Spousal Frustration (V-Diet Related)

Nutrition
1

I’ll try to make this as brief as possible, but it requires some background info.

After reading the DJ article and getting excited about his improved lipid panel, I decided to get a jumpstart on my fat loss goals by doing the Velocity Diet.

I figured it would be easier if my live-in fiance did it along with me. Since she’s looking to lose a few lbs as well, she agreed to it but not before I warned her about a dozen times that it was going to be EXTREMELY hard.

I wanted her to try all of the Metabolic Drive flavors before deciding for sure. She tried the Strawberry, decided it wasn’t so bad, and didn’t want to bother trying the others. I drew up our daily plan, posted it on the fridge so we should know exactly what the diet entailed, and gave her about another 10 opportunities to back out but she still wanted to do it.

So I plunked down about $600 for both of our V-Diet supplies (figuring if I bought it all at once, there would be no risk of running out and not getting replenishments in time. Also thought I’d be more likely to stick with it if I committed that much money).

We are now on our 5th day. I’ve lost 4lbs, she has lost a little over 5lb but everyday I come home to tears and claims that she can’t do it anymore. I spend about 30 min reassuring her and talking her into continuing on.

She tries to sabotage us by suggesting McDonald’s or junk food like Cheez-its, hoping that I’ll let us cheat on our diet.

I’ll admit the first few days were pretty damn hard, but my resolve never wavered. I thought her pleas would taper off as she adjusted, but I got an e-mail from her today during lunch, again trying to quit.

This is thing: she says the hunger is no big deal (she has even skipped two shakes despite me saying she shouldn’t). She feels fine - no lightheadedness, plenty of energy. The weight loss is dramatic. So I asked her what exactly is so bad that she has to give up and she said she misses real food and hates the taste of the shakes.

OK, now you have to understand where I’m coming from here. I have been RAVENOUSLY hungry (although it let up a bit on day 4). My brain could barely function the afternoon of Day 3. I had a massive calf cramp while doing SDL’s on Day 1 and another one in my abs getting into my car Day 4.

I’ve walked my dog in 20 degree weather. I’ve walked my dog in freezing rain (my dog is loving this diet by the way - rain, sleet, or snow). I’m doing stuff like heavy front squats in the gym on the first real diet of my life (no carb, no less),m wondering if my abs are going to cramp mid-set.

Meanwhile, she can’t get over food cravings and that’s the extent of it??? I just don’t get it. I’m out of sympathy. I’ve had 0 problems following this diet to the tee without exception despite a lot of suffering on my part.

I’m not sure what to do with her. I told her today that if she can make it 14 days, then I won’t be angry if she quits after that (I’ve heard the first two weeks are hardest and it’s downhill after that so I’m hoping she chooses to continue at that point).

I’m not certain what the extent of my influence is. If I forbid that she quit, I’m not sure how she will react. Does she need a steady hand guiding her through or will she rebel and cheat on the diet when I’m not around? Should I recommend one solid meal a day for her?

Looking for input and suggestions. Particularly interested in hearing from women (esp women who have done the V-Diet). I remember reading they seem to have a higher drop-out rate, which I just don’t get. I would think mental fortitude to get through would be similar between men and women.

2

My first reaction is that some people want approval to fail. She obviously doesn’t want you to think badly of her, nor does she want to think badly of herself. So if you “let” her cheat on the diet, or (better yet) cheat on it with her, you’re absolving her of guilt… you will be come the responsible party.

For some people, you can just say “I don’t want to go through this crap anymore. If you want to stop the diet, stop the diet. I’m not going to beg you to do it. But don’t expect me to like it, help you cheat on it, or stop the diet myself. And I don’t want to ever hear you complain about your weight again.”

Being supportive is great, but there’s a limit on the SAME FREAKING PROBLEM, over and over.

She might not stay on the diet, but hopefully she’ll at least quit bugging you about it.

3

d00d women have a fucking screw loose and they Cant Understand Normal Thinking…
(you get that one) :slight_smile:
My advice is to continue on yourself and dont worry about her.
Yeah you spent the money on supplies, but think of it this way, you’ll just have more for you down the road as you tansition off it.

If her weight is an issue for you, then it may be worth pushing the issue, and since your not married yet, you can still run now :slight_smile: (j/k about that i’m happily married)

I guess my point is, dont stress over her, worry about yourself. You’ll probably do better if you have less stress… i mean it’s hard enough as it is, without having to add all that shit into the mix…

good luck man.

4

Why drag her along? Cut her loose. Blaze the trail yourself. If you lose a ton of fat and look good, then she’ll have much more incentive to try and do it too. Not only will forcing her not do her any good, it may jeopardize your own “progress.”

