Let's Process Our Feelings

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781

[quote]LoRez wrote:

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]orion wrote:
Plus, to elaborate on that, ultimately the goal is to penetrate her and at least to women who did not ride the carousel hard that also means penetrating her soul, at least a little bit.

She submits to you and that actually should be a little scary and make her a bit insecure and so further and so on.

Now, does she have to trust you in order to let go, yes, but not in the warm, safe, stuffed animal sort of way, but in the confident, manly, “I got this” sort of way. [/quote]

csulli’s right, I’m not ready for that. I wasn’t happy about staying overnight and wouldn’t have been happy about a big rush. Although ultimately I had a really nice overnight and am glad I stayed, because it didn’t push me out of my comfort zone, which typically I would announce with an “I’d better get home, it’s late.” What’s the rush? We both tingled last night.

If/when I have sex with this guy, we’re going to be in a relationship. It may prove not to be a good one (differences in sex drive maybe, or other things) but that’s the end of dating for me.

Edit: because your first two sentences are correct.

[/quote]

The third one is too, you will find out.

He will not suddenly unleash his inner roaring lion a few weeks in, if he waits for your permission to own it he has at best an inner chihuahua yipping. [/quote]

Mostly in agreement.

I’m not saying sex, but his hands should have strayed a bit by this point, exploring your limits. Maybe they did, but it didn’t quite sound that way.[/quote]

Some wandering, both while making out and while we were sleeping. Legs entwined. Nothing that forced me to have to make a big decision about what I was doing, though, by either blocking or submitting. Just subtle, pleasant stuff.

782

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]LoRez wrote:

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]orion wrote:
Plus, to elaborate on that, ultimately the goal is to penetrate her and at least to women who did not ride the carousel hard that also means penetrating her soul, at least a little bit.

She submits to you and that actually should be a little scary and make her a bit insecure and so further and so on.

Now, does she have to trust you in order to let go, yes, but not in the warm, safe, stuffed animal sort of way, but in the confident, manly, “I got this” sort of way. [/quote]

csulli’s right, I’m not ready for that. I wasn’t happy about staying overnight and wouldn’t have been happy about a big rush. Although ultimately I had a really nice overnight and am glad I stayed, because it didn’t push me out of my comfort zone, which typically I would announce with an “I’d better get home, it’s late.” What’s the rush? We both tingled last night.

If/when I have sex with this guy, we’re going to be in a relationship. It may prove not to be a good one (differences in sex drive maybe, or other things) but that’s the end of dating for me.

Edit: because your first two sentences are correct.

[/quote]

The third one is too, you will find out.

He will not suddenly unleash his inner roaring lion a few weeks in, if he waits for your permission to own it he has at best an inner chihuahua yipping. [/quote]

Mostly in agreement.

I’m not saying sex, but his hands should have strayed a bit by this point, exploring your limits. Maybe they did, but it didn’t quite sound that way.[/quote]

Some wandering, both while making out and while we were sleeping. Legs entwined. Nothing that forced me to have to make a big decision about what I was doing, though, by either blocking or submitting. Just subtle, pleasant stuff.

[/quote]

In that case, ok. I had the impression that there was… nothing.

Honestly, it sounds like he might be timing things just right, and doing a good job figuring you out. You still seem interested, and comfortable.

783

[quote]LoRez wrote:
So, realistically, what’s your time frame to find out? I’d say 2-3 weeks at the most, assuming you see him roughly twice a week. If nothing happens during that time, well, then yeah.

I also can’t quite tell what you consider “very sexually aggressive”.[/quote]

Hmm. I guess I consider my ex-boyfriend sexually aggressive, also the hunter guy. The libertine. Sort of single-minded in pursuit of the goal and doing that constant pressure thing. With the boyfriend there was so much that I liked, which I know was mutual, that I thought we were falling in love and the passion was part of that. I realize now that he’d have pursued me just as vigorously if he didn’t like me as a human being. He just wouldn’t have wanted to keep me to himself or introduced me at work and to his family.

I’ve gone out with Hockey once a week, so I think we’re at five times now. I think the sleepover moves us into another whole place, though, because sex or no sex we slept together at one of our places, which means a barrier breeched.

I think if it weren’t for Iraq I’d have had sex with Hockey last night. I don’t really know what to do with that, honestly.

784

[quote]pushharder wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]Chushin wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

Maybe I’ve finished growing up, finally.[/quote]

Hope you’re joking.

That ship never docks for folks like us.[/quote]

True, I more meant that I’ve finally caught up developmentally in areas I’d been lagging. Now I can surge ahead.

Met the libertine yesterday, and I’m proud to say that there was zero flustering, though he tried a bit. I was totally cool, and in fact may have out-cooled him. (My arms were pumped like never before, lol.)

