I wouldnt go through with it. I’d definitely try to be a good friend to her…but I’d find someone else. She would hopefully be mature enough to see my situation.
[quote]Ct. Rockula wrote:
I wouldnt go through with it. I’d definitely try to be a good friend to her…but I’d find someone else. She would hopefully be mature enough to see my situation.[/quote]
I imagine that it would crush her soul.
[quote]Professor X wrote:
[quote]cycobushmaster wrote:
i don’t think the couple from the article is overly optimistic. they need to be realistic as to what things will change in thier life (kids, sex, career plans, finances), but it’s not impossible.
but to degrade them as “overly-optimistic” is weak-minded and incredibly negative… [/quote]
LOL.
It is amazing how you degrade me for supposedly degrading them when my comment wasn’t an attack on their intelligence at all. That would make you a hypocrite…which is good news because you will never be alone. But hey, the personal attack was cute.
Acting like no injury happened and that everything is still on as planned WITHOUT taking a break for reevaluation IS overly optimistic after a life changing traumatic event in my opinion that can negatively affect the quality of life of ALL people involved. That is not an attack on their character. It is a comment about how they need to slow down.
[/quote]
you said that she hasn’t grasped what has happened to her yet? i suspect that she has…SHE is the one that can’t do what she used to be able to. in my experience, either you can move on and make plans to keep living, or you can worry about how incredibly bad things can be. the article does not say their ignoring what happened-it said they’re adpating thier lives and trying to make the best of it.
i think it’s a great story…it gives people hope who are going through hard times, and makes those appreciate what they have that aren’t having stuggles.
don’t act like they’re children…perhaps you should re-read the article.
my .02
[quote]SkyzykS wrote:
[quote]heavythrower wrote:
[quote]Professor X wrote:
I really don’t see this as inspirational. With trauma like that, it will be a long while before she even accepts what has happened to her. I think it is great her future husband plans to be there, but come on, this isn’t fairy tale land. He imagined having a wife like everyone else…not as a patient they must take care of. This will strain that relationship…and as for her friend, I don’t see how they can even look at each other after something like that. I doubt they will be best buds for long.
Is it me or is the “optimism” here a little over the top?[/quote]
QFT
not sure if anyone unless they are unfortunate enough to have personal experience with this or works in the health care field like we do…realize the time and commitment it takes to care for people with a sever spinal cord injury.
as a nurse, just the 12 hours that I would have to care for one of these type patients, and getting paid well to do so, challenged my patience and empathy.
Imagine 24/7 365 days a year.
I think it is possible for her to meet someone who is willing to love her like she is now and take on that responsibility, but for the guy who she was dating before this happened, come on, he is young and I am sure he and his family and friends are thinking that he did not sign up for this. [/quote]
Oh man, not only is there no need to imagine, for me it’s more like “don’t remind me”. I was my brothers caretaker for 12 years.
His girlfriend at the time tried to hang in there, and she felt kind of guilty about it, but after a few months moved on. Same with a lot of his friends. Guys from his ship (he was enlisted in the navy) came in for visits, but it wasn’t the same. The 6’2" 220 lb. bar fighting ass slayer that they had cruised around the world with was replaced by a guy in a wheel chair who peed in a bag and spontaneously pooped himself. Even longer term friends couldn’t hang for very long. Once the passive aggressive behaviors began and he learned to control and manipulate his surroundings without using his hands and feet, even the best of friends took off.
I didn’t sign up for that shit either. I just happened to be there at the time, and having a familial sense of obligation, did what need to be done. Unfortunately, no one person is equipped to handle that type of situation, and certainly not a 16 year old kid. Our relationship as brothers has dissolved as a result of the accumulated anger and resentment that we have developed for each other.
[/quote]
sorry to hear that…
[quote]cycobushmaster wrote:
you said that she hasn’t grasped what has happened to her yet? i suspect that she has…SHE is the one that can’t do what she used to be able to. in my experience, either you can move on and make plans to keep living, or you can worry about how incredibly bad things can be. the article does not say their ignoring what happened-it said they’re adpating thier lives and trying to make the best of it. [/quote]
I do surgery on people several days a week and can tell you from experience that people have difficult times even accepting MINOR alterations to their physical being and can often take time to accept the changes made. I have also had surgery on my chest personally and can tell you it takes time before you see yourself the way you are after surgery. That is because the human mind takes time to accept major changes to the body and all of this is a part of how someone sees themselves as a self image.
So no, from a doctor’s perspective and the perspective of a patient, I can tell you that she has not accepted what has happened yet. No one gets over trauma like that over night and you alone seem to be the one reading every negative aspect possible into a statement made as if you somehow are above me in some way as far as my opinion.
Her significant other now has to CHOOSE whether the changes she went through (mind you, there WILL be changes to her personality as well after something like this) are tolerable for him as well and assuming everything is still on as planned may sound heart warming but that is because the newspapers won’t be around if it rains on that wedding day.
That is called being realistic.
[quote]
i think it’s a great story…it gives people hope who are going through hard times, and makes those appreciate what they have that aren’t having stuggles.
don’t act like they’re children…perhaps you should re-read the article.
my .02[/quote]
No one acted like they were children. Maybe you should realize that some of the people on this board have experience in the areas we speak on.
[quote]cycobushmaster wrote:
sorry to hear that…[/quote]
Sorry to say it.
I don’t mean to convey a dark or tragic message, because truth be told, there are a lot of people who have adapted well to life in a chair, but I also buffer that with my observations and experience in connecting with a pretty good number of people who have experienced spinal chord injuries. My brother is one I have the most direct experience with, but there have been numerous friends and families that we connected with over the years who share similar circumstance.
Over the months of rehab, I can think of one guy in particular who had a high C break and partial sever who got up and walked. It was absolutely amazing. Still wearing a halo, using parallel bars for assistance, the dude got up and took a few steps. Those few turned into a few more, and within weeks, the guy was making his way up and down the halls of the facility with just a cane. After about a month of that, the guy walked out of the place, got into his car with his wife, and off they went. Testicular fortitude, miracle, neural plasticity and reprogramming, or heaps of all of the above, I don’t know, but it is something I will never forget.
I know and understand the product of hope and optimism in action. I’ve seen it firsthand. Unfortunately, I’ve also seen the other side of it.
[quote]Eli B wrote:
Someone with medical experience please speak to the fact that for some reason paralysis (I dont know to which area of the spine or which vertebrae) increases sexual pleasure in women.[/quote]
Are you referring to the incident where a woman fell off her Wii Fit board, damaged a nerve in her lower spine and now has “persistent sexual arousal syndrome”?