Am I a Bitch?

Off Topic
1

Okay T-Nation, I avoid you as best as I can, but I’ve reached a point where I need some f-ing advice and I want ya’ll to give me whatcha got!!!

I’ll try to summarize as best I can, but I am zee biggest babble bot in the world, so deal with it or GTFO.

Okay a couple months ago I met a boy.
A man-boy who pursued me, and though I was hesitant at first because I was afraid of life, he finally broke me down and we went on some dates etc…
He woo-ed me completely. LEGO DELOREAN GIFT, nuff said.
Dates and sweet texts and compliments, oh my!! It was like nothing I had ever experienced before.
And copious amounts of sex. Like a person slept with me, and then continued texting me sweet things and taking me out on dates.
MIND=BLOWN.
I mean for reals, that has never happened before.

HOWEVER, we were not “in a relationship” because he had just gotten out of a big one and wasn’t ready for anything serious. We were exclusive though, and that was good enough for me.
I told him I wouldn’t pressure him cause I didn’t want to fuck shit up.
I decided I would be the greatest girl in the whole world so that he would fall in love with me.
Like showing up at his place unexpectedly and demanding that I give him a blow job because I FUCKING NEEDED TOoooooooo. ROAR
I also hid a street fighter toy in his bathroom as a gift for him to find one day because it’s so fucking hip to be considerate.

Anyway, weeks went by and he drunkenly confessed to me that after he agreed to be exclusive he fucked someone else.
PAIN
But I dealt, and told him I wasn’t mad, just hurt. And we moved forward from there.
But then things kinda got shitty. Like we became less like a couple and more like fuck buddys.
Instead of goodnight beautiful texts I’d get like, yo, I have an hour to spare, wanna bang?
I decided that because I repeatedly make the same mistakes with men over and over again, that I needed to change. So I told him I couldn’t do this anymore. All I’ve ever been to every man I’ve ever known is nothing but a vagina, and I wont put myself through that anymore.

He said I meant more to him just a fuck, and he would prove it to me. So he started being super nice again and we’d hang out without fucking. Because I wont fuck.
No, no I will not fuck someone who is not my boyfriend.
But he doesn’t understand why I said I was okay with things and then changed my mind.
I am worried that he thinks I am one of those bitchy women that withholds sex to get what she wants, but I am doing it for me. Like in my heart I just feel I deserve something real from someone, and I told him he should feel special that he’s the only guy I cared enough about to change my ways. FIX MY PATTERN.
But he told me he hopes I find a boyfriend… and I am pretty sure it’s all just going to go away.

I can’t tell if my actions have made me a better woman or a shittier woman, and I want some other points of view because my mommy just tells me what I want to hear.

Thank you and good day.

2

Better Woman.

Don’t worry about what he thinks.

3

tl;dr

But if you have to ask you probably are.

4

Better woman. Time to start backing away from this guy, and maybe next time don’t set the precedent of pre-boyfriend sex. Sounds like you are on the right track though and doing extremely well. This is just a hiccup.

5

X2 ^^^ Well said

6

You’re DEFINITELY not a bitch Spock; you’re just crazy. But that doesn’t really have anything to do with what this dude did. You made the right call imo. If you want to be more than just a friend with benefits to him then he needs to either get with the program or move on. You did very well.

7

it sounds like you are quite young, you may find guys your age are mostly after the fuck buddy thing.

You’ll find a boyfriend eventually, just don’t give it up so easy next time if you want the relationship not to be based entirely around sex. Not that a relationship definitely would be if you have sex immediately, but there’s definitely more of a chance it will be if you do.

Definitely not a bitch though, don’t worry.

8

Well, you are reflecting on your actions and you are here asking for honest feedback, so I’d say this is a clear case of coming out a better woman.

Don’t look for deeper meaning if there isn’t any. Prepare to move on or, if the sex was good, use him for sex for a while and then move on.

You’re fine. Do what makes you happy. Good luck!

9

[quote]Spock81 wrote:
Like showing up at his place unexpectedly and demanding that I give him a blow job because I FUCKING NEEDED TOoooooooo. ROAR
I also hid a street fighter toy in his bathroom as a gift for him to find one day because it’s so fucking hip to be considerate.

…we became less like a couple and more like fuck buddys.
Instead of goodnight beautiful texts I’d get like, yo, I have an hour to spare, wanna bang?[/quote]

Move on. Also read “Why Men love Bitches” (srsly).

