[quote]therajraj wrote:
If you guys were the dude, would you pull out of the marriage?
[/quote]
I would have married her still, love is blind and it’s easy for us to say no because we are looking in from the outside and are not actually experiencing this tragedy.
[quote]therajraj wrote:
If you guys were the dude, would you pull out of the marriage?
[/quote]
Initially? No, but that is because all eyes are on him and pulling out will be seen as literally causing her harm (emotionally/physically). If he pulls out now, her world will be shattered. However, realistically, should anyone expect a guy in the prime of his life, who was expecting to marry a different person, to choose to spend his life taking care of someone?
I think divorce is a likely ending but maybe not until years down the road after much time and emotion has been invested making it even worse.
I was just in a car wreck. I am aware I could have ended up much worse. I am by no means trying to make light of her situation.
She should think about getting a therapy dog for the stuff she can’t do. That would make her even more independent. I admire her courage and resiliency to get over this injury as much as her body will allow her to.
[quote]heavythrower wrote:
[quote]Professor X wrote:
I really don’t see this as inspirational. With trauma like that, it will be a long while before she even accepts what has happened to her. I think it is great her future husband plans to be there, but come on, this isn’t fairy tale land. He imagined having a wife like everyone else…not as a patient they must take care of. This will strain that relationship…and as for her friend, I don’t see how they can even look at each other after something like that. I doubt they will be best buds for long.
Is it me or is the “optimism” here a little over the top?[/quote]
QFT
not sure if anyone unless they are unfortunate enough to have personal experience with this or works in the health care field like we do…realize the time and commitment it takes to care for people with a sever spinal cord injury.
as a nurse, just the 12 hours that I would have to care for one of these type patients, and getting paid well to do so, challenged my patience and empathy.
Imagine 24/7 365 days a year.
I think it is possible for her to meet someone who is willing to love her like she is now and take on that responsibility, but for the guy who she was dating before this happened, come on, he is young and I am sure he and his family and friends are thinking that he did not sign up for this. [/quote]
I just recently started working at a hospital(service staff) and my eyes have really been opened as far as the effort it takes to take care of trauma patients, especially the pediactric wards.
I agree with the opinion that once this wedding is over and everyone catches their breath the hard part really starts. I can’t even imagine this senario, or the bills.
[quote]Professor X wrote:
I really don’t see this as inspirational. With trauma like that, it will be a long while before she even accepts what has happened to her. I think it is great her future husband plans to be there, but come on, this isn’t fairy tale land. He imagined having a wife like everyone else…not as a patient they must take care of. This will strain that relationship…and as for her friend, I don’t see how they can even look at each other after something like that. I doubt they will be best buds for long.
Is it me or is the “optimism” here a little over the top?[/quote]
For once, I agree.
[quote]legendaryblaze wrote:
[quote]Professor X wrote:
I really don’t see this as inspirational. With trauma like that, it will be a long while before she even accepts what has happened to her. I think it is great her future husband plans to be there, but come on, this isn’t fairy tale land. He imagined having a wife like everyone else…not as a patient they must take care of. This will strain that relationship…and as for her friend, I don’t see how they can even look at each other after something like that. I doubt they will be best buds for long.
Is it me or is the “optimism” here a little over the top?[/quote]
For once, I agree.[/quote]
“And the lion shall lie down with the lamb”…
We’re fucked.
[quote]Professor X wrote:
I really don’t see this as inspirational. With trauma like that, it will be a long while before she even accepts what has happened to her. I think it is great her future husband plans to be there, but come on, this isn’t fairy tale land. He imagined having a wife like everyone else…not as a patient they must take care of. This will strain that relationship…and as for her friend, I don’t see how they can even look at each other after something like that. I doubt they will be best buds for long.
Is it me or is the “optimism” here a little over the top?[/quote]
Ihave to agree with X, then add to the fact that she’s a former dance instructor and probably was into some form of training I couldn’t even imagine not being able to lift weights ever again. My mom during her final years had her neck broken by a doctor and wound up in a wheelchair, just the gauging of doors the assholes that walk over you and the like would have made me gone on a rampage, then she got infectiopns and seadiff and finally the demyelination and brain, and the choices we as a family had to make. I wish her luck and all thbe best but maybe they should do a follow up in a year and see how happy they are.
