People Treating You Differently Since Getting "Bigger, Stronger, and Leaner?"

Bigger Stronger Leaner
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A bit of a strange idea for a topic. A cousin of mine recently asked me if people treat me differently since I developed some muscle and am no longer the weedy guy that I used to be. It made me wonder if anyone here has any stories or experiences. Maybe someone that previously turned you down regrets their decision and now thirsts for you. Maybe that guy that used to be kind of mean to you now treats you with more respect. I don’t know, I feel there could be many different answers

Will post my examples when I think of them. I knew I was moving in the right direction when the kebab delivery guy started calling me “big man” though.

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Eh, maybe.

When I was in high school and started getting good at sports (good being relative!), folks that weren’t nice to me when I was a chubby loner were all of a sudden a lot friendlier. I no longer cared, because I was pretty singularly focused on playing ball.

When I was in the Army, it was a baseline expectation. I was pretty hard on folks that didn’t meet the eyeball test.

In the real world as an adult, nobody cares at all. I used to worry about looking like a meathead in corporate meetings; that was all in my head. Maybe just nobody likes me or doesn’t feel like looking at me anyway, but I just can’t think that it matters to anybody. My friends (yes, plural) think it’s a bit of an oddity that I still bother to lift, but that’s it; I don’t think anyone cares.

Perhaps it’s just because I’m no @simo74 in a t-shirt, but that’s my experience!

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Yeah for sure.

I used to be pretty chunky in high school. Thought it was normal to walk by people and never make eye contact, say “hi”, or acknowledge others - because no one ever did that for me. It wasn’t until I dropped from a fat 230lbs down to a lean 165lbs post-boot camp that I actually saw attention from ladies (including the girl whose jaw literally dropped at my coming-home pool party).

I didn’t realize that I was invisible as a fatass, until I wasn’t a fatass anymore. Suddenly - anywhere I go, people remember me (and I’m not talkative).

  • Poke (sushi bowl, kind of) shop 5 mins from my work where I’ve been 3 times? The dude remembers my name, my order, that I want extra soy sauce and chop sticks.
  • Girl working at the tanning salon I’ve seen 2 times over the course of a month told me that my favorite bed (the only one big enough for me) was out of comission. Couldn’t tell you her name, but she knew mine for some reason :thinking:
  • Random people at work who I’ve never spoken to call my name out of the blue and hit me up for gym advice, some of whom take it to heart.

So do people treat me differently now? Uhmm YEAH. I’m not invisible anymore, and I’ll never be invisible again.

Worth noting that people often think I’m a dumb meathead, but that’s hardly a bad thing. Always better to let them (‘them’ being literally anyone) underestimate than overestimate me.

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This would be an interesting poll to take after the 2023 Transformation Challenge to see if anyone received comments or recognition from family/friends/coworkers for their efforts.

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Not at all! It’s been a very eye-opening experience for me, quite a ride. At my best, cashiers and strangers in stores would ask me ‘are you a bodybuilder’ and stuff like that. Just random fuckers coming up to me asking about what I do for workouts, diet, etc. Dating was also interesting. I was told that my dating profile looked ‘fake’, and I would bet that a lot of girls swiped left on me because they thought I was a bot or a fake profile. I also got ‘you’re a lot smarter than I thought you’d be’ on first dates, pretty frequently, lol.

I also recognized the progression of reactions as I grew. I remember the first time a girl came up to me and said something along the lines of ‘you have nice arms’, something like that. I was 150 lbs then, but that was up 20 lbs from my starting point (I was 19 or 20 at the time). There was a time period when I would get asked ‘do you work out’, or ‘so do you do crossfit’ a lot. I was pleased when I got to the point where it wasn’t a question of whether I worked out, it became ‘what do you do’. And eventually it was ‘do you take steroids’, or even ‘what are you on’.

I was also one of the first guys competing on a national/world level in lightweight strongman who looked more like a bodybuilder. Now, goddamn almost everyone at the top level of my sport looks like that, but just 4-5 years ago, that wasn’t the case. I remember at Worlds in 2018, I stood out, in terms of my physique. I was about 4 inches taller than most of the other guys in my class, and significantly leaner. And even on THAT stage, I got comments. That was pretty wild to me.

One of my favorite aspects of looking like this has been the fact that I can go pretty much anywhere, walk any streets, go into any bars, whatever, and know I am NOT the target. Nobody’s going to fuck with me, assuming I don’t do anything to start trouble. I know that if I’m walking down a dark street, and someone is looking for a target to rob, they will wait for a better option. That’s comforting, lol.

Overall, the upsides FAR outweigh the downsides. I think we all know that.

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It’s probably both age- and profession-dependent. As a 50 year old professor (okay in 7 months I’ll be 50), it’s very unusual that I can play sports and compete against 20-somethings in physical activities. It’s also very unusual that I’m muscular and fit to the level I am in academia (not to toot my own horn, as I know I don’t stand out compared to many others on this forum). But I’ll get “I thought you were a maintenance guy” on the days I dress more casually and I’m in my office/lab in tee shirt and hat.

But, in some professions such as coaching or even dudes that just hang out and surf/mountain bike and choose ultra active lifestyles, it’s not so unusual.

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Not because she’s in sales, for sure. Waitresses and “dancers” love me, too, but it’s only because I’m jacked…

I jest, but couldn’t help it.

