No Holds Barred Tips To Gain Weight

Training
21

[quote]dt79 wrote:
When I was in Uni, I would cook a shitload of pasta with 600g of ground beef and 10 chicken franks when I got home in the evening. I would store it in a large salad bowl in the fridge and gradually finish eating it all in 5-6 small meals throughout the night. Every hour or so, I would just go to the fridge, fill a plate with 1 serving, mix it with pasta sauce and microwave it.[/quote]

Mass produced meals are always a great idea, especially on a budget. This also reminds me about the value of being distracted.

Whenever I needed to put away a lot of food, I made sure that I was doing something else while I was eating. Watching TV is helpful, or reading or pretty much anything where the focus ISN’T on the food. It’s another one of those things where, if all you’re doing is focusing on the food, it’s going to fill you up pretty quickly, but if you’re just mindlessly munching on it while you do something else, you’ll suddenly notice that your bowl/plate is empty.

This means that anything that needs a knife and fork is pretty much a no go. If nothing else, cut up everything beforehand.

22

[quote]T3hPwnisher wrote:

[quote]dt79 wrote:
When I was in Uni, I would cook a shitload of pasta with 600g of ground beef and 10 chicken franks when I got home in the evening. I would store it in a large salad bowl in the fridge and gradually finish eating it all in 5-6 small meals throughout the night. Every hour or so, I would just go to the fridge, fill a plate with 1 serving, mix it with pasta sauce and microwave it.[/quote]

Mass produced meals are always a great idea, especially on a budget. This also reminds me about the value of being distracted.

Whenever I needed to put away a lot of food, I made sure that I was doing something else while I was eating. Watching TV is helpful, or reading or pretty much anything where the focus ISN’T on the food. It’s another one of those things where, if all you’re doing is focusing on the food, it’s going to fill you up pretty quickly, but if you’re just mindlessly munching on it while you do something else, you’ll suddenly notice that your bowl/plate is empty.

This means that anything that needs a knife and fork is pretty much a no go. If nothing else, cut up everything beforehand.[/quote]

Absolutely right! This was the exact rationale behind the choice of beef pasta with chicken franks(which i pre-cut into tiny slices using a pair of scissors).

Also, having a mass produced meal and eating the same stuff everyday made it easy to modify calories/macros either by decreasing/increasing ingredients or adding stuff like olive oil.

23

Building from dt79’s last point, a tip from Dan John that I always liked was to find ways to add calories to a meal without adding bulk. Having a baked potato? Put an extra glop of butter on it. A shake? Dump in some extra peanut butter or coconut oil. A salad? More olive oil, please. Vegetables of any kind? Cook them in generous portions of coconut oil, olive oil, butter, lard, bacon fat. Add heavy cream to your coffee. All that kind of stuff.

Plus the forehead-slappingly simple suggestion to not eat “diet” foods. Drink whole milk, not skim. Eat whole eggs, not whites. Eat real pork belly bacon, not low fat turkey “bacon”

24

Pro Tip:

Oreos and milk.

Pro tip:

The above may or may not apply to you. Consider your activity levels, current LBM, how much weight you are putting up for maxes (and thus how much weight you can use effectively for hypertrophy as well). The higher these are, the more Oreos and milk you are allowed.

25

If on a budget: murder a pizza hut all you can eat/chinese buffet/ once a week. Take a double dose of digestive enzymes early on. Eat till you feel you’ re about to vomit, rest for 20 mins then eat some more. Groan and feel bloated as hell for the next 2 hours.

Also get 8 hours sleep every day and one day a week 10

No budget:
train very high volume and really load up on intra workout supps -basically the American sniper protocol or a double dose of quality aminos and hbcd/karbolyn, new colostrums like bio gro, glutamine peptides, leucine etc

Use MAG-10 as your base protein powder.

Eat grass fed beef and most of your food as organic.