[/quote]

No, no, no, this will never work as a proper report. More details, please.
[/quote]

Details about what, Push? My out-cooling him? Okay, for one thing, I looked hot, I think - and so did he think. The pics I’ve put in my dating profile are very much me, but they’re not in the least smoldering and some are downright goofy. I’m not marketing myself to men who are looking for hot, I’m looking for men who are looking for someone like me, and while my body is there, it’s not particularly featured. I’m also cognizant that people could be looking at it who are connected to my work. It’s an extremely G-rated profile, but entertaining, I think. That’s the feedback I get as well: funny, cute, nice.

I had badass boots on for the lunch, and my very fitted jeans looked good. I’d had a good workout, so while I joked about my arms being pumped like never before, it was probably my ass that was in especially good condition, along with my confidence. It was a really pretty day, a beautiful drive, and I was excited about my work party following the lunch date. I also wasn’t looking for this to turn into anything because ultimately I’m too stung by my last relationship to move into anything that starts with “I LOVE SEX!!!” I didn’t even know what he did for work until we met. So I wasn’t invested or nervous. He led with gentle teasing/negging, and I gave him back the raised eyebrow of amusement. He said shocking things, and I moved right along with my own shocking things. I don’t know. I just dominated, for the first time ever, I think. Or at least didn’t didn’t GET dominated.

It was fun. But not really how I’m looking to spend my time. I had a lot more fun being helped out of a frozen stream by the hockey player when I fell partly into one.

785

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
I think if it weren’t for Iraq I’d have had sex with Hockey last night.[/quote]
Well never fucking mind then. Looks like you’ve just proven me and yourself wrong and orion right. He should have made Iraq guy the farthest thing from your mind and initiated something that let you do what you would have done otherwise.

Fuck me I guess I’m too fucking passive after all.

786

[quote]csulli wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
I think if it weren’t for Iraq I’d have had sex with Hockey last night.[/quote]
Well never fucking mind then. Looks like you’ve just proven me and yourself wrong and orion right. He should have made Iraq guy the farthest thing from your mind and initiated something that let you do what you would have done otherwise.

Fuck me I guess I’m too fucking passive after all.[/quote]

I think Hockey’s passivity (I’d like to think patience is a better word) is what’s shifted me toward dropping the others. I woke up feeling good about him because I feel I can trust him and good about myself because I can think about what I’m doing and get myself sorted out rather than fall into a relationship because I had sex because there was an ice storm. I think if there wasn’t someone else in the picture (I don’t own anyone fidelity, but I do owe them consideration) I might have arrived at “yes” last night, but as it was I wasn’t there yet.

787

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]csulli wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
I think if it weren’t for Iraq I’d have had sex with Hockey last night.[/quote]
Well never fucking mind then. Looks like you’ve just proven me and yourself wrong and orion right. He should have made Iraq guy the farthest thing from your mind and initiated something that let you do what you would have done otherwise.

Fuck me I guess I’m too fucking passive after all.[/quote]

I think Hockey’s passivity (I’d like to think patience is a better word) is what’s shifted me toward dropping the others. I woke up feeling good about him because I feel I can trust him and good about myself because I can think about what I’m doing and get myself sorted out rather than fall into a relationship because I had sex because there was an ice storm. I think if there wasn’t someone else in the picture (I don’t own anyone fidelity, but I do owe them consideration) I might have arrived at “yes” last night, but as it was I wasn’t there yet.

[/quote]

That is not patience that is LACK OF PASSION.

Was it not you that wanted to be swept of her feet?

I give his performance 2/10 but only because he did not start to cry.

lack of Game → Recognized.

788

The way this thread turned out is really fascinating.

789

Jesus, he basically lost to a penpal that is thousands of miles away.

He probably does not know of all the other suitors, how could he, but thats the whole point, you never know shit.

Therefore, if you like her, CLOSE!!!

792

[quote]Chushin wrote:

How long have you been happily married?[/quote]

Marriage is awesome.

Would recommend.

794

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]csulli wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
I think if it weren’t for Iraq I’d have had sex with Hockey last night.[/quote]
Well never fucking mind then. Looks like you’ve just proven me and yourself wrong and orion right. He should have made Iraq guy the farthest thing from your mind and initiated something that let you do what you would have done otherwise.

Fuck me I guess I’m too fucking passive after all.[/quote]

I think Hockey’s passivity (I’d like to think patience is a better word) is what’s shifted me toward dropping the others. I woke up feeling good about him because I feel I can trust him and good about myself because I can think about what I’m doing and get myself sorted out rather than fall into a relationship because I had sex because there was an ice storm. I think if there wasn’t someone else in the picture (I don’t own anyone fidelity, but I do owe them consideration) I might have arrived at “yes” last night, but as it was I wasn’t there yet.

[/quote]

That is not patience that is LACK OF PASSION.

Was it not you that wanted to be swept of her feet?

I give his performance 2/10 but only because he did not start to cry.

lack of Game → Recognized.
[/quote]

Orion. I’d had a date with someone else the afternoon before and another one scheduled for 11 the next morning. It wasn’t time for me to have sex with him.

