I lost my dad to suicide, and watched my grandmother die a slow painful death from cancer. But as it stands, i probably feel worse right now than at any time during those periods. What the fuck is with that? Perspective needed.
This seems like an issue you need to talk to friends or family about not a bunch of random people on the internet.
Where are you in life? Are you questioning your purpose?
When’s the last time you had a medical check-up? Blood work?
We can’t evaluate you online, obviously, but suggesting the things I have may bring up some small links in the chain that might not be as strong as needed.
Be well!
I have and I am. Just throwing it out there. Thanks.
It’s called selfishness. You care more about pain from your own personal experiences than the pain brought on by the loss of loved ones. Those people aren’t coming back, but there’s always another metro/homo guy out there.
DB, that doesn’t make any sense and you know it. Thanks for playing.
[quote]DBCooper wrote:
It’s called selfishness. You care more about pain from your own personal experiences than the pain brought on by the loss of loved ones. Those people aren’t coming back, but there’s always another metro/homo guy out there.[/quote]
LOL. You never disappoint with your responses.
What you’re experiencing is normal, Adam.
I’m not intending to come across as jaded, nor am I in any way trying to downplay your situation.
I’d look for support from friends for that.
There are also support groups for people who’ve lost people dear to them.
Without trying to go amateur psych on you: people who support a family member or a friend who’s about to die are usually in a tight spot: they won’t allow themselves to give in to the grief for a number of different reasons (respect for the person about to die, shame, fear of being seen as selfish, unfeeling etc.). Now, that the person is gone, you’re feeling the gap the person has left behind and since the person’s gone, you don’t have to show/pretend strength to him/her: nothing’s holding you back from feeling that grief. Thing is, though: the grief and pain are real and you gotta give in to that to get over it.
There’s nothing wrong with feeling weak for a while.
There’s nothing selfish with the way you’re feeling, right now.
I’m sorry for your loss. Good luck.
As FF is saying, grieving is postponed while supporting someone close to you. The pain comes and fills the empty hole left behind. From personal experience you’ll need some time to get through it, take that time. =)
[quote]FattyFat wrote:
What you’re experiencing is normal, Adam.
I’m not intending to come across as jaded, nor am I in any way trying to downplay your situation.
I’d look for support from friends for that.
There are also support groups for people who’ve lost people dear to them.
Without trying to go amateur psych on you: people who support a family member or a friend who’s about to die are usually in a tight spot: they won’t allow themselves to give in to the grief for a number of different reasons (respect for the person about to die, shame, fear of being seen as selfish, unfeeling etc.). Now, that the person is gone, you’re feeling the gap the person has left behind and since the person’s gone, you don’t have to show/pretend strength to him/her: nothing’s holding you back from feeling that grief. Thing is, though: the grief and pain are real and you gotta give in to that to get over it.
There’s nothing wrong with feeling weak for a while.
There’s nothing selfish with the way you’re feeling, right now.
I’m sorry for your loss. Good luck.
[/quote]
Good post, Fatty.
I think some people are reading your post wrong OP.
Or maybe I am.
Are you saying that you feel worse now due to a breakup than you did when you lost your family members?
I read it as hallowed here did ^^.
Just sayin’
[quote]Hallowed wrote:
I think some people are reading your post wrong OP.
Or maybe I am.
Are you saying that you feel worse now due to a breakup than you did when you lost your family members?
[/quote]
x3
Also confused, don’t wanna give advice until I’m sure what the hell is going on exactly…
Loss is a strange thing. We go through the process of letting go with funerals. Usually a 3 day event that is designed to bring the episode to a nice and tidy close.
Break-ups aren’t like that. It’s a phone call or an argument, then gone. Leaves you feeling empty. The stages of grief and mourning are very similar though. Look those up and see where you are at in them, then do what you gotta do to move on.
I’ve used that a couple of times and it works pretty well.
[quote]AdamC wrote:
DB, that doesn’t make any sense and you know it. Thanks for playing.[/quote]
Bullshit. It makes perfect sense.
The death of a loved one is much easier for you to deal with because it affects not only you but everyone else who was close to those people. Knowing that you are not the only one who has lost a loved one makes it easier for you to deal with that loss because of the sense of a “collective loss”. When others feel your pain along with you, you can handle it better due to a feeling of “community”, for lack of a better word.
But when some dude smashes your heart to pieces, you are the only one experiencing that particular pain. You are alone in your heartache and so your attitude is “oh, woe is ME. How ever will I make through it this?” Perhaps selfishness is not the best word to describe it, but this is a clear-cut case of self-pity and (to me anyways) self-pity is a form of selfishness.
After all, as much as you may hurt from the death of a loved one, losing a close person isn’t nearly the same as losing one’s life. The loss of a life cannot compare to the loss of a boyfriend; they aren’t in the same league, yet what hurts you more? The loss that affects YOU, the loss of your man, not the loss of a life of a loved one.
Death is absolute, breakups are not. Somewhere in your head you have probably thought “well, that person is dead and since ADAM can’t ever get that person back, there’s no need for ADAM to feel bad about it for too long.” But regarding your breakup, you probably harbor some hope, however small, that you and your ex will or can get back together again. “ADAM can get this person back so ADAM feels more pain about this because it lingers longer since there is a possibility that ADAM can have a relationship with this guy once again.”
Since there isn’t anything for YOU to hope for regarding death, it’s over and done with for you and you’ve moved on. But since the relationship is possibly NOT over with for YOU, then the hope lingers and this lingering can cause extra pain.
I’d be willing to bet that you are consumed by the thought of your own death much, much more than you are about the thought of your mother’s death or your grandparents’ death or the death of anyone else close to you that is likely to die before you do.
Heartbreak??!! Pfff. Try being offered free pizza after your workout.
WWVD
[quote]super saiyan wrote:
Heartbreak??!! Pfff. Try being offered free pizza after your workout.
WWVD[/quote]
And the following Heartburn that is associated with it. OMG kill me on the spot.
V
[quote]super saiyan wrote:
Heartbreak??!! Pfff. Try being offered free pizza after your workout.
WWVD[/quote]
Or being a Cowboys fan at 1-2 record.
[quote]super saiyan wrote:
Heartbreak??!! Pfff. Try being offered free pizza after your workout.
WWVD[/quote]
Hey SS, meant to ask, what is WWVD? We Want Vaginal Diseases?
V
Spot on DB. That type of denial and self pity is what keeps people in the same place until they become stagnant and bitter.
Everybody knows somebody who “had some bitch break their heart” and there they stay. Even as they move into different relationships, they never got past that personal hurt, which essentially ruins their next one, creating a pattern of failure until the hurt person eventually resigns them self to a bitter lonely existence because of “that bitch” (or prick. they’re interchangeable).