Get ART therapy or deep tissue massage once a week

26

[quote]Jarvan wrote:

  1. Load up on simple carbs

The fastest weight gainer out there are simple sugars. Simple sugars put your insulin production in overdrive. Insulin, being one of the most anabolic hormones known to man.
Starchy carbs also help promote weight gain. Potatoes, sweet potatoes, and most types of rice with every meal will ensure a lot of the weight you ingest will stick to you.
I personally also found that increasing starchy carbs/simple sugars also spiked my appetite. The sugar crashes will constantly cause the body to re uptake leptin, and freely allow ghrelin to run rampant.

  1. Schedule meals

If you got class, bring food in tupperware. Whatever situation you’re in, you must program and prepare your next day and meticulously schedule when your feed time is.
If you must wake up earlier and sleep later to eat more, so be it.

  1. Eat until you’re almost TOO full

Granted, this is not possible in the beginning because you will ALWAYS be full if you’re doing this properly. But as you progress, eat enough to full your belly pop out, but enough space for a large sundae. Use this to look forward to your next meal. Gradually, your eating times remain, but the portions increase.

  1. Eat salty.

Salt not only retains water in your system, but also nutrients.
It also makes your food taste better.

  1. Use condiments.

A steak is easier to down with some Peter Luger sauce on it, no? French fries with ketchup, meat loaf with gravy, baked potato with butter, etc.

  1. Drink liquids, only after completing meals.

Feel free to take a small sip so you don’t choke, but save the big chug for after the meal. You may drink as much as you want after the meal.

  1. Rest after meals.

Take a nap. Give your body time to process the food. Plus you should be too full to move anyway. This is a tip I’ve learned from sumo wrestlers… and common knowledge that is overlooked.

  1. Take steroids.

I personally never have, but there are knowledgeable people out there who can point you in the right direction.

  1. Train hard, but rest a lot.

In between sets that is.

  1. Use mountain dew or pepsi for your shakes.

This is a tip I stole from watching Jay Cutler on some show.
And just drink more full sugar soda. Weight will pack on.

  1. Variety

It’s easier to eat some red meat with some taters on the side. Even better, add some potato chips, extra butter, fritos, and grape soda with your steak. Sauce it up.

*disclaimer

Everything you see here, except for the gear, I have used myself to gain an exorbitant amount of weight in the past. However, none of these are things I would recommend for anyone trying to be healthy. Proceed with discretion.

BONUS TIP

smoke blunts
[/quote]

  1. Don’t do this. 9/10 people will just get fat. Seriously especially as a beginner chances are you don’t need a fuck ton of food to grow you just need to realize that your 1500 calories on a good day is not “Eating like a horse.”

  2. Not at all a bad idea.

  3. Depends on the situation. Once again if your full force feeding 2000 calories a day then yes you are going to be full a lot. If you can evenly space out 3000 calories a day it’s not that bad at all.

  4. Sure…

5.Agreed.

  1. Not a bad tip and it definitely helps. Not to mention drink a lot of fluid through out the day. Fluid helps speed up and improve food digestion there fore a increased chance of being hungry.

  2. Once again depends on the person who the fuck other than maybe a teenager can honestly take a 30 minute nap after 4-6 meals day???

8… Come the hell on man… You could have at least made this the very last point I mean really if every teenager that couldn’t grow before because they suck in the gym, suck in the kitchen, and don’t focus on recovery didn’t have a reason to do steroids they sure as hell do now just because you said so… Come on.

  1. Depends on who you are talking about or goals.

  2. Are you joking??? How about just Gatorade powder??? Better in most ways taste better and really the only time you would benefit from this would be after training.

  3. Variety with good choices… This entire post takes the cake on retarded shit you have said in this forum and its been a good bit.

Bonus tip… Smoke weed, do steroids, eat like shit… Yep that will get you where you want. I’m assuming you were high when you wrote this.

27

So eat like shit, take steroids and smoke dope?

Sounds like a party to me!