[quote]heavythrower wrote:
[quote]Professor X wrote:
I really don’t see this as inspirational. With trauma like that, it will be a long while before she even accepts what has happened to her. I think it is great her future husband plans to be there, but come on, this isn’t fairy tale land. He imagined having a wife like everyone else…not as a patient they must take care of. This will strain that relationship…and as for her friend, I don’t see how they can even look at each other after something like that. I doubt they will be best buds for long.
Is it me or is the “optimism” here a little over the top?[/quote]
QFT
not sure if anyone unless they are unfortunate enough to have personal experience with this or works in the health care field like we do…realize the time and commitment it takes to care for people with a sever spinal cord injury.
as a nurse, just the 12 hours that I would have to care for one of these type patients, and getting paid well to do so, challenged my patience and empathy.
Imagine 24/7 365 days a year.
I think it is possible for her to meet someone who is willing to love her like she is now and take on that responsibility, but for the guy who she was dating before this happened, come on, he is young and I am sure he and his family and friends are thinking that he did not sign up for this. [/quote]
Oh man, not only is there no need to imagine, for me it’s more like “don’t remind me”. I was my brothers caretaker for 12 years.
His girlfriend at the time tried to hang in there, and she felt kind of guilty about it, but after a few months moved on. Same with a lot of his friends. Guys from his ship (he was enlisted in the navy) came in for visits, but it wasn’t the same. The 6’2" 220 lb. bar fighting ass slayer that they had cruised around the world with was replaced by a guy in a wheel chair who peed in a bag and spontaneously pooped himself. Even longer term friends couldn’t hang for very long. Once the passive aggressive behaviors began and he learned to control and manipulate his surroundings without using his hands and feet, even the best of friends took off.
I didn’t sign up for that shit either. I just happened to be there at the time, and having a familial sense of obligation, did what need to be done. Unfortunately, no one person is equipped to handle that type of situation, and certainly not a 16 year old kid. Our relationship as brothers has dissolved as a result of the accumulated anger and resentment that we have developed for each other.
[quote]Eli B wrote:
Well this was a good read for perspective about a man with ‘no sensation under his ribs’. Should also remember that a lot of paralyzed men, depending on which vertebrae was broken will have sensation in their junk. Im still looking for info about women.
http://nsrc.sfsu.edu/article/users_guide_paralyzed_penis_sex_after_spinal_cord_injury[/quote]
Potentially stupid comment here, but maybe erogenous zones would retain the most sensation?
[quote]SkyzykS wrote:
[quote]heavythrower wrote:
[quote]Professor X wrote:
I really don’t see this as inspirational. With trauma like that, it will be a long while before she even accepts what has happened to her. I think it is great her future husband plans to be there, but come on, this isn’t fairy tale land. He imagined having a wife like everyone else…not as a patient they must take care of. This will strain that relationship…and as for her friend, I don’t see how they can even look at each other after something like that. I doubt they will be best buds for long.
Is it me or is the “optimism” here a little over the top?[/quote]
QFT
not sure if anyone unless they are unfortunate enough to have personal experience with this or works in the health care field like we do…realize the time and commitment it takes to care for people with a sever spinal cord injury.
as a nurse, just the 12 hours that I would have to care for one of these type patients, and getting paid well to do so, challenged my patience and empathy.
Imagine 24/7 365 days a year.
I think it is possible for her to meet someone who is willing to love her like she is now and take on that responsibility, but for the guy who she was dating before this happened, come on, he is young and I am sure he and his family and friends are thinking that he did not sign up for this. [/quote]
Oh man, not only is there no need to imagine, for me it’s more like “don’t remind me”. I was my brothers caretaker for 12 years.