You marketed yourself as doormat and tolerated him breaking his commitment to you. = kicked in the gut feeling.

10

You are allowed to change your mind. You also need to communicate to him why it changed. Dont let him assume anything, be upfront and honest.

11

[quote]JCMPG wrote:
You are allowed to change your mind. You also need to communicate to him why it changed. Dont let him assume anything, be upfront and honest.[/quote]

Well I did try to explain to him…

I said I’ve made the same mistakes with boys over and over and it always winds up being awful.

I compared it to scrabble.
Like say you lose every game, but you continue to utilize the same strategies every time you play and you wonder why the fuck you never win.
I said that…

He said most girls can just bang dudes along their journey to finding a husband.

But wtf, when we were first together he said he’d make me his girlfriend when he felt ready. Then he said he always knew he’d meet his future wife at the gym, and now he’s comparing himself to a pit stop along the way to me finding someone else.

?!

12

Knowing nothing about this guy other than what you’ve shared, I’ll go ahead and venture a guess as to his thought process.

  1. Telling women what they want to hear can be an effective way to get them in the sack. Most men understand this, even if it is on a purely intuitive level without any conscious recognition.

  2. Now that he has you in the sack, he’s reflecting on his own conduct and the relationship in a shallow but still meaningful way.

  3. Now he’s trying to back out of the whole situation without being a total dick.

Again, that’s just a guess based on limited information.

13

[quote]twojarslave wrote:
Knowing nothing about this guy other than what you’ve shared, I’ll go ahead and venture a guess as to his thought process.

  1. Telling women what they want to hear can be an effective way to get them in the sack. Most men understand this, even if it is on a purely intuitive level without any conscious recognition.

  2. Now that he has you in the sack, he’s reflecting on his own conduct and the relationship in a shallow but still meaningful way.

  3. Now he’s trying to back out of the whole situation without being a total dick.

Again, that’s just a guess based on limited information. [/quote]

OMG it’s so scary to think like that!!

I always convince myself that all the boys that were in my life were good people deep down and I just needed to be understanding or some STOOPID shit like that.

14

Oh also I need to add:

We shared a magical moment.

A laugh attack.

This may be nothing to most people, but it was huge to me.

Like the craziest most intense laugh attack of my life. I am talking us each curled up on either side of the car in balls laughing so hard and uncontrollably. I was scared for my life because I couldn’t breath.
I couldn’t stop…

I have never shared such an intense laugh attack with anyone in my entire life.
It was special.

////\\

15

[quote]Spock81 wrote:

[quote]twojarslave wrote:
Knowing nothing about this guy other than what you’ve shared, I’ll go ahead and venture a guess as to his thought process.

  1. Telling women what they want to hear can be an effective way to get them in the sack. Most men understand this, even if it is on a purely intuitive level without any conscious recognition.

  2. Now that he has you in the sack, he’s reflecting on his own conduct and the relationship in a shallow but still meaningful way.

  3. Now he’s trying to back out of the whole situation without being a total dick.

Again, that’s just a guess based on limited information. [/quote]

OMG it’s so scary to think like that!!

I always convince myself that all the boys that were in my life were good people deep down and I just needed to be understanding or some STOOPID shit like that.

[/quote]

He probably isn’t ALL bad. I have no idea how old he is, but you should not be shocked by the notion that some men, many men, in fact, and ESPECIALLY young, immature men will say ANYTHING to get a girl in the sack.

His intent was most likely not to hurt you, but who knows? He’s either a big dumb oaf who is not capable of understanding how his actions affect you, a total asshole who hurt you on purpose or, most likely, something in between.

Try not to dwell on this too much or look for deeper meaning in the actions of a guy who got some sex and wants to move on now.

16

[quote]Spock81 wrote:

[quote]twojarslave wrote:
Knowing nothing about this guy other than what you’ve shared, I’ll go ahead and venture a guess as to his thought process.

  1. Telling women what they want to hear can be an effective way to get them in the sack. Most men understand this, even if it is on a purely intuitive level without any conscious recognition.

  2. Now that he has you in the sack, he’s reflecting on his own conduct and the relationship in a shallow but still meaningful way.

  3. Now he’s trying to back out of the whole situation without being a total dick.

Again, that’s just a guess based on limited information. [/quote]

OMG it’s so scary to think like that!!

I always convince myself that all the boys that were in my life were good people deep down and I just needed to be understanding or some STOOPID shit like that.