28

[quote]Chris Colucci wrote:

[quote]Jarvan wrote:
Everything you see here, except for the gear, I have used myself to gain an exorbitant amount of weight in the past.[/quote]
Can you expand on this in detail?[/quote]

I wrestled since middle school and some of college. During that time keeping my weight down was assumed from me (from myself and my coaches) for the upcoming season. I graduated high school @125lbs.
A friend a mine who worked at a gym hooked me up with 3 months free membership, I couldn’t say no. But I decided to make use of it and do the complete opposite of what I’ve been doing the past 6 years. I lifted nearly everyday, and ate as I mentioned above. Gained 35lbs before my 3 months ended. Felt disgusting… and yet I continued it for many years, hitting my peak at 175lbs.

I think it’s shit advice too. And funny enough, it was exactly that video that gave me the impetus to write this up. Honestly, I couldn’t tell someone face to face to do any of this stuff, or any of what JM recommended Tate… This post wasn’t so much a troll attempt, as it is an obvious by-product of the majority of advice you find on forums such as this (except for the gear). You know that one guys who just simply writes EAT MORE until you’re 200lbs guy) A lot of us come from the states where people are expected to gain weight easily (or get fat), and yet the ones who aren’t getting fat, are trying to get fat.
The dichotomy is conspicuous, and yet not so obvious.

I concur, absolutely. It’s better to be more sensible when writing shit out in the forum, compared to going through a full assessment in person.

[quote]I definitely agree with the digestion-improving stuff though. Very under-rated, but a long forgotten bit of useful info. Whenever I go to a buffet, I always toss some pineapple onto every plate I get, to try kickstarting digestion (bromelain, yay). Lots of old school guys (in the '70s and earlier) also focused on improving digestion, either by not drinking much during a meal, like you mentioned, or resting plenty after a meal, like you mentioned. To this day, Robby Robinson still talks about having mango or papaya everyday.

As far as an actual “no holds barred tip”, I believe a dozen whole eggs a day will help most guys better than a gallon of whole milk a day. Hard boiled, scrambled, over, as egg salad, whatever. 12 whole eggs every day, broken down however’s most efficient, will add plenty of calories, a good bump of quality protein, and a ton of healthy fat. Not too expensive, easy to pick up a new dozen or two at the corner store on the way home from the gym, quick to cook.[/quote]

Too healthy bro. Newbs want to know the real secrets.

Sorry, had to fix that too.[/quote]

ketchup and tabasco. on everything. i swear to god my mouth watered just thinking about that.

29

[quote]T3hPwnisher wrote:
I feel like there is a lot of good potential in this thread. It would be a good idea for us to share any techniques we have. There are plenty of other places to argue.

-I found a lot of success with Wendler’s “Drink a protein shake after a meal” approach. Liquid calories go down pretty easily, and are an easy way to add up.

-I’ve done the gallon of milk a day thing, and it operates on the same above principle. You can always squeeze in a glass of milk.

-On that topic, seriously, make it a glass of milk. I find that drinking from the jug/carton makes the task seem too Herculean. Your mind thinks “this is HUGE, there is no way I can drink this!” If you pour in it a glass, you can watch is disappear much faster, and it’s easier psychologically. Just keep pouring it out.

-On THAT topic, I find I can drink more/faster through a straw. Whenever I’ve needed to rehydrate after weigh ins, drinking from a straw made it so that I got less bloated/sickly. I imagine it’s because you take in less air, as long as the straw is always submerged in liquid.

I’ll post more when I can think of them. The highest I ever pushed my bodyweight to was 217 at 5’9. These days I’m around 198.[/quote]

Very nice, and exactly.

Thanks for the insight. Hopefully more follow suit

30

[quote]Reed wrote:

[quote]Jarvan wrote:

  1. Load up on simple carbs

The fastest weight gainer out there are simple sugars. Simple sugars put your insulin production in overdrive. Insulin, being one of the most anabolic hormones known to man.
Starchy carbs also help promote weight gain. Potatoes, sweet potatoes, and most types of rice with every meal will ensure a lot of the weight you ingest will stick to you.
I personally also found that increasing starchy carbs/simple sugars also spiked my appetite. The sugar crashes will constantly cause the body to re uptake leptin, and freely allow ghrelin to run rampant.