His girlfriend at the time tried to hang in there, and she felt kind of guilty about it, but after a few months moved on. Same with a lot of his friends. Guys from his ship (he was enlisted in the navy) came in for visits, but it wasn’t the same. The 6’2" 220 lb. bar fighting ass slayer that they had cruised around the world with was replaced by a guy in a wheel chair who peed in a bag and spontaneously pooped himself. Even longer term friends couldn’t hang for very long. Once the passive aggressive behaviors began and he learned to control and manipulate his surroundings without using his hands and feet, even the best of friends took off.
I didn’t sign up for that shit either. I just happened to be there at the time, and having a familial sense of obligation, did what need to be done. Unfortunately, no one person is equipped to handle that type of situation, and certainly not a 16 year old kid. Our relationship as brothers has dissolved as a result of the accumulated anger and resentment that we have developed for each other.
[/quote]
holy shit.
[quote]CPerfringens wrote:
The “best friend” deserves to be shot.[/quote]
Tragic, terrible, stupid accidents happen.
Good thing you dont run the world.
[quote]Professor X wrote:
[quote]therajraj wrote:
If you guys were the dude, would you pull out of the marriage?
[/quote]
Initially? No, but that is because all eyes are on him and pulling out will be seen as literally causing her harm (emotionally/physically). If he pulls out now, her world will be shattered. However, realistically, should anyone expect a guy in the prime of his life, who was expecting to marry a different person, to choose to spend his life taking care of someone?
I think divorce is a likely ending but maybe not until years down the road after much time and emotion has been invested making it even worse.
I was just in a car wreck. I am aware I could have ended up much worse. I am by no means trying to make light of her situation.[/quote]
For right now they aren’t getting married because she would loser her medicaid and there is no way they could afford to pay for her care. This may give him and her a way of sorting things out until they really know. As someone else said she is excited planning her wedding party and is probably feeling pleasure with that.
[quote]Professor X wrote:
I really don’t see this as inspirational. With trauma like that, it will be a long while before she even accepts what has happened to her. I think it is great her future husband plans to be there, but come on, this isn’t fairy tale land. He imagined having a wife like everyone else…not as a patient they must take care of. This will strain that relationship…and as for her friend, I don’t see how they can even look at each other after something like that. I doubt they will be best buds for long.
Is it me or is the “optimism” here a little over the top?[/quote]
All I could hear when she said she wanted to postpone the wedding for Medicare was the guy saying in his head, “Praise the Lord, Christ be merciful.”
[quote]Professor X wrote:
[quote]therajraj wrote:
If you guys were the dude, would you pull out of the marriage?
[/quote]
Initially? No, but that is because all eyes are on him and pulling out will be seen as literally causing her harm (emotionally/physically). If he pulls out now, her world will be shattered. However, realistically, should anyone expect a guy in the prime of his life, who was expecting to marry a different person, to choose to spend his life taking care of someone?
I think divorce is a likely ending but maybe not until years down the road after much time and emotion has been invested making it even worse.
I was just in a car wreck. I am aware I could have ended up much worse. I am by no means trying to make light of her situation.[/quote]
Thinking theoretically, even if he did love her and was ready to commit (which depending on how old he is, I doubt is how it is, anyway) he was ready to commit to a certain person.
Seeing what happens to people that have serious injury like this, they are not the same person usually. She will not be the same person, he needs to take a year to think about if he can commit to this relationship (I’d say he needs to help her out in her condition to see what it’s like), if he can’t then he shouldn’t put his future wife through the trauma of getting married and then regretting it, and likely getting divorced.
id hit it
[quote]SkyzykS wrote:
[quote]heavythrower wrote:
[quote]Professor X wrote:
I really don’t see this as inspirational. With trauma like that, it will be a long while before she even accepts what has happened to her. I think it is great her future husband plans to be there, but come on, this isn’t fairy tale land. He imagined having a wife like everyone else…not as a patient they must take care of. This will strain that relationship…and as for her friend, I don’t see how they can even look at each other after something like that. I doubt they will be best buds for long.
