[quote]SmilingPolitely wrote:
Now we are left living in a society where deceit is the norm. Being upfront and honest is considered rude and we can’t even speak frankly with our significant others.
[/quote]
Wait, didn’t you just suggest the cruel and manipulative approach of buying her lingerie too small? How is that honest and up front? That seems a bit contradictory, unless you were kidding but I didn’t think you were. (not to be argumentative, I’m just a bit baffled by the suggestion of cruelty instead of honesty)
To the OP: My personal belief is people don’t change. Their habits can, if they choose to change them. If someone is a motivated person that gets fat then if and when they figure out it’s necessary they will do what needs to be done. But if someone isn’t driven or motivated internally there isn’t a damn thing anyone else can do but tell them what they see is happening and hope they do have some motivation somewhere. Even if you could successfully manipulate someone to fix themselves, who wants to be in a long term relationship with someone you need to trick into looking after themselves?
Lots of women put on a bunch of weight after having kids because their priorities change, their schedules and lifestyles change but that doesn’t mean they’ve given up or aren’t motivated they just have other priorities at the time. Eventually, if they are the kind of person to not let things go they will catch up. But if they’re generally disinterested in fitness and don’t have a lot of drive or concern about their looks then well we all know what will happen.
The point is, all you can do is speak your mind and after that it’s up to her. There are no tricks with self-esteem or anything like that IMO. But being honest doesn’t mean you need to be cruel and harsh either.
Lately, I’m of the belief the poor body image comes more from having a poor body and is not as much a condition of the mind as dissatisfaction with reality. All women (people even) have poor body image to a degree but you can bet the more her ass resembles a bag of doorknobs the lower the self image.
I’ve seen all those makeover shows and they work really hard at convincing overweight women their weight is fine just get that good old empire waistline to emphasize the smallest part of your waist (if under your tits is the smallest part of your waist then your weight is NOT okay) and give her some new hair and makeup and everyone cries at how beautiful she is now. But when she gets out of the shower and sees what she really looks like she is still going to have issues. But if she lost some weight all the rest would come naturally.
To get there a person must be able to see that this person they are not happy with is not who they are and they can do better. I don’t know how you get someone to see that without them being dissatisfied with where they are now.
Having a great self-esteem isn’t a cure for anything anyhow. Speaking for myself, having a self-esteem that makes me critical of myself is the primary source of motivation for improvement. If I just decided I was perfect the way I am I wouldn’t ever strive for anything ever again.
Anyways, this is just my personal perspective of things as someone who has put on some weight and took it off again, although not to the point of obesity so my view is limited and like everyone else in this thread, we don’t know the OP and the woman we’re talking about personally so who knows what applies and what doesn’t.
