it was possible to lose wood that fast.” Blah blah blah mom says I have to leave and I, in all my great wisdom, say, “I think it would be better if I stayed so we can deal with this.” She says ok and goes upstairs to get daddy.
Dad comes down holding the little wiener dog and smiles and says, “What’s goin on guys?” I have no reply at this point. Mom comes in, they sit down, and she opens with, “So, we’ve raised our children Christian and the bible says no sex before marriage. What have your parents said to you about it?” I say, “Well uh… my dad walked into my room one day and said, ‘Son, use a condom.’ and I said, ‘ok dad.’” She looks a bit taken aback and just says, “I see…” I continue, “Look, she told me about the no sex stuff, and I told her I wouldn’t try to make her have sex.” Dad chimes in, “That was nice but once you start doing things you can’t stop. It’s like going over a waterfall. I had a girlfriend in high school, and I tried to do things with her but she said no and I respected that.” Mom’s getting angry now and welling up again, “The bible clearly says all sexual activity is for married people!” At this point, I’m realizing how ridiculous this is and wishing I’d just gone home. For a while, we were only allowed to see eachother in public. Soon enough, I had her mom in love with me again. She baked things for me and stuff and even left us alone in her house eventually.
The next day, my mom says, “I got a call from ____'s mom. What happened yesterday?” I just roll my eyes and say something colorful and she starts laughing, “I can’t believe she called me to tell me that! And she acted like something terrible had happened. What does she expect a couple 18 year old kids to do?” Then my dad comes in trying to act stern, “What were you guys doing?” Before I can answer, he starts laughing too. A few days later we were in the car and, out of nowhere, he starts laughing and says, “I can not believe you got caught!”
The girl was depressed for weeks like someone died. Of course, about two months later, we were back at it. This time, it was my basement. Looking back, this has got to be the funniest thing I’ve ever been a part of. The relationship lasted another whole year, and ended because she decided I’m sexually immoral, and I’m going to hell. Oddly enough, by this time, she’d proven that she was way more freaky than I was. A month after the breakup, I get a bible in the mail from her mom. Although I was upset about things, I was glad that I never had to see that woman again, and that was comforting.
This all seems hilarious to me now. It was the worst/best day of my life. [/quote]
Whew, half way thru that, about the time her father was sympathizing by saying what he did as a teenager, I thought “Oh no, teddy caused this poor girls parents to get a diverse”.
