ya’ll have lived some crazy ass lives
[quote]Cuso wrote:
[quote]Skinystudent wrote:
at university i forgot during an experiment what chloroform does and opened a bottle of 5M concentration outside of the special fume cupboard thing we were ment to use. i passed out, dropped the bottle, spilled the stuff everywhere which some of my class mates breathed in and also then passed out.
on the plus side it was a nice mid morning nap for us[/quote]
This is 5 star stupidity. Brilliant![/quote]
bonus fact: we had been told at the start of the lab that all the chemicals that had to be used in the fume cupboard were already in it… except the chloroform.
another stupid thing. sparring with my taekwondo instructor… he punched my gut so hard he hit my spine. i lay on the floor and contemplated if i was dying or not
When I was 20 in college (34 now), I had a good friend that was a big time marijuana dealer. He was selling about 350+ pounds a month and I could get pot from him really cheap ($300-$400 per pound). Anyways I was selling some too during the college days and making a shitload of money because I could sell a pound for $1200 or more. I got greedy after a while and at one point I was selling about 5-10 lbs a week to about 3-4 guys, so I figured it was safe since I wasnt dealing with that many people. Anyways this went on for a couple of years and then I sold a pound to a guy who had just gotten busted with coke and he set up a bunch of people including me. I paid a lawyer a shitload of money and still have possession of marijuana on my permanent criminal record. I had to do 30 days in jail and 4 years probation, which I completed successfully. It has cost me several jobs even with a stellar resume for sales and a history of success along with a college degree. Now that the charge is over 7 years old it doesnt really ever come up but that fucked me for a long time. Bad thing was I didnt even really do drugs at all, I barely even smoked weed when i was selling it. Then I had to go to a court appointed rehab type class and was like I really dont even like drugs. They acted like I was in denial or something. Fucking worst mistake I ever made, second worst mistake is marrying my now ex-wife. Actually they are 1a and 1b.
When I was in the army I spent a couple of years stationed at Ft. Stewart and every once and a while we had to do some swamp time in the Okefenokee near Waycross. When we got back to the barracks after a couple of weeks in the swamp, there was only 3 things in our minds: get clean, get drunk and get laid.
In Hinesville (armpit of Georgia btw) there was only one happening place appropriately named the “Oasis” which was a scuzzy roadside BYOB where all the Rangers, bikers and crackers hung out and tried to pick up anything resembling in any way or form a human female.
After a fifth of JD, the slap ugly 5’10 200 lb chick with the greasy hair standing next to the pool table started looking like Venus de Milo and I fell in love. I stumbled over to her, buried my face in her tits (I’m 5’4"…it was a perfect fit) and tried to say something intelligent like “aargghh ouur” and “ffssstt zzzeee”. At that time I learned a very important lesson for life:
Big girls have bigger boyfriends.
I won’t bore you with the details, but I’ll list the injuries from my hospital jacket which I could read 2 days later when I woke up:
Broken right clavicle
Fractured right eye socket
Fractured mandible right side
Dislocated jaw
3 missing teeth
The guy was obviously a southpaw.
I got 8 weeks leave in a hospital drinking soup through a straw, flirting with nurses and insulting doctors through clenched teeth. My buddies made the trip up to Bragg and filled in the blanks over what had happened, and brought me some supplies. Which brings me to the second stupid thing in my story:
When you haven’t eaten anything solid for 4 weeks, do not drink beer through a straw.
Vomiting through my nose and choking for air I managed to hit the nurse button, and after what felt like the longest 60 seconds in my life she came in, looked what was going on, calmly took a pair of scissors out of her pocket and cut a wire holding some part of my jaw in place. I could open my mouth about 2 inchs more which was enough to breath again and I could finish my business.
They rewired everything and shortly thereafter declared me for (haha) healed. 6 weeks later I was back in the swamp as if nothing had happened.
[quote]Cuso wrote:
When I was in the army I spent a couple of years stationed at Ft. Stewart and every once and a while we had to do some swamp time in the Okefenokee near Waycross. When we got back to the barracks after a couple of weeks in the swamp, there was only 3 things in our minds: get clean, get drunk and get laid.
In Hinesville (armpit of Georgia btw) there was only one happening place appropriately named the “Oasis” which was a scuzzy roadside BYOB where all the Rangers, bikers and crackers hung out and tried to pick up anything resembling in any way or form a human female.
