Is obese. She has been around 200-220 at a height of 5’7" for the past few years, but after my Grandfather’s death in December I would estimate she has put on another 10-20 pounds(comfort eater) I’m honestly at my wits end here.
Me and mainly her personal trainer have enthusiastically tried to help her lose the weight, he has printed her numerous diets and information etc… I don’t really mind that my mom is fat but she complains constantly about being overweight, and often speaks about how although she is big she is healthy(because she goes to the gym 2-3 days a week), basically resigning herself to failure. Just today she whined at me about how she needed to get in shape whilst munching on a bowl of kettlecorn.
When I tell her she has to eat right and less amounts of food she responds that she eats healthy. She is EXTREMELY sensitive about comments on direct comments on her weight/eating habits, so it’s basically a zero sum game where when we reach that point in the conversation I just let it go.
Any ideas on how to give her a reality check without ripping my head off? Or just get her to shutup… She is pretty unhappy in the current physical condition that she is in, and getting in these situations all the time is really annoying. Any ideas and comments are welcome/
Had the exact same thing with my sister. She got depressed and everything, and even the most polite and subtle argument from me would result in a shitstorm coming my way.
One day while she was bitching about being overweight I just got pissed and literally told her to either listen to me and her dietician or shut the fuck up about her being fat.
3 days of crying later she accepted and has lost about 13 pounds in 5 weeks.
It was a big gamble but it worked out in the end. It might be a different story with a mother instead of a sister, though.
Have you tried stic…no, completely inappropriate…over the line. My apologies.
Get her to tune into that Jamie Oliver show. Explain to her that you want to have a mother who is actually ALIVE by the time you get older. Slowly try and wean her off her comfort food by gradually replacing it with less and less unhealthy stuff.
Example: If she loves bonbons, replace them with dried blueberries coated in dark chocolate. Step by step, clear the shit out of her kitchen, because as John Berardi says, if its in your house, you’ll eat it.
It may take some tough love. The discussion might deteriorate into a yelling match. Keep at her. Do you have any bad habits she hates? (pot, peyote, midget scat porn?). Offer to quit if she starts caring about her health.
Others probably have better advice than this. The bottom line is that her lifestyle HAS to change and it could take you lighting a fire under her to get the ball rolling
get her to read Mom-in-MDs training log in PW.
she lost a butt load of weight and had to be very strict about her food.
your Mom will either one day come to the realization that she needs to curb the eating or she won’t. Not much you can do about it but try and support her and stay positive.
when i was overweight the thing that helped me the most was reminding myself of the crummy feelings I had after eating gross/unhealthy shit. tell her to remind herself of that guilty self-loathing and the opposite feelings when she eats healthy. also, make it about how sad it makes you to see her unhappy. guilt is the only way with mothers.
get involved in cooking with her. make her prepare her meals in advance. this way she has to eat what she prepared and won’t have the chance to eat other garbage. no matter what, don’t give up.
Video tape her eating. Make a compilation. Show it to her. That’s all I got for you right now because I’m soiling my keyboard with grease from the fried chicken I treated myself to.
The only thing you can do, really, is change your reaction to the situation. A lot of women engage in self torture with over eating, complaining about being fat, go to bed, repeat. My mom is 69, she is 4 foot nothing, and she has an ever enlarging Jabba the Hut shaped body.
When I was a kid she weighed 89 pounds. She loves to talk about it though – losing weight and how she should – as she tells me which fast food restaurant they stopped at on their way home tonight.
Every night. You are a good son. You care. She has to make the decision. Just love her as is and try not to go insane in the meantime
Not much YOU can do, unfortunately. Run a search here for what Chris Shugart has written about “proximity bias.” Advice coming from a family member or close friend carries far less impact in most cases than advice from an objective professional, particularly a paid one. And when you take into account the role reversal of a son taking care of his mother, it’s even less likely to happen.
At least she’s taken the first steps of getting into the gym and hiring a personal trainer. That shows that she IS motivated to change, which is the most crucial element. I’m thinking maybe a consultation with a nutritionist might help. (But not one of those chubby dietitians who will warn her about the evils of eating fat LOL.)
Seems to me that a lot of John Berardi’s principles would be helpful… Like preparing healthy meals beforehand to increase convenience, practicing dietary displacement (crowding out unhealthy foods with good ones), and simply removing all the shitty foods from the house (if it’s not around, she won’t be tempted to eat it).