I don’t recall saying I wanted to be swept off my feet, I think I’ve said I want to fall in love with someone I can like and respect. Someone worthy of the adoration I seem to generate. So if I’m going to be swept off my feet, I want it to happen slowly. I’ve rushed into every single relationship I’ve had because of sex and the job it does on my emotions, and also because I’ve been with men anxious to “close the deal” both sexually and relationship-wise.

While I don’t know whether he’ll be passionate enough for me in the long run, I think passion WAS there Sunday night, just not impatience.

795

[quote]Chushin wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

So now I’m thinking I don’t really want to toy with a guy whose primary interest is in toying/sparring with me,
[/quote]

Good girl.

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
So my current plan is to continue with hockey guy, but not the others, and hopefully see Iraq when he gets home. But I keep thinking about the stuff csulli has said about the distance and the pipe dream thing. So I don’t know.

[/quote]

Yeah, it’s not really very realistic, but you seem to want to chase it down to its conclusion.

That’s fine, IMHO, but I wouldn’t let it affect how I proceed otherwise.[/quote]

So are you saying proceed with Hockey physically, even though Iraq would probably be upset if he knew and Hockey would be upset if he knew about Iraq? That’s not wrong to do?

Because while I’m arguing with orion that Hockey is not necessarily passionless, I don’t know about that piece and it’s an important one.

Iraq knows that I’m dating, and is fine with that. Does that include sleeping with people usually as part of the unspoken piece?

Why do I know NONE of this? Why wasn’t I taught in school??

796

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]csulli wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
I think if it weren’t for Iraq I’d have had sex with Hockey last night.[/quote]
Well never fucking mind then. Looks like you’ve just proven me and yourself wrong and orion right. He should have made Iraq guy the farthest thing from your mind and initiated something that let you do what you would have done otherwise.

Fuck me I guess I’m too fucking passive after all.[/quote]

I think Hockey’s passivity (I’d like to think patience is a better word) is what’s shifted me toward dropping the others. I woke up feeling good about him because I feel I can trust him and good about myself because I can think about what I’m doing and get myself sorted out rather than fall into a relationship because I had sex because there was an ice storm. I think if there wasn’t someone else in the picture (I don’t own anyone fidelity, but I do owe them consideration) I might have arrived at “yes” last night, but as it was I wasn’t there yet.

[/quote]

Hockey is a G. Just hope he really puts it down when you finally give him the chance lol.

797

When I was a younger man I may have agreed with Orion on Hockey’s lack of getting one past your goalie, but being older and wiser I think it was just fine.

798

[quote]orion wrote:

Marriage is awesome.

Would recommend. [/quote]

You do realize you’re not going to see sensationalist news articles with the headline ‘Local Area Man and Woman Happily Married With Three Children for 19 years. Still Making Each Other Happy, Occasionally Sitting Quietly Together, Known to Watch TV and Oh Yeah Still Fucking up a Storm’

799

[quote]Severiano wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]csulli wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
I think if it weren’t for Iraq I’d have had sex with Hockey last night.[/quote]
Well never fucking mind then. Looks like you’ve just proven me and yourself wrong and orion right. He should have made Iraq guy the farthest thing from your mind and initiated something that let you do what you would have done otherwise.

Fuck me I guess I’m too fucking passive after all.[/quote]

I think Hockey’s passivity (I’d like to think patience is a better word) is what’s shifted me toward dropping the others. I woke up feeling good about him because I feel I can trust him and good about myself because I can think about what I’m doing and get myself sorted out rather than fall into a relationship because I had sex because there was an ice storm. I think if there wasn’t someone else in the picture (I don’t own anyone fidelity, but I do owe them consideration) I might have arrived at “yes” last night, but as it was I wasn’t there yet.

[/quote]

Hockey is a G. Just hope he really puts it down when you finally give him the chance lol.
[/quote]

A G? Gangsta? lol

I’ve been thinking and thinking about this, and I’ve decided that I’m tingling BECAUSE it went the way it did. Iraq is starting to recede and the others are already gone (figuratively).

He would have been out of line to push it. I probably stood at my car in the freezing rain in panicked indecision for 5 minutes before deciding to stay. When he asked if I wanted to change out of my jeans to sleep I’m sure I looked the same way.

He did say after we’d been making out for a while that he was glad I’d stayed and that he could probably turn the sprinkler off now (that was making all the ice). Funny.

800

[quote]sen say wrote:

[quote]orion wrote:

Marriage is awesome.

Would recommend. [/quote]

You do realize you’re not going to see sensationalist news articles with the headline ‘Local Area Man and Woman Happily Married With Three Children for 19 years. Still Making Each Other Happy, Occasionally Sitting Quietly Together, Known to Watch TV and Oh Yeah Still Fucking up a Storm’ [/quote]

You sit quietly together? My god. Could you BE any smuttier?

Are you from Europe?