After a fifth of JD, the slap ugly 5’10 200 lb chick with the greasy hair standing next to the pool table started looking like Venus de Milo and I fell in love. I stumbled over to her, buried my face in her tits (I’m 5’4"…it was a perfect fit) and tried to say something intelligent like “aargghh ouur” and “ffssstt zzzeee”. At that time I learned a very important lesson for life:
Big girls have bigger boyfriends.
I won’t bore you with the details, but I’ll list the injuries from my hospital jacket which I could read 2 days later when I woke up:
Broken right clavicle
Fractured right eye socket
Fractured mandible right side
Dislocated jaw
3 missing teeth
The guy was obviously a southpaw.
I got 8 weeks leave in a hospital drinking soup through a straw, flirting with nurses and insulting doctors through clenched teeth. My buddies made the trip up to Bragg and filled in the blanks over what had happened, and brought me some supplies. Which brings me to the second stupid thing in my story:
When you haven’t eaten anything solid for 4 weeks, do not drink beer through a straw.
Vomiting through my nose and choking for air I managed to hit the nurse button, and after what felt like the longest 60 seconds in my life she came in, looked what was going on, calmly took a pair of scissors out of her pocket and cut a wire holding some part of my jaw in place. I could open my mouth about 2 inchs more which was enough to breath again and I could finish my business.
They rewired everything and shortly thereafter declared me for (haha) healed. 6 weeks later I was back in the swamp as if nothing had happened.[/quote]
DAMN!
Not sure if I should salute you for your service, or surviving such a stupid incident.
lol
[quote]Cuso wrote:
When I was in the army I spent a couple of years stationed at Ft. Stewart and every once and a while we had to do some swamp time in the Okefenokee near Waycross. When we got back to the barracks after a couple of weeks in the swamp, there was only 3 things in our minds: get clean, get drunk and get laid.
In Hinesville (armpit of Georgia btw) there was only one happening place appropriately named the “Oasis” which was a scuzzy roadside BYOB where all the Rangers, bikers and crackers hung out and tried to pick up anything resembling in any way or form a human female.
After a fifth of JD, the slap ugly 5’10 200 lb chick with the greasy hair standing next to the pool table started looking like Venus de Milo and I fell in love. I stumbled over to her, buried my face in her tits (I’m 5’4"…it was a perfect fit) and tried to say something intelligent like “aargghh ouur” and “ffssstt zzzeee”. At that time I learned a very important lesson for life:
Big girls have bigger boyfriends.
I won’t bore you with the details, but I’ll list the injuries from my hospital jacket which I could read 2 days later when I woke up:
Broken right clavicle
Fractured right eye socket
Fractured mandible right side
Dislocated jaw
3 missing teeth
The guy was obviously a southpaw.
I got 8 weeks leave in a hospital drinking soup through a straw, flirting with nurses and insulting doctors through clenched teeth. My buddies made the trip up to Bragg and filled in the blanks over what had happened, and brought me some supplies. Which brings me to the second stupid thing in my story:
When you haven’t eaten anything solid for 4 weeks, do not drink beer through a straw.
Vomiting through my nose and choking for air I managed to hit the nurse button, and after what felt like the longest 60 seconds in my life she came in, looked what was going on, calmly took a pair of scissors out of her pocket and cut a wire holding some part of my jaw in place. I could open my mouth about 2 inchs more which was enough to breath again and I could finish my business.
They rewired everything and shortly thereafter declared me for (haha) healed. 6 weeks later I was back in the swamp as if nothing had happened.[/quote]
This is easily the best one so far. Hilarious.
not invading Canada when we had the chance~
Stupidest thing I ever did was when I was 14 - I learned how to mind my own business the hard way. I was walking home from school with my buddy Doug when a group of dudes started following us, heckling us and obviously looking for trouble. Apparently Doug had gotten into it with one of the guys on the baseball team and the rest of the team and some of their wannabes were looking to settle the score.
Well I didn’t know that, I just assumed it was some dudes trying to start some shit or looking mix it up a little (back in the 80’s in Baltimore you could actually FIGHT with someone and not get arrested or sued). So I turned around and said, “if you mutherfuckers have a problem, we can settle it right here”. There were like 15 or 20 guys. I KNEW that Doug and I had no chance of winning against them, but I figured we’d take one or two down and then go down ourselves, get kicked a few times and they’d go away. I figured it ain’t the first ass-kicking I’ve taken and it won’t be the last. And if you’re GONNA get your ass kicked, if you’re vastly out numbered, you don’t lose any status - in fact you get some respect for standing up to them.