5

[quote]Leafblighter wrote:
I’ll try to make this as brief as possible, but it requires some background info.

After reading the DJ article and getting excited about his improved lipid panel, I decided to get a jumpstart on my fat loss goals by doing the Velocity Diet.

I figured it would be easier if my live-in fiance did it along with me. [/quote]

Are you sure you want to marry this woman? The Internet is not the place to get pre-martial advice. But if I were you, I’d do a gut check and ask my friends for brutal honesty.

If you want to be great, there will always be a V-Diet in your life. Consider the V-Diet a metaphor for your other goals.

Will your fiance keep you from your other goals?

I don’t know enough to have an opinion. But like I said… You have some serious thinking to do.

6

[quote]nephorm wrote:
My first reaction is that some people want approval to fail. She obviously doesn’t want you to think badly of her, nor does she want to think badly of herself. So if you “let” her cheat on the diet, or (better yet) cheat on it with her, you’re absolving her of guilt… you will be come the responsible party.
[/quote]

This is very much the case with her when it comes to working out or eating healthy. You hit the nail on the head. Not sure if I want to take your approach, though, because I do want to see her successful on this diet because I think it will create long-term habit changes (hence decreasing the likelihood of such problems in the future).

7

[quote]CaliforniaLaw wrote:
Leafblighter wrote:
I’ll try to make this as brief as possible, but it requires some background info.

After reading the DJ article and getting excited about his improved lipid panel, I decided to get a jumpstart on my fat loss goals by doing the Velocity Diet.

I figured it would be easier if my live-in fiance did it along with me.

Are you sure you want to marry this woman? The Internet is not the place to get pre-martial advice. But if I were you, I’d do a gut check and ask my friends for brutal honesty.

If you want to be great, there will always be a V-Diet in your life. Consider the V-Diet a metaphor for your other goals.

Will your fiance keep you from your other goals?

I don’t know enough to have an opinion. But like I said… You have some serious thinking to do.[/quote]

I’m not really asking for pre-marital advice here. Honestly, if I think conflict over a severe diet is the worst of our problems, we’re pretty blessed. This particular issue is not really relevant to other areas of our lives either.

8

Don’t let her out of it, or at least let he know how disappointing it will be for you if she quits.

The absolute worst thing she could have done was skip ANY of the meals.

I went about an hour late and started to get all sweaty with nervousness.

One of the other bad things she did was only try one flavor or Metabolic Drive.

The only flavors I’ve stuck with without getting sick of them have been chocolate and vanilla. The others I’ve been able to come back to after about a week or two and like them again.

If she’s still complaining about it, there’s a good chance she already cheated on it and won’t tell you.

I tried the V-Diet with planned cheat days, and failed miserably, and I was starving every week. When I did it without cheating I succeeded, and didn’t have hardly any cravings after the second week. The cravings went significantly down after the 4th day.

9

Get some other flavors, you’ll use them eventually.

It’s possible that she’s never really had to exert control and willpower of this variety before… or ever been held to her words before.

I’m not saying you have to be a badass and make her stay on it via pressure, but you could just continue to give her encouragement and remind her how much she’ll like the results after.

If she stays on it, doesn’t cheat, and succeeds, she’ll learn something. Show support by blowing the bucks on other flavors. You can eat the supps later if she doesn’t.

Hmm, talk about it first though, getting the supps. Also, look up some of the fancier recipe ideas that have been tossed around before.

Don’t know, I’m just sort of rambling being helpful, none of us can really tell what is going on there or what the right thing to do will be. She may have jumped in way over her head on this thing just trying to be supportive of you.

10

You can’t make anyone change.

The more you try, the more it becomes about what you want and not about her doing this for her own sake. Then, her resistance to the diet becomes resistance to you. She’s got to want this enough that the determination comes from her and not from you.

Honestly, in my opinion, the best thing to do is shrug, say “fine, if you change your mind, you know where the stuff is” and then leave it at that. Don’t argue, don’t cajole. She’s an adult and at the end of the day she needs to make her own decisions. Just go along and follow your own plan. If she tries to sabotage your plan by suggesting foods that aren’t on the diet, just decline them. It doesn’t have to be an issue, you’re just not interested in having those foods now.

11

A few years ago, I was overweight and feeling hopeless. My husband went on a low-carb diet and had great results. After seeing his success, I decided to do likewise. The first week was hell (moreso for him than me.) I wined, cried, tried to reason my way out the diet and probably pushed our relationship a little further than it needed to go over something like this.

