Sister is Obsessed with Being Thin?

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1

I’m 27 and my sister is 17. My mother called me last night asking if I could email my sis about her diet/weight “problem”. In the last few years she has been obsessed with her weight and is very thin. She doesn’t have a high metabolism and isn’t one of those “I can eat whatever I want and not get fat” people though. Anyway, I am not that close with her, it’s pretty tough to talk to a teenage girl when you only see her once every month or two.

Lately she has got on a fitness kick too and she has sort of a “I know everything about fitness-diet” attitude. Her diet? She is supremely picky. Cereal, pastries, sandwiches (always white bread), and tons of dried fruit. She usually skips breakfast and lunch and eats all calories between 6-11pm. I’d estimate she’s eating less than 1000 calories a day and at 90% + carbohydrates. Fitness? She runs an hour a day. She complains of being tired a lot and my mother says she is very cranky. I don’t need advice on what is wrong with her diet or fitness. It’s obvious what’s wrong but telling her what is wrong is tough because she isn’t overweight to begin with! She needs to gain weight in my opinion.

Any recommendations on how to breach the subject? I can’t decide what to do, tackle her body-dysmorphic disorder or coerce her into eating more, more often, and better choices and to drop the steady-state and hit the weights. My mom thinks I would be better because I have more knowledge on the subject and have recently lost 35lbs so she may trust me. I have a twin brother who is more chummy with her but I’m the older-wiser one and think I need to play bad-cop here.

Any advice?

2

Tread very carefully here.

She may be developing an eating disorder.
This may require medical/psychiatric intervention, especially if she becomes really thin in the next few weeks.

And there will be denial from her, and perhaps even your mother may refuse to believe this may be going on. Family members are usually the last to know or recognise the signs.

Hopefully I am wrong, but just keep a close watch on her with this in mind.

3

Focus on what she eats and when she eats it first. She needs to understand that her body requires protein and fat more than carbohydrates. She doesn’t have to drop the carbs, but she needs to add in some healthier options. She also needs to understand the importance of breakfast and eating frequent small meals and its effect on fat loss.

Once you’ve got her on board with nutrition, if that is possible, then you can focus on her training.

If you play bad cop she’ll stop talking to you. Girls are very sensitive about their weight and about being told they are wrong. Try to be supportive but offer small suggestions and sound advice.

4

Not to get into my thrilling life-story-thus-far, but I was pretty messed up with anorexia, then bulimia, THEN the combo of bulmarexia in my late teens/20’s…and a bit '30’s, although I’ve been ‘retired’ for over a decade now.

I wouldn’t presume to diagnose your sister (I’m not a professional, and even a doc or whatever would have to see her in person).

But, it sure does sound like she is somewhere on the eating disorders spectrum; I feel that many, many women are somewhere on that spectrum…anywhere from just thinking they are a bit fat, to full-blown anorexia/bulimia.

Your description of your sis indicates that she is at least leaning towards anorexia, with the good/bad food and restricting food, along with the rigorous excercise.

At 17, I was a lot like your sister. The earlier some kind of help is sought, the better-although eating disorders have a reputation of being challenging to treat, like most ‘addictions’.

When you’re anorexic, you feel you are controlling at least one big part of your life; often the person is basically trying to suppress stress/anxiety with the food ‘rituals’, and often accompanying exercise.

The sad irony is that the anorexic/bulimic may feel triumphantly thinner, while in fact their health is at risk, and they are actually a slave to the disorder rather than being in control. So, I’d say some action from your family is definitely in order, while cautioning you to tread carefully.

I clearly recall how it feels to be that confused person…and someone on this path most often resents any interference, and in fact will go to great lengths to deny any problems, or hide them. Although deep down, the person with an eating disorder may be aware of the illness, most of us are not keen to admit that anything is wrong.

Every individual has a unique ‘pathology’ of their illness/addiction; each person is different, has different aspects to their disorder, and will [eventually, in most cases, with any luck…and professional help] improve in their own way.

When I was in ‘e. disorderland’, there was not that much help, especially in rural areas. In my opinion, it’s still much easier to obtain treatment for alcohol/drug addiction (I remember actually wishing I was an alcoholic instead), but there IS help out there.

Before any family member approaches your sister re: her eating etc., I would STRONGLY encourage you to do some research i.e. google ‘eating disorders’ on the 'net, consult healthcare professionals if possible. Throughout my experience, I saw MD’s/psychiatrists/nurse practioners/psychologists etc.

Some people were very helpful, some were frankly pretty awful; it depends a lot on trust and personality, and everyone is unique, of course. Your sister may have a more easily treatable ‘pathology’, or she may be more of a hard case. To get started, I’d run-not walk-to research things.

Get an idea of what ‘treatment’ may be available in her area, and have a family member meet with or at least talk to a professional to figure out how to best approach your sister. As with many illness/addictions, e. disorders are really a FAMILY problem, especially if the affected person is still living at home.

