Ever run to a public restroom under duress and try to take one of these damn things out of the slot and have it rip on the way out? Just about the time you are crowning you grab another one, and the fucking thing has 3 tabs to break out the middle…then you try and break these tabs but just rip the whole damn thing apart?
About this time you’re sweating and grabbing the third one. This time you must concentrate…and SLOWLY tear the tabs…
Then, you put the damn thing down only to find piss stains all over the seat! 1 more ass gasket ruined!
Then you are really tightening up the cheeks , wipe off the seat, and grab another ass gasket. You go through the drill again…
FINALLY you set the thing just perfectly and undo your pants. Well since you cleaned the seat it’s all smooth and dry and the air from your body sweeps the ass gasket away and one end falls into the toilet!!! SHIT!
By this time sweat is beading and you start jumping around like a 8 year old boy trying to hold in a piss!
As you are convulsing, you manage to get the last gasket out…on the seat and sit down slowwwwwly as to not make the damn thing move. You finally do your business and grab some TP.
Since you were sweating the gasket sticks to your ass as you wipe…damn thing…you dont know if you are wiping with the TP or the gasket…you quickly pull up your shirt and pull away the gasket and do the wiping while standing.
You flush…the shit gets all backed up because you now have 5 ass gaskets and a dump blocking the toilet…
The proper technique is to always enter the bathroom thinking that it is going to be occupied, will need cleaning, etc. that way you don’t get all giddy too fast thinking you won’t have to hold it much longer.
i would’ve just put the quads to use and performed a strict iso-hold and dropped bombs from the skies above. sure, there’s going to be some splashing, but worth it imo.
[quote]altimus wrote:
i would’ve just put the quads to use and performed a strict iso-hold and dropped bombs from the skies above. sure, there’s going to be some splashing, but worth it imo.[/quote]
No man… cold water uppercuts from a public toilet is the worst.
And rock, the public bathrooms at my college (you remember college, dont you?) have those. Between bulking, and the food here, I’ve mastered the ‘paper ass gasket.’
I have to use these every day at my office. You need to have a system. Here’s mine:
grab a wad of TP, spit on the seat and wipe it down with the TP - regardless of level of filth.
Face ass gasket box. Grab edge of front gasket, gently pull up, then down.
Be prepared to gently pull apart the tabs. Lay the gasket down onto the seat. If the seat is plastic (likely), there should be some static built up from step one - the spit part is key for this.
Slowly turn around and sit down.
When you lift your ass cheek to wipe, make sure the gasket has not stuck to your ass. Wipe adequately.
Flush.
Wash hands and leave.
Haste makes waste and causes the issues you had. Slow down just a little, and you’ll be shitting cleanly in very little time.
But usually, that same a$$hole that goes around and pisses all over every public restroom has been there and pissed on the seat, the ass gaskets, AND the TP, so its the Flush and Hover and pray for clean hand towels routine.
