[quote]Valar Morghulis wrote:
Its just hard to know what to do, y’know? When is too confident being an asshole? At what point in standing up for myself am I trying to be a “thug”? How do I be respectful and nice to girls without giving a shit about them? When is being nice and sincere “too nice”? Im not asking you to answer these, just pointing out how its tough to know when its getting to extreme. Its safe to say im quite confused at this point in my life =P.
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This is the personality equivalent of those anorexic dudes who post pics, and are all like, “I don’t wanna get all HUUUUUGE, I just…” You don’t need to worry about that shit any time soon, you are ALL the way at the other end of the spectrum.
Not letting other guys people push you around doesn’t make you a thug or an asshole. The thug is the guy who’s trying to push you around.
Being kind and treating other people with respect is a fine thing, one of the cardinal virtues, but since you brought it up, let’s talk about sincerity. Say you’re benching by yourself and you ask another dude to spot you. He says yes. That’s nice of him, you say thanks. He says, “Yeah, well, I’m just doing it so you’ll let me shove my cock down your throat later…” That’s kind of repellent, right?
Girls know you want to do them. Phony “niceness” and ““sincerity”” and simpering your way into her heart are transparent to them in ways they may not be even to you, because you think that’s how you’re supposed to act.
If you want to be kind and respectful, good. Everyone ought to be, I think. But don’t expect it to lead to anything. If you’re doing it because it’s virtuous, don’t (implicitly) ask to be rewarded. Then it will actually SEEM nice, and not creepy (the way your “niceness” probably seems right now.)
It’s all about knowing your worth. That’s the difference between virtuous humility and grovelling. A man who knows he’s capable of excellence, who believes that he deserves a good life can make himself low for the good of others, and benefit from it himself. A whiny loser who thinks that nobody likes him and nobody should is insufferable company whether he bombastically puffs himself up, or grovels, and snivels and whinges. That’s what all those PUA shmucks are doing: they used to grovel, now they boast, but they still hate themselves.
That’s why I’m talking about goals. Figure out what you think is most awesome in life, and go get really good at that. Build yourself a path of stepping-stone goals to the life you want. It will take years-- a lifetime, even – but that’s how you find out who you are, and what you’re really worth. Concentrate on what’s MOST important. When things are going well, the women-aspect will fall into place.