This is NOT to say it’s anyone’s fault in particular…simply that family dynamics play a part, and must be addressed if treatment is to be effective. Eating disorders really screwed up my life in many ways for quite a long time, but most people recover to a large degree. I paid a price, but am sooooo glad to have found a more normal life again.

I wish you and your sister and family all the best, I truly do.

5

that is horrible. i hate dried fruit.
but is she really that different from us? on the positive side, consuming less calories extends a person’s life span

6

[quote]eremesu wrote:
that is horrible. i hate dried fruit.
but is she really that different from us? on the positive side, consuming less calories extends a person’s life span[/quote]

on the other hand more calories in will help be stronger in turn giving a better quality of life.

why starve yourself for a few more months on this planet?

OP with your sister dont be too critical with her have to remember shes 17 and her ego is frail.

boost her self esteem make her feel good about herself and lead by example.
other than that im sorry but theres not much you can do she is her own person and if she screws up shes gotta do it on her own and learn.

eating disorders can go either way and its a slippery slope.
whatever you do be careful with her

7

My lil sis and I are almost the same age spread, I’m 28 and she’s 18. And yes, they know it all. I used too, and cant figure out what happened :wink: I would start when you two are hangin out, doin whatever is routine durin your visit. then say somethin like “wow, sis, you’re lookin pretty good there.what’re you doing?” listen to her esponse. then grin and ask if she feels like she needs improvement anywhere else. Then ask if she wants some tips on how to get there FASTER.

Then throw in the at least start with a breakfast, you’ll lose weight just by that! and protien kick. then go from there. I dunno if that would work, but I know that when I’m sent on a mission to my little sis to deal with a prob she’s ignoring everyone else about thats how I workit, cuz if you do anything out of the ordinary she’ll be suspiscious :slight_smile: good luck!!!

8

Clearly there’s a difference between being thin and healthy all her life…between being tired all the time and eating to thrive. Tell her she can be MORE fit by not beating up her body with a bunch of inflammatory carbs.

Give her some resources (online or otherwise), continue to be a role model of what it means to eat/move for yourself and not for the approval of others, and realize that in the end, you can’t change people, you can only change the way you respond to them.

That last bit is really the most important part. She won’t change until she wants to, but she can’t really want to unless she’s had the guts to know where to go for the right information and mindset about fitness, and for that matter, how to live your life (aka how to value your life by valuing how you treat your body)

9

First off–You definitely do NOT want to play bad-cop. More on this later.

I’ve been bulimic for most of my life and at her age I was purging every meal and was in complete denial that I had a problem at all. In my experience disordered eating and body dysmorphia come from a combination of poor self image and lack of feeling love and intimacy from the rest of the family, regardless of the fact that her emotional isolation might be self imposed. A big factor that played into my ED (I think someone mentioned this already) was a need for independence. She’s at an age where she’s emotionally pulling away from your parents, which is good, but she’s handling it wrong. This is an area of life she can control… so if you come across as another parent it will just make the problem worse.

You mentioned that you only see her once or twice a month. I would develop more of a relationship with her. Don’t push it, just start emailing and calling. Talk to her about your day or week, things you did, what you had fun doing, and ask her the same. Since being healthy is important to you, you’ll obviously talk about your own fitness, but don’t be pushy, just talk about it like you would with another friend. She can choose to learn from that or not. When it came down to it, I realized (am still realizing) that all my issues with food and body image were because I was so lonely. (There’s a book called Love Hunger that addresses this… I’d be curious to know more about your family dynamics. Anyway, my own brother is pretty distant from me and it is extremely hurtful when I choose to acknowledge it, so it might mean a lot more than you think if you start communicating with her more often. Develop a relationship, care about her, show it, be a friend, and when you have to address the subject it’ll be as a big brother who is trying to protect her from hurting herself, instead of another member of the family police telling her how to run her life.

Hope this helps, my thoughts are a bit scattered right now. Good luck.

10

Hey micropower,

I used to wish I were an alcoholic too… or had a drug problem… anything but food. It was like my problem was invisible, or people don’t want to acknowledge how big an issue this is for so many people, or think ED’ers are just freaks.

11

[quote]jpuck wrote:
I’m 27 and my sister is 17. My mother called me last night asking if I could email my sis about her diet/weight “problem”. In the last few years she has been obsessed with her weight and is very thin. She doesn’t have a high metabolism and isn’t one of those “I can eat whatever I want and not get fat” people though. Anyway, I am not that close with her, it’s pretty tough to talk to a teenage girl when you only see her once every month or two.

Lately she has got on a fitness kick too and she has sort of a “I know everything about fitness-diet” attitude. Her diet? She is supremely picky. Cereal, pastries, sandwiches (always white bread), and tons of dried fruit. She usually skips breakfast and lunch and eats all calories between 6-11pm. I’d estimate she’s eating less than 1000 calories a day and at 90% + carbohydrates. Fitness? She runs an hour a day. She complains of being tired a lot and my mother says she is very cranky. I don’t need advice on what is wrong with her diet or fitness. It’s obvious what’s wrong but telling her what is wrong is tough because she isn’t overweight to begin with! She needs to gain weight in my opinion.

