Alright… just a occasional sigh
I find that can often be a heavy sound
I make sure its under my breath…
Ah, I thought you meant SHE was sighing. I was curious regarding how she takes the response you give.
Lucily in most cases for me its via phone. So that helps.
I find that can be more dangerous honestly. May not be aware of resentment building on the other side of the screen.
If you mean on my end… i guess that be a concern. Im notva good cheer leader.
If you mean on my end
I don’t. I’ve been talking about her this whole time.
My concern is you’re not observing the resentment building on her end over this process.
In between the realm of cheerleader and saying “ok” is an empathetic ear, there is a good chance that’s what she is seeking. @EmilyQ could most likely speak more to that.
Good point… not sure how to handle it 100%
I try to think about what it is they want when they tell me these things, and I see if I can deliver that. The empathy part of the equation. If I were in their situation and I were telling someone this, what is it that I would want?
Like, you ever just have a crummy day, and you sit down and tell your buddy “Man, today sucked”? What if that buddy told you “You need to start waking up earlier so you can cold plunge: it would fix your problem”. You’d most likely be pretty upset that this dude is trying to “solve your problem”. But at the same time, if all they did was say “Ok” because they’re not good at cheerleading, you’d probably wonder what their problem is. And if they DID cheerlead you and go “Cheer up: this is gonna be our year for sports!” You’d ALSO wonder WTF is wrong with your friend.
But if they go “Tell me about it”, even if it’s rhetorical, you’d know they’re at least listening and they’re ready to hear you.
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My response would always be, “There is always tomorrow.”
But I do have the experience of a seven year relationship that included four years of marriage. She had never lifted a weight before she met me. She was a respiratory therapist, and was the person who gave me my first AAS injection. She watched me develop from a struggling competitive bodybuilder to a national level competitor.
While we were dating she entered the local beauty pageant. After the pageant she decided to improve her appearance via weight training. In a fairly short period of time she became well known nationally in women’s bodybuilding. We did Mixed Pairs in three contest, two which were IFBB international contests.
Both of us dieting simultaneously was a huge strain on our relationship. Four years was all our marriage could withstand. It was so bad that at the IFBB North America Mixed Pairs we didn’t practice our routine until we got backstage just before our performance.
Be careful what you wish for.
I like that my woman takes care of herself, but I am not interested in contributing to her possible “addiction” to seeking perfection.
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She’s making an excuse for herself, but looking for you to validate it.
Do what you want with that, but expect this to be a recurring thing you have to deal with throughout this entire relationship.
If you slack, she will slack with you.
If you’re on the fence about training or going off diet, she will entice you to stay home or go off diet with her.
If you’re 100% on plan, she will do just enough so you don’t leave.
There wont be a time where she’s pushing you to go to the gym like you are with her.
I’m not saying this to shit on her, I’m saying this because she doesn’t actually want to do it.
If she wanted to, she would.
The important question here is “are you willing to deal with this”?
I don’t need the answer to that question, but you do.
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Happiness is an inside job. You can’t do it for other people. It’s frustrating AF for me to watch people I love stagnate, get depressed, lose motivation, whatever, and just watch. I try to help (awkwardly), and it turns out bad.
Sometimes you just gotta listen.
But recognize, sometimes you just don’t have the bandwidth and you get resentful. Remember to put your mask on first.
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Finally figured out what she needed from my end to help keep her motivated. Gentle push when she’s not motivated and some slight praise when she gets the work in.
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I’m glad you found what you were looking for. In my relationship I was the first to turn to lifting. My husband did physical labor but never did any actual lifting or exercise. I had been morbidly obese and turned to running. Lost some weight, hurt my knee, stopped running. Gained some weight, not nearly as much as I had before, but enough. I was miserable, depressed and desperate to find a way out of my own head. Serendipity brought me to a personal trainer who got me into lifting. I spent a pretty penny on a power rack, some dumbbells, a barbell and some weights. At 38 I got into the best shape (and smallest pants) of my life. I felt amazing. Eventually I fell off. At this point my husband had started lifting and had really gotten into it. So, after ALL of that, when he tried to nudge me back I got so pissed at him. Took me a really long time to figure out that it was because I was disappointed in myself and really couldn’t take being a disappointment to him. It also took me a really long time to figure out that his nudges were his way of loving me and trying to take care of me. Wanting me to be healthy and happy. Even now, KNOWING all of that, it still sometimes feels like a criticism when he comments. He always says that I wouldn’t get pissed at someone else for the same advice. He is 100% correct. Because he is really the only person who’s opinion matters to me. Now I’m on point, he’s on point and we talk about lifting together. Sometimes it just takes time to get to the same page.
All that being said, this is coming from a person who literally just yelled, stomped out of a room and down a set of stairs because my mixed nuts were made into trail mix and " I’m not going to pull the nuts out so I can eat them!" So, you know, take it with a grain of salt.
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Here we go again… her step son is getting married in May. Asked me what she could do to loose a bunch of weight.
I decided “ put the fork down” would be inappropriate on my end. EVEN if i was joking.
Of course if I had said it…. The authorities would be looking for my body
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GLP maybe?
Been ruled out by a physician… due to possible complications that might arise due to a pre existing condition.
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The only thing I’ve ever found to work is tracking my food and moving more. Start with one change (no soda etc) once that’s solid move to another.
She had lost weight before we meet. Shes just having a hard time finding her groove
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