[/quote]

To be honest, I think the whole situation is going down rather smoothly.

I know its rough, but things changed for both of you. You realized you wanted more and he realized he wanted to play the field.

Now, it does sound like he’s trying to keep you around which is a bit of a dick thing to do, but not unheard of. At least he’s not straight up lying to you though.

Just pick up your ball and leave the game at this point. He’s VERY wrong when he said “most girls can just fuck guys along the way.”

I would say a lot of girls convince themselves they can, but that’s not really the case. You are certainly not in the minority.

Chalk all of this up to good times, feeling good, moving you forward, and good things coming in the future. In all honesty, after everyone of these types of relationships I’ve had, something awesome came not long after.

17

Maybe this is an age thing, but if you are exclusive, how are you not dating? In my definition, you can go on a date with someone and NOT have it exclusive. The minute you give up the option to date other people, you are officially bf/gf (wow. that sounds very high school.)

Some guys will try to convince you into shit like this so they can have their cake and eat it too. When I was single, a few times I would meet a guy, hang out a couple of times, was very upfront that I was dating other people and at some point, they would tell me that if I had sex with other people, they wouldn’t eat me out. Like somehow the thought of my pussy losing access to their amazing tongue was so horrifying that I would willing cut off all dating options just to hold on to the sweet, sweet cunnilingus. It’s a bullshit move and allows him to ensure I don’t see anyone else while not offering up any sort of commitment on his end.

You were looking for a relationship, he wasn’t. Either he is OK with you keeping your options open and seeing other people or you kick him to the curb. No changing his mind. No saving him. You get the fuck out and find someone who wants the same things you want. I don’t care how similar you are. You want different things. No amount of laughing or enjoyment of similar activities is going to change the fact that you are not at the same place. Stop selling yourself short and changing what you want, just to make him happy.

You want to stop by work and suck his cock. Fine. Do it. But, don’t do it just because you think it will make you seem more awesome. That is actually unfair to the guy. He thinks he is dating a girl who actually wants to do all of that stuff, but really you are only doing it to get him to like you more. Honestly, it looks like the two of you were playing the same game. You used sex to get the intimacy and eventual relationship you wanted while he used intimacy and friendship to get the sex he wanted.

This may come across a bit harsh, but I am saying it because I have been there. I’ve tried to be everything to everybody and after a while I forgot who I was and what I wanted. You don’t have to have the same interests as the other person. It is great that you are into comics and anime and minecraft. That is your thing. Nothing wrong with that. But, if you are relying on these things to make you more attractive to someone else, you are limiting yourself and what you have to offer.

I did it with sports. Yes. I enjoy sports, but I tried to turn myself into a damned sports encyclopedia just so I could be that girl who was really into sports. It was a facade and all because I didn’t have faith that just being me was enough. That I needed an extra edge on the “hot chicks” to compete for a guy. Looking back, I can see it was all bullshit. I didn’t have enough confidence in myself to demand more. I was too scared that I would never find that person who would be with me because I am fucking awesome.

You want to know how extreme it was? I have a 9 year old. I don’t want to have anymore children and haven’t wanted any other children pretty much since she was born. One day, while discussing various birth control options, my current bf asked me why I didn’t just get my tubes tied if I never wanted to have kids. I said, “Because if I met someone and he wanted to have kids, I would have another”. Take a moment to think about that. I don’t want more kids, but I was willing to leave the window open and potentially go through 9 months of pregnancy, diapers, potty training, all of it just because it is what a guy wants. That’s fucking bat shit crazy! And yet, I never thought twice about it until my bf pointed it out.

Why be with someone if you aren’t heading the same direction? In this respect, the guy was right. He set the rules of exclusive but not dating (again, ?) and you agreed. You said yes with the HOPES it would change, but from his point of view, you were fine with the status quo. This gave him the ability to go out, meet other women and say, “No. I don’t have a gf” and not be a lying scum bag. It sounds like you agreed to a FWB set-up and all he had to do was hang out for a little and send you sweet messages. Either stand up to him and tell him exactly what you want, a monogamous, long term relationship that leads to marriage (possibly, I don’t know your intentions there) or he can leave. If he agrees, great. If he tries to weasel his way out with this “maybe I’ll be ready in a couple of months” bullshit, you walk out the door. Yes. It is hard, but you can do it. By sticking around with him, you are losing the chance to meet someone who is going to be everything you are looking for and want the same things you want.