  1. Schedule meals

If you got class, bring food in tupperware. Whatever situation you’re in, you must program and prepare your next day and meticulously schedule when your feed time is.
If you must wake up earlier and sleep later to eat more, so be it.

  1. Eat until you’re almost TOO full

Granted, this is not possible in the beginning because you will ALWAYS be full if you’re doing this properly. But as you progress, eat enough to full your belly pop out, but enough space for a large sundae. Use this to look forward to your next meal. Gradually, your eating times remain, but the portions increase.

  1. Eat salty.

Salt not only retains water in your system, but also nutrients.
It also makes your food taste better.

  1. Use condiments.

A steak is easier to down with some Peter Luger sauce on it, no? French fries with ketchup, meat loaf with gravy, baked potato with butter, etc.

  1. Drink liquids, only after completing meals.

Feel free to take a small sip so you don’t choke, but save the big chug for after the meal. You may drink as much as you want after the meal.

  1. Rest after meals.

Take a nap. Give your body time to process the food. Plus you should be too full to move anyway. This is a tip I’ve learned from sumo wrestlers… and common knowledge that is overlooked.

  1. Take steroids.

I personally never have, but there are knowledgeable people out there who can point you in the right direction.

  1. Train hard, but rest a lot.

In between sets that is.

  1. Use mountain dew or pepsi for your shakes.

This is a tip I stole from watching Jay Cutler on some show.
And just drink more full sugar soda. Weight will pack on.

  1. Variety

It’s easier to eat some red meat with some taters on the side. Even better, add some potato chips, extra butter, fritos, and grape soda with your steak. Sauce it up.

*disclaimer

Everything you see here, except for the gear, I have used myself to gain an exorbitant amount of weight in the past. However, none of these are things I would recommend for anyone trying to be healthy. Proceed with discretion.

BONUS TIP

smoke blunts
[/quote]

  1. Don’t do this. 9/10 people will just get fat. Seriously especially as a beginner chances are you don’t need a fuck ton of food to grow you just need to realize that your 1500 calories on a good day is not “Eating like a horse.”

  2. Not at all a bad idea.

  3. Depends on the situation. Once again if your full force feeding 2000 calories a day then yes you are going to be full a lot. If you can evenly space out 3000 calories a day it’s not that bad at all.

  4. Sure…

5.Agreed.

  1. Not a bad tip and it definitely helps. Not to mention drink a lot of fluid through out the day. Fluid helps speed up and improve food digestion there fore a increased chance of being hungry.

  2. Once again depends on the person who the fuck other than maybe a teenager can honestly take a 30 minute nap after 4-6 meals day???

8… Come the hell on man… You could have at least made this the very last point I mean really if every teenager that couldn’t grow before because they suck in the gym, suck in the kitchen, and don’t focus on recovery didn’t have a reason to do steroids they sure as hell do now just because you said so… Come on.

  1. Depends on who you are talking about or goals.

  2. Are you joking??? How about just Gatorade powder??? Better in most ways taste better and really the only time you would benefit from this would be after training.

  3. Variety with good choices… This entire post takes the cake on retarded shit you have said in this forum and its been a good bit.

Bonus tip… Smoke weed, do steroids, eat like shit… Yep that will get you where you want. I’m assuming you were high when you wrote this.
[/quote]

And inject insulin. But why inject insulin when they can just eat krispy kreme’s?? And oiled up pizza’s.

31

[quote]dt79 wrote:
This list is nothing compared to what I had to eat to gain weight as a poor and scrawny kid. If I list my daily diet at that time, it would shock the living hell out of most here.

This is why I only conjugate with lions.[/quote]

I’m sure I ain’t the only one who’s curious. And I’m pretty sure I can top whatever you got.