So we’re stopped by this point, surrounded, on a field next to a baseball diamond between the fence and the bleachers - kind of like a bottleneck. I felt that it limited their angle of effective attack and lessened their ability to attack us from ALL directions. Shit, I thought I was pretty fucking clever back then - I had just read the Art of War for the first time and felt like I was “controlling the field of battle” (yes, I was actually stupid enough to have that thought! LMAO!). So I get in the face of the main guy who DOUG had a beef with and opened things with a Scottish kiss. That’s when Doug’s chicken shit little ass RAN. The mutherfucker TOOK OFF! I never seen a white kid run that fast! So there I was, surrounded, BY MYSELF, fighting a battle that wasn’t mine and I just drew first blood…
To my credit, I stayed up longer than I thought I would. God gave me two innate talents: I can fuck and I can fight. But 20 dudes is 20 dudes. One guy hit me in the back of the head, put me off balance and I stumbled right into another guys fist and I went down. I immediately curled up cuz I knew I was gonna get stomped. I figured everyone would get a lick or two in, they’d talk some shit and then go away. Sure enough, they started kicking, but they didn’t stop or go away.
I woke up in the hospital a few days later. Broken neck, broken jaw, broken nose, chipped teeth, broken FIRST rib, cracked and broken ribs, my xiphoid process was just floating around, fractured bones in my hand, both eyes swollen shut, jaw wired, 50 stitches in my face… I was FUBARed! They broke a fence with my body - when they found me I was half way between the dugout and the batting cage hanging by some barbs in the fence. I learned later that my mom didn’t recognize me…
So that was easily the worst ass whuppin’ I ever took and it happened because I was STOOOPID!
It led to a lot more drama and I can say that it was the “spark” that started my downward spiral which culminated in me going to prison, but that’s outside the scope of this thread.
^i would have shared some of the experiences with your “friend” Doug asap…
I couldnt imagine fucking someone up that badly, especially 20 vs 1. Or even that 1 vs. 1 drunkard story, at some point you got the message across and unless you’re deranged; putting someone near death isnt really cool imho.
I agree.
AC, I don’t want to get you to tell the rest of the story (although I’m admittedly quite curious) but what ever happened with Doug? Please tell me he got what was coming to him.
I’m not sure if this qualifies as stupid but oh well. I guess I was in the 3rd or 4th grade. I was in my back yard riding my Schwinn bike. It was a red one, with the brakes on the pedals instead of the handlebars. To initiate the brakes you had to pedal backwards. So I’m riding it and our backyard is downhill in a certain area. Around the yard is a fence made up of about brick columns 12x4(HxW) with metal fence in between each column. So I’m riding and I’m headed straight towards the fence. For some reason I guess I freaked out and forgot to brake. I run straight into the brick column, get off my bike and my dick was stinging like never before. I ran like 20 yards holding my dick in extreme pain. I run to my dad and said I think I’m bleeding. My dad says well lets see. Sure enough I pull down my shorts and I had cut my dick open. Had to go to the hospital and get stitches.
AC- You really, really need to write a book.
Great stories here guys.
[quote]angry chicken wrote:
Stupidest thing I ever did was when I was 14 - I learned how to mind my own business the hard way. I was walking home from school with my buddy Doug when a group of dudes started following us…
[/quote]
AC, you could have died that day.
Reminds me all too clearly of the Eddie Polec case in Philly 18 years ago. Google it. Terrible tragedy of one innocent teen beaten by a gang of bat-wielding teens. His skull was shattered like an egg shell. The whole case is so fucking sad.
Glad you’re alive, AC!
Stupidest thing for me (among many) was probably back when I lived in a west Philly ghetto while I was an art school student.
I was walking to a club in center city one night when I heard 2 black guys talking a half block away to my left. They were boldly stating to “each other” that they wanted to kill a white boy. I kept walking as they came toward the intersection getting louder and louder. I decided I wasn’t gonna take this shit and I stood there at the corner, standing my ground. They eventually arrived at the intersection, but by now they weren’t saying anything.
So I turned to them directly and cockily said, “So you wanna kill a white boy, huh?”
“We didn’t say shit!”
I sized them up. One was tall and the other a bit shorter. In my mind I was thinking I could totally take out the small guy.
“I heard you say you wanted to kill a white boy, so here’s one right in front of you!”
“We never said any of that shit, motherfucker!” as they headed away from me across the street.
I couldn’t believe it! They were backing down! They probably assumed a small guy with such a big mouth was carrying a gun or something.