18

[quote]SmilingPolitely wrote:
Maybe this is an age thing, but if you are exclusive, how are you not dating? In my definition, you can go on a date with someone and NOT have it exclusive. The minute you give up the option to date other people, you are officially bf/gf (wow. that sounds very high school.)

Some guys will try to convince you into shit like this so they can have their cake and eat it too. When I was single, a few times I would meet a guy, hang out a couple of times, was very upfront that I was dating other people and at some point, they would tell me that if I had sex with other people, they wouldn’t eat me out. Like somehow the thought of my pussy losing access to their amazing tongue was so horrifying that I would willing cut off all dating options just to hold on to the sweet, sweet cunnilingus. It’s a bullshit move and allows him to ensure I don’t see anyone else while not offering up any sort of commitment on his end.

You were looking for a relationship, he wasn’t. Either he is OK with you keeping your options open and seeing other people or you kick him to the curb. No changing his mind. No saving him. You get the fuck out and find someone who wants the same things you want. I don’t care how similar you are. You want different things. No amount of laughing or enjoyment of similar activities is going to change the fact that you are not at the same place. Stop selling yourself short and changing what you want, just to make him happy.

You want to stop by work and suck his cock. Fine. Do it. But, don’t do it just because you think it will make you seem more awesome. That is actually unfair to the guy. He thinks he is dating a girl who actually wants to do all of that stuff, but really you are only doing it to get him to like you more. Honestly, it looks like the two of you were playing the same game. You used sex to get the intimacy and eventual relationship you wanted while he used intimacy and friendship to get the sex he wanted.

This may come across a bit harsh, but I am saying it because I have been there. I’ve tried to be everything to everybody and after a while I forgot who I was and what I wanted. You don’t have to have the same interests as the other person. It is great that you are into comics and anime and minecraft. That is your thing. Nothing wrong with that. But, if you are relying on these things to make you more attractive to someone else, you are limiting yourself and what you have to offer.

I did it with sports. Yes. I enjoy sports, but I tried to turn myself into a damned sports encyclopedia just so I could be that girl who was really into sports. It was a facade and all because I didn’t have faith that just being me was enough. That I needed an extra edge on the “hot chicks” to compete for a guy. Looking back, I can see it was all bullshit. I didn’t have enough confidence in myself to demand more. I was too scared that I would never find that person who would be with me because I am fucking awesome.

You want to know how extreme it was? I have a 9 year old. I don’t want to have anymore children and haven’t wanted any other children pretty much since she was born. One day, while discussing various birth control options, my current bf asked me why I didn’t just get my tubes tied if I never wanted to have kids. I said, “Because if I met someone and he wanted to have kids, I would have another”. Take a moment to think about that. I don’t want more kids, but I was willing to leave the window open and potentially go through 9 months of pregnancy, diapers, potty training, all of it just because it is what a guy wants. That’s fucking bat shit crazy! And yet, I never thought twice about it until my bf pointed it out.

Why be with someone if you aren’t heading the same direction? In this respect, the guy was right. He set the rules of exclusive but not dating (again, ?) and you agreed. You said yes with the HOPES it would change, but from his point of view, you were fine with the status quo. This gave him the ability to go out, meet other women and say, “No. I don’t have a gf” and not be a lying scum bag. It sounds like you agreed to a FWB set-up and all he had to do was hang out for a little and send you sweet messages. Either stand up to him and tell him exactly what you want, a monogamous, long term relationship that leads to marriage (possibly, I don’t know your intentions there) or he can leave. If he agrees, great. If he tries to weasel his way out with this “maybe I’ll be ready in a couple of months” bullshit, you walk out the door. Yes. It is hard, but you can do it. By sticking around with him, you are losing the chance to meet someone who is going to be everything you are looking for and want the same things you want.
[/quote]

HOLY SHIT THIS POST!!!

Amazing can’t even begin to describe it…

19

[quote]Spock81 wrote:

He said most girls can just bang dudes along their journey to finding a husband.

…

Then he said he always knew he’d meet his future wife at the gym

?![/quote]

bahahaha

Translation:

  1. I wanna bang other chicks. I’ll say you can bang other dudes, but I probably won’t really be cool with it if you do. Also, by “until they find a husband” = “until the condom breaks”

2)“My wife will be hot.”

These are rookie mistakes young jedi.

20

Obviously you need to get your tits done.