I just got transferred(again…although the money to move was well worth it) and for the first time in my life I’m in a city where I know NO ONE and really have no idea as to how to go out and just randomly meet people.
I mean I know how to meet people, but I’ve always been a bit introverted I guess and have met people through other people and kept the few close friends…but since I’m new to the city I just dont have the knowledge as to where to begin I guess and am looking for some suggestions if anyone might have some as to where I might meet some 1/2 normal people.
[quote]dennis3k wrote:
I just got transferred(again…although the money to move was well worth it) and for the first time in my life I’m in a city where I know NO ONE and really have no idea as to how to go out and just randomly meet people. I mean I know how to meet people, but I’ve always been a bit introverted I guess and have met people through other people and kept the few close friends…but since I’m new to the city I just dont have the knowledge as to where to begin I guess and am looking for some suggestions if anyone might have some as to where I might meet some 1/2 normal people.
[/quote]
You may want to work on that introversion. How you meet people is usually second in importance to WHERE you meet people. That all depends on what your interests are. I tend to eventually get to know all of the more serious lifters at any gym I’ve trained at. Right off the bat, we usually have some level of intensity in common along with the interest in bodybuilding. It doesn’t even take much. If people see something in you they respect, it opens the doors to meeting them.
So, the question is, what are you bringing to the table for anyone to be interested in you and what kinds of people are you trying to meet?
There are a ton of things you can do but X is right, you’ve got to work on the introversion. Read some articles and books, there are more than enough out there. Once you get excited about the prospect of making some new acquaintances maybe you’ll get amped up enough to be more outgoing.
Some quick suggestions would be to make a lot of eye contact and say hello to everyone. Confidence is key here so don’t get caught walking anywhere with your head staring down at the ground. As far as where to meet people: the gym obviously…I’m sure you expect to make some friends there. There are so many variables that have to do with your interests that it wouldn’t be real prudent to point you in any direction at this point.
As far as what X said about what you have to bring to the table, he makes a good point, but don’t get hung up on it. Personally, if I could surround myself with people with good attitudes, and I try to, I would use that as a barometer all day long. So if you have a good outlook on life you should be fine if you just start getting yourself in front of people by smiling and saying hello.
In addition to what others have said, I would add that the most well liked people are those who take an active interest in others. If you want to be interesting to other people, interestingly, the most effective way to do so is, rather than talking about yourself and your own interests, asking plenty of questions and being actively interested in the people you happen to engage in conversation. Everyone loves to talk about themselves and to be appreciated by others, which is why this is such a powerful tool of influence.
The catch to all of this is that you can’t fake it. You have to actually be interested and your questions must come from the heart. I couldn’t tell you where to meet them, but, like Mousse and the Prof said, the gym is a great place to start. I’ve always been happy to engage in conversation with someone who asks, “What’s that excercise you are doing,” or something along those lines.
[quote]Cortes wrote:
If you want to be interesting to other people, interestingly, the most effective way to do so is, rather than talking about yourself and your own interests, asking plenty of questions and being actively interested in the people you happen to engage in conversation.
[/quote]
I’m in the same position as you. I just took a new job and moved to a city where I know no one. I’m also pretty introverted, although I know how to talk to people and can make friends pretty easily if I can get in a conversation. Its been Winter and I took some alone time to start getting back into shape, and now that the weather is warming up, I’m starting to get bored and lonely.
I work for a defense contractor and get free access to an air force base gym and amenities. My plan is to start working out there and I’ll run into somebody. Another thing I like is racquetball, so I am going to go to the racquetball courts and see if anybody wants or game or will let me jump in for a game of cutthroat. I did this in college and met about 4 or 5 guys to play racquetball with. The last thing I do is rock climbing, and there is a big climbing gym down here where I’m pretty sure I can find a belay partner or at least some people to climb with, another thing I was successful with in college. They also offer free boxing and yoga classes on base which I might do every once in awhile.
Just find something where you will encounter active people with similar interests as you. You might want to look for a men’s league basketball/softball/hockey/whatever you can join. Finding something to do on a regular basis, where you see the same people regularly is a good place to start, especially if you’re slow to warm up to people, like me.