32

[quote]Jarvan wrote:

[quote]dt79 wrote:
This list is nothing compared to what I had to eat to gain weight as a poor and scrawny kid. If I list my daily diet at that time, it would shock the living hell out of most here.

This is why I only conjugate with lions.[/quote]

I’m sure I ain’t the only one who’s curious. And I’m pretty sure I can top whatever you got.[/quote]

I’m pretty sure you can haha.

There wouldn’t be any point in listing it since no one in this day and age needs to eat in that manner due of a lack of finances and cheap mass produced food options.

And seriously man, PLEASE EDIT OUT THE GEAR RECOMMENDATION IN YOUR OP. I know you didn’t write that, but please proof read things that you repost.

EDIT

If you did write all that, or intentionally left it in from the source you reposted from, then you’re a fucking idiot.

33

Classic Jarvan.

34

What an utterly useless thread for beginners and advanced trainees alike. Beginners have no business eating like this, and advanced lifters already know you have to eat a shit ton to progress at a high level.

35

[quote]flipcollar wrote:
What an utterly useless thread for beginners and advanced trainees alike. Beginners have no business eating like this, and advanced lifters already know you have to eat a shit ton to progress at a high level.[/quote]

I agree. I gained 30lbs by eating the exact same foods that I ate to stay lean, I just ate more of them. Not everything has to be extreme. An extra egg or two at breakfast, and extra potato at dinner and a couple extra handfuls of nuts throughout the day goes a long ways. I think consistency and patience are the most important factors when it comes to putting on GOOD weight.

36

[quote]erik_carlson wrote:

[quote]flipcollar wrote:
What an utterly useless thread for beginners and advanced trainees alike. Beginners have no business eating like this, and advanced lifters already know you have to eat a shit ton to progress at a high level.[/quote]

I agree. I gained 30lbs by eating the exact same foods that I ate to stay lean, I just ate more of them. Not everything has to be extreme. An extra egg or two at breakfast, and extra potato at dinner and a couple extra handfuls of nuts throughout the day goes a long ways. I think consistency and patience are the most important factors when it comes to putting on GOOD weight.[/quote]

I agree.

37

Not that I’m extremely experienced in weight gain, but the times that i seem to successfully gain weight are always the times that I’m focused primarily on strength. I eat three solid meals, drink one shake, and drink about half of a gallon of milk a day. Eating enough is important for beginners, but i think most fail to see how beneficial developing strength is to growing. That being said i only weigh 180lbs :confused:

38

[quote]Jarvan wrote:
BONUS TIP

smoke blunts
[/quote]

Use a glass pipe. It’s more weed efficient. Especially if you have some grade A shit.

39

The thread title should read “No Holds Barred Tips To Gain Mostly Fat, Develop Diabetes, and Binge Eating Disorders”.

No one wants to get excessively fat. Follow this advice however, and that’s exactly what will happen.

In my opinion, eat and sleep “just enough” to gain strength and feel energetic. Sustain this for ten years, and you’ll be rewarded with the right kind of weight gain, and you’ll feel better for it along the way. Also, you can avoid the “let’s see what’s underneath” cut, made all the more difficult by the horrible eating habits you have developed.

Would the net muscle and strength gains over ten years of someone who follows the op’s advice, versus someone who eats and recovers “just enough”, be much different? Obviously, training method is another variable to consider.

Some scenarios I’ve observed and experienced include:

  • Friends who “can’t gain weight (muscle)”. It wasn’t that they needed to consume copious quantities of food; sure, they needed a but more, but primarily, they simply weren’t training hard enough.

  • Convincing yourself that your rate of strength and/or weight gain MUST be attributed to how much you eat. We expect too much, too soon, and end up stuffing ourselves and getting excessively fat.

I’m 178cm (5’10’'), and weighed about 98kg (~216lbs) at my heaviest. Life is more fun at 80kg with abs.

40

Super cheap and easy/fast way to bulk for students (though tons of salt):

Pack of flavourful instant noodles every morning + 3 eggs (over time I gradually increased it all the way up to 8) + hot sauce + some veggies.