As I turned to continue down the street, I could hear them behind me, still yelling insults, and that they wanted to kill a white boy. Then a brick flew past my ear and smashed into the abandoned building next to me. Yeah, they grabbed bricks from another abandoned building across the street and began hurling them at me the whole time yelling insults at my back in the distance. I started to walk faster, not looking back. As I approached the next intersection, another black guy standing with his bike yelled at me to watch my back as another brick just missed my head.
I said thanks and got my ass out of there.
S T U P I D
Funniest thread in a looooonnggg time
You all are dumb asses
[quote]Ct. Rockula wrote:
Funniest thread in a looooonnggg time
You all are dumb asses[/quote]
YOU, OF ALL PEOPLE, MUST HAVE SOME DUMB STORIES!
I’ve forgotten more about stupid than most people will ever learn. When the pre-Nolan Batman movies were still cool, I walked into a newsagent and saw a brand new movie magazine with the (then) new Robin on the cover (no nipples, no expectations). “Cool”, I thought. I’ll get the scoop on the latest release.
Walked up to the counter, the fifty-something female cashier glowered at me (unusual, because I’d bought martial arts and bodybuilding mags there for a while) but reluctantly accepted my blood money.
I got home and opened it, expecting to read about the plot and villains. It was a gay mag.
[quote]Iron Dwarf wrote:
[quote]Ct. Rockula wrote:
Funniest thread in a looooonnggg time
You all are dumb asses[/quote]
YOU, OF ALL PEOPLE, MUST HAVE SOME DUMB STORIES!
;)[/quote]
Not really.
I might be “out there” but I’m not one to make moves without a proper risk analysis and plan of action.
Eh
I was with my gf when we were like 12 at an arcade. I had spent like 15 dollars on a claw machine trying to get her this stuffed rabbit (it had green eyes like hers). I was able to get it and drop it near the shoot but had no more cash to finish the job.
I get the idea to reach my hand in the shoot and grab it. I go in and can grasp the ear with my fingers. Its all good right? I have the rabbit and girl will be happy. Well no. I didn’t realize I had fed my arm so deep. That I had gotten to the shoulder aat such an awkward angle that I was stuck.
I say “ah fuck” with a worried expression on my face so she start panicking. She grabs my other arm and tries to pull me out…I’m in there good though.
We start spitting on my shoulder to try and lube it up…didn’t work
Security finally showed up and said they’d been watching us for a while
Arcade manager opened the door to let me loose and gave me the rabbit. Fuck id spent 15 bucks on it and now covered in spit sweat and tears…I was afarid the machine would tip over on me so I cried a little
Anyway that’s pretty stupid…and now you know all about my first “date”
[quote]Ct. Rockula wrote:
[quote]Iron Dwarf wrote:
[quote]Ct. Rockula wrote:
Funniest thread in a looooonnggg time
You all are dumb asses[/quote]
YOU, OF ALL PEOPLE, MUST HAVE SOME DUMB STORIES!
;)[/quote]
Not really.
I might be “out there” but I’m not one to make moves without a proper risk analysis and plan of action.
Eh
I was with my gf when we were like 12 at an arcade. I had spent like 15 dollars on a claw machine trying to get her this stuffed rabbit (it had green eyes like hers). I was able to get it and drop it near the shoot but had no more cash to finish the job.
I get the idea to reach my hand in the shoot and grab it. I go in and can grasp the ear with my fingers. Its all good right? I have the rabbit and girl will be happy. Well no. I didn’t realize I had fed my arm so deep. That I had gotten to the shoulder aat such an awkward angle that I was stuck.
I say “ah fuck” with a worried expression on my face so she start panicking. She grabs my other arm and tries to pull me out…I’m in there good though.
We start spitting on my shoulder to try and lube it up…didn’t work
Security finally showed up and said they’d been watching us for a while
Arcade manager opened the door to let me loose and gave me the rabbit. Fuck id spent 15 bucks on it and now covered in spit sweat and tears…I was afarid the machine would tip over on me so I cried a little
Anyway that’s pretty stupid…and now you know all about my first “date”
[/quote]
LMFAO!!
[quote]roybot wrote:
I’ve forgotten more about stupid than most people will ever learn. When the pre-Nolan Batman movies were still cool, I walked into a newsagent and saw a brand new movie magazine with the (then) new Robin on the cover (no nipples, no expectations). “Cool”, I thought. I’ll get the scoop on the latest release.
Walked up to the counter, the fifty-something female cashier glowered at me (unusual, because I’d bought martial arts and bodybuilding mags there for a while) but reluctantly accepted my blood money.
I got home and opened it, expecting to read about the plot and villains. It was a gay mag. [/quote]
LOL!!!
Did you keep and “enjoy” the magazine?
lol