This is kind of an interesting point, and one I never thought about. I lived in a small town and went straight into the military, so I think there’s probably a lot of “real-world” I just simply never experienced so my thoughts on this topic are without a lot of necessary context.

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People stopped asking me if I had cancer. FTW!!!

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Certainly a valid point, but I imagine I’m not the only person walking into a tanning salon in LA of all places. Or maybe she’s like rain-man but with names.

Would be much more suspect to scrutiny if it wasn’t a monthly membership, or if there were tips involved.

You right though - bar tenders always know my name… I think they like me for my personality.

I’ll certainly say I haven’t had any shitty human-to-human experiences since putting on the size. Not in the sense of people being people, just that no one considers fucking with me. Makes my life more peaceful, which is good for both of us.

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Yea, it’s definitely an interesting thing. And I recognize it because when I was younger, I WAS the target, and I knew it. I’ve lived my whole life in Dallas, and while it’s not the most dangerous city in the world, it’s definitely not the safest either, and I’ve spent a fair bit of time in… shady areas. And I recognize the changes in behavior of strangers around me when I’m out late. I was held up at gunpoint when I was in my early 20’s when I was out one night, walking to my car, in an area I thought was relatively safe. That had a pretty profound affect on me. It was an area where there were plenty of people out and about doing the same thing, and I’m positive that if I had looked the way I do now, I would not have been the chosen target.

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I tan at the same place as my fiancé. We signed up together recently. She’s been more times than I have and the girls never remember her name but remember my first and last name :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

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I was chubby in in high school (6’3 and 245-250 - but not a good 245).
I was awkward any and had a hard time fitting in. People started actually speaking to me first when I got a bit leaner (dropped to 215 in the first few months of lifting/playing rugby).

I still get comments though not as frequently. Mostly “Dude, you’re yoked!” (that one never gets old, i get a smile every time i hear it).

I echo @flipcollar experience of not being a target. It especially helps when I am out with my young daughters. If a strange adult gets to close to one of them I give them a hard glance and that’s usually all it takes to scare them off.

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That is a wild story! It definitely gives you the baseline to say, definitively, “this was a change after I gained muscle”. The “soft target” concept is real; great point here.

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Most definitely people treated me much different. I began getting a myriad of stupid questions.

As far a prospective female partners, many found my appearance “gross” as I was told many times. But the few that liked my physique, loved it.

As to feeling physically safer, I felt I had a good possibility of handling most any situation I found myself. That is, until a fellow gym member asked if I carried a gun. I replied that I didn’t need one. He countered that if he saw me get out of the car he would shoot me. That made a big impact on my safety assessment.

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I don’t know your physique or stats, but to be “gross” I would think that could only mean you gained a huge amount of muscle and fat and just look overly gigantic and too bulky (like a fat bouncer), or you went the other route and are super low body fat and look decimated and dehydrated to others (like a stage-ready bodybuilder). I realize many like the bodybuilding look, but many do find it unappealing.

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My guess is that you are quite a bit younger than me. Muscles in general, at least muscles that are physically obvious, were very new to the public. And not to mention vascularity, but how do you avoid that?

And yes I was a competitive bodybuilder over 3 decades. But by no means was I stage ready 365 days a year.

The public’s view of a pleasing body has changed over time. In the 1970’s I was a freak compared to most anyone walking around.

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Meh, was bullied and picked on all throughout my school years. As an adult, I got bullied by co-workers who insulted my muscular frame saying it wasn’t “feminine” and continually tried to harass me for not wanting to eat the lunchroom holiday snacks.

Different kind of being picked on I guess, but tomato tooomaahhtoe

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I am not being sarcastic: that is grade school mean girl jealousy. It apparently is never over.

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Great topic!

My mum went from saying that I was too skinny to saying that my legs and arse are too big, saying that “didn’t you start working out to slim down your legs (I was fat before getting skinny” I take it as a compliment and remind her that there are many girls who would kill to have a bigger arse.

Otherwise, not much. I got fit in middle school, right when I switched and lost contact with all my elementary school and early middle school classmates so everyone I’m in contact with has always seem me as fit. I gained 13lbs (mostly fat, some muscle) over the pandemic but no one noticed

Ppl have always found me rather memorable bc of my personality.

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Awesome, this thread got a lot of quick interaction. Really cool to hear about all of those experiences and stories. I empathize with quite a lot of them!

I’m sure amongst friends, family, and acquaintances experiences will differ depending on how big of a transformation you’ve actually made. It’s great to not hear comments like “I’ve seen more meat on a vegetarian’s fork!” anymore.

With strangers, I definitely feel like I get more respect when there have been drinks flowing. Living in a small town and being friends with a lot of the pub owners, I’ve always taken on a bit of a role of a peacemaker when petty little feuds happen. I feel like people are more likely to listen to me because the demeanor I put across is backed up by more size than it used to be. This could be a subjective observation rather than anything factual though.

When it comes to the opposite sex I feel like it’s night and day in terms of them starting up a conversation. This is very likely more to do with the confidence gained from being bigger and stronger rather than it being because i’m bigger and stronger though.

And here’s one I’m surprised hasn’t been mentioned yet. People are 100% more likely to ask for me to help them move stuff!

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