Any recommendations on how to breach the subject? I can’t decide what to do, tackle her body-dysmorphic disorder or coerce her into eating more, more often, and better choices and to drop the steady-state and hit the weights. My mom thinks I would be better because I have more knowledge on the subject and have recently lost 35lbs so she may trust me. I have a twin brother who is more chummy with her but I’m the older-wiser one and think I need to play bad-cop here.

Any advice?[/quote]

Well it’s a sticky subject. 17 year olds are known to be super huge know-it-alls. So if she has a know-it-all attitude i’d let her make her own mistakes. Otherwise she’s just going to get pissed at you. There’s nothing you can say to change her mind about something she’s read in some stupid magazine. Plus, girls love their carbs so good luck with changing her diet. Her mood/energy levels I believe are 100% tied to her horrid diet.

And yea, its HORRID. 90% carbs and late in the day… oh lord. Just when she turns 30 and her diet / body is turning against her and she looks like one of those skinny-fat chicks, nothing so far has wokred for her. Maybe then she’ll listen to you.

12

[quote]kensai01 wrote:

Well it’s a sticky subject. 17 year olds are known to be super huge know-it-alls. [/quote]

Working hard at proving your point I see…

13

Maybe you could start the approach differently, and tell her you noticed she was starting to get into image/fitness and refer her to this “great website you know” that is all about fitness/shape… www.figureathlete.com

Emphasize reading the articles on there and you may find that she may choose to modify her diet on her own. Then you just need to address the emotional issues that are behind the obsession… but those could well be something she grows out of as she gets older. Referring her to one of these websites might help her mold her obsession into something more healthy… or at least help educate her about what the healthy way is…

14

My sister is obsessed with gaining 10 pounds of muscle.

Your sister is a flipping idiot, Ive dealt with that sort of girl before, it takes time before they will listen to you, or reason.

Just keep at it.

15

i know image is a big deal for teenagers, and the role models right now aren’t that great as far as living healthy lifestyles. i would approach my sister with pics of the “skinny” girl and then one of the fit girl…

and maybe some info on the fit girls diet…if she truly wants to look like the skinny girl…then ask her how her energy level is and how she feels on such a low calorie diet…

if she likes to write maybe see if she will create a food diary. in the diary include how she feels each day (ie. energy wise and mood wise). or something like that…best of luck with your little sister
~roxi

16

[quote]dianab wrote:
kensai01 wrote:

Well it’s a sticky subject. 17 year olds are known to be super huge know-it-alls.

Working hard at proving your point I see…[/quote]

What is your problem with me? Seriously, take it easy.

17

[quote]jpuck wrote:
I’m 27 and my sister is 17. My mother called me last night asking if I could email my sis about her diet/weight “problem”. In the last few years she has been obsessed with her weight and is very thin. She doesn’t have a high metabolism and isn’t one of those “I can eat whatever I want and not get fat” people though. Anyway, I am not that close with her, it’s pretty tough to talk to a teenage girl when you only see her once every month or two.

Lately she has got on a fitness kick too and she has sort of a “I know everything about fitness-diet” attitude. Her diet? She is supremely picky. Cereal, pastries, sandwiches (always white bread), and tons of dried fruit. She usually skips breakfast and lunch and eats all calories between 6-11pm. I’d estimate she’s eating less than 1000 calories a day and at 90% + carbohydrates. Fitness? She runs an hour a day. She complains of being tired a lot and my mother says she is very cranky. I don’t need advice on what is wrong with her diet or fitness. It’s obvious what’s wrong but telling her what is wrong is tough because she isn’t overweight to begin with! She needs to gain weight in my opinion.

Any recommendations on how to breach the subject? I can’t decide what to do, tackle her body-dysmorphic disorder or coerce her into eating more, more often, and better choices and to drop the steady-state and hit the weights. My mom thinks I would be better because I have more knowledge on the subject and have recently lost 35lbs so she may trust me. I have a twin brother who is more chummy with her but I’m the older-wiser one and think I need to play bad-cop here.

Any advice?[/quote]

Unfortunately, there’s nothing that you can do regarding this matter. Your mother is the only one who can take any “real” action by taking to her to see a doctor. If your mother wishes to not “do anything,” then unfortunately, you have to let people be - even if that means that they fall down and collapse one day.

I know that this seems harsh, but sometimes accidents are God’s way of telling someone to start making changes in his/her life or else.

18

I would suggest giving her some blogs to read from trainers who focus on women/celebrities fitness & diets, but aren’t full of BS (josh hillis comes to mind).

She wants to look skinny and hot, obviously, but she just doesn’t know wtf she’s doing. Instead of telling her to gain weight (which won’t work) you need to try and give her information that relates to the things she’s interested in.

19

How did this turn out?