I also picked up the book how to win friends and influence people by dale carnegie. I’m finishing up another one right now, so I have’t actually started it. Its supposed to be pretty good though and I’m looking forward to reading it.
Yeah, I’ve signed up for a few things actually some ultimate frisbee, yoga…noticed the class at the gym was full of 20 something girls and figured what the hell…it couldn’t hurt and some rec league sports around town…I’m just bored silly at the moment, getting lots of reading done though
[quote]Professor X wrote:
dennis3k wrote:
I just got transferred(again…although the money to move was well worth it) and for the first time in my life I’m in a city where I know NO ONE and really have no idea as to how to go out and just randomly meet people. I mean I know how to meet people, but I’ve always been a bit introverted I guess and have met people through other people and kept the few close friends…but since I’m new to the city I just dont have the knowledge as to where to begin I guess and am looking for some suggestions if anyone might have some as to where I might meet some 1/2 normal people.
You may want to work on that introversion. How you meet people is usually second in importance to WHERE you meet people. That all depends on what your interests are. I tend to eventually get to know all of the more serious lifters at any gym I’ve trained at. Right off the bat, we usually have some level of intensity in common along with the interest in bodybuilding. It doesn’t even take much. If people see something in you they respect, it opens the doors to meeting them.
So, the question is, what are you bringing to the table for anyone to be interested in you and what kinds of people are you trying to meet?[/quote]
That is extremely true.
When I used to workout at my college’s gym, there was always a level of respect that you got from the athletes and big guys if they saw you were serious about lifting. Amongst a million other characters that went there to do preacher curls on machines and stare at girls’ asses, the more hardcore guys would have their own circle.
Respect is paramount to meeting people in situations like that.
[quote]bushidobadboy wrote:
dennis3k wrote:
Yeah, I’ve signed up for a few things actually some ultimate frisbee, yoga…noticed the class at the gym was full of 20 something girls and figured what the hell…it couldn’t hurt and some rec league sports around town…I’m just bored silly at the moment, getting lots of reading done though
Here’s a tip for the yoga class, based upon years of feedback from working in gyms (so take it for what it’s worth, lol).
DO NOT stand/exercise at the back. This should be written in stone, because the number of women I’ve heard comment on this is extremely high.
Women in exercise classes always seem to assume that you will be there to check out their asses. They don’t much like it, even the crash hot ones.
If you exercise at the back of the class, you will be labelled as a pervert.
However, even if you suck at the class, if you stand at or near the front, then the women will probably perceive you as being unafraid, confident and able to have a good laugh at yourself (especially if you suck, but look as though you know it and are cool with it). All attractive traits.
You will likely get women coming and talking to you. Bonus.
Bushy[/quote]
That’s outstanding. I know jack shit about yoga…and come to think about it, probably even less about women, but I can see where all this makes perfect sense.
[quote]Contrl wrote:
Cortes wrote:
If you want to be interesting to other people, interestingly, the most effective way to do so is, rather than talking about yourself and your own interests, asking plenty of questions and being actively interested in the people you happen to engage in conversation.
[quote]bushidobadboy wrote:
dennis3k wrote:
Yeah, I’ve signed up for a few things actually some ultimate frisbee, yoga…noticed the class at the gym was full of 20 something girls and figured what the hell…it couldn’t hurt and some rec league sports around town…I’m just bored silly at the moment, getting lots of reading done though
Here’s a tip for the yoga class, based upon years of feedback from working in gyms (so take it for what it’s worth, lol).
DO NOT stand/exercise at the back. This should be written in stone, because the number of women I’ve heard comment on this is extremely high.
Women in exercise classes always seem to assume that you will be there to check out their asses. They don’t much like it, even the crash hot ones.
If you exercise at the back of the class, you will be labelled as a pervert.
However, even if you suck at the class, if you stand at or near the front, then the women will probably perceive you as being unafraid, confident and able to have a good laugh at yourself (especially if you suck, but look as though you know it and are cool with it). All attractive traits.
You will likely get women coming and talking to you. Bonus.
Bushy[/quote]
Good posts all around. I enjoyed this last one in particular.