My point? Be supportive. Remind her why she agreed to start this. Remind her that you’re doing this TOGETHER (mine even ate extremely low carb with me for the meals we were together so I didn’t feel so alone.) Set some goals together. Vacation in the islands come January? Sexy new dress and a night on the town?

She can do it; sometimes women just need a little more support than men.

I went on to lose 80# total and together we started working out and building bodies we didn’t think were possible for us.

12

[quote]

Looking for input and suggestions. Particularly interested in hearing from women (esp women who have done the V-Diet). I remember reading they seem to have a higher drop-out rate, which I just don’t get. I would think mental fortitude to get through would be similar between men and women.[/quote]

I am on day 5 of the diet, and let me tell you…I can understand what she is going through. This is some tough stuff. She is lucky to have live-in support.

Just one question though: is she doing this for you or for herself? This is just like anything else: if the motivation doesn’t come from within, then you won’t stick with it.

Good luck!

13

Follow the advice Dan John’s brother gave him. Tell her she can cheat tomorrow, just stick with the diet today. Then in the morning see if you can get up before her and have a shake ready when she wakes up. Like the women on here have said, just keep being supportive.

14

[quote]Doug Adams wrote:
Follow the advice Dan John’s brother gave him. Tell her she can cheat tomorrow, just stick with the diet today. Then in the morning see if you can get up before her and have a shake ready when she wakes up. Like the women on here have said, just keep being supportive.[/quote]

Best advice on this thread I think…

15

If she is just not liking the taste try flavoring them with extracts…ie. almond, mint, hazelnut etc. I always add them to my shakes. You can’t beat choc/mint!

16

[quote]Leafblighter wrote:
This is very much the case with her when it comes to working out or eating healthy. You hit the nail on the head. Not sure if I want to take your approach, though, because I do want to see her successful on this diet because I think it will create long-term habit changes (hence decreasing the likelihood of such problems in the future).
[/quote]

It’ll also reinforce some pretty bad habits on her part if she gets you to bear the burden of her success on the diet the whole way. Occasional motivation is fine. I don’t want to have to put the cattle-prod to a potential life partner every single time something is slightly unpleasant.

But hey, I’m definitely not a relationships expert. I’ve had friends like that, and so that’s how I would deal with it if she were a friend of mine, pulling the same crap. And I don’t know her as well as you do, nor do I have to live with the results.

17

Opener,

I feel you here. I have my wife on a strict diet, and she says the same thing about shakes, “miss real food, I have to chew and taste.” I dont understand it.

Some things I have done are tell her she gets one cheat day a week and to look forward to it. One day to eat whatever she wants, but not over eat.

Eat a good size/tasting breakfast and tell her to look forward to that.

There is no junkfood in my house, only Metabolic Drive bars, she can have those.

She also seems to be better at sticking to an actual food diet with shakes to supplement it. Vegie’s, chicken, and steak, fruit, etc. She has made decent gains, not terrific, but decent.

The final thing I have done is to show her my results before her eyes. Her results are not near as fast as mine and it drives her to do better.

On a side note, I like the idea of the guy above that said tell her to cheat tomorrow, then try to trick her into not cheating.

And if it matters, I have found the low carb chocolate Metabolic Drive to be the best tasting. It has a nutty, almondy flavor that cant be beat.

18

I agree with being supportive but I recommend putting the ball in her court. Maybe she just needs to hear that she can quit if she realy wants to. Either way she will either complete the diet or not. Thinking you can bully her into it won’t work and may establish an unhealthy pattern that could effect your relationship later.

Trying to control another persons choices is an exercise in futility that will only drive you crazy and derail you from your goals.

19

TELL HER that you are finding her whining hard to deal with. I betcha, in her current state of being caught up in her “misery” she hasnt realised what effect it might be having on you.

Tell her that you are there for her, but that hearing her go on and on about how she isnt hungry,etc etc, is difficult for you given your rough transition. I am pretty sure that will get through her temporary self-absorption, and she will stop ( or decrease) the whining, and realise that she could turn things around and be supportive of you!

Try popping her bubble a bit.

20

The only Metabolic Drive flavors that I like are Chocolate and (not all that enthusiastic) Vanilla. There’s a possiblity that your wife picked the wrong flavor, but if she was that serious about the diet in the first place, she would have taste-tested ALL of them, don’t you think? I read that part of your post and just KNEW that she would try to quit it.

I’m the last person to give martial advice, but I can suggest that she gets one cheat meal per day, since that seems to be what she wants. I don’t care about the diet’s rules. One real meal per day on a liquid diet is still “better” than two to five real meals per day.