Also someone needs to assess her macronutrients and water intake. I mean, is she eating enough protein and healthy fats? Protein and fat lead to satiety. And people will often eat when they’re actually THIRSTY. She needs to make sure she’s getting plenty of water, especially on the days she trains.
My mom got that Lat band shit done, and she is still fat and incredibly sensitive about her weight. Unless they really want to change it is never going to happen- sorry you simply cannot be someone’s will power besides yourself.
Suprisingly actually our cooked meals are very healthy. My family is extremely supportive of my bodybuilding pursuits, and promoting good health in general so were eating primarily healthy food for dinner. I mean not chicken breast and broccoli 24/7 but protein centered meals with healthy carbs and fats and etc… Where my mom goes a stray the most is simply portion control. She always has a second bowl at dinner, and has 2 “snacks” in the between the time after dinner and bed. These snacks are not always unhealthy, (peanutbutter and apples), but when it’s two apples lavishly coated with pb it starts to add up.
I know what I have to do… confront her about it. I’ve never been good at shit like that though. I’ve been going to my gym for over a year now and I still have trouble asking for a summertime job lol. Maybe I should just appoint myself healthy food cowboy of the house and confiscate all the unhealthy shit she buys. Alot of the shit she buys is “for my little brother” though. And it is, but for her as well.
Diana could you link me to that log possibly? IDK what PW is.
Pimpbot, I think she’s actually aware of correct nutrition she just ignores it and pretends to herself and us that she’s doing everything right. And yeah I smoke and drink occasionally but such is the teenage lifestyle. I’ve scaled it back a ton since i’ve started bbing though, to the point where i don’t think it is nearly as detrimental to be an equivalent bargaining chip for her getting herself healthy again.
sickrick, I think i am going to try and find an opportunity like that and then take my shot. Planning on operating with a little more finesse however lol.
i wrote these replies like a day or two ago idk why it didnt post
update: I had a talk with her, and layed everything out… She knows what she needs to do, it’s out of my hands now.
[quote]BONEZ217 wrote:
Video tape her eating. Make a compilation. Show it to her. That’s all I got for you right now because I’m soiling my keyboard with grease from the fried chicken I treated myself to. [/quote]
I hot some trouble with hot wings earlier. woot.
Try and be a little positive. Atleast she goes to the gym which in itself is great. Even if she is overweight etc she is/will be much healthier in general just from working out.
Tell her you already do all the work you need to, but she is holding herself back by eating. Try changing one meal a day to something really good. The easiest meal would probably be breakfast then lunch etc. You could even try one day of healthy eating and one day of normal eating etc. Find out what can work for her.
It’s pretty much a lost cause until she decides to change her eating habits/ She’s doing the exact same shit as before snacking before bed. she’s making absolutely no effort to control her diet now. IF she complains again though im going to roast her… maybe that will be cathartic for me/strike some deep change within her…:[
Cross fit. I know I know, but honestly has helped my wife more than I ever could. Women need group work, men do better by ourselfs or small numbers. If she is with people in the same shape and they are working hard together women just do better. All I got. Later.
[quote]OT wrote:
It’s pretty much a lost cause until she decides to change her eating habits/ She’s doing the exact same shit as before snacking before bed. she’s making absolutely no effort to control her diet now. IF she complains again though im going to roast her… maybe that will be cathartic for me/strike some deep change within her…:[[/quote]
Yea brother, I wouldn’t say you need to lose your cool but if she starts complaining or whining to you again about the weight, just interrupt her, tell her firmly, “Do not speak of this to me, you are the only one that has control over the food you put into your body and you know exactly what to do, talking to me about it is not going to help your situation and your complaining irritates me to no end. So please don’t do it.” The just walk away or carry on whith what you were doing.
Now she might get pissed at you at first, but you stayed calm, gave her information, and you did nothing wrong. So once she realizes that her emotional response is because she has a lack of willpower and no one is going to listen to her lie to herself then she will have no one to lie to except herself.
[quote]DJHT wrote:
Cross fit. I know I know, but honestly has helped my wife more than I ever could. Women need group work, men do better by ourselfs or small numbers. If she is with people in the same shape and they are working hard together women just do better. All I got. Later.[/quote]