Is it me or is the “optimism” here a little over the top?[/quote]
QFT
not sure if anyone unless they are unfortunate enough to have personal experience with this or works in the health care field like we do…realize the time and commitment it takes to care for people with a sever spinal cord injury.
as a nurse, just the 12 hours that I would have to care for one of these type patients, and getting paid well to do so, challenged my patience and empathy.
Imagine 24/7 365 days a year.
I think it is possible for her to meet someone who is willing to love her like she is now and take on that responsibility, but for the guy who she was dating before this happened, come on, he is young and I am sure he and his family and friends are thinking that he did not sign up for this. [/quote]
Oh man, not only is there no need to imagine, for me it’s more like “don’t remind me”. I was my brothers caretaker for 12 years.
His girlfriend at the time tried to hang in there, and she felt kind of guilty about it, but after a few months moved on. Same with a lot of his friends. Guys from his ship (he was enlisted in the navy) came in for visits, but it wasn’t the same. The 6’2" 220 lb. bar fighting ass slayer that they had cruised around the world with was replaced by a guy in a wheel chair who peed in a bag and spontaneously pooped himself. Even longer term friends couldn’t hang for very long. Once the passive aggressive behaviors began and he learned to control and manipulate his surroundings without using his hands and feet, even the best of friends took off.
I didn’t sign up for that shit either. I just happened to be there at the time, and having a familial sense of obligation, did what need to be done. Unfortunately, no one person is equipped to handle that type of situation, and certainly not a 16 year old kid. Our relationship as brothers has dissolved as a result of the accumulated anger and resentment that we have developed for each other.
[/quote]
damn.
[quote]Makavali wrote:
id hit it[/quote]
[quote]roybot wrote:
[quote]Eli B wrote:
Well this was a good read for perspective about a man with ‘no sensation under his ribs’. Should also remember that a lot of paralyzed men, depending on which vertebrae was broken will have sensation in their junk. Im still looking for info about women.
http://nsrc.sfsu.edu/article/users_guide_paralyzed_penis_sex_after_spinal_cord_injury[/quote]
Potentially stupid comment here, but maybe erogenous zones would retain the most sensation?[/quote]
When someone who is paralyzed to due a severing of nerves, the brain space once devoted to sensation and movement of the lower body has no incoming stimulus after such a nerve injury. It’s believed that this living brain tissue then sends out some sort of signal that “invites” nearby brain areas to take over this now-defunct space. Once this happens, all kinds of unusual sensations result.
The part of the brain dedicated to sensory function of the genitals is topologically next to that of the foot in the brain’s somatosensory cortex. When when someone’s legs are paralyzed but they maintain sensation in the genitals, this invasion can occur.
i hope the best for them…those are challenges i wish on no one.
my wife had a coma when i was in Iraq and nearly died (about 4 years ago). she lost partial use of her right hand and foot, and is still having some severe nerve/diabetic issues as well, and may lose her other foot pretty soon.
we had to deal with some other relationship isssues as well, but we are a far stronger couple than most. our relationship is also a lot different, as i need to help her with a lot of stuff, and she’s had to learn what she could do for us. but i consider her my best friend, and put our marriage first in my life. the stuff she has to deal with on a dailly basis would crush most people…and she used to be a college athlete a s well.
i don’t think the couple from the article is overly optimistic. they need to be realistic as to what things will change in thier life (kids, sex, career plans, finances), but it’s not impossible.
but to degrade them as “overly-optimistic” is weak-minded and incredibly negative…
[quote]cycobushmaster wrote:
i don’t think the couple from the article is overly optimistic. they need to be realistic as to what things will change in thier life (kids, sex, career plans, finances), but it’s not impossible.
but to degrade them as “overly-optimistic” is weak-minded and incredibly negative… [/quote]
LOL.
It is amazing how you degrade me for supposedly degrading them when my comment wasn’t an attack on their intelligence at all. That would make you a hypocrite…which is good news because you will never be alone. But hey, the personal attack was cute.
Acting like no injury happened and that everything is still on as planned WITHOUT taking a break for reevaluation IS overly optimistic after a life changing traumatic event in my opinion that can negatively affect the quality of life of ALL people involved. That is not an attack on their character. It is a comment